Nice Guy Syndrome: 25 “Fake” Things Nice Guys Do & How to Stop Being One

As the saying goes, “nice guys always finish last.” Do they? Not necessarily. Sometimes nice guy syndrome can be deceptive. Here’s what you need to know.

nice guy syndrome

You’ll hear this line from countless women, “Oh, he was okay. I dunno … he was just too nice.” Ouch. You could be the cutest guy in the room; however, when you’re too nice or the guy suffering from the nice guy syndrome, some women feel like there’s no challenge and no chase. That’s why there’s no second date.

But you can get through this rough patch. You may genuinely be a nice guy *and we’re not asking you to become an asshole*, but there are some things you can do to save yourself the unnecessary rejection and cure your nice guy syndrome.

Psychology of a nice guy

Okay, before we go any further, let’s make this clear. A nice guy is a great guy, he’s the good guy that all girls want to date and fall in love with.

BUT in this context, the nice guy is the kind of guy who’s just extra. You’ll know when you meet this nice guy. He’s the guy who isn’t just courteous, but the guy who goes 10 miles extra to be nice to someone. [Read: What is a simp? Meet Gen Z’s new version of the nice guy]

The worst part about this kind of nice guy is his eagerness to please. It’s so strong that you can almost smell it off him. He’s not doing it because he’s genuinely nice. He’s being nice in the hope that others around him will like him more for it. His neediness and clinginess are so bad that he’s almost always a pushover and someone who suffers from implosive anger.

He’s angry with the world, he’s angry with himself, and he’s angry with everyone. In his eyes, he’s not being appreciated by anyone even though he’s “trying” really hard to be likable. Get it? You’ve probably come across this guy yourself. And if you haven’t, could YOU be this guy?

Signs of a nice guy and examples of nice guy syndrome

You might think you know how to identify a nice guy, but maybe you don’t. Just by the label “nice” you assume he’s just that – genuinely nice. Well, that could be true for some guys. But here’s the other side of the “nice guy.” Watch out for these signs. [Read: Secrets to stop being a nice guy who’s always walked over by girls]

1. Brags about his own kindness

He always has to let people know how nice he is. The things he says about himself always point to that he would help anyone out at any time – even strangers. Nice people don’t have to brag about how kind they are, but the nice guy does.

2. Calls himself a nice guy

Some of them even call themselves nice guys. He’ll say things like, “People are always calling me a nice guy” to, “I’m a nice guy, so of course, I will help you out!” When someone has to refer to himself that way, it makes you wonder.

3. Makes rejection a moral issue

Everyone gets rejected and no one likes it. But a nice guy has a special moral issue with it. He thinks the person rejecting him is unethical and that because he’s a nice guy, he’s better than them. [Read: How to respond to rejection and do the right thing even if it hurts]

4. Has problems with empathy or sympathy

This one probably has you scratching your head. Because why would a nice guy have problems with empathy or sympathy? Well, he wouldn’t if he was genuinely a nice guy. But if he’s not, then he will. 

5. Puts down people who reject him

Because he violently hates rejection, he will routinely criticize and put down the people who reject him. He might call them losers, bitches, sluts, or any other name in the book. It makes him feel better doing this.

6. Believes girls owe him sex because he’s nice

Since he believes that he is better than the “bad boy,” girls will automatically want to have sex with him. It’s almost like he has a sense of entitlement. He thinks that as long as he treats girls well, they will fall right into bed with him. [Read: How to be a bad boy – Wild *and legal* bad traits women love]

7. He’s manipulative

If you haven’t guessed it by now, all of the things we’ve talked about so far are quite manipulative. So, in order to get people to believe that he really is a nice guy, he has to put on a fake front sometimes and even lie a bit.

8. He gets put in the friend zone but hates it

We all know the saying, “nice guys finish last.” Well, he knows that saying too. And by “finishing last”, that can also translate into “forever in the friend zone.” He knows that girls frequently put him there, but he secretly hates it.

9. Thinks basic decency makes him a catch

He opens doors for people, pays for his dates’ dinners, and is nice to servers. These are normal, basic decent gestures most people should do. But he thinks that when he does this that it turns him into some sort of superhero that all girls should worship.

[Read: How to stop being a nice guy and go from pushover to an achiever]

How to stop being the Nice Guy and get over the Nice Guy Syndrome

Once a nice guy, not always a nice guy. No one said you’re stuck with that label. So if you’ve been having a difficult time in the dating scene, here are some tips you can try so you can shed your nice guy syndrome.

1. Know the signs

If you think you may be Mr. Nice Guy, perhaps it’s time to look at the signs. Once you’re aware of the signs, then you’ll be able to take steps to fight your given stereotype and become a man who lands a second date without any questions being asked. [Read: How to ask a girl out when you’re a shy guy]

2. Admit you’re Mr. Nice Guy

This will take a shot to your ego, but you’re not getting any dates, so really you have nothing to lose. It’s time to accept the fact that you’re Mr. Nice Guy. Just admit it to yourself.

