What do you do when you’re madly in love with someone who doesn’t love you back? It’s not easy to know how to get over someone you love fast, but there are some very powerful steps that can take you to a better place!
Almost all of us know what it’s like to be heartbroken. Pure torture doesn’t even come close to describing that feeling of being cruelly rejected, either by someone you have a crush on, or someone you were in a relationship with. It happened to me, it happened to her, it happened to him, and it happened to you. Learning how to get over someone you love fast is not easy, but it can be done.
The pain you feel is unlike any other and undoubtedly leaves you wondering if there’s anything in the world that can hurt so much. And honestly, there is just something about heartache that no other kind of physical pain in the world surpasses.
[Read: The 10 stages of heartbreak and how to get over each of them]
Everyone deals with the pain in unique ways
Before you try to figure out how to get over someone you love, and fast, you need to understand that how people deal with this pain is very subjective. Some turn into party animals. Some turn into hermits. No matter how you deal with it, you always wonder why is it so hard to get over this person. It’s not easy, and it downright sucks.
You lose all your confidence. You start caring less about people that matter and care for you, and the important things around you. And the world turns into something ugly and devoid of the smells, sights, sounds, and feelings of being alive.
[Read: How to deal with the pain of loving someone who doesn’t love you back]
Why is it so difficult to get over someone you love?
Getting over someone is easy to execute in theory, but it’s way more difficult in real life. It seems like they got over you, and it seems almost effortless to them. But why exactly aren’t you over them?
Every heartbreak is another episode of us crying into a tub of ice cream and the person you love going leading their lives as if nothing happened. In the midst of it all, you check out your social media feeds and see the “love of your life” chilling with their friends and not looking like the train wreck that you hope they would be!
That feeling you get when you can’t seem to let go of someone you love may be unique to you, but there are a few traits of broken hearts that are universally common. It can be worse for a few people, but the mechanism stays the same. It hurts, and you can’t get over them. Why is that? Here are the reasons.
#1 You are driven to want to be loved. According to Dr. Helen Fisher, Ph.D., people are programmed to crave romantic experiences. It is not because our emotional minds tell us to look for love. The truth is, love is a primal need.
After a breakup, your brain starts to go into withdrawal because the romantic experience of being in a relationship has been snuffed out by your loss. You can’t get over it yet because your brain is telling you that you desperately need love. Unfortunately, the only source currently on your mind is your ex.
[Read: Does my ex miss me? 15 signs your ex clearly misses you right now]
#2 The thought of not having the person you love in your life is the same as experiencing physical pain. And what do we do when we feel pain? We focus on it because there is nothing else stronger than that feeling. If someone constantly pinches you, you would not be able to think about anything else until you make that person stop.
While separated from someone you love, you feel the same level of discomfort and unease that stems from physical pain. So, the two things you end up doing are to either focus on that pain or try to make it go away.
#3 You were addicted to this person you loved. No, really! You were. Researchers found the same areas that light up the brain when a person is high on drugs, is the same area that lights up when they are in love. Once you take away that high, a person undergoes the same feelings of withdrawal, but not as physically damaging as with actual recreational drugs. Without the help of a great support system and a proactive approach to feeling better, you end up hanging on to the feeling of loss.
Unfortunately, most of the easy methods are always the hardest to follow. Forgetting about your ex, seeing a therapist, talking about your pain, etc. Those are all helpful, but not if you don’t want to do any of it. Therein lies the problem of letting go. You will not let go if you nothing to make it happen. Reading this article is your first step.
[Read: Letting go of people – Why is it so hard and where are you going wrong]
How to get over someone you love in the fastest and healthiest way possible
Whether you were dumped, cheated on, or simply did not get the response you hoped for, when you professed your love to someone, here’s what you need to know how to get get over someone you love, in the fastest and healthiest way possible.
And if this is someone you work with or have to see everyday, yikes, but fret not, because here’s how to get over someone you have to see every day without losing it!
#1 Don’t put a time limit on yourself. People make this mistake all the time. And this actually makes the process even longer and harder to go through. Understanding how to get over someone fast is giving yourself space and time to grieve and process what happened. If not, you end up bouncing from relationship to relationship with this person in your head the entire time.
[Read: The 7 stages of heartbreak when you become someone’s ex]
#2 Feel like shit if you want to. There are people who put on a fake smile and pretend they’re completely fine. Truthfully, they’re not fine, so why bother pretending? If you’re sad, then be sad. Stay in on the weekend, watch a sad movie, cry it out, and pass out holding a bag of chips. Give yourself the opportunity to truly be sad.
