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How To Forget Someone You Love & Cope with the Pain of Losing Them

When love turns into all-consuming pain caused by heartache, it feels impossible to learn how to forget someone. Here are some tips to get you through. 

how to forget someone you love

Losing someone you love will always be the most challenging thing any of us have to do. It feels like a nightmare to learn how to forget someone you love. One minute your heart beats for them, the next you’re being consumed by this unbearable pain of life without them.

It feels unimaginable to continue your life without them, but you’re stronger than you think. We can only imagine how bad it really hurts, but you’ll get through this.

Forgetting someone seems like an impossible task, no matter how long you’ve been together. But remember, you’ve survived life without them for years, and you can do it again! 

[Read: 15 very effective rules to forget someone you once cared for]

How can something that feels so good hurt so bad? 

Here we have the multimillion-dollar question when it comes to dating and relationships. How can something fulfilling and pure suddenly turn into pain and loss? There’s a saying that goes, “The greater the love, the greater the pain.” That’s true. When you love someone with your entire being, it will hurt to the point of no return when you lose them.

You can’t just go back to life before you knew them. So remember, when love hurts so much, it’s because you loved them with your entire being. You gave everything in your capability, and you might’ve even imagined a real future with them, only for all of that to vanish into thin air in a fraction of a moment.

When you lose the one you love, be it over a breakup or something worse, you learn to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and learn how to forget someone you love.

Even if you don’t want to, you need to. [Read: How to move on and deal with a break up with a smile]

Otherwise, the pain of losing them will cloud every part of your life and it’ll feel impossible to go on with your life. So why does love suddenly transform into pain without a second of a doubt? It’s because the lines between love and pain can easily be crossed, and it’s why the most significant risk of love is pain.

When you take a leap of faith to fall for someone, you will eventually get your heart broken – or you’ll break theirs. Even if it wasn’t your intention, it’s inevitable. [Read: Why does love hurt so much when it goes bad? The truth you need to know]

Why do you need to forget someone you love?

We know what you’re thinking – why do you need to forget someone you love? When a breakup occurs, when you lose them, and when you need to part ways, it’s essential to learn to move on.

You need to forget them in the best way possible and move forward with your life.

Even after all the memories and experiences you’ve been through together, you need to forget. Or at least, your heart needs to forget what your mind already knows.

People break up for a lot of reasons, some of which are beyond our control or understanding.

While you’re allowed to sulk and eat a tub of ice cream as you cry your feelings out to The Notebook, you eventually need to learn how to forget someone you love. You won’t be able to move on and live your life fully if you don’t *and potentially find another lover*. [Read: How to move on from a break up without compromising your dignity]

How to forget someone you love

Forgetting someone you love might seem like an impossible thing to do, given the many memories you share together. But you’ll get through this with some of these steps. Here are all the surefire ways to learn how to forget someone you love! [Read: How to get through a breakup: 30 ways to get you back on track]

1. Sit with your feelings

The part that makes learning how to forget someone you love so difficult is sitting with every ounce of your feelings and dealing with them. You can’t just distract yourself and deal with your heartbreak destructively.

While drinking ‘till you get blackout drunk seems like an attractive choice *we’ve all done this in every breakup ever*, we also ended up regretting it immediately. You might end up doing something you’d likely regret, like drunk calling them or hooking up with someone else before you’re even ready!

Trust us when we say you need to sit with your feelings and allow yourself to grieve. It will be uncomfortable and scary, but it’s all part of the process of forgetting them. [Read: How to survive the first 168 hours after a breakup]

2. Be with your loved ones

People who go through a breakup end up doing one of two things – isolating themselves from the rest of the world, or being so afraid of being alone that they go out excessively. More often than not, it’s the first one that people tend to do. So no matter how easy it is to isolate yourself from everyone, refrain from doing this.

Your loved ones are there to support and help you, so don’t push them away. You’ll feel so much better when you surround yourself around your best friends and family! So plan a sleepover with your besties, drink tequila, and you can make a night out of it.

We know we said drinking isn’t a good way to cope, but if it’s having a couple of drinks with your friends, why not? Just as long as you don’t make a habit out of it, or down one too many! 

3. Talk to someone

Along with sitting with your feelings, you need to talk to someone about what you feel. Talking is always therapeutic, especially when they genuinely listen to your heart’s troubles. Learning how to forget someone you love isn’t an easy task, and it will take every ounce of courage in you to actually forget them.

While we can never entirely forget someone, you need to forget at least a portion of how much you loved them. Otherwise, you’ll never get past the pain you’re feeling right now.

Whether it’s talking to your best friend, a counselor, or even your mom, you shouldn’t hesitate to go for it. It’ll make you feel lighter when you pour your sorrows onto someone. [Read: How long does it take to get over someone – A timeline for complete peace]

4. Improve yourself

The best way to learn how to forget someone you love is to focus on your own personal development. So hit the gym, focus on your aspirations, work on your career, put up a business, do whatever it takes to become better. Most importantly, don’t do it for them, but do it for yourself.

Show them what a massive loss it was losing you by becoming the best version of yourself. When you’re successful, happy, and thriving, you won’t even think for a second about the person you used to love.

