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How to Open Up About Sex & Get Your Partner to Share Their Desires

Sometimes it’s not easy to get your partner to open up about sex. From talking about problems to fantasies, here are the reasons and strategies to do it.

open up about sex

Are you having a hard time getting your partner to open up about sex?  

Sometimes, talking about sex is always an awkward moment, especially if you’re in a new relationship.

And at other times, you could be in a seasoned relationship and still feel uncomfortable discussing sex because you’re afraid you may be judged.

If you want to take the initiative to talk about sex, but your partner seems too embarrassed to discuss their ideas and thoughts with you, fret not.

[Read: How to dirty talk and 23 sexy tips and examples to arouse anyone]

Reasons to get your partner to open up about sex

Couples who have strong sexual communication are more satisfied with their sex lives. So, if you’re experiencing issues with your sex life, talking to your partner openly and honestly about them might help improve your relationship and sex life.

Open communication can lead to increase emotional intimacy between the two of you too, which leads to a stronger relationship. So, here are some situations when you might want to get your partner to open up about sex. [Read: How to talk about sex without sounding like a pervert]

1. Changes in sex drive

As relationships progress, sometimes people’s libidos change – especially as they age. So, if you are troubled by a change in one of your sex drives, then it’s time to have a conversation about it to figure out why.

2. Trying something new in bed

Maybe your sex life has become boring and routine and you want to try something new. That’s another good reason to get your partner to open up about sex. Ask what they are comfortable with and what they would be willing to try.

3. Starting a family

If you’re at the age where you’re thinking about having children and starting a family, then this needs to be talked about too.

Maybe the two of you are on the same page, but maybe you’re not. This is something that you definitely need to agree on before you move forward. [Read: 19 things you must do as a couple before having a baby]

4. Feeling rejected

The longer two people have been together, the more possibility there is that one of them might stop wanting to have sex.

As a result, the other person might feel rejected. This is something that really needs to be dealt with if you want a healthy relationship.

5. Sexual dysfunction

If your partner is having problems in the bedroom, then this should be talked about too. A lot of people might want to put their heads in the sand and avoid it, but that doesn’t make the problem go away. The only way to fix it is to talk about it.

6. Talking about fantasies

Everyone has sexual fantasies, and it’s really fun to talk about them with your partner. Some fantasies are easily fulfilled, while others should probably just remain a fantasy.

But maybe you two share a similar one and so talking about it will help you make a plan to do something about them. [Read: The top 17 female fantasies that arouse almost all women instantly]

16 tips to get your partner to open up and talk about sex

You can turn even the most prudish of lovers with locked-up secrets into a serial confessor using these tips on how you can get your lover to start talking about sex.

Start slow, and take a few baby steps using these tips. And before you know it, you’ll feel closer to your partner. And your sex life will feel more awesome and fresh with every passing day!

1. Past experiences

Don’t confess about your past experiences, especially if your partner doesn’t know just how sexually liberated and active you’ve been before you met your lover.

Surprisingly, most partners prefer to stay in the dark instead of hearing their partner’s confession about their kinky past. [Read: 6 things to keep in mind when you talk about your past relationships]

If you’re sure your partner would be able to handle your past, slip a few details now and then and watch how they react to it over a couple of weeks.

But if you want your partner to open up about sex talk, let your lover know that you’ve had partners before and that you’re open to trying new things if it could make both your sex lives more interesting and fascinating! [Real Life Caution: A bedtime sexy past confession gone HORRIBLY wrong!]

2. Avoid the serious talk

‘We need to talk about sex’ is the last thing you should say if you want to broach the topic of sex and sexual fantasies. Well, that’s unless one of you says something that offends the other.

The best time to talk about sex is when both of you are in bed. The second best time to talk about it is when both of you are just fooling around or relaxing around the house. 

The third best time to talk about it is when the opportune moment crops up, either because of something a friend said or something you saw on the telly or in a magazine *or in Lovepanky!* [Read: 30 fun and sexy questions to keep the naughty spark alive in your relationship]

3. Speak in third person

If you’re feeling terribly awkward about the impending sexual conversation, talk about a *friend of yours* who likes a particular fantasy or has indulged in a particular sexual act.

It’s easier to talk in third person, and if your partner likes the idea, you can always smile sheepishly and confess that you were talking about yourself! [Read: Top 16 sexual fantasies for men and Top 17 sexual fantasies for women]

4. Naughty questions

Want to explore sexual ideas and fantasies without feeling awkward about it? There’s no better way to do that than by using our list of dirty questions.

Try them, and you’ll see just how much both of you can learn about each other’s sexual interests in under an hour! [Read: 40 incredibly horny and dirty would-you-rather questions to ask your lover]

5. Don’t push it

Don’t go overboard while trying to please your partner, or to prove that you love their idea even if you don’t. Just because your partner enjoys something doesn’t mean they expect you to enjoy the same things.

Sometimes, it takes a compromise between sexual interests. And at other times, it has to be a complete no-no.

Talk to your partner about your sexual interests, or hear theirs out. Take some time for the ideas to sink in, and if it’s something you just can’t do, be frank and tell your lover about it *without making them feel judged!*

6. Delay penetration

What do you do when you get into bed to make love? Do you rush into the act because you find your lover irresistible? Well, stop and take it slowly the next few times you’re in bed with them.

Taking it slow in bed, and talking about things either of you enjoys can be a revelation that can make your sex life a lot more interesting.

Take time to explore each other, talk about things both of you enjoy, and try new things that feel good in bed. [Read: 9 sexy things you can do to delay penetration and drive each other crazy!]

