Turn Offs for Women: 25 Things Guys Do That Girls Absolutely Hate

The turn offs for women are plentiful. If you do these things you will surely drive her away. Avoid these turn offs for girls if you want to date one.

women turn offs for girls

Turn offs for women are everywhere. It’s not that women are picky or stuck up. There are a lot of things men do and have even been taught to do that are not endearing in the slightest.

If you don’t know what I mean, think back on some of the dates you’ve been on. The date’s going perfectly, but all of a sudden, something goes wrong, and she’s gone cold.

Ever been there? Well, the odds are you did something or said something that was a turn off for women.

The problem is you have been taught how to woo a woman by men. And I’m sorry you have to hear it from me, but… Men do not know everything about women. In fact, most of their magical pieces of wisdom are turn offs for girls.

Sure, every girl is different from one to the next. Some girls like a mysterious bad boy and others love a sensitive guy who wears his heart on his sleeve.

That may be true, but there are some things that are turn offs for girls, all girls. [Read: 9 reasons she’s just not that into you]

Prepare for these turns offs for women

The common battle cry we hear from men is that women don’t like good guys. Good guys finish last, they say. Or girls only date bad guys. Not only is just say that a turn off for girls, but also, it is wrong.

Yes, some girls date bad guys, sure. But I can guarantee that they didn’t know he was a bad guy when it started. And I can also guarantee you, and you are not as good of a guy as you think you are. [Read: Why the “nice guy” isn’t such a nice guy]

I’m sorry, but it is the truth. Hear me out. Sure you have good intentions, or so you believe, but dig a little deeper.

You have the elements that make up a good guy on paper. You pay for the date, hold the door, text first, etc. But, do you listen? Are you respectful of her time and space? Do you think being her friend is a punishment? Have you ever pressured her for sex?

If you answered yes, or hesitated to answer, the odds are that you are headlining some of these turns offs for women.

Have you used but I’m a nice guy or but I bought you dinner as a reason to get something in return from her? Do you claim to like a girl you barely know, so she puts out? Do you do things for her for the credit? Are you more of a Ross or a Joey?

*HINT HINT* You want to be a Joey. [Read: 20 qualities that truly make you a good man]

Turn offs for women

Obvious things like bad breath and cocky attitudes are turn offs for women, but it goes far beyond that.

Women want a genuine guy. A guy who cares for her regardless of what he gets in return is a decent guy. More than anything, women want respect. Anything but that is a turn off for women.

Even the “nicest” guy in the world can lack respect for women. So, whether you just met or you’re getting serious, be sure to avoid these turn offs for girls, or else you’ll chase her away.

But, remember, not all women are the same. In fact, believing we are, is one of many turn offs for women.

So, while I can’t tell you every girl’s personal preference, I can tell you what just about every girl is turned off by. [Read: What she really wants in a guy and how to become it]

1. Insecurity

One of the biggest turn offs for women is a guy who’s insecure about himself. If you’re not confident about yourself, it shows. Now, nerves are normal. Everyone gets nervous. But, insecurity is another thing entirely.

Being nervous comes with dating. But if you are insecure, you are putting out much more intense vibes. You might seem like you don’t deserve happiness. Or perhaps you make too many self-deprecating jokes. You may even seem harsh or rude because you’re frustrated with yourself.

Insecurities are deeply rooted. You can’t just turn them off. But, if you don’t want to be a turn off for girls, work on gaining self-confidence before jumping into the dating scene. [Read: 20 life hacks that’ll make you way more confident in real life]

2. Oversensitive guys

Being sensitive is wonderful. You should be in touch with your feelings and be able to connect with your emotions. That is what we want.

But, there is a difference between being sensitive and overly sensitive. Sensitive means you can be vulnerable and talk about important topics. Being overly sensitive means taking everything she says to heart. It means you are offended by things that aren’t about you. This is a major turn off for women.

For example, I briefly flirted with a guy who would be so worried if I didn’t say I like him. He would assume I didn’t like him if I didn’t come out and say it. Keep in mind I barely knew him. He would text me asking if he was bothering me and constantly say things like, “if you don’t want to talk to me anymore, I get it.”

This is not being honest and open with your feelings. This is letting your sensitivities take over. [Read: How to stop pretending to be a nice guy who’s turning into a doormat]

3. Being cocky

Some guys think they have it all. And at some point, all the attention and the smothering from their parents and buddies make them assume they own the world.

