Some people just can’t help but lie. Their lies can twist your reality, and leave you questioning everything. Who are these people? Compulsive liars! How can you spot them? Read to find out!
A compulsive liar is someone who habitually lies. They lie about everything without thought or remorse. And unfortunately, they’re so common that we all know one.
We all have habitual behaviors that might not serve us very well. But, if we didn’t gain some benefit from them, we surely would find a way to break the cycle. That’s not the case for compulsive liars though. They can’t break the cycle; lying is part of their personality.
When most of us lie, we do so either to get out of something or to not hurt someone’s feelings. But, for the compulsive liar, there is no rhyme or reason for why they perpetually make things up. It’s as if they’re allergic to the truth!
This feature will show you how to spot a compulsive liar. It’ll also teach you why they lie, and what type of lies they usually tell. Let’s get started!
[Read: The 20 reasons you need to break up and walk away from someone]
What is a compulsive liar?
Compulsive lying is a condition that causes people to constantly lie. In science, it is also known as mythomania or pseudologia fantastic.
The condition was first discovered by Dr. Anton Delbruck in 1891, who noticed that several of his patients would often tell lies for no reason.
Sure, everybody lies sometimes. But compulsive liars are physically unable to stop lying, exaggerating, and making up outlandish stories. They’ll often say things that are impossible, or claim to have achieved feats that they could never have actually done.
[Read: The biggest signs of a pathological liar and how to spot one]
Everybody has a coworker, friend, or relative that tells a lot of untruths. However, not everybody who likes to lie is a compulsive liar. The difference is that compulsive liars cannot help their behavior; they don’t lie by choice, they lie on instinct.
The 3 types of liars
Lying is like digging a hole. Once you start digging, the hole begins to fill up, which leaves you constantly trying to dig yourself out. For most of us, that leaves us feeling bad and uncomfortable.
Yet for someone who lies compulsively, this isn’t the case. Lying comes so naturally to them, it is just like breathing.
But what’s the difference between a compulsive liar and a regular one? To gain some clarity, let’s take a look at the different types of liars:
1. Natural liars
Natural liars are the most common type of liars. These people can generate lies easily, and most of the time they’ll be believable.
Natural liars don’t actually believe the lies they’re telling, though. They’re just very good at making them sound real!
[Read: 20 big-but-subtle signs that someone is lying to your face]
2. Pathological liars
Pathological liars lie incessantly, and can’t help their habit – just like compulsive liars. However, pathological liars are different as their lies are often goal-oriented. They are usually lying because it will get them what they want.
Pathological liars won’t often care who they hurt with their lies. They may seem manipulative and sneaky, and they can maintain their lies for a long time. This makes them almost impossible to catch in their lies.
Pathological lying can be a symptom of a mental or personality disorder, childhood trauma, or even an empathy disorder such as psychopathy.
3. Compulsive liars
Compulsive liars will lie about anything and everything, and can’t help telling lies. However, unlike pathological liars, they don’t tell lies to get what they want.
They tell them out of habit, for no reason, or just because lying feels more comfortable than telling the truth.
However, catching a compulsive liar might not make them stop faking, as they can become delusional and believe their own fakery.
[Read: The types of liars – and how to confront them without losing your cool]
What causes compulsive lying?
Compulsive lying can be a symptom of something deeper. It’s not normal to tell lies for no reason – let alone to tell the kind of silly lies that compulsive liars tend to come up with! That’s surely a sign of something wrong.
Not all compulsive liars suffer from a mental, emotional, or psychological condition. Some people just lie because they’ve developed the habit.
However, experiencing these conditions will make you more likely to become a compulsive liar.
For example, some people will develop a lying problem as a result of trauma. Having bad or upsetting experiences – either as a child or as an adult – can make them want to escape from reality, or bend it with their lies. Or, maybe lying helped them survive a difficult time in the past.
So, what conditions and experiences can cause compulsive lying? Can it be a symptom of something deeper?
1. Bipolar disorder
Bipolar disorder is a mental disorder that causes emotional instability. People with bipolar will go through extreme highs *known as mania* and extreme lows *known as depression*.
When a bipolar person is going through a period of mania, they might start to tell compulsive lies. It might seem that they are making things up, but they will totally believe the untrue things they’re saying. This is because they are suffering from delusions, a common symptom of bipolar.
[Read: How to spot the liars on an online dating site]
2. Impulse control disorders
There are several disorders that can cause issues with impulse control: these include attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and borderline personality disorder (BPD).
If you have these disorders, it can be harder for you to think your actions through before you do them.
You might tell compulsive lies as a symptom because you don’t have the impulse control to stop yourself. People who compulsively lie because of these conditions will usually tell less convincing lies; they don’t have the ability to think them through before they slip out.
3. Childhood trauma
People who’ve been through difficult times in childhood can sometimes develop a compulsive lying problem.
For example, they may have had very strict parents, and gained the compulsion to lie in order to deal with them. Or, if they suffered abuse or other painful experiences, they may have begun to lie in order to create a new, more liveable reality.
