Is He Hiding Something? 15 Signs He Feels Guilty for Hurting You
Being suspicious of your boyfriend can be an iffy game. So, what are the signs he feels guilty for hurting you?
We have all been hurt by a guy and it is far from a pleasant experience. Whether he lied, cheated, or royally let you down, being hurt by the guy you care about sucks. These signs he feels guilty for hurting you don’t lie.
We are so concerned with how we feel, rightfully so, but how is he feeling? I know, I know. He is the one hurting you, so why should you care how he feels? Well, figuring out if he feels guilty can clue you in on whether or not he has something to feel guilty about.
If he feels guilty for hurting you, he likely won’t say sorry. Instead, he might actually be trying to earn your trust back. Or he might overcompensate for his lying, or he gets suspicious of your behavior. [Read: How to make someone feel guilty and understand the pain they caused you]
How is he hurting you?
Guys are not as simplistic as stereotypes make them out to be. Often times, they are just as complicated as we are, they just may not show in the same way.
If you think he is cheating, personally I would ditch him, because most likely your gut is right. But if you aren’t sure, you can try to read his behavior. Is he secretive and more private than usual?
If he is keeping another secret or knows he did something wrong, he might act out in smaller ways so you get mad. Being yelled at may actually ease the guilt because he’ll feel like he was punished.
No matter what he did that hurt you, his reaction to hurting you will answer a lot of questions for you. [Read: 14 ways to confront different types of liars in your life]
Signs he feels guilty for hurting you
If he hurt you and feels bad about it, he may feel like he owes you. In that case, he will go out of his way to make you happy *more so than usual* until he feels enough time has passed that the pain has diminished. And then make a pattern out of this behavior.
He may also walk on eggshells around you. He won’t want to bring it up or talk about whatever he did because he hopes you will forget about it. Bringing it up causes tension and makes him feel even worse.
How is he reacting to your pain? Is he showing signs he feels guilty for hurting you or not?
#1 He buys you gifts. A telltale sign a guy is feeling guilty for something he knows will hurt you is buying you gifts. Yes, he may just be a nice guy, but if this is out of the ordinary and you have been getting a weird vibe, don’t overlook it.
This is a hard one to pinpoint though. You don’t want to question a nice gesture, but if he is lying, keeping secrets, or even cheating, he might go overboard in the gift or romantic gesture department to compensate for his guilt. [Read: Early warning signs you have a bad boyfriend on your hands]
#2 He starts fights because he feels like he deserves to be yelled at. This is sort of a psychological sign, but a sign nonetheless. When he is feeling guilty for cheating or lying he may start smaller fights about little things so you get mad.
He may want to feel like he is being punished so that the guilt isn’t so strong. If he gets away with what he is doing, his conscience will torture him unless he is punished for it. So having you get mad at him for something else could be a sign he is feeling guilty. [Read: 16 reasons why your boyfriend’s so mean and rude]
#3 He may act like the victim in every situation. He acts as if everything he does is for you, and when something doesn’t work out he blames everyone else. He acts like his downfalls are due to his selflessness.
Now how does this correspond to his guilt for hurting you? Well, it all has to do with self-esteem. He may act as the “nice guy.” He may even refer to himself as such. But if he can’t admit he is wrong or that he made a selfish mistake, he may be feeling guilty. This is the type of guy that says I didn’t cheat because she kissed me. [Read: How to help a selfish boyfriend change]
#4 He makes promises. The empty promise is something women since the beginning of time have dealt with. He may promise you the world when he is in deep with his guilt. He may have just cheated or lied, so he wants to make himself feel better by making you happy, even if just for a moment.
He may promise to take you on a vacation, go to see your favorite play, or even make future plans that he has no intention of keeping, so his guilt can be pushed down for the time being.
#5 His confidence is failing. A guy who is lying and hurting the girl he is with does not have confidence. He might even come across as full of himself, but deep down he is a scared little boy.
So the more you see him acting like his shit don’t stink, the more his confidence is dwindling. That could be a clear sign he is feeling guilty for hurting you.
#6 He says he doesn’t deserve you. This is my favorite. I have had multiple cheating boyfriends feed me this line. Before finding out that he is cheating, he will say you are too good for him, he doesn’t deserve you, and how did he get so lucky. Those are only a few of the ways this can be worded.
Now, why would a cheater say something like this? Because he feels guilty. He knows what he is doing is wrong, so instead of doing the right thing, he simply says something like this to make you feel like he adores you rather than that he is secretly hurting you. [Read: 20 veiled signs your boyfriend is cheating on you already]
#7 He avoids the topic in question. Guilt is a strong emotion. And facing it head on is a scary thing. So if you question him about that girl from work, where he was the other night, or why there is money missing from your joint account, he will change the subject as fast as possible.
Talking about what he is feeling guilty for is a sure fire way to get caught in a lie, so he will avoid it at all costs. [Read: Veiled signs pointing to a cheating boyfriend]
#8 He is overly honest. Another way to overcompensate for his lack of respect is to be overly honest. While he is feeling guilty for lying about one thing, he will be so honest about everything else.
He will describe his day with intricate details. He will make a big deal about you being honest and having open communication. He thinks this will throw you off.
#9 He avoids you. He can’t look you in the eye. This is not just a police, a body language expert, or mom tactic for spotting a liar. It is great for catching a guilty boyfriend.
If he avoids spending time with you or can’t look you in the eye when you are together, he is almost definitely keeping something from you. Now, this could be a secret surprise like a proposal, but if you aren’t there yet he may be hurting you. You just don’t know it yet.
#10 He is private and secretive. He locks his phone, has passwords on everything, and goes into the other room to make a call or send a text. Those are huge signs he is feeling guilty and trying to hide something.
Some guys who hurt you genuinely say they hid it so they wouldn’t hurt you. *Insert facepalm emoji here*. If he goes to great lengths to keep secrets so you don’t find out, he is feeling guilty for hurting you or is terrified of getting caught.
#11 He gets defensive. Try pressing him on the subject matter at hand and he will get really defensive. He may even throw it back at you. If you question him about coming home late every night this week, he may throw it back by questioning why you don’t trust him when he has “technically” given you no reason to.
When someone gets defensive about something whether you accuse them or not, they are feeling guilty about something and are acting shady.
#12 He questions you. Is he acting suspicious of your behavior? Often, when someone is cheating or lying they think their partner is doing the same. If he is capable of hurting you, he thinks you must be capable of the same.
So if he questions your comings and goings, your texts, and who you talk to, it may be because he is doing what he is so afraid of you doing.
#13 He might gain or lose weight from stress. It depends how long his guilt has gone on for, but the stress of guilt and kept secrets can really take a toll on someone. So if you notice on top of some of these other signs that his appetite has changed or his weight has noticeably changed, he could be feeling guilty.
#14 He wants you to catch him. Someone who wants to face the guilt or make it go away may not have the strength to tell you face to face, instead, they will leave clues for you so that you catch them in the act.
Maybe they will leave their phone out or leave their laptop unlocked. Or even leave a sketchy receipt in their pocket. Someone who has been hiding something for a long time knows all the tricks, so if you catch him, he wanted you to. [Read: 13 giveaways to tell if someone is lying to your face]
#15 He admits it to release the guilt. And then there are some guys that feel guilty for hurting you so they come clean. It just depends if they are doing it to apologize and move on or to release themselves from the guilt.
There are many signs he feels guilty for hurting you. Pay attention to his behavior. If you pick up on a handful or more of these signs, you may have some thinking to do.