They make idiotic statements and love talking about their own glorious deeds or misdeeds. Do you incessantly talk about how well you played a game or how many cars you own?

Congratulations! You just rang the turn offs for girls bell and rang it loudly.

You can say what you want, but things like this won’t get you anywhere. If this is you, all you’re doing is alerting gold diggers that you’re an easy target. [Read: How to spot girls who are gold diggers so you can avoid them]

Learn some humility, and you might have a shot. Stick to being pompous and you’ll be a turn off for women everywhere. [Read: How to express your opinions without seeming cocky]

4. Being too touchy

It is sweet to put your arm around her if she is cold or hold her hand, but keep your hands to yourself on a first date. You can hug her hello and goodbye, but unless she specifically makes it clear and gives consent that she wants to be touched, hands-off!

Being touched without consent is a turn off for girls, all girls. I can guarantee it.

Don’t touch her hands across the table. Don’t brush her hair out of her face. Touching someone you barely know does not spark feelings. It turns on every girl’s high alert for Creeptown. Consent is vital!

5. Narcissists

We all love ourselves a little. Even if we hate ourselves, we love ourselves. We all get carried away talking about out families or jobs. It happens. But narcissism takes that a step further.

You probably think this isn’t you, but narcissists rarely know they are narcissists. If you are too busy looking at your phone to talk to her or spend more than half the date talking yourself up, you’re giving off those vibes.

If you really want a girl to like you, you need to let her get to know you, even the stuff you’re not proud of. Being too self-involved is one of the major turn offs for women. If you care about others, that will naturally come through.[Read: 15 traits of narcissistic men to recognize the signs in yourself]

6. Lack of manners

Mind your manners. Girls like a guy who knows his manners. Every kindergartener should know their manners, so there really is no excuse. Say please and thank you.

But it goes beyond that. If you can’t be a polite person, it is a turn off for women. These are basic societal norms and shouldn’t be that hard to follow.

You should be man enough to apologize or accept that you’re wrong. Let’s say you are talking about an actor in a movie, but you both claim a different actor starred in the role. When you look it up and find out, she’s right, be decent about it. Accept you were wrong and move on. If you were right, don’t be a sore winner either.

Learn to man up and remember, accepting that you’ve made a mistake is not a sign of weakness, but a strength [Read: The right time for a guy to call after the first date]

7. Overly enthusiastic

Don’t like her too fast. This isn’t endearing or sweet. It isn’t even flattering, rather it is a turn off for women.

Sure, she may be stunning, but you don’t know her. Acting like you’re in love solely based on her looks tells her you are shallow and have no real interest in getting to know her.

Even if you are liking what you are learning about her, slow down. If you take things too fast or overdo it by telling her how amazing she is, she will be turned off. You don’t want to scare her off.

I dated a guy once who was too into me. I know it sounds conceited, but he was. He would constantly throw compliments my way and act like we were in a relationship after two dates.

It wasn’t flattering because he didn’t actually know me. It made me feel like he wanted a girlfriend, and I was there, so he picked me. He would have behaved like this with anyone who had his number. So, do make her feel that way. It’s a huge turn off for girls. [Read: What is love bombing? How do you stop it?]

8. White lies

Little white lies might seem like a good way to impress a girl, but she will find out and it will be a turn off. Sure, white lies like, “I love your dress” are fine. But white lies about your job, your past, or even your future plans are not so sweet.

Lies like this lead to bigger lies.

When a girl finds out you lied, even about something small and insignificant, she will question you. I had a guy I dated tell me he would be on The Hills and film clips for Shark Week. Neither of these things were remotely true and when I found out, I was so thrown. Why even lie? Not only was I confused, but the level of turn off here was high.

If you are hoping to talk to her for more than an hour, this will not work out.

9. Mixed signals

Mixed signals may be one of the biggest turn offs for women there is. I’m serious. All women want is honesty. Be straightforward. No one wants mind games. The amount of effort it takes to date without all the confusion is enough. Who has the energy to be keeping it mysterious?

If you like her, tell her. Looking for something casual? Then don’t lead her on.

If you want a relationship down the road, let her know, so you don’t waste your time. No one wants to invest their time and energy into something that won’t work. Be honest about your intentions up front. You’ll get a lot more out of every interaction with a woman this way than if you are misleading. [Read: How to tell a girl you’re not interested in her like a gentleman]

Nearly every girl I know agrees that this is one of the most common turn offs for women. If you don’t know what you want, you can even say that, just be honest. [Read: How to subtly let a girl know you like her]

10. Misogyny

Misogyny in all its forms is not attractive. It is a huge turn off for the modern woman. Whether you are outright saying a woman’s place is in the kitchen or subtly hinting that a woman is a slut for dressing provocatively, it is bad.

