Here’s a secret – being the alpha male isn’t really about the girl. It’s about you, being the You Without Cages – the bad-boy who can’t be bottled in.
So how do we do this?
Your 6-year-old you knows your natural alpha
Wanna know how to be an alpha male? Well, let’s go back to your inner bad-boy beginnings. Literally.
Remember when you were 6? An uncontrollable, let’s be honest, obnoxious little tyke. It was normal then to hear your mother screaming, for the umpteenth time, for you to settle down and stop causing chaos.
At 6, you didn’t need to be told HOW to be an alpha male. It was your natural state.
So where’s my alpha gone?
As we get older, society stamps down on our inner alpha bursting through the seams. And at some point we trade our alpha essence for a sense of peace and acceptance. The alpha becomes a stranger.
But he doesn’t disappear. Like Jekyll and Hyde or Bruce Banner and ‘the other guy,’ he’s just waiting under the surface…
So how do we bring our Hulk out?
First, eliminate your doubts.
Let me answer your real question – what if I get the girl by being alpha but get beat up by other alphas?
Ever seem rams butting heads in the wild? Painful.
There’s a good reason for doubt. Violence is generally far less common in modern society that it once was. However, we’re still wired to lower our charisma in situations where there could be ‘superior,’ dangerous competition.
Imagine tribal days of humans. Being an alpha male would potentially have meant competition, in the form of a stick aimed at your head. But actually embracing chaos is good. Chaos provides opportunities that your safer competitors won’t have. [Read: 30 alpha male characteristics that make you a real alpha]
Those who play to win, end up the safest bet in the game of attraction and success. They learn the fastest, through feedback. As the world now is far less dangerous than it was, being alpha offers enormous opportunities with far reduced risks to mortality.
The key motto here is: play it to win or be average.
Okay I’m bought-in – how do I reconnect to my Inner Alpha?
#1 First, know there’s not one alpha.
Alpha can be: skinny or overweight, loud or quietly simmering, outspoken or a man of action. Jump ahead to the part of this feature subtitled ‘look for what makes you feel free’ to see how this can be possible.
#2 Refrain from judging your inner alpha. Instead:
– Embrace your inner 6 year-old, no matter how silly this feels
– Embrace chaos, discomfort and criticism
– Discard what mummy and daddy told you made you a good boy
#3 Know your emotions can’t be civilized.
So listen to them. They know where your alpha is. Dive into the deep-end. It’s the feeling of pressing the buzzer before you have the answer. [Read: 12 Prince Charming traits that make girls swoon]
Screw answers, put some gel on, slick your hair back, and rev up your motorcycle *what badass-ness feels like to you: fashion, edgy jokes, swearing, being a dick, being narcissistic – fill in your own blanks*.
Alphas have fun. Lots of fun.
Enjoy the process. Everything in this feature should be absorbed with the aim of increasing personal pleasure – doing what truly feels fun TO YOU. If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
To paraphrase marketing-pitch expert and alpha, Oren Klaff: ‘this isn’t a dog and pony show, it’s for your own personal enjoyment.’ The key here’s to learn to connect with that place inside where your heart skips, adrenaline pumps, and you feel inner freedom.
Note – at first when you’re learning how to be an alpha male, you may mainly feel fear, anxiety, or doubt. All of those pent up emotions are the close cousins to excitement and freedom. You’re just interpreting them upside-down. [Read: How to be a badass in 25 awesomely bad ways]
Watch a movie with a romantic alpha lead and take note
The key thing to know is whatever you resonate with, admire or fear in OTHERS is also inside YOU.
For example, whenever I watch a Leonardo DiCaprio movie I see aspects of my own alpha traits, such as:
#1 Is impetuous
#2 Goes after the girl he desires even at risk to himself and approaches her directly, playing it to win
#3 Has a look in his eyes that he will go to any lengths to win
#4 Obsessive and borderline crazy
#5 Unable to process the meaning of being balanced or average
#6 Dressed to kill
#7 Speaks with authority and skill
What alpha heartthrob or movie star do you resonate with?
[Read: How to be a much better man using the right role model]
No one’s born fearless. Fearlessness is a practice. Some begin this practice young, others at an older age. Some people never do and so live restricted by their fears. Here’s 2 ways to go about it:
#1 Know fear will always be there.
Fearlessness is being bold in the face of fear-emotion. Rise to the occasion. When you have the urge to back down, to pump the brakes, to play safe – do the opposite!
#2 Surprise yourself often.
