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What is Unrequited Love and How to Deal with It

what is unrequited love?

Unrequited love is an experience that’s best not experienced. It’s one of the worst kinds of love that can affect your life negatively unless you put a stop to it. Find out what is unrequited love here.

There are so many ways to fall in love with someone.

While nothing beats the burst of happiness that true mutual love can give you, nothing can feel as painful as experiencing unrequited love.

Unrequited love is a kind of cursed love, where you can’t help but fall in love with someone even though you know that person will never love you back.

You may be confused between limerence and unrequited love.

When you’re experiencing limerence, you don’t really care about reciprocation in love. Just the sight of your crush can make your day and give a skip in your step.

[Read: What is limerence?]

But when you experience unrequited love, every heartbeat aches and hopes the one you love will love you back.

What is unrequited love?

To be bluntly put, unrequited love is a humiliating and cruel experience that can strip you of your dignity and self respect.

After all, you’d be ready to do anything for this person just as long as they show you a glimmer of loving hope.

Before we talk about what unrequited love really is, you need to understand a few things.

Have you ever let the person you love know of your feelings? Or is it a secret obsession that’s starting to take over your entire life? If you haven’t really asked this person out, well, it really isn’t unrequited love yet, is it? It’s just a secret crush that’s waiting to be revealed.

Read how to ask a guy out and how to ask a girl out to find the easiest way to make your crush like you back.

Now a crush is just a crush and it’s definitely not unrequited love, not at least until you reveal your feelings to this person and are turned down.

Experiencing unrequited love

The most painful part of unrequited love is when you fall in love with someone and express your feelings, and they turn you down for some reason or the other.

You know you have to move on and get over this person who’s pierced your heart, but guess what, you’re just not able to. Your life starts to revolve around this one person and with every day that passes, you only feel more miserable and hopeless. It’s a sad place to be, and that’s definitely not an exaggeration.

If you want to know how to get over unrequited love and have a happy life that’s full of sunshine again, you need to be truthful to yourself and follow everything mentioned here. Get these steps right and you’ll definitely be able to walk away with dignity.

[Read: How to know if you’re in love]

Getting deeper into unrequited love

The biggest mistake most people make in unrequited love is to cling on to a string of hope, with a wish that their crush will love them back someday.

Now there are no clear stages in unrequited love, but with each passing day that you involuntarily let yourself fall more in love with this person, the deeper you’re going to sink into unrequited love and the more painful your experience will be.

If you ever do fall in love with someone, work your courage up and let them know of your feelings. And if they don’t reciprocate the love, pursue them for a bit longer if you must, but learn to give up at some point of time.

The thin line between blissful love and unrequited love is almost always never visible, so it’s a dangerous game of fatal attraction that you’re stepping into when someone turns you down, and you continue to pursue them.

It’s always better to watch for signs of reciprocation so you can know whether to pursue someone or not, but these signs are never easy to decipher, especially if your crush is playing with your feelings.

The best thing to do at times likes these is either to back away and meet someone else. Or if you think you can handle it, pursue your crush, but keep yourself occupied with other things and date other people so you’re not slipping deeper into the quicksand of unrequited love.

[Read: Signs a guy is into you]

[Read: How to tell if a girl likes you]

Unrequited love and your crush

If you want to understand what unrequited love is and how to get over it, you need to think about the kind of relationship you share with this person.

You may have a huge crush on this person, but is your crush just using you?

Think about it and be truthful to yourself here. In most cases, unrequited love steps into the picture only because you constantly see a glimmer of hope that makes you hold on to this kind of love, even if there’s really no hope in the first place. Is this person you’re in love with trying to get you to do things for them by sweet talking you, or by using you as a sex buddy just to sleep with you for a fun time while you fall more in love? [Read: Are you in love or lust?]

Is your crush playing you?

It’s easy to walk away if your crush helps you by avoiding you for a while, or by helping you heal by stopping you from flirting or sweet talking them. It may hurt a while, but it’s still the right thing to do. But if your crush tries to flirt with you now and then or pretends like they’re in love with you, just to win your heart back and make you fall more in love all over again, you’re falling in love with a really bad person who really doesn’t deserve you.

Unrequited love isn’t always a one sided story. You’re probably in this cruel phase because your crush is using you, perhaps because they like the attention or maybe it’s because of some other reason.

If you ever find yourself experiencing a relationship with your crush that blows hot and cold, stay away from this person before unrequited love consumes you and makes every single day a miserable experience.

[Read: How to start dating a friend]

If you’ve been wondering what is unrequited love, understand what it is and make sure you stay away from this kind of love. It’s got nothing but agony and pain in store for you. But if you’re already experiencing unrequited love, read about how to get over unrequited love and have a happier life.

