Signs He Doesn’t Love You: 20 Big Clues You Need to Back Away ASAP

Whether you’re totally in love or not, it’s important to spot the signs he doesn’t love you back. Don’t break your own heart or waste your time!

signs he doesn't love you

You know you are worthy of powerful and unconditional love, don’t you? You deserve to feel like a princess, not a damsel in distress. If you are reading this feature, you are probably in a relationship you question and doubt. We want more than that for you—and we think that you do too. So, step one? Understand the signs he doesn’t love you back.

It is often quite hard to recognize the signs. Usually our friends and family notice way before we ever begin to. When you are in love, your heart plays tricks on you. We all want to find love. In our quest, we typically create relationships that aren’t a reality. The qualities that you see in your partner may not actually be traits that he has. We create perfection out of nothing when we crave affection. [Read: The pain of loving someone who doesn’t love you back]

Why you need to find out sooner rather than later

It’s going to be hard and it’s going to hurt. But, isn’t it better to know? You might be happy living in denial right now, hoping beyond hope, but you’re wasting your own time. Instead of chasing a guy that can’t see how wonderful you are, you could be with someone who adores you just for being you. That’s exactly what you deserve. You can’t have that until you face the painful truth that your boyfriend doesn’t love you in the same way you love him.

Now, this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you in his own way, but is that way enough for you? Some guys just aren’t ready for a relationship or commitment. The biggest mistake you can make is to sit around waiting for him to be ready, or thinking that you can change his mind. You can’t. It’s not your issue or anything wrong with you, it’s his issue that he needs to face for himself.

Don’t break your own heart hanging around, waiting for a guy who can’t see how amazing you are. Instead, do the right thing, leave him, focus on yourself, build up your confidence, and an amazing guy will come along who doesn’t need to be convinced of your worth. [Read: How to stop loving someone and read the signs it’s time to walk away]

20 Subtle signs he doesn’t love you that you can’t ignore

You deserve more than what you have now. You deserve respect and love. But first, learn to recognize when he isn’t interested in you. You need to learn when it is time to walk away. It’s going to sting, but you can do it.

1. He doesn’t listen to you when you talk about your day

C’mon girlfriend, isn’t it obvious? If you get home from work and want to talk about your day, does he even care? Is he listening to you talk or is he staring blankly at you and pretending to listen? A good way to tell is if he actually engages with your story and asks relevant questions. [Read: 16 signs he’s slowly starting to lose interest in you]

2. Does he even ask you about your day?

Referring to the last point, when you get home from work and ask him about his day and he tells you, does he ask how your day was? Maybe you haven’t noticed, but you may just naturally begin talking about your day without him bothering to ask. Next time, take note: Does he actually ask how your day was? If not, this is a sure-fire sign he doesn’t love you. [Read: 9 signs your boyfriend is no longer in love with you]

3. He often forgets important events

We don’t even mean birthdays or anniversaries, I’m talking about the other events in your life. If you have a big meeting at work and he forgets that it ever occurred, he’s clearly not concerned about the big events in your life. For sure, some guys forget the odd event and that’s fine, but if it’s a recurring thing, it’s a huge red flag.

4. He’s evasive when talking about the future

Maybe it’s just us, but we like to plan. We plan everything from beginning to end. This is never how it plays out in the end, but I like to plan regardless.

If you talk to him about the future, like children, marriage, and living arrangements, and he shuts down, this is one of those big, subconscious signs he doesn’t love you. If he loved you, he would know whether or not he sees children in your future, or if he wants to get married. [Read: 20 Signs he sees a future with you]

6. He doesn’t make an effort to talk to you when you’re apart

Life separates couples for short periods of time. In that case, we communicate via technology. We text, call, or Skype each other to stay in touch. This is your only form of communication while apart, so if he doesn’t seem to care to chat with you, then he likely doesn’t love you. [Read: How to make him worry he’s losing you]

6. He doesn’t understand your job, and doesn’t try to

Some of us have confusing professions that the general public may not understand. We’ve all gotten the question “So, what do you do for a living?” We can’t even count the number of times somebody us asked me what public relations are. If he doesn’t know what you do for a living, then he doesn’t care. If he doesn’t care about you, then he doesn’t love you.

