After a certain age, the nice guy act will start to get old. Shed the shy guy shell and face the dating world with the confidence of a real man!
John Travolta might have just been playing a part in the final scenes of Grease, when the protagonist throws aside his preppy clothes and reverts to the bad boy he’s always been in order to get the girl, but there is more than just an element of truth in this. The fact is, although you will hear numerous conversations between women about how they really wish they could find a ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ to take care of them, that the ladies, at heart, love a real man.
That Hugh Grant vulnerability thing only works in the movies. But what does it actually mean to be a real man and, if you’re already a nice guy, what changes do you need to make to assist the transition from one to the other? [Read: 13 rules of etiquette for the modern gentleman]
The differences between a nice guy and real man
As a broad guide, much of the difference between a nice guy and a real man comes down to confidence and how that confidence expresses itself in both physical and psychological terms. There is something very attractive about someone who is self-assured enough to be unconcerned with trivialities, and has that air of indifferent positivity about them – which is as true for women as it is for men.
Nice guys often internalize emotions and feelings, so that others don’t have to suffer them, but these feelings often find other ways of revealing themselves unattractively.
Often they will occur as slightly feminine traits or even in a manner that is damaging to themselves and the perception that others have of them.
Real men, on the other hand, are in control of their feelings and allow them to be externalized in a healthy and measured way. Working on this balance between confidence and externalization is the key to becoming the real man of every woman’s dreams.
What does it take to change from a nice guy to a real man?
Are you a nice guy who would like to evolve into a real man? Here are some ways you can change your cutesy boy next door aura to that of a dapper, sophisticated real man.
#1 Taking charge. One of the biggest things that nice guys get wrong is in choosing to let the lady make all the decisions. He believes that he’s being gentlemanly and courteous by letting her take the lead, but in actual fact, it just looks weak and indecisive.
So, take charge chaps! You decide where to meet, you decide whether to go buffet or a-la-carte, and you decide when and where to meet next. Let her know that she is in the presence of an alpha male and a suitable life-long partner.
#2 Listen. Taking a genuine interest in what the lady is saying is so important. It lets her feel important, and it gives you time to think about what you’re going to say or do next. Most importantly, it shows that you’re confident enough to take on board what others have to say. Of course, don’t be afraid to speak your mind either, which is another sign that you are confident and manly.
#3 Speak out. A real man doesn’t feel the need to agree with everyone to keep them sweet. The nice guy wants everything to passively swim along, but by bottling up his opinions, he is in danger of letting them loose in a tirade somewhere down the line. A real man doesn’t worry about disagreeing with others. But when he does, he forms an argument in a measured and constructive way, never making a fuss or losing his temper. [Read: 21 things you should never, ever say to a woman]
#4 Moaning. Don’t do it! Many nice guys have a dreadful habit of complaining about aches and pains, or about how unfair their boss is, or how the next-door-neighbor’s dog keeps them awake at night, or how nobody really understands them, and so on and so forth.
Seriously guys, you’re not being nice – you’re being an utter drip. She’s going to walk away feeling like she’s just been on a date with a teenage girl rather than an adult man. Keep it to yourself!
#5 Be a rock. A real man is emotionally stable at all times, quite a different thing from being emotional, which is the hallmark of a nice guy. Nice guys gush and cry and sulk and seek approval. Real men do not. They don’t let the behavior or attitude of other people rattle them in the slightest, and they take it all on the chin.
They are gregarious types, but they never desperately chase attention or approval, and always give equal time to every part of their lives. This is quite unlike the nice guy who will drop everything else when they meet the woman of their dreams to the point of ruining the rest of their lives, and coming across as something of a stalker.
#6 When to say you’re sorry. Nice guys say sorry all the time. They say sorry for sitting too close or too far away. They say sorry when they go to the rest-room. They say sorry when they sit down again. They seem to say sorry for the inconvenience of blighting the universe with their existence which, needless to say, doesn’t look very manly or confident.
However, the one thing he doesn’t do is say sorry when it matters, preferring instead to sulk or moan about the situation. A real man knows and admits when he is wrong or has made a mistake, and will openly and unreservedly apologize for it. But that is the only time you will hear the word pass his lips.
#7 Physical awareness. Of course, looking good is an essential factor in trying to win over the woman of your dreams, but you don’t want to come across as a bit of a princess. Constant self-grooming, looking in mirrors, rearranging your clothes, posing and so on, gives a very bad impression.
Although if asked, most people would point to arrogance as being the cause of such behavior, at a subconscious level the alarm bells will start ringing and your desired other half will be alerted to the fact that you have confidence issues. Keep your hands still, leave your hair alone and divert your focus to more productive areas. [Read: 15 reasons why “nice guys” are usually perceived as losers by women]
The importance of body language to real men
To finish off, we look at an area of human interaction that is both so important in deciding how you are perceived by others, and yet so often neglected. Whether going on a date or for a job interview, the way you comport yourself tells so much more about you than words ever could.
As a conveyor of first impressions, body language accounts for nearly 100% of everything that will be taken from those few initial moments. So, although there isn’t nearly enough room in this short article to cover all related ground, here are a few tips to help you make your body language a little more articulate.
#1 Sit/stand-up straight or in a confident sprawl and keep strong eye contact. Constantly averting your gaze and turning your body to the side so that you aren’t properly facing the object of your desires stinks of a lack of confidence, and is a real turn off.
#2 Be confident about which greeting you choose to adopt, whether kiss on the cheek, handshake or whatever else. Decide what you’re going to do and execute it with aplomb. There’s nothing worse that someone who changes their mind halfway through a course of action, and it could lead to dangerously crossed wires!
#3 Keep your body movements to a minimum. Make any movements slow and deliberate to give off a huge impression of confidence and manliness. Constant fidgeting and sharp jerky movements do nothing for her perceptions of you.
#4 Be aware of the way you deliver when talking. Similar to the previous point, take your time, think about your response first, then speak in a clear, loud and measured fashion. Squeaking, whispering, mumbling and hurried speech are perceived as very unmanly. [Read: 10 ways to talk to a girl and leave her swooning]
#5 Ease your jitters with your butt. If you suffer badly from nerves and have shaky hands, then tense your buttocks. It sounds like a bizarre thing to say, but it’s almost impossible for your hands to shake when you are doing this. I’ve no idea why but, trust me, it works.
Transforming from a typical nice guy to a real man with the appeal to drive women wild is no easy task. But with these tips and a conscious effort to perfect each little aspect of becoming a real man, you’ll find that you’ll be attracting more mature and like-minded ladies in no time!
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Currently reclining with a peaceful and contented smile upon his face, with perhaps just a hint of mystery and steely resolve, Philip Hegarty has an obviously i...