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20 thoughts on “What is Unrequited Love and How to Deal with It”

  1. cyrus says:

    it helped me a lot to understand what I’m felling right now.. Yeah I’m experiencing unrequited love… Now I have better understanding about true love vs unrequited love…

  2. Donda says:

    I absolutely love the info I get from here. Its a big help and Im thankful I stumbled across this site. thank you so much…Donda Simpson

  3. Unrequited always says:

    I’m trying to get over unrequited love. I have lost all dignity, respect and my own morals because I thought I was in love with a girl. I have cheated for her, gotten amphetamines for her, typed out papers and assignments for her, all because she told me she was attracted to me. I have bent over backwards happily me willingly for her. She ask me how could I fall in love with someone who I have never been intimate with or even gotten close to. She told me she never did like me in a relationship sort of way, just as in a like you as friend way. It sucks, it hurts, it’s happened way too often with me. I am at the point in my life where I l honestly believe there is no one out there for me. I have tried looking and not looking. Nothing works. This unrequited love was a recent pursuit because I haven’t tried in years. I end up failing miserably again. You can write so many books, film many movies with the unrequited love pursuits that I have experienced. There are no words for the emotional pain and anguish one’s heart feels throughout many years of nothing but rejection. I don’t have the strength to try again. If you’re experiencing unrequited love, I suggest you stop everything with that person and move on. There’s too much pain in the world without having to add more to it.

  4. Faith says:

    I’m in that state of unrequited love right now. He played me; he used me and this article speaks nothing but the truth. I’m tired of being his second choice, his rebound, his drunken conquest.

    No more. This kind of love hurts so bad like so bad that I’ve never cried so hard before not even with my longest relationship ended horribly (as in our engagement was called off).

    I’m taking it one step at a time and it’s finally time for me to realize that separation from this guy is necessary in order for me to move on.

  5. Corey says:

    I’m in this case of unrequited love right now…
    My crush ain’t using me but she’s my best friend…
    Can I ask for an advice on how to get over that?

  6. John says:

    I am really good friends with a girl, who shall be known as ‘L’ – she loves me as a friend, and I love her as a friend. However, I also love her as more, a feeling she doesn’t share. I’ve told her about my feelings, knowing full well that she didn’t feel the same way, and fully expecting it to become intensely awkward between us, but she genuinely didn’t mind, thinking it wasn’t a big deal and that it was a phase and I’d get over her fairly quickly.

    I think this may have hurt even more in the long run, because I felt like I’d made no impact whatsoever. She was wrong in thinking I would get over her – at her birthday the other day I ended up getting very drunk, and very depressed; around 3 months heartache and upset coming out. She thought she had done something wrong, I told her she hadn’t, but couldn’t tell her exactly what was wrong, other than that it was about her.

    I felt like she blanked me the entire evening after that, and in the morning too, until she was saying goodbye and she asked me what was going on. Whilst I’m never usually awkward around her, and I’ve never met someone I find it easier to talk to, I was awkward then, and couldn’t tell her what was wrong, instead saying I was ’embarrased’. She called me a ‘mystery’ (in an affectionate way), and said goodbye.

    That night, I ended up ringing her and telling her what actually happened, because I’d been in an emotional state, feeling incredibly inadequate the entire day and I needed some kind of resolution to the issue. Again, there is absolutely no awkwardness between us, or at least, none that I could pick up over the phone. We just chatted for ages.

    However, when I asked my best friend (who is also one of L’s best friends too) what I should do, he seemed to think I should try and start getting over L. I also asked L’s best friend whether she was feeling awkward about the party, and she told me that L wasn’t, but she also said I should move on and keep being myself – I assume this is her way of saying that L will never like me in that way, right?

    I love her, but I feel like I’m not good enough and will never be good enough. This isn’t a feeling she has caused, I don’t blame her for any of my feelings, or what has happened. My self-esteem has taken a rather hefty knock though, and I don’t really know how I’m even going to start getting over her… or whether I even want to! It’s intensely painful, I genuinely cried yesterday for the first time since I was 6 years old. Am I sad, pursuing something that can never be? Is there even hope left, or am I just torturing myself over this girl who loves me as a friend, but simply can’t see me in that way? Please help.

