Charisma is a powerful characteristic, especially when used in the right context. Renowned world leaders like Mahatma Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, and Napoleon Bonaparte are just a few examples of charismatic individuals who were able to turn the tide of history.
Having charisma is quite useful in terms of your career, especially if it’s in a PR context. It’s also a great trait to have if you’re a teacher or a social influencer, like a celebrity or news anchor.
But in a more personal context, how does charisma play into relationships? Is it as useful as it sounds, or is it just a characteristic reserved for extroverts?
Charisma in relationships
There’s so much pressure on the word “charisma” that it’s difficult to define it as something you can achieve in due time. The truth is, anyone can have it, as long as they know how to express themselves honestly, positively, and sincerely.
When you’re dating, the person you’re seeing expects you to be enthusiastic at the prospect of being in a relationship. A charismatic individual would, theoretically, pull out all the stops in terms of their personality. They are happy, excited, and engaging.
It’s what everyone expects out of their dates, but more often than not, you’re stuck with uncertainty and a reluctance to open up to a person who is capable of breaking your heart. If a person were highly charismatic, they would essentially be the ones in control of the situation. They have the ability to make their date feel comfortable and at ease.
The best part is that charismatic people are very attractive. Looks hardly matter when the person standing in front of you is giving off a positive vibe and energy. And don’t forget that charismatic people are infectious. No matter what their mood or disposition is, you can expect to feel some sort of affinity with them. [Read: 11 awful social habits that make you undateable]
What makes a person charismatic?
There has always been an air of vagueness surrounding the idea of charisma. Why do people have it? How do people get it?
The answers, thankfully, have been provided *albeit theoretically* by Dr. Ronald Riggio of Claremont McKenna College. Here’s what makes a person charismatic and how you can apply these principles to your own lives.
#1 Emotional and social expressiveness. This means that they are able to communicate their feelings effectively and immediately. If you can honestly express yourself, your relationships will be better off for it.
#2 Emotional and social sensitivity. Aside from knowing when and how to express their feelings, they are also aware of how others feel. It’s not about having a knack for it, either. They just pay attention to know when to shut up, observe, and listen.
#3 Emotional and social control. Being expressive and sensitive isn’t all they’re good at; they also know when it’s okay to express themselves and how to react accordingly. You can easily do this, as well, just by thinking before you act.
[Read: 8 ways to stop being boring and annoying around people]
How can being charismatic work for you?
Attracting someone can take a lot of work, but it can also be as easy as saying hi. It’s all about luck and how you present yourself. But if your charisma shines through, your chances of getting a date will be much higher. Why? Let’s find out.
#1 Being charismatic makes you stand out. This doesn’t mean that you’re getting attention because you’re expressing yourself boisterously and loudly. It means that no matter what you’re doing, your presence lights up the room, which makes prospective dates zero in on your energy.
#2 Charismatic people are approachable. Most people don’t approach the person they like because they seem intimidating. Charismatic people get approached more often than those who look guarded. They are usually open to approaching other people, as well. [Read: 13 ways to be a more approachable person]
#3 You’ll be more fun to be with. You’ll know how to make people feel good because you take the time to know what a person needs. Rather than focusing on yourself, you will urge people to join in on the fun or just keep them company when they’re feeling down.
#4 You become self-aware. Since being charismatic entails drawing the attention of others, you become more aware of how people perceive you and how you should act. This then becomes a cycle of drawing others’ attention and getting them to like being around you, which will draw in more positive energy and attention.
#5 You take a holistic approach to your relationships. With charisma, you can approach problems in a way that’s best for everyone involved, thanks to traits like social sensitivity and expressiveness. You can take into account everyone’s take on the matter, and you can express possible solutions that would benefit everyone.
How can you be charismatic?
Now, we get to the good part. There’s no easy, step-by-step procedure that you can use to gain charisma, but there are some easy ways in which you can bring out the charisma that’s already inside of you.
#1 Be a healthy optimist. Try to find the positive in everything you encounter. By looking at the bright side of things, you will eventually develop a healthy and happy disposition that will effectively shine through.
#2 Don’t be shy! Say hi to a random person or get to know one standing right beside you. Who knows? That person may just be your next date. [Read: 10 teeny tiny changes that will improve your love life]
#3 Express yourself honestly. Remember when we said charismatic people are expressive? Do just that. Tell people how you really feel, but don’t do it in a way that will make them uncomfortable.
#4 Think before you speak. Charismatic people aren’t all about shock and awe. You don’t need to be overly outspoken or be the life of the party. Being intuitive and attentive can do more for you than being outspoken and opinionated.
#5 Treat everyone equally. No matter who you’re dating, don’t judge them because you think they’re better or less than you. Change your way of thinking to see the good in everyone, and you’ll end up finding someone you can connect with on a deeper level.
#6 Look and feel good. No matter how charismatic you are, you still have to make an effort to keep yourself looking neat and clean. Aside from that, you have to genuinely be able to appreciate yourself. Don’t fake your way to charisma. Be yourself, but make sure that you love who you are.
#7 Love what you do. The one defining factor of a charismatic person is their confidence in who they are. Find something you’re passionate about to complete the whole package, and everyone will see that indefinable spark that everyone keeps talking about.
If you look at the big picture, you’ll see that everything about being charismatic revolves around a person’s ability to be comfortable with themselves, their surroundings, and the people they encounter. Of course, we can’t all maintain an air of charisma. We will all encounter things that bring us down. But if we apply the points mentioned above in our daily lives, our relationships will be better off.
[Read: 9 sure ways to be a more charismatic person]
Don’t believe the hype that charisma is reserved only for the extroverted and superstars of the community. Everyone has it. You just have to know how to let it shine through.
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