7. Start the conversation with a confession

But don’t go overboard just yet. If you’ve been trying to ask your partner what they enjoy, and your partner just blushes coyly or pretends like they’re interested in nothing but the missionary, don’t push them on.

Instead, make a small and calculated confession. Brush the surface of something you enjoy and tell your partner about it. And see how your boyfriend or girlfriend reacts to your little confession.

Taking it slow can help your partner test their own boundaries without assuming you’re a sexual deviant! [Read: 19 naughty foreplay games for couples to explore their sexual secrets]

8. Talk dirty in bed

Dirty talk kicks butt, especially when both of you are completely comfortable exploring each other’s sexual minds without feeling inhibited by it. [Read: How to talk dirty to a guy and make him horny!]

If you want your partner to open up to you and talk about the things they enjoy sexually, just start talking about something naughty or dirty while having sex with each other.

One thing would lead to another, and before you know it, you’ll unleash a wildcat. And oh yes, the sex will blow your mind too! [Read: The right way to talk dirty to a girl without turning her off]

9. Don’t clam up

Don’t judge your partner. Just because your partner says they’ve fantasized about having a threesome or that they like the idea of public flashing doesn’t make them a bad person.

All of us have our own sexual fantasies, and as tame as yours may seem to you, there’s a big chance you’ll shock many with your own imagination!

If your partner trusts you enough to share their deepest, darkest fantasies with you, the least you can do is let your partner know you accept them for who they are.

On the other hand, if you clam up and appear shocked or annoyed, your partner may feel ashamed and never ever open up to you again! [Read: 20 things every couple needs to know before considering a threesome]

10. That annoying feeling

If something your partner says bothers you or pricks you hard, sit down with your partner. Calmly and cautiously, tell them how you feel, all the while reassuring them that you’re not judging them but just trying to understand their sexual side better.

On the other hand, if your partner’s sex talk or sexual fantasies arouse or interest you, ask your partner to elaborate so you can add your own dark experiences and interests into the conversation. [Read: How to react to a sexual confession without losing your mind]

11. Sex suggestions aren’t criticisms

Understand this well, and remember it. If your partner tells you something in bed that offends you, even for a moment, you need to realize that your partner is revealing it to you only to make both your sex lives better. And your partner isn’t saying it just to hurt you or make you feel humiliated in bed.

Accept criticisms in bed gracefully, or even laugh about it. But make sure you remember it so your partner can feel comfortable enough to share their secrets with you in the future too. [Read: 13 untold sex secrets you definitely need to know!]

12. The right time

Don’t say the wrong things at the wrong time. If your partner talks dirty or shares a fantasy that you don’t particularly appreciate while having sex, don’t stop the to-and-fro midway and stare at your partner with a shocked expression.

And talking about something embarrassing or awkward immediately after having sex isn’t advisable either.

If you really want to go into details about a particular fantasy of your lover’s, talk to them about it a while after they mention it, so they don’t feel judged or insulted by your question. [Read: How to fantasize about someone else in bed with your partner]

13. Be open to the conversation

Ask open-ended questions when you’re talking about sex secrets with your husband or wife, and try to see things from their perspective before making judgments.

Discuss things both of you enjoy, and take baby steps into the world of exploring sexual fantasies and dirty ideas together. If it works and something makes both of you super horny, well, good for you guys!

And if it doesn’t excite you or your partner, move on, there are enough sexual ideas to set your sexual passion on fire! And it all starts with communication. [Read: 20 unique and hot sex ideas to blow your lover’s mind in bed]

14. Don’t be a prude

Look, if you want to talk about sex and kinky ideas, you might as well throw prudishness out of the window, and prepare yourself for a wild ride of sexual exploration. Reveal your fantasies, get kinky and start by telling the truth about the things you enjoy and the new things you want to try in bed.

Holding your sexual thoughts close to your heart and expecting sex to magically get better with each passing day as the infatuation wears off is like asking for a miracle every time you have sex.

Open your mind, and explore the world of sexual fantasies and dark desires together. And as kinky or as naughty as you may think an idea is, it’s all been said and done by someone else before! [Read: How to use sexy talk on your lover and make them melt with desire]

15. Explain clearly

No one is a mind reader. If you are feeling a certain way about sex, you need to be direct and tell your partner how you feel. But one thing you really need to remember is to be positive and not critical – especially if you are discussing something about your sex life that is bothering you.

In order to do this, you can use “I” statements, and not “you” statements. When you do this, you don’t sound like you are attacking or accusing your partner of anything.

So, you can say things like “I feel like this when we do this…” instead of “You make me feel like this when we do this…” It makes sure that they don’t become defensive.

16. Ask questions and listen

One of the biggest communication problems that people have is that they don’t know how to be a good listener. They think they do, but most people actually don’t.

Most are so worried about how to avoid hurting themselves or the other person that they spend the whole time thinking about what to say next rather than actually listening to what their partner has to say.

You can do this by trying to be curious and present. Say something like, “Tell me more about that.” Try to have empathy for them and put yourself in their shoes. Your perspective is not the only one, and so you need to try to accept what they are telling you. 

[Read: Top 50 ideas for a naughty and kinky relationship!]

Use these tips to get your partner to open up and talk about sex effortlessly. And most importantly, you have to remember that we live in a world full of sexual fantasies and deviant thoughts. And as freaky as you think you are, your fantasy isn’t as unique or shocking as you think. So don’t be ashamed. You’re never alone!

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Christopher-Villa
Christopher Villa
A tortured artist, Christopher Villa enjoys dissecting human behavior, admiring and scorning them at the same time. While he does admit he has a one-track mind ...
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