  7. Adrian says:

    Hi all and especially to John. I’ve had the same experience. There was this girl I really fell in love with because she was just so amazing – really beautiful and almost angelic, so soft, gentle, kind and warm. We were together in the same course at university and I so wished I could tell her how I felt about her but I couldn’t. The longer I spent time with her, the more I loved her. She’s perfect. But, she only wanted to know me as a friend, and she was single but soon started going out with this older guy in our class and that really hurt, because I could see how she looked at him and smiled at him with a look of desire that I’d never thought I would see on her face. She’s been gone now for two years, working in another city far away from me. About 6 month’s ago I finally scraped enough courage together to at least send her a text (because I’m too much of a coward and a loser to call her) to tell her how I felt about her. I texted and called her sometimes before that, but at this point I couldn’t keep it in anymore. She wasn’t very happy about it though, asking me if I had forgotten that she was with someone and I replied and said that I did realize that and that had nothing to do with it, she’s too far away to pursue anyway. We’ve never ever had contact again, and I don’t think I’ll ever see her again. I think she really hates me now and probably wishes that she had never met me. I’m such a loser, because I can’t get over her. I know I’ll never be good enough for her, but after all things considered and experiencing some more “life”, I think in general I’m not good enough for any girl in the whole world. I’ve never had a girlfriend before (and I’m almost 24 already). I know that I would love any girl that was with me to bits, because I care a lot about girls in general and just because most of them are so beautiful and amazing. My whole life is following the same trend now, a downward spiral. Nothing I do fulfills me anymore, there’s no joy in anything. I have no idea how this one thing has now manifested itself into the rest of my life. I feel like a complete loser now, not just in the love department. Everything is going wrong. Maybe that’s just the way life is – if it goes good in the beginning then it has to balanced by a whole lot of bad later on. I don’t know. I’ve read the articles concerning this stuff on this web site, but I don’t know if I can manage it. Most of the tips are so out of character for me, I’m not confident or very good looking and like the “life of the party” or any of those things. It would mean a complete 180 degree turn for me in all aspects of my life, and I just can’t do it, it’s too difficult. This experience has taught me a lot about myself though, but it’s all stuff I could have gone without knowing. I thought it was only with love that I had failed but this has unveiled all of my shortcomings to me, and I feel like I’ve really got my whole life wrong now, and I don’t know what to do. I’m totally screwed. Even if I could rescue some things, I don’t think it will help, I’m too far gone now. I really want to thank everyone on this site for listening, you are the only ones I can talk to. I have no more friends (well, that care at least). I hope all of you guys find happiness, you deserve it. I think a lot of you have a lot of love to give and the rest of the world is missing out. However, for me I think it’s pretty much over. Good luck guys!

  8. Mada says:

    Hey all.Adrian, i am in a similar situation as you. Known this girl for long but we were never close not even really friends. Than we met at a friends party, had a good time. Funny thinng is i was too shy to ask for her number but she gave it to me willingly. Next half a year we hung out and i know from little signs maybe she wanted more but i was way too much of a coward to move things forward, also acted like a little pussy. I think she got a little bored of me not acting than considered me a friend. After this half a year i worked up some courage to tell her how i feel and then came the infamous response: “i just considered you as a friend”. I cannot tell you how i felt. I became depressed , couldnt see her anymore. I developed an IBS cuz of the stress(meh…) and whereas i was a good student before i lost all motivation and failed all my studies, now i am on the brink of being expelled. Now a year has passed and i still think about her every day. I feel like im living in a nightmare. Other girls just cant be compared to her. Hard to admit but i ve been suicidal because of it…..yes, really(got ovet that tho). Right now i feel like without her life is meaningless. I know how its retarded, i ve read a lot about it, about others who felt the same but i cant change how i feel. I just hope…..nah.

  9. AB says:

    I have for years loved a man who got all the potentials of a great girlfriend–thoughtful, loving , security, meeting my children, great sex—and he never loved me. Told me he wouldn’t. It was my choice and now my fault that I am heartbroken.

  10. Kelly says:

    Hello All! Just call me Kelly. I am suffering with that kind of love too, the unrequited love.
    I knew this man from a dating online site. We chatted for almost 2 years, for about 3 times a week in 3 hours each night. For short, I fell in love with him.
    For unreasonable reason, he disappeared almost a year. Never in contact with him. I tried to find him out if he is chatting to the other dating sites, and successfully, he was there. His photo was so cute, so gorgeous that made me fall in love in a greater impact.
    What makes me discomfort is that I found out he befriend my friend in facebook, coz we were friends too at that site. I know his point; he wants to get her internet addresses and could be chatting there. What concerns me more is, why she? the girl I am so jealous.
    I made a move so this man would reply me. And that was a good move. And he said “yes”, they were chatting. It broke my heart . . . so painful, that consumes me.
    To find out if this is true. I consulted my astrologer friend, to know the compatibility of their stars. Painfully to say, he said “yes” they were chatting and soon, they are going to meet in person. And it hurts me so bad.
    What to do? Please help me.

  11. Eppy says:

    This type of happens to me each time and it’s really something I can’t help. I try to get over them but it’s damn near impossible. Right now I’m in one of the worst situations possible. I am a female with three male roommates, one of which I have fallen deeply for shortly after moving in. He is also one of my best friends, so I guess I am in the friend zone too. I feel so stupid and I am in so much pain all the time because I see him daily and we hang out a lot. I get upset when he talks about other girls and I know I am completely pathetic. This article is a very big help to me though.

  12. CHer says:

    I am in love with someone I met about 18 months ago. I was married at the time, but he started pursuing me. I never hooked up with him or anything. I left my husband and happened to run into my “crush”. He seemed concerned at first and said if I needed a friend, blah blah blah. Well, I am now divorced and this guy is avoiding me like the plague. He won’t hug me anymore when I run into him. I never slept with him. I gave him my phone number when I got divorced, but he hasn’t called