Your boyfriend is active on Tinder? Well, this is awkward. When it comes to today’s dating world, it’s a mess.
People feel like they have endless options, and when it comes to committing to someone they like, they go through massive FOMO. While they may like you, why would they settle for just one person when they can swipe through endless options on Tinder?
Now, I don’t agree with this, of course. Even though I used to be on Tinder, it was hard to meet someone who actually wanted a relationship. Instead, the guys I went on dates with all had a list of girls they would rotate through.
[Read: How to know if someone is on Tinder and dating you at the same time]
Sidenote alert! This doesn’t mean men are the only ones who do this. I knew women who acted this way as well. The idea of something better being out there prevents people from actually getting to know someone on a deeper level.
How to find out if your boyfriend is active on tinder
If you feel your boyfriend is active on Tinder, you probably want to get some concrete evidence and then decide what to do next. Well, I’m going to be talking about just that right now. It’s time to get to the truth and see what the next step is.
Well, no one expects this to happen.
#1 You can’t actually find out. Here’s the thing, you may think that downloading Tinder and creating a fake account would be a good idea, but there’s no way to actually see if they’re active on Tinder. Why? Because the “active” feature no longer exists. Oh, and a third-party app won’t fix this either. [Read: 18 ingenious ways to catch a cheater in the act]
#2 But you can check if they updated their profile. Okay, so you won’t be able to become a private detective by creating a Tinder account. I know you want to know the truth, but you can see if they’ve updated their profile. If they have a new photo on their Tinder account, the odds are they’ve recently been on it. So, look for changes in their profile.
#3 Just because their profile appears on Tinder doesn’t mean they’re active. Here’s the thing, unless they deleted their Tinder account, their profile might still appear. Your boyfriend would have had to delete his account and not just the app. So, don’t jump too quickly to conclusions just yet. [Read: The 13 things a cheater says when confronted]
#4 Confront him. If you have a gut feeling he’s not being loyal and faithful to you, then you should follow-up on this feeling. The best way to get to the bottom of this is by asking him. Of course, he may lie to you, but you need to press the issue. Follow your gut instinct and confront him about this as soon as possible.
#5 You can create an account. I don’t think this is the best way to handle things, but it certainly will get you the answer you’re looking for. If you want to “catch” him in the act, many people have created accounts to see if their partner is actively seeking other people on Tinder. Honestly, I feel the best way is to talk to him about it. But if you feel he’s lying to you and you want concrete evidence, this is one way to do it.
What to do if your boyfriend is active on Tinder
#1 Take a breath. Now, this is a lot to take in. Your partner, who you thought was committed to you, was swiping through Tinder, trying to meet other women. This isn’t something light and easy to swallow. Before you do anything, take a break. You can cry, you can scream in your pillow, but most importantly, breathe. [Read: The sneaky giveaways of a potential cheater]
#2 Talk to him about this. Okay, he knows that you know about his online activity. It’s out there, and he can’t hide from it. When you’re feeling calmer, sit down with him, and listen to what he has to say. Having a conversation with him doesn’t mean you need to be with him. But it can help you understand why he did what he did and learn from this life lesson.
#3 Don’t try to get even with him. Oh, I know right now, you want to go on Tinder and grab yourself a hot date just to rub it in his face, but this isn’t a smart move. There’s no need to get even with him. Don’t make any decisions when you’re emotional. Just take a step back and understand what happened. Getting even with him won’t make you feel any better. [Confession: Revenge sex – My own experience and everything I learned from it]
#4 Focus on yourself. Sure, he’s the one who downloaded the app and started swiping through other women, but focus on yourself and see how you’re feeling. It was your trust that was betrayed, not his trust. Give yourself time to calm down and think things through rationally. [Read: The four most common types of cheating in a relationship]
#5 What do you want from this relationship? Your partner may be telling you they want to work things out and that they made a mistake, but what do you want? You just found out your partner was seeking other people on a dating site. Are your relationship issues something you want to work on or not?
#6 Find the reason why he went on Tinder. I know it’s hard, but try to be empathetic during this time. Why did he feel the need to go on Tinder? Is he not truly interested in being with you? Were you drifting apart? This doesn’t mean you must be together, but knowing what pushed him to take this step can help you understand the issues in your relationship and prevent it from happening in the future.
#7 Decide to stay together or break-up. After all is said and done, decide whether you want to put this behind you and work on your issues as a couple or call it quits. These really are the only two options. If you decide to work on the relationship, let this go and look onward. If you choose to break-up, well, then you’re freeing yourself from this situation. [Read: When is it time to break up? How to read the signs]
#8 Forgive him. When you’re ready, you should work on forgiving him. Does this mean you take him back? Absolutely not. Forgiving him is not an act you’re doing to make him feel better. By forgiving him, you’re relieving all the stress off of yourself and allowing you to move on from this. Forgiveness is about you, not him.
[Read: The master guide for how to stop hating someone who hurt you]
If you’ve discovered your boyfriend is active on Tinder, it’s time to make a serious decision. It doesn’t look like he’s too invested in your relationship, so why are you?
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