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How to Be More Masculine: Start Listening to Your Instincts

Learning how to be more masculine doesn’t have to mean becoming an alpha male. It can simply be changing a few traits within yourself. 

how to be more masculine

The modern age might have you a little confused. Are you supposed to be all alpha or are you supposed to be a nice guy? It’s no wonder many guys want to learn how to be more masculine to boost their chances of finding The One.

It’s true that women like a man who has a masculine charm and knows how to use it. Unfortunately, instead of venturing down the extremely sexy path of emotionally strong and respectable males, the modern day depiction ends up walking down the frat boy path of douche-baggery.

Manliness depends on the eye of the beholder. Some view manliness in terms of how many bench presses one can do. Others feel it’s more about responsibility and confidence. So what really does make a man?

If you’re not into frat parties, lifting weights, or guzzling booze to fulfill your manly quota for the month, then you may be wondering exactly how to go about showing off your masculine charms. Here’s both a list of ways you’re doing it wrong, and how to be masculine without scaring off the ladies. [Read: How to be an alpha male]

How you’re being “manly” in all the wrong ways

There is a right way and a wrong way to show off your manly attributes. One has you coming off like a dreamboat, and the other makes you look like a dick. Here are some examples of aggressive and annoying attempts to show how much of a man you are.

1. Fighting everything

Yes, you’re a man and yes, you have testosterone, but you’re not impressing anybody by picking a fight with every other guy who walks your way. Bar fighting is not only dangerous, it’s douchey. [Read: 10 things to do to become manlier, but not aggressive]

2. Talking about porn stars and big boobs

You want to come off as macho as possible? Pro tip: talking about all the porn you watch, sex you have, and how much you love big titties doesn’t make you a man. In fact, it kind of makes you seem like a bit of an idiot.

3. Picking on the little guy

Remember that picking on the little guy doesn’t make you manly, it makes you a bully! And you know what they say about bullies; they’re usually trying to overcompensate for lacking elsewhere … [Read: Top 9 ways guys get rejected by the women they want]

How to be more masculine by following your instincts

Our society attempted to take everything masculine and make it bad. Competition, bad, aggressive, bad, rambunctious, bad. The problem is when we take out all those qualities, we strip guys of being guys and leave only shells in their wake.

So, if you tire of someone telling you that you can’t be what are, stop listening to the rhetoric. Men, it is time for you to stand up for yourself, buck the system, make some noise, be loud, be aggressive (within reason). Be who you are! [Read: How to be yourself – 26 steps to unfake your life and love being you]

1. Be competitive

No, that does not mean you cheat, lie, and steal your way to the top, which is how almost all Hollywood movies paint successful people. However, it does mean your goal is not to play nice or foster someone else’s self-esteem.

You win fairly and build your own self-esteem. Seek to get ahead, work to knock people in your way, desire to win it all, and stand at the top the mountain screaming “I am king.”

Competition is what makes us all better. It isn’t what makes us unequal. [Read: 13 opposing traits of weak and strong men]

2. Be aggressive

Yes, you are supposed to be the protectors and the hunters. Stop buying into the theory that you are supposed to “play nice” all the time. Be fair, but don’t bend over backwards just to play nice and fit in with everyone else.

Take chances, dream big, and go for great without worrying about what others think of you for not following the herd. [Read: The fear of failure and why you shouldn’t be afraid to fail]

3. Stop sitting still

No, you don’t have to sit quietly in your chair behaving, not interrupting, and never causing conflict. Men should challenge one another, be boisterous, and cause trouble to create change.

Sitting still isn’t what you were meant for. You should stand up when it is time to stand up, and be the mover and shaker. Stop sitting still and waiting for things to come to you.

Be active, take control, and go after what you want.

4. Be the leader

Guys are meant to be instinctual leaders. Sure, not all of them, and that certainly doesn’t mean that women can’t be leaders too.

But it’s a scientific fact that men are better at separating their emotions to see a situation for what it is. That doesn’t make you better or worse, it makes you different. It is that difference that our society relies on to make the hard decisions not based on emotion. [Read: Defining true masculinity – What does it really mean to be a man?]