Think about it. How is talking badly about women, even in an abstract way not going to be a turn off for girls?

Sure, everyone was raised in the patriarchy, so we all have some deep-rooted and subconscious sexism to face, but we should all be facing it. That includes you. [Read: 20 misogynist red flags that reveal a disrespectful sexist man]

11. Being close-minded

We all have our opinions, but not willing to hear her out is a turn off for girls. You don’t need to agree with everything she says, as I’m sure she won’t agree with everything you say. But, being open to hearing her take is what makes a good date.

If you shut her down when she argues your point, it is not a good look.

It doesn’t matter if you’re talking politics or which director of a superhero movie is best. Being close-minded won’t get you anywhere. If she is sharing her opinion, you not listening will be the definition of a turn off for women. [Read: How to express your opinions without being cocky]

12. Neediness

No one likes a stage five clinger. Whether you are headed out on your third date or are three months into the best relationship of your life, everyone needs space and independence.

You may be super into her, but texting her constantly is not the best way to show it.

In fact, smothering her is a major turn off for girls. If you want her to know you’re thinking about her, send her a funny meme at lunch. You don’t need to know where she is or who she is with. You don’t need to be on the phone for every car ride either.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder. And neediness is a turn off for women. It also says you have some serious control issues. [Read: The serious warning signs of clingy guys and how you can avoid being one]

13. Jealousy

No, jealousy is not this cute thing a guy feels when he’s protective. Jealousy is brought on by a lack of trust and the concept of ownership.

No women wants to feel she is not in control of herself. If you are a jealous guy, get that under control before becoming a major turn off for women.

Remember when Ross was jealous of Rachel’s new job on Friends because of a made-up idea about a guy she worked with and because she was busy? That was insane. And that was jealousy. IT is not cute. Just watching those episodes is a turn off for women. It is possessive and creepy. Don’t do it. Either trust her or don’t. [Read: Learn how to stop being so jealous]

14. Ignorance

It is the 21st century. Ignorance is no longer bliss. Being educated about the world, cultures, and politics is sexy. It is a major turn off for girls to meet a guy who knows nothing of what is happening in the world, especially because he doesn’t want to be bothered. That is a privilege most people don’t have, including women.

See why this is a turn-off for women?

You should understand cultural appropriation, using the proper pronouns, and other important changes happening in the world. If you don’t care because you don’t have to, it will be a huge turn off for women, and for a good reason. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend all girls keep an eye on]

15. Blatant rudeness

Sometimes, we can be rude by accident. I’ve bumped into someone and been so caught up in my own world I didn’t apologize. But blatant rudeness is another story. Being rude is a turn off for women. If you’re rude to someone you barely know, how will you treat the people in your everyday life?

Lacking respect and manners towards service employees is unacceptable. Not tipping your server *in the US* is also not okay.

Be polite to strangers, essential workers, and just everyone. Snapping at someone who got your order wrong, spilled on you, or even was slow to help you is not just a turn off for girls. It is also a major red flag that often goes from rudeness to cruelty.

16. Being dismissive

Women have been ignored and silenced for so long. Please, do not play into that.

If she says she wants to meet at the restaurant for safety, don’t accuse her of being paranoid. If she doesn’t want to give you her address even after you’ve met, don’t call her crazy. Gaslighting her like this is one of the biggest turn offs for women.

Listen to what she has to say and try to understand. Dating from a woman’s perspective is very different than a guy’s. [Read: Why women want to meet men in public and why you need to respect this]

For you, the worst that could happen is it doesn’t work out, and you learn something. For her, she could be killed. I’m not exaggerating. I wish I were. Not being able to understand this concept, or even trying to, is a huge turn off for girls.

And this is just one example of how men can be dismissive of women when dating. [Read: Misconceptions about dating a feminist]

17. Being a poor listener

You should already know that this is a turn off for women. Whether she is a talker or not, you should be a good listener. It doesn’t take much to listen well.

This doesn’t mean you stare at her boobs and let her talk. It means you actively listen and interact with her when she speaks. If you like her, this shouldn’t be difficult. If you don’t want to be a turn off for women, focus on what she is saying.