7. He puts you down

Relationships are about loving each other unconditionally, despite our flaws. Actually, because of our flaws. If he makes fun of you about anything, especially in a manner that puts you down, he doesn’t love you. [Read: 15 Types of toxic relationships to watch out for]

8. He constantly picks fights with you over small things

You’ve got to pick your battles, guys. Some things really aren’t worth fighting over. You need to value your relationship more than winning an argument, and so does he.

9. When you fight, he doesn’t fight fair

Fights are inevitable in any relationship. Sometimes we need to get through a fight in order to grow our relationship, but that doesn’t mean it has to get nasty. When you fight with your partner, name-calling should never be a tool used. If he loves you, he loves you through everything, even fights. [Read: How to fight fair in a relationship and grow closer]

10. He doesn’t put in the effort

Love doesn’t just happen, people! You have to work for it, and sometimes it gets rough. If he doesn’t try, then he doesn’t love you. [Read: 12 toxic double standards in relationships]

11. He often threatens to leave

If he loves you, he would never threaten to leave. You don’t threaten your presence in somebody’s life as a way of getting what you want. If he loves you, he will be there through thick and thin.

12. He never apologizes when he’s wrong

If his pride is more important than your relationship, maybe you need to hit the road, sister. Apologies are difficult, we get it. But they need to be done. Accepting that you are in the wrong, when in fact you are, is a huge sign that he loves you and values your relationship. If not, then he really doesn’t love you. [Read: 15 Signs of a toxic relationship that’ll go from bad to worse]

13. He keeps your relationship a secret, or very well hidden

Really? We’re living in a world where we splash everything on social media. If you are in a relationship, everyone and their mother knows about it because there is at least one photo of you together on social media.

Even if you aren’t super active on social media, there is going to be something somewhere—even if it is just a subtweet. If he keeps your relationship a secret, on social media and in real-life, then it’s one of those big red flag signs he doesn’t love you.

14. He doesn’t support your dreams and goals

What he wants in life is important, but so is what you want. If you seem to give all of your support to him and receive none in return, this is a sign he doesn’t love you. [Read: 10 signs your partner is truly supportive of your goals]

15. You haven’t met his family

If you’ve been together for a reasonable amount of time, you should have met his family. Similar to point 13, if he isn’t telling people about you and wants them to meet you, that’s not a good sign.

16. You haven’t met his friends

This might be even more important than meeting his family. His family sort of has to like you, because you might be family one day. His friends, though? They have the right to be totally and brutally honest about who you are. If he doesn’t introduce you to his friends, you may need to re-evaluate this relationship. [Read: How to accept your BF’s friends & get them to accept you]

17. He eyes don’t scream, “I love you”

Look him in the eyes. It is the best sign to tell if he loves you. There is a fire in the eyes of someone looking at the person they love—always.

18. He doesn’t show signs of physical affection

A girl needs a little smooch every now and again, right? If he doesn’t give you spontaneous hugs, hold your hand, or give you kisses goodnight, then he might not be that into you.

19. He jokes about your passions

Your passions literally make you who you are. If he doesn’t respect your passions, then he doesn’t respect you. Plain and simple. [Read: 13 signs of a disrespectful partner that must not be overlooked]

20. You are not a priority to him

If he puts other things above you, like his friends, video games, material things, etc, then he doesn’t love you. You deserve to be treated like a priority, because you really are.

We know it can be difficult to see these signs when you are deeply in love. But, consider the fact that if he is not treating you the way you deserve to be treated, you may be missing the opportunity to be with someone who will.

[Read: 16 signs it’s time to move on and end the relationship]

If you see these signs he doesn’t love you in your relationship, remember that every moment spent with someone who overlooks your worth, is a moment that could be spent with someone who will love and cherish you.

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Brett Larabie
Brett Larabie
Brett is a health and wellness blogger who aims to inspire her readers to live happy, fulfilled lives. She follows a plant-based lifestyle and lives in a tiny a...