The clear signs someone close to you is a compulsive liar
Being with a compulsive liar leaves you questioning not just yourself but your sanity. They typically tell you that you are wrong, mistaken, or perhaps even paranoid, which is a huge mind f*ck for your psyche.
[Read: How a pathological liar can hurt and confuse you with their lies]
The only way to deal with a compulsive liar is to say goodbye. The bad news is that you aren’t ever going to change them. They are comfortable in their lying ways and don’t see it as a problem at all.
Spotting the compulsive liar is not an easy thing to do. After all, they don’t want to be spotted. But if your inner voice tells you something isn’t right and things are amiss, listen to it. It is almost always right.
1. They tell lies about everything
The compulsive liar is so conditioned to live in an unreal world of fiction that they are opposed to telling any truth at all.
While most of us lie to get out of a bad situation, save someone’s feelings, or cover for someone else, the compulsive liar lies about everything.
They are the type of personality where if they said the sky was blue, you would look up to check! [Read: 18 emotions you shouldn’t feel in a healthy relationship]
Something as mundane as “Did you eat lunch?” will be met with a “No” – even if you saw them eating through the window. They simply can’t tell the truth. It is as if they’re averse to anything factual.
2. They become very angry when questioned
One of the ways that compulsive liars live with their conscience is by convincing themselves that they are not only right, but if they even admit to lying, they are justified in doing so.
If questioned, it sets them off on a tirade to divert your attention from what is really going on. Throwing anything into an argument to confuse you further, they make sure to leave you feeling guilty about calling them out, even if they lied.
In the end, you end up feeling bad that you called them a liar, so you learn to just deal with it. [Read: The ways to know if your love is toxic and how to get away]
3. They have underlying issues
There is normally some underlying pathology behind the compulsive liar.
Sometimes compulsive liars will have an underlying mental illness. This could be one of the ones previously mentioned, or it could be an emotional issue like sociopathy or psychopathy, which allows them to tell mistruths without feeling bad.
When the average person tells a lie, there is something inside of them telling them that what they did is wrong.
However, for compulsive liars, there is no moral compass guiding them. So, they just do what they do and never look back or consider who they hurt.
4. They change their story 10 times without batting an eye
A compulsive liar is no newbie. They’ve perfected lying to such a degree that they can twist and turn reality in your own mind. They can make everything perfectly reasonable seem unreasonable, and vice versa. [Read: How to stop lying to yourself and your partner]
If you try to question them, they have no problem changing their story about 10 times, never admitting that they’ve altered what they are saying. They might even turn it back on you.
Eventually, talking to them is like walking through a maze. Each time you think you cornered them, they find a lying way out, which leaves you exhausted.
5. They are self-interested
Many liars are people who lack empathy, and the ability to see how their lying ways affect the people around them. Since they lie purely for their own benefit, whoever gets hurt is just collateral damage.
They are the type of people you simply can’t touch. They don’t care if you cry or beg, they simply don’t care about anyone or anything but their lies.
If you think that you can change a compulsive liar, you can’t, any more than you can change a sociopath. They’re so deeply ingrained, they don’t even see the error of their ways.
6. They are nearly impossible to have a relationship with
One of the cornerstones of any relationship is trust. If you can’t trust the person you are with, there is no way to have a loving and supportive relationship.
A compulsive liar disappoints you at every turn. In the end, their lying problem will completely destroy everything you know as true. They’ll leave you a shell of yourself, as they literally take your insides out and leave nothing but an empty husk. [Read: Can a relationship without trust last?]
7. Their little lies in the relationship turn into big ones
Compulsive liars typically start with smaller lies that seem to be no big deal. As time progresses, you’ll see that really nothing they say is the truth.
To the compulsive liar, truth is like kryptonite. So, the more involved you get, the more in-depth their lies become, and the more intricate a web they weave.
One lie building off of another, it becomes a black hole of despair for those in love with a compulsive liar. [Read: Why do people lie in relationships? The common reasons why we fib]
How to deal with a compulsive liar
Compulsive liars are not people who lie just once or twice. They make an entire life out of avoiding facts.
If you think you’ll change them, you can’t and you won’t. Whatever benefit they gain from lying far outweighs whatever they gain from being honest and truthful.
Whether it stems from an underlying mental illness, poor upbringing, or just a very weak moral compass, matters not – the compulsive liar takes all that you are and leaves an empty shell. But what if you can’t cut them off?
Let’s find out how to deal with a compulsive liar:
1. Avoid when possible
If you can’t cut them out of your life, try and stay away from them as much as possible. If the compulsive liar is your coworker, get yourself transferred to a different desk. If they’re a family member, keep away from them at reunions.
There’s no point spending your valuable time listening to a compulsive liar make things up that couldn’t possibly be true. Don’t waste your life – avoid them!
[Read: Emotional maturity: How to know if someone has it]
2. Try to stay grounded in your sense of reality
Don’t let a compulsive liar play with your head. When you’re around somebody who keeps making things up, it can be hard to keep track of what’s true and what isn’t. Always try and keep a hold on reality.