Do whatever it takes to numb the pain. Once that’s done, snap out of it and get over it. You’ll know when you’re ready to rejoin the real world. This usually happens 10 pounds later.
#3 Rome wasn’t built in a day. Be patient. Don’t think that you can get over things in a heartbeat. Don’t try to convince yourself that everything’s okay, when it patently isn’t. Give it time and do everything else you need to do to ensure that you are making healthy, step-by-step progress.
[Read: The 10 stages of a breakup and how to get through every single one of them]
#4 Talk it over. Try not to keep all that heartache and hurt to yourself. It’s exactly times like these that you need friends to talk to, to maybe shed a few tears with, and to start processing things objectively by talking the relationship through.
[Read: 10 things you HAVE to do after a breakup to feel awesome again]
#5 Mourn your loss. Imagine how long it takes for a flesh wound to heal. Now recognize the fact that inner scars take far longer. Go through the motions of mourning your lost relationship. Start by trying to accept that it’s over.
#6 Find someone else *but chances are, you can’t handle this!*. You know the saying, “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else”? Well, it’s true for some people. If you can play it cool, call it an alternative, a rebound, or whatever you want. If you’re occupied with someone else for a few weeks, there is a lower chance you’re worrying about the doofus who won’t love you back.
[Read: 13 rebound sex questions to know if you’re ready for it]
#7 It’s dangerous to fill the emptiness with sex. Okay, this is totally contrary to the tip we’ve made above about getting over an ex. Honestly, sleeping with someone else doesn’t work. And it’s a risky proposition. So many people think that if they rebound, they’ll get over the person quicker, but that’s usually false.
If anything, it makes you realize either a) how good the sex was with them or b) that you two had a connection. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have sex, but give yourself some time before you do.
Here’s where having sex with someone can help. Sleeping with someone can help in those weak moments when you’ve hit rock bottom and you feel like there’s no reason to exist without being loved by this person you love. When you’re heartbroken, just receiving a flirty or complimentary text can make you feel just a wee bit better about yourself.
So, rebounds work for some people. And they don’t work for many others. Use a rebound as a last resort. But never as a long term solution. Almost always, a rebound will help you for a few weeks, and if you don’t focus on getting over this person you love at the same time, you’ll only end up feeling worse about yourself.
#8 Go out and flirt. If you realize that trying a rebound is something you just can’t handle, or it doesn’t interest you, try this. Just go out there and flirt if you want to get over someone you love. Being social reminds you there’s a whole world of potential partners out there ready for the taking.
Of course, it won’t help you get over the person you love. BUT it will give you a social boost and the confidence to remember that you’re still hot stuff. A broken heart is not the end of the world. It’s just a phase, and you will get through it.
[Read: How to flirt with a friend and tease them without being weird]
#9 Delete them from everything. Don’t keep their number in your phone. Don’t follow them on Instagram, don’t have them or their mom on Facebook—nothing. And when we say nothing, we mean nothing. Remove them completely from your life, at least for now. If you want to get over them fast, then stop stalking them on social media.
[Read: How to avoid the awkward drama of drunk texting]
#10 Be honest about why it happened. Why did you break up with them or why did they break up with you? This is the time to be terribly honest with yourself. Just because you love them, doesn’t mean they love you back. There’s a reason why it happened. This is the chance for you to accept the real reason of why it occurred.
#11 Focus on their flaws. Focus on all the stuff that made you angry. From her talking back to you, to him being an arrogant ass. I’m sure there are plenty of things your former love did that got on your nerves. As unhealthy as this step may be, it is a rather effective one.
[Read: How to successfully get over someone by truly hating them]
#12 Closure is for movies. That whole thing about getting closure, confronting this person who doesn’t love you back, and getting them to sit down and have a great debate on the reasons for separation won’t do any good, whatsoever.
All it will do is have you thinking about them all over again, without providing any of the answers that you were probably hoping to hear. Closure works brilliantly on the big screen. But in real life, it falls far short of any of the intended objectives. Instead, give yourself time to grieve and heal.
[Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule is the best way to get over someone]
#13 Recognize you’re worth more. Why pine over someone who doesn’t think you’re worthy enough to be their partner? If they don’t love you back, screw it. You’re better off without them anyway. There are seven billion other people on the planet. You’re bound to find at least one who thinks the world of you. [Read: How to stop loving someone else… and love yourself more]
#14 Get back into the real world. Right now, you’re probably theorizing, thinking about the future, and the “what if” questions run through your head. Now, we get it. All of us do that, but it’s not going to help you get over them. Get back into the real world and what’s actually happening around you. The fact is, you’re not with them anymore. As of now, it doesn’t look like you’re going to be with them.