Walk into a room and greet your spouse by opening your throat, and speaking at the top of your lungs. Damn you, yell as if singing – ‘hey-yoooo’
There’s a whole field about this called bioenergetics.
The idea is, when you behave in ways that are striking, your mind can’t help but follow suit. Your mind notices a difference between its old assumptions about you, and your new behaviors *and your mind doesn’t like dissonance*. So therefore it shifts its beliefs to match your behaviors.
You’ve been holding your natural alpha in for so long, that you need to retrain yourself to express it. You can create genuine fearlessness by doing what doesn’t feel natural at first. This will open you up over time, until boldness becomes second nature again. [Read: How to be dominant – 15 calm and firm ways to be the real alpha]
Eat and sleep like an alpha
Here’s where movies trick us – alphas always seem to have a beer nearby, to smoke like a chimney, and eat greasy burgers all day. There are many, many alphas like that. But there are also many alphas in jail. I’ll assume you want to be a non-self-destructive alpha.
So play it to win long-term, treat your body like a temple. Sleep in a pitch-black room, take cold showers, lift weights, anything to pump up masculine hormones of wellbeing. Put natural stuff in your body to crank up your vitality and sustain it. [Read: 12 tips to transform you from a nice guy into a real man]
Always look for what makes you feel free
Not what might appear as free to others, but what makes YOU feel free.
If you try to rationalize what should make you feel free, you’re moving away from your natural alpha. For the alpha there is no reason needed for his behavior. He expresses what feels most natural, free, fun, exciting, interesting, all of those engaging feelings.
Your ability to express freedom turns the girl on, and makes her trust and prize you. Why? Because expressing freedom is such a hard thing to fake. This might mean making others uncomfortable. If making someone uncomfortable makes you feel uncomfortable, then this is the reason why you can’t connect to your natural alpha.
Alpha is situational
Knowing how to be an alpha male is situational: if you’re father to a 3 year-old, you’re the king in that environment. In your office with your boss, you probably aren’t. But you can always find ways to maintain a sense of freedom. [Read: 15 reasons why nice guys finish last all the time]
Here’s 7 keys to maintaining an alpha mind-set, in any environment:
#1 HAVING GENUINE FUN *not for show!* Maintaining a sense of playfulness even under pressure
#2 Erect positive posture
#3 Not nodding excessively
#4 Using words such as ‘sure’ and ‘I see’ and ‘right’ rather than ‘yes’ and ‘ok’
#5 Being honest with what you think
#6 Be unafraid to disagree
#7 Not being perfect
Understand who is in control
Two people are talking. It’s a movie, action packed. One of the people is Leonardo DiCaprio. Who is reacting more to the other person?
Pretty obvious, right?
Alphas focus on moving their own energy, rather than dancing to another person’s tune. If you find your focus is on what the other person thinks of you during an interaction, this is the problem.
Like a mental discipline, you can train your focus on things that support your goals and self-esteem instead. [Read: Here’s how to be masculine without being a jerk]
If a girl told an alpha he was an asshole, he’d focus on the fact that she was emotionally engaged by his presence *a good sign* and not on her words. He’d be more likely to persistently stick around, focusing on being playful and connecting with her, knowing she may be simply testing his steel, and not internalize her negative comment.
Embrace your ‘Inner A-hole’ with persistence
That brings me to another point about how to be an alpha male. Too many guys just can’t take rejection. Well, let me point out a shocking truth.
Watch movies with a male alpha love interest. The girl usually doesn’t give in to him right away. She might even say they could never work – ‘he’s just a player,’ or to her friends – ‘he’s so full of himself,’ or to him just – ‘I can’t,’ followed by a curious glance back and exit.
When we try to be the nice guy, this can just make us seem ingratiating. We’re forgetful. [Read: Nice guy syndrome – 16 reasons why girls find them so boring]
Instead, get attention like a 6-year-old. Let yourself screw up. Be crude, obnoxious – the key is for it to feel playful and fun for you. The girl is more interested in your energy than your words. She wants to see a full person with oomph, not a tap-dancer.
This CAN’T be faked. The sooner you accept that you can be a bit of a dick at times, the sooner she can let you know she’s also a bit of a bitch at times too. No judgement, just free expression and experimentation.
[Read: 15 things women look for in a man before falling for him]
If you’ve been wondering how to be an alpha male, remember this – you already are an alpha. And a bit of an asshole; and free; and badass – you just need to express this more to remind your body and mind, and the rest will take care of itself. The girl will be completely hypnotised by your sincerity and unapologetic boldness. Now fly my young alphas!
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