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How to Relax During Sex: Free Your Mind and Enjoy Your Orgasms

What’s the point of having sex if you’re not even able to enjoy it? It’s time you taught yourself how to relax during sex and be in the moment.

how to relax during sex

The jiggling thighs, your cum face, the awkward queefs – we’ve all been there. But who said sex was supposed to be something from a Hollywood movie? It’s not. Sex is about two people sharing each other with one another. What does that mean? Well, it’s easy to understand how to relax during sex if you realize that sex is supposed to have awkward moments, funny moments, sensual moments – all wrapped up together.

If you’re spending more time worrying about how you look while you’re on top of your partner, then you’re not having sex the right way. I mean, there isn’t a right way to have sex, but if you’re tense, that’s definitely not helping the experience.

No one remembers the times where the sex was mediocre, they only remember the times where they felt free and had their brains blown away.

How to relax during sex – Free your mind and enjoy your orgasms

I know sex can be nerve-wracking, especially if you are new to it. And it will take some practice, but I think you can handle it. So here are some tips for how to relax during sex.

#1 Know that it’s all in your head. Though sex is physical, it’s more mental than anything. This is what you have to realize. If you’re not having an orgasm, it’s not so much physical as it is mental. You need to understand that your mind is blocking you from fulfilling your sexual desires. [Read: Orgasm during sex – 7 surprising reasons she’s not having one]

#2 Lower your expectations. I’m not talking about your partner, I’m talking about you. Lower your expectations for yourself. You don’t have to go through every pose from the book of Kama Sutra.

Just work on baby steps. If you’re uncomfortable with being naked in front of someone, just letting that person touch and kiss your body is a huge step. So, don’t be so hard on yourself.

#3 Pleasure yourself in your own time. If you’re nervous when having sex with someone, then you should invest more time masturbating on your own. Learn what makes you orgasm and what thoughts turn you on. Then when it’s time to have sex with someone, you won’t be so nervous about that aspect. [Read: How to masturbate – 14 sexy self pleasure tips to discover yourself]

#4 What is it that’s making you nervous? What is it about sex that makes you nervous? It is that the other person is seeing you naked? Is it that you’re worried you’re not going to orgasm?

Honestly, I get nervous having sex with someone new. I’m worried they’re not going to like my body. But, through time, I learned that this is my insecurity. [Read: How to get a shy girl to relax and open up in bed]

#5 You need to invest time into sex. You can have a quickie, that’s fine, but if you want to know how to relax during sex, you need to invest time in it. You need to let your partner explore your body and see what turns you on.

Don’t be so quick to get it over with because that benefits no one. Go with the flow and take all the time you need. Eventually, you’ll slowly relax.

#6 Keep open communication. You need to keep the lines of communication open when having sex. Make sure that your partner knows that you’re enjoying it or not… and vice versa. Communication is essential for not only good sex, but also for you to relax and be present. [Read: Sex with a new partner – How to start your adventures with a bang]

#7 Remind yourself of you who you’re having sex with. This person wants to have sex with you because they find you sexually attractive.

Now, they could be a one-night stand or a boyfriend/girlfriend, but the point is, they chose to have sex with you. There’s no need to worry about the little imperfections you have because we all have them. But that didn’t stop this person from wanting you, so relax. [Read: The virgin’s guide to acting like she has experience]

#8 Be in the moment. Your mind is going to wander at some point, but that’s okay. What you need to do is try to be as much in the moment as possible. Don’t be thinking about your jiggling thighs or the tiny bit of fat under your chin. None of that matters. In fact, your partner doesn’t care.

#9 Do what you like to do in bed. If you like to masturbate, then masturbate in front of your partner. If you’re into choking, then choke or get choked. If you want to know how to relax during sex, then you should focus on doing things that are comfortable for you. Eventually, you can expand your sexual repertoire at some point, but there’s no rush. [Read: How to be good at sex – 17 moves to become the hottest lay]

#10 Foreplay. So many people skip the foreplay and head right into the penetration. I mean, that’s fine if you want a quickie, but honestly, foreplay is where it’s at. It’s a great way to relax your mind and become aware of you and your partner’s body.

#11 It’s okay to say no. Listen, if you don’t want to do anal, you don’t have it. In fact, if you don’t want to, saying no not only prevents this from happening but it removes any anxiety that’s starting to develop. It’s your body, so you can choose what you’d like done to it.

#12 Do be shy to fantasize. You’re probably not going to be focused the entire time you have sex. I mean, after a while, your mind starts to wander and that’s okay, you’re only human.

So, instead of having your mind focused on how your face looks or what your body looks like right now, fantasize about something. That way, your mind is wandering to thoughts that are potentially positive for your sexual experience. [Read: How to fantasize about someone or something else and not feel guilty]

#13 Don’t pay attention to society. I watched porn once, yes, that’s right, once. I couldn’t do it. It made me so sad, and frankly, I developed an unhealthy image of myself after seeing it. I don’t look like them, I don’t have big breasts and a perfect ass, nor do I want cum all over my face.

You don’t have to be like those girls, and I recommend that if you don’t want to be like them, just avoid that unhealthy image. If you want to watch porn, there are pro-women pornography available which gives you a much more realistic view of sex. [Read: 25 most common porn myths that people still believe]

#14 Laugh at those awkward moments. Listen, no one makes it through life being 100% serious. You need to learn how to laugh at yourself and move past those awkward or slightly cringe-worthy moments.

Sex isn’t in some rule book that you have to religiously follow, that’s what is so beautiful about it. There is no wrong way, so lighten up.

[Read: Passionate lovemaking – All the sexy secrets you need to know]

Now that you know how to relax during sex, you’re going to have to put it into practice. So, follow these tips, and I can assure you that you’ll be having better sex.

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and ...
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