Once you’re done grieving over your newfound discovery, you can work on combating the title you’ve earned. Take a couple of days, eat some ice cream, and watch Rocky. Then it’s time to get to work. [Read: 16 reasons why you’re always being taken for granted]

3. What do you do that fits the stereotype?

There are probably a couple of main actions you do that play a huge role in you not getting women. Maybe you’re too passive-aggressive or perhaps you come off too needy. Although this may appear harmless, women don’t like it. And if they don’t like it, you won’t be getting any girls.

4. You’re predictable

Women are all about patterns. The minute something is out of the regular pattern, they know. They can see when a guy isn’t interested in them before he tells them.

It’s all in his actions. So, it could be that you’re texting her all the time – switch up the routine a bit and throw her off track. [Read: 20 ingeniously crazy ways to ask a girl out on a date]

5. Stop lavishing her with gifts

Yeah, we’re not sure who thought this was a good idea. You really don’t need to be showing up to first dates with chocolates, a teddy bear, and flowers. Needless to say, it’s a little much.

You can put all that effort into it, but you probably, almost definitely, won’t score a second date. You don’t need to buy her gifts – you really don’t. It comes off as desperate. I know it’s sad, but it’s the truth.

6. Lay off the neediness

Whether you have your own life or not, you need to make it look like you do. No one, whether you’re a man or woman, wants to be around a clinger. There’s actually nothing worse than having some guy who won’t go away and get the hint.

So, if you want her, you’re going to have to show that you have your own life and that you’ll make time for her – but she’s not the only thing in your life. [Confession: I’m a boyfriend who’s too clingy and needy, and it sucks!]

7. Say no

This is a huge one. You’ve probably never said no to a girl. In fact, even when you want to say no, they do something cute and you shrug and say, “okay.”

Well, not anymore. Those days are over. Now, you’re going to say no. Women want a man. Men take charge and say no. You need to set boundaries so that you don’t end up being stuck with the nice guy syndrome.

8. Stop being available

You’re able to hang out with her any time of the day, any day of the week. That’s a problem. Don’t you have things to do? People to see – people other than her?

She knows that if she calls you to hang out, you’d bail on all your commitments just to see her. Don’t do that. You already made plans, so she’ll have to wait another day. [Read: Needy signs you’re too available for the girl you like]

9. Create some challenge

Try not to text her or call her when she expects it. That way, she’ll notice that the pattern has broken and that something is different. She may become suspicious if there’s another girl, which is great. This will spark her competitive side.

10. You can be bad

Maybe you wanna be a bad boy, but you’re nervous about going out of the box. Listen, as long as you’re not hurting anyone, why not be the bad boy? You don’t have to punch people in the face when they walk by or egg someone’s house to be a bad boy. The bad boy is an energy that comes from within, so you just need to dig it out. [Read: 15 reasons nice guys finish last all the time]

11. Go outside of your comfort zone

Women like men who are adventurous and interested in exploring and trying new things. If you’re used to sitting on your couch and playing video games and you’re not getting a girl, it’s time to change up your lifestyle. Go outside of your comfort zone and do things you wouldn’t typically do so you can shed your nice guy syndrome.

12. Give her breathing space

Let her come to you. You can initiate the first conversation, but believe me, if she likes you, she’ll keep talking. If you’re suffocating her with your texts and calls, she won’t be coming around. It’s okay to play a little hard to get. Remember, women like a challenge.

13. Get used to confrontation

Listen, if you let them, most women will walk all over you. It’s not that they plan to do it, but they like pushing the boundaries to see how far you’ll let them go.

That being said, when they step out of line, you’ll need to say no. Which will probably turn into an argument. Don’t be scared to argue with the girl you like. She’ll argue back but also understand where the line is drawn. [Read: Tips to transform you from a nice guy to a real man]

14. Say what you want

Don’t be scared to voice your opinion because you’re unsure if the girl you like will approve. It’s your opinion! So what if she doesn’t like it?

By not voicing your opinion, you become dull and boring. That’s how you get stuck in the nice guy syndrome. You basically end up like a lap dog that just follows her around. That won’t get you the girl – that’ll get you the title of Mr. Nice Guy.

15. You don’t always need approval

You’re Mr. Nice Guy because you’re concerned about other people’s feelings. This isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s something the world needs more of. But, it becomes a problem when other people come before you all the time. You don’t need to be a people-pleaser and get approval from everyone before doing something. This is why you’re Mr. Nice Guy. [Read: Why the “Nice Guy” isn’t such a nice guy, after all]

16. Gain confidence

Listen, it is all about confidence. You are a good person, and you are worthy of being with someone who cares about you. This is all about working on your confidence and creating personal boundaries with your relationships. By doing this, shockingly, you’re viewed as a bad boy as opposed to Mr. Nice Guy.

[Read: How to be a badass in 25 awesomely bad ways]

You don’t have to be Mr. Nice Guy. If you follow these tips, you’ll be well on your way to landing a date and being with the girl you like. It’s time to cure the nice guy syndrome once and for all.

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