If that compulsive liar is your partner, they might be using their lying to control, manipulate, or even abuse you.
To protect yourself, always keep the lines of communication open with other people *such as friends or relatives* that you trust to tell you the truth.
3. Try to adjust your expectations
It isn’t possible to change a compulsive liar’s ways, so don’t beat yourself up if you can’t stop their habit. Adjust your expectations of that person according to their lying problem.
If you know they can’t help but lie to you, don’t expect them to become someone you can have a strong, lasting relationship with. [Read: How to tell if somebody is lying about cheating on you]
4. Try to set healthy boundaries
It’s important to protect yourself by setting clear and healthy boundaries. You’re not obliged to spend time around that person, and you don’t owe them your time.
It’s easy to think that just because you love someone, you need to be there to listen when they speak. However, you don’t! If they lie to you, they don’t respect you. So set clear boundaries and don’t let them use you as a dumping ground for their lies.
5. Try to be prepared for a confrontation
When you try to set boundaries or avoid a compulsive liar, it’s possible that they might start a confrontation. Perhaps they’ll get angry at you for depriving them of attention. They might even be hurt that you’ve noticed their lies.
So, always be prepared to explain the reasons behind your choices. Gently let them know the effect their lying has had on you, and why avoiding or limiting contact with them is the healthiest option.
[Read: Sneaky people: 20 signs and what defines sneaky behavior]
6. Try to encourage them to seek support
If it’s clear that their behavior is coming from a place of trauma, mental illness, or insecurity, encourage them to seek support.
This can be in the form of therapy. But it can also mean encouraging them to open up to you or others.
7. Try to learn about body language and ‘tells’
There are key signs and signals that show when a person is lying. So, try to become an expert lying detective! Study up on the body language and “tells” that most liars use until you can instantly spot when somebody isn’t being truthful.
This will help protect you from being misled, plus give you the confidence to call a compulsive liar out if you need to stop them in their tracks. [Read: How to read the signs and avoid being manipulated]
8. Consult with professionals
If the person refuses to seek professional help, you can do it for them. There are plenty of resources online that’ll tell you how to cope with compulsive liars. Plus, a therapist will be happy to help you process your feelings about a lying partner.
Often, you yourself can suffer a lot of trauma as a result of being lied to again and again. It’s not only the compulsive liar that might need professional help.
9. Know when to cut ties
Sometimes, you can try all the tactics, but none of them work out. If you’ve tried and failed, the only option left is to cut ties. Cutting a toxic person out of your life can be a big step, but it might be what you need to be happy.
Of course, you might not be able to imagine life without that person. But ask yourself what role that compulsive liar plays in your life and whether you’d be able to live without them. The answer might surprise you!
[Read: The giveaways to know when someone is lying to your face]
Are compulsive liars dangerous?
In short, no. Compulsive liars may be problematic for a lot of reasons, but most of them will not be a danger to you.
They aren’t crazy, and they aren’t violent; they’re just people with a difficult relationship with the truth. The vast majority of compulsive liars will simply be annoying rather than dangerous.
However, there are some situations where compulsive liars can become dangerous. If you’re in a relationship with somebody who lies to you constantly, this can become abusive in some cases. For example, your partner could use lies to manipulate you and isolate you from reality.
Although this can happen in some cases, this is more of a problem with pathological liars. Most compulsive liars are more of a hindrance than a danger and are simply not worth wasting your precious time on.
[Read: Why women lie – the reasons why she thinks its okay to lie to you]
Can compulsive liars change?
Most of the time, no; compulsive liars can’t change their lying habit. This is often a trait they’ve had their whole lives, and it’s become so second nature that they’re very unlikely to change it. As we’ve said before, the truth just isn’t their friend.
But there are rare examples of compulsive liars changing their ways. Here are the signs that the compulsive liar in your life is starting to break their habit, and the ways you can help them.
1. Becoming aware of their patterns
Eventually, compulsive liars might start to notice that certain situations trigger a lying episode. Or, perhaps you can recognize which scenarios usually cause your loved one to lie.
Once you’ve noticed these areas, try and avoid them as much as possible. [Read: Why do men lie?! 29 common lies all guys say, and how to confront them]
2. Having a sufficient motivation to change
Maybe that compulsive liar is beginning to realize they can’t keep living a lie. If they keep lying all the time, they can ruin their life and the lives of those around them.
So, if you notice that person realizing their problem – or if you manage to show them what’s wrong – it’s a sign that they might have the motivation to change.
3. Practicing a new set of behaviors
Compulsive liars can begin to change their ways by practicing telling the truth. Just as they developed a lying habit, they can develop a truth habit too!
If you encourage them to keep telling the truth, there might be a chance they could become a truthful person.
In the end, the best way to deal with a compulsive liar is to walk away. If they are truly ever going to change, it won’t just happen by you sticking around, confronting them, or putting yourself through hell trying to get them back to the truth. A compulsive liar truly will only change if they want to.