18. Being too aggressive

This is a turn off for girls. And this is a turn off for women. Sure, some women like a guy who takes control, but that is not the same as being aggressive.

Being aggressive is inappropriate, unacceptable, and even illegal in many instances. If she says no, hints she wants to leave, or pulls away from you, do not push it. She could be kissing you, but that is not an invitation for more.

If she wants to slow things down but wants to keep kissing, don’t try to speed things up again. This is more than a turn off for women and girls, it is the move of a predator.

When in doubt, ask for consent. It is a pretty easy concept. [Read: When should you have sex?]

19. Going silent

We live in an age of online dating and texting being our main source of communication.

Going silent on her for days and then acting like it was no big deal is messed up. You are not taking her feelings into account which is a turn off for women. If you’ve made any sort of connection, she deserves at least a text saying you’re busy.

You don’t need to talk all day every day, but falling off the face of the earth is disrespectful.

We know you are on your phone and choosing not to respond for whatever reason. It is a turn off for women that will lead to her not texting you back.

20. Sex talk

One or two sex puns can be charming in a grungy comedian sort of way, but don’t push it. Unless you already know her sense of humor, talking about sex too much says that you only have one thing on the brain and that is a turn off for women.

Sure, women like sex too, but if you are still trying to woo her, bringing up sex consistently will not do it. If you bring up her body, what she’s wearing, or sexual experiences, it is a turn off for women, especially in the beginning. If that’s what you want, you may want to look elsewhere for your female entertainment. [Read: Sex-Positive Feminism: What it is and why we must support it]

21. Laziness

We all have lazy moments. I took a nap this afternoon. But being lazy occasionally and having lazy as a personality trait are not the same.

You should be motivated to do something. Whether you have a creative hobby, are dedicated to your job, or even better, volunteer having something you care about and focus on is hot.

Being a man-boy is a major turn off for girls. It isn’t that girls need a guy to bring home the bacon. It is about having a guy who can take action and make things happen. Lounging around in dirty sweatpants and playing video games is fine for a day off, but do this too often and it is a turn off for women. [Read: How to stop being a man child – 15 ways to man up and grow up]

22. Poor hygeine

I wasn’t even going to include this but based on some of my past dates, it still needs to be said. Brush your teeth. Shower daily. Wear deodorant. Wash your clothes.

This shouldn’t have to be said, guys. It is a turn off for women when you can’t take care of even the most minor of adult responsibilities. We don’t need you to manscape or be the next David Beckham, but taking care of yourself is a necessity.

23. Being judgmental

Not everyone has the same preferences. That is all fine and well. Maybe you like tattoos. Or perhaps you are into girls with long hair. To each their own.

But, just because you aren’t personally into something doesn’t mean you can judge others. If a girl is covered in tattoos and you don’t like that, you don’t have to, but you don’t really need to comment on it either. If you prefer a girl to have smooth legs without hair, cool, but you have no right to tell her what she should do with her body hair.

Every time a guy says something like tattoos are gross, girls with short hair aren’t attractive, or the worst, it’s unhygienic for women not to shave her legs, it is a major turn off for women. [Read: 30 signs you’re a shallow guy who can’t see past the superficial]

24. Being selfish

Being selfish when it comes to dates, sex, and more, is a turn off for girls. We all have the right to be a little selfish, but when you’re dating, compromise is so important. You have to be willing to meet halfway.

You can’t expect her to always bend to your will. When you want sushi, don’t assume she does. If you want to watch wrestling, don’t assume she will just because you want to. Ask what she wants, especially in bed. Sex and dating are about both of you, not just you. [Read: How to stop being selfish – 20 ways to stop hurting and using others]

25. Trash talking your ex

You might think that calling your ex crazy makes it seem like you’re over her. In fact, it does the opposite. And on top of that, it is a major turn off for women. When you trash talk your ex, you aren’t being honest or fair.

Relationships almost always end for more than one reason. When you call a girl crazy, all this new girl is thinking about is how when this ends, you’ll do the same to her.

[Read: Why you should talk about your exes early on]

When all is said and done, always remember these turn offs for women. There may be many more unique turn offs too, but it’s to each her own.

Want to be a great guy who’s a turn on and not a turn off for girls, use this guide on the 33 traits that makes the perfect boyfriend, and make sure you’re following them, whether you’re wooing a girl or in a relationship with her.

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Samantha Ann
My name is Samantha Ann. I am 28 years old. It was always my dream to become an advice columnist, so after years of off and online dating and eventually finding...

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