You’ll be so focused on improving and growing that you’ll naturally prioritize yourself. You’ll still miss them, but they won’t occupy your mind as much anymore. [Read: How to improve yourself – 16 powerful secrets of self-improvement]

5. Exercise 

You need something that will effectively take your mind off the person you loved. Exercise is a great way to learn how to forget someone you love because not only will it make you feel good, but it keeps you out of your own head. Especially if your thoughts are consumed by them, exercise will benefit you so much.

There’s a reason why people who are going through breakups or a tough time focus on consistently exercising. Similar to the suggestion above, it’s a self-improvement habit that can help you heal from all the pain of trying to forget someone.

Exercise is therapeutic and reminds you what it feels like to be alive at that moment. [Read: 30 inspirational tips on how to get motivated to exercise]

6. Think of their flaws 

When a relationship ends, we tend to focus on the good moments instead of the bad. So you need to focus on their flaws if you want to forget someone you love. Focus on how you hate it when they leave the door open or how they never have any time for you.

It’s difficult to focus on the flaws when you’re so consumed by how much you love them, but it’s always there. You just need to remember what they are and focus on those flaws. This will help you see that they’re not so perfect after all, and you might even see a few red flags about them! [Read: 34 very big relationship red flags most people ignore until they break up!]

7. Change your environment 

When your ex-lover spends so much time at your place, everything will be a reminder of them. No matter how hard you try, their presence will be lingering, especially when the pain and heartbreak are still fresh. So it’s essential to change your environment and go outside if you have to!

You can also opt for a makeover for your space and rearrange or redecorate it completely, so you don’t have to be constantly reminded of your ex and the cozy spots all the time.

All you need is a change of environment to realize that just because you lost them, it doesn’t mean your life is instantly over. [Read: 22 steps to truly find your happiness after a breakup]

8. Cut off all contact 

Social media is the biggest culprit when you’re trying to learn how to forget someone you love. Especially when you realize how easy it is to stalk them, you could get lost doing that for hours!

Look, you won’t get anywhere stalking them or reminiscing everything you’ve been through together.

It’s best to block them, unfriend them, or at least mute their account so that their posts won’t be seen on your feed. You need to protect your inner peace and if you want to truly move on, cut off all contact.

Also, delete their number so you won’t be tempted to call or text them later on *you’ll thank us for this tip*! [Read: Should I block my ex? 17 signs to help you decide what’s best for you]

9. Find yourself again

This is such an important one in learning how to forget someone you love. We often lose ourselves time and time again in relationships, because it’s easy to be consumed with love. It’s not always a bad thing, but we also tend to give parts of ourselves away for someone who ended up being the wrong person.

So as you’re trying to learn how to forget someone you love, it’s essential to find yourself again. Focus on your hobbies and interests, find out who you are again, and learn new things about yourself.

You’ll be surprised how much you discover about yourself when you really take the time to find yourself. [Read: How to find yourself when you feel like you’ve lost your way]

10. Get yourself out there

We’re not saying you need to jump into the next relationship immediately when you’re still trying to recover from your last one. But if a significant amount of time has passed, it could do you a lot of good to get yourself out there!

It doesn’t have to be anything serious; it could just be as simple as you having fun!

You know what they say – the best way to get over someone and forget them is to find someone new. There are plenty of fish in the sea, after all! Who knows what life has in store for you? [Read: How to start dating again – 9 steps to get back in the game]

11. Forgive *yourself and them* 

People often forget the forgiving aspect of learning how to forget someone you love, but it’s just as essential. While anger and holding a grudge is part of the moving on process, it can’t be something you never learn to let go of. [Read: How to forgive someone – 15 positive ways to unburden your mind]

No matter the reason for your relationship ending or who broke up with who, you can’t live a life full of anger and resentment in your heart. Forgive them for not staying in your life when you wanted them to, but also forgive yourself for loving yourself any less than you deserved. 

12. Learn from the lesson

There’s a saying that goes something like this, we meet someone either for a lesson or for a lifetime. So if things didn’t exactly work out, learn from the lesson that the relationship brought in your life.

Did they teach you what real love felt like? Did they remind you to never settle for less? Or, did they give you hope that love can be found even after pain? Look back and reflect on what the lesson might be, and don’t forget it. 

[Read: 15 lessons you can learn from your own breakups]

So, how to forget someone you love?

Learning how to forget someone you love won’t be easy. It will take a lot of trial and error before you successfully take them off your mind. Even when you do, there will still be fleeting moments where you’ll miss them. That’s okay!

You won’t forget them overnight and that’s okay, especially because you loved them wholeheartedly. But eventually, time will heal your heart, and you’ll get there. 

[Read: Letting go of someone you love – Minus the bitterness]

Use these steps to learn how to forget someone you love. It’s nothing like riding a bike, but that doesn’t mean you can’t forget them eventually. 

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Dorothy Anne Field
Dorothy Field
I’m Dorothy -25- an enthusiastic writer from Manila, Philippines. I’m entirely in awe of the idea of using my words to make a lasting impact on others. When...
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