5. Be strong

You can’t break down at the first sign of trouble or lose your shit over the smallest thing. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t allow yourself to be vulnerable when you need to be.

There is strength in showing your emotions. We know that men are told they shouldn’t, but you’re not a sheep following the herd, are you?

While you might think it is your evolutionary job to be the strong one, body and mind, you’re still human. It takes strength to show emotion and vulnerability.

6. Be yourself

It isn’t that women don’t want you to work out and look good, but if you take longer to get ready, that’s way too much of your time being thrown in the wrong direction.

If you wax your eyebrows, get a mani-pedi more often than the average woman, it needs to stop. Guys are supposed to be rough around the edges.

Yes, that means uneven cuticles, a little hair where it is inconvenient, and that you are out of the shower in ten minutes, not two hours *that isn’t masculine at all*. [Read: 20 toxic masculine traits that aren’t toxic at all]

7. Know how to fix things

When something breaks, don’t pick up the phone to call someone, unless you have to. Figure it out yourself.

The most masculine guys we know have the right tools, knowledge, and drive to say, “Screw it, I will do it myself.”

8. Be respectful

Part of being masculine is to acknowledge women respectfully. Yes, we are equal. No, we are not the same. If you want to be more masculine, show respect to everyone.

That means opening the door for a woman, pulling out her chair, opening her car door, or even pulling over to help her change a flat tire. Masculinity is about protecting and respecting. [Read: How to be attractive to women and a cut above all other guys]

9. Be brave

When things go bump in the night, be the one who investigates and tells your partner to stay put. If there is a spider, a mouse, or any other pest threatening your homestead, be the one to deal with it.

If there is danger present, put yourself in front of it. The most masculine trait a guy exhibits is bravery and fearlessness. If you can be those two things, you are the epitome of masculinity. [Read: How to be a man the way he really should be]

10. Have convictions

There is nothing more masculine than holding to ideals and strong convictions and sticking to them. Being willing to fight for what you believe in is something that not many of us are willing to do. But, it is a very masculine trait to feel strongly enough about something that you will fight tooth and nail for what is right.

11. Treat women right

This isn’t just about respecting everyone, it’s about treating the lady in your life with the respect and care she deserves.

One of the ultimate signs of being a real man is knowing how to treat a woman, and we don’t just mean in bed, though that’s good too. Really good. You want to make her orgasm, you understand her face is not your blowjob machine, and she is a smart individual with goals, who needs to be respected as your partner, not your plaything.

Real men take mood swings with a grain of salt and a mature understanding of the universally unfair side-effects of PMS. [Read: 10 ways to make her feel better when she’s on her period]

12. Confidence is key

Not only is confidence totally sexy in guys *NOTE: confidence does not mean arrogant*, but it’s a definite sign of manliness. A confident man knows what he wants and knows how to get it done.

He shows pride in himself, shows determination, decisiveness, and it shows that he has a strong mind and body.

13. Be selfless in bed

There’s no denying that great sex makes men feel manly, but if you want to feel like a king, then you’ll have to make your woman come first. It’s true, many men feel intensely masculine after making their women come.

Most women need a little more time and attention to orgasm than a man does, making their big O a bit of a challenge, and men love a challenge. After you’ve made your girl orgasm, you may find you’re not the only one patting yourself on the back! [Read: 11 sexy ways to get better in bed]

14. Put aggression in its proper place

As we know, some men are just pumped with testosterone. Instead of taking it out on the guy who accidentally bumps into your girlfriend at the bar, put aggression in its proper place. Explore options like biking, boxing, exercising, paintballing, and playing sports as an outlet.

15. Bro it out

Even if your girlfriend happens to be your best friend, there’s no doubt that men need time with the boys to get back to basics. Have a bro night, no girls allowed.

Play video games, watch sports, plan a camping trip, head out on your motorcycles, talk politics, indulge in your geeky side, and all things macho. This is a fun and healthy way to get out all that manliness. [Read: 13 rules of etiquette for the modern gentleman]

16. Stand tall and take up space

Learning how to be more masculine is also about showing manly body language, therefore showing your confidence. Stand tall, hold your head up high, and believe in your ability to achieve anything.

