You really connect with your partner, but there’s one problem: sex is bad. Are you with the wrong partner or just a case of being sexually incompatible?
Before I lost my virginity, I didn’t think bad sex was possible. Everyone either had a vagina or penis, so how could someone be sexually incompatible? But, as I grew up and started having sex, I realized it was a lot harder than I originally thought.
Sex is similar to matching a lock with a key. Not all locks and keys match even though they may look like they should. Everyone is physically different and enjoys different things in bed. Does this make them bad in bed? No, all it shows is this person isn’t sexually compatible with you.
13 ways to know you’re sexually incompatible
Sexual incompatibility can be a hard thing to accept in a relationship. Of course, this isn’t something to decide right away. It takes time to understand your partner, and intimate relationships take work.
The first couple of times you have sex may not be great, but with practice and as you continue to connect with your partner, it may become better. But, if you’ve done everything possible and the sex isn’t good, it could be you simply aren’t sexually compatible.
If that happens, there’s only one thing you can do: end the relationship. Do you want to be in a relationship where the sex is bad? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Let’s get to the truth and see where you and your partner fall.
#1 Understand, no one is bad at sex. Before you point fingers at your partner for your unimpressive sex life, understand that no one is bad at sex. Of course, you can be selfish or uncaring, but no one is inherently bad at sex. Instead, everyone has experiences that are carried into their present sexual routine. [Read: 20 sexual problems in your relationship that can be easily avoided]
#2 You don’t like your partner’s sexual preferences. We all enjoy different things when it comes to sex. Some people like BDSM, others enjoy foot jobs; when it comes to sex, there’s no formula everyone must follow. But if you find their sexual preferences disgusting and you’re unwilling to give them a try, it doesn’t sound like you are sexually compatible.
#3 You avoid sex with them. You’re sick, tired from work, or have an exam in the morning. Whatever the excuse, you use it to avoid having sex with them. Of course, there are times when you’re not going to feel like having sex, but if this happens regularly, reflect on the state of your relationship. [Read: The 20 signs you should break up and throw in the towel]
#4 You don’t see sex as something necessary. The only thing dividing a romantic relationship from a friendship is physical intimacy. When two people are physically intimate, their relationship is on another level. But if you don’t see intimacy as something to be shared between you and your partner, that’s a problem. [Read: 15 signs you’re asexual and don’t like getting laid as much as others]
#5 You’re turned off by their body. When you see your partner naked, you don’t fantasize about all the things you want to do with them. Instead, you look at their body in disgust. And this is a big problem. If you’re not sexually turned on by your partner’s body, that’s a sign you’re not sexually attracted to them.
#6 You feel uncomfortable in many sexual positions. When having sex with your partner, every position seems uncomfortable. Everything feels like it’s too much, and honestly, you can’t wait for it to be over. If you were sexually compatible, there wouldn’t be this problem.
#7 You fantasize about your past sexual relationships. If you’ve had other partners before, they slip into your mind while having sex with your current partner. And listen, if the sex was mind-blowing, that wouldn’t be happening. But because you’re not enjoying it, your mind takes you down memory lane to the good ol’ times.
#8 You’re uncomfortable watching sex scenes. When you watch Netflix together, everything is fine until a sex scene comes on. And when it does, you quickly become uncomfortable, nervous to see if your partner will comment. You shouldn’t feel like that when these things happen. I mean, you wouldn’t feel like that if you felt secure in your sex life. [Read: 12 real reasons why couples drift apart over time]
#9 You talk about sex too much. Communication is great, and when it comes to sex, it’s crucial. But if you talk about it and nothing seems to improve, well, that’s also a bad sign. Communication should bring change. And if nothing changes, it’s time to change the partner.
#10 Your sexual rhythm is off. When having good sex, you will naturally find a cohesive rhythm. But with your partner, you can’t seem to find a steady pace. Listen, this doesn’t mean you’re sexually incompatible, but if you’ve already worked through communication issues, then this is probably the reason why.
#11 The kissing is off. Like way off. You don’t know why the kissing doesn’t feel good; they seem to be doing everything right. But there’s no spark, no chemistry. You’re not feeling like you’re kissing your partner. You feel like you’re kissing some random person — not a good sign of compatibility.
#12 You feel uncomfortable after. After sex, there’s a long, uncomfortable silence. Oh god, can you say awkward? Listen, silence doesn’t have to be awkward, but after bad sex, silence is never a good thing. If you can’t turn to your partner and honestly say, “Wow, that was amazing,” well, then it wasn’t. [Read: Bad sex advice you should never listen to]
#13 You don’t orgasm. Many women struggle with achieving orgasm but will openly talk about it with their partner. However, if you have never had an orgasm, and cannot, for the life of you, seem to get one with your partner, that’s a bad sign. Life is too short not to orgasm.