#15 Stay occupied. To keep your mind off your failed love, keep yourself busy. Pick up new skills and hobbies, throw yourself into work, and focus on extracurricular projects.
#16 Release your anger and pain. Binge eating and crying only get you so far. Find other outlets to channel your pain. As difficult as it may seem, one way to do this is by working out. If that isn’t enough to tire you out, start volunteering and helping others.
The world is a harsh place filled with problems and making a difference puts things into perspective. By engaging yourself in other people’s problems, you realize someone not loving you back is minor, and you can move forward. [Read: Life’s a bitch? 17 feel-good ways to make yourself feel better]
#17 Set your emotions free. So many people bottle up their emotions inside, locking them tightly inside their hearts. But this only prolongs the post-breakup period. You need to get your emotions out. I don’t care if you write a song or poem, take up a kickboxing class, or talk to a therapist. The point is—get them out.
#18 Meditate. Similar to physical exercise, meditation could help you deal with post-relationship withdrawal. Especially if you have to get out and go somewhere to learn how.
#19 Regain confidence. Starting over both mentally and physically is very important. Why not start with a physical change? Get a haircut, change your style, and rev up our workout and diet regime. Once you look good, you’ll start feeling good too.
[Read: How to look hot and go from boring to flawless in a few days]
#20 Step away. You need space to heal. Seeing this person everyday is not going to help you get over it. If you work together, request to move departments. You live in the same area? Stop going to the same watering holes.Share the same group of friends? Decline party invites if you know they’re going to be there. In time, being in the same room with this person will be tolerable, but until then keep your distance.
#21 You don’t need to always be busy. People think the best way to get over someone fast is to make sure every minute of the day is spent doing something. That’s wrong. You need time to reflect, time alone to sit with your thoughts, that’s the only way you’ll get through it. If you’re busy all day, you ignore the issue and bury it.
#22 Bring back your social life. When you were with them, you probably didn’t see your friends much. Now, that’s normal, but it’s time to get your social life back to how it used to look. This doesn’t mean you hang out with people every day, but surround yourself with positive and supportive friends.
#23 Talk to someone. Don’t underestimate the power of the third-party-point-of-view. Chatting with a friend is good enough. Sometimes it’s important to just let it all out and have someone who cares about you offering up advice. You know they only want what’s best for you. So, trust what they have to say.
[Read: How to get over someone when your heart does not want to]
#24 Remove any memories of them. You don’t have to burn photos, just put them in a box and keep them stored somewhere. You don’t have to burn all your memories with them if you’re trying to figure out how to get over someone fast. Remember, at one point, this person was a part of your life, you’ll want to look back and see how much you’ve changed from that relationship.
#25 Discover who you are. Now is the best time to focus on yourself. Figure out who you are and what you want in life. The next time you allow yourself to fall in love, you won’t make the same mistakes. Take some time off to travel, switch up your routine, try new things, and live for yourself.
[Read: 15 powerful lessons you can learn from your own breakups]
#26 Spend time with loved ones. Be sure to surround yourself with friends and family. They reinforce what you already know, and the plain and simple fact that there are other people in your life who love you. Focus on them instead of on that one person who doesn’t.
#27 Use psychology. One of the most powerful ways to convince your subconscious mind to believe something is repetition. The more you repeat the fact that the relationship is over, the more this statement is likely to turn into a solid belief. If you keep telling yourself that this person doesn’t love you and that you need to move on, you will eventually believe it.
#28 Don’t be hopeful. They’re not coming back to you. This is the mindset to have. Hope is what prevents us from moving on and accepting what happened. We think they’ll come back to us and in some cases they do, but the best thing is to assume that they’re not. This way, you focus on healing.
[Read: How to get over a broken heart – A guide for every step of the way]
#29 Do you. You probably feel that you lost something of yours. It’s time to change that way of thinking. Think of this as an improvement. As if you shed a layer of skin. Now, it’s time to focus on your mental health. Go get a haircut, get your nails done, go for a walk—it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you show some self-love.
#30 Speak to a therapist. You may have great friends or a very understanding family, and that’s all great. Most of them may even be willing to listen to your problems and help you out. But if it gets to the point where you feel like you are burdening your friends with the same stories and problems over and over again, or you’re just not able to move forward and forget this person you love, do not be ashamed to ask for help. Just make sure to do this because you want to be helped, not because you just want a soundboard.
[Read: How to get over feeling unwanted and start feeling desirable again]
Getting over someone you love who doesn’t love you back is one of the hardest things to do. But once you finally get over it, you’ll be a much stronger person. Follow these steps to get over someone fast, and they’ll be the healthiest steps for you, and your future.
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