Taking up a little space isn’t a bad thing either, as long as you’re not literally pushing people out of the way.

17. Look people in the eye

Eye contact is very important when learning how to be more masculine. When you do this, you’re showing confidence again, but you’re also showing sincerity. People can’t look others in the eye if they’re lying; well, most people can’t. [Read: How to make eye contact while making sure you don’t look creepy]

18. Speak slower

But not too slow! This doesn’t mean you speak to people like you’re trying to explain something to a child. That’s just condescending.

Instead, speak slowly and confidently to show others that you know what you’re doing and you’ve got it handled.

19. Don’t be so reactive

If you act without thinking, you’re likely to say or do something you will regret later. Instead, take a breath and learn how to calm yourself down.

A masculine man can deal with this emotions and not act out of anger. This takes serious control, but it’s a hugely important skill to have. [Read: How to calm down – 15 instant hacks to put the crazy away]

20. Relax your facial muscles

Tense facial muscles make you look nervous and a little shifty. It’s almost like you’re trying to hide something and praying you don’t get caught.

Relax your jaw and facial muscles and you’ll look calmer and in control.

21. Act in the presence of fear

Okay, fear is scary stuff, but a masculine man is able to push their fear aside, take a moment to work out what to do, and then act. The other type of guy just runs in the opposite direction.

Don’t be that guy. [Read: How to calm your nerves in any situation you’re walking into]

22. Be comfortable sitting with social tension

Tense situations can be really awkward, but having the strength and confidence to sit there and handle it is admirable. It will take time to feel comfortable in those situations, but practice makes perfect.

It’s a far better approach than avoiding tension and therefore showing other that you’re not interested in dealing with problems. [Read: How to be present – The guide to find your zone of calm perfection]

How to look more masculine

Now you know how to be more masculine in terms of your character, you might want to take it a step further and try to look more masculine in a physical way.

Now, before we give you a few tips here, there’s one thing you need to know. Contrary to popular opinion, being masculine far more about how you carry yourself, what you say, and what you do. It’s not really about how you look.

But, if you do want to go down the route of traditional views, here are a few pointers. [Read: Masculinity vs femininity – Which side do you think is stronger?]

1. Dress in a more masculine way

Masculine guys tend to wear neutral or darker tones and steer clear of bright colors. They also tend to stick to classic clothing, such as jeans, cargo pants, t-shirts, and hoodies.

2. Have a more masculine grooming habit

Basically this means you grow facial hair and groom it to keep it looking tidy. That doesn’t mean you keep it looking perfect, because the traditional masculine look is a little rough around the edges.

3. Have a masculine swagger

Masculine body language is important here. The swagger isn’t an actual walk but more of a presence. Stand tall, hold your head up, maintain eye contact, and take up a little space. [Read: What makes a man metrosexual?]

4. Get your body in order

Being masculine doesn’t mean you don’t care about your body; quite the opposite. Watch what you eat and go to the gym. By being physically fit, you’ll be stronger.

Why do you want to be more masculine?

The biggest question in the minds of many women is “where have all the real men gone?” The truth is they are still here, they have just been programmed to think being masculine is wrong, ugly, and bad. You don’t really have to ask how to be more masculine, just stop letting society tell you what and who you should be, instead follow your instincts.

But ask yourself this: why do you want to be more masculine anyway? Surely you can simply be who you are?

If you want to develop a few more masculine traits, that’s fine. But don’t change who you are at your core or do anything that doesn’t feel right to you. At the end of the day, having the bravery to simply be yourself is the epitome of strength.

[Read: What is masculinity? The truth behind what women want in men]

Knowing how to be more masculine means being yourself, and going with what you know in your heart, not what you are told you should be. Your compass and instincts are true.

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Nicky Curtis
Nicky Curtis
Having stumbled from one relationship drama to another throughout her 20s, Nicky is now somewhat of a guru in the crazy world of life and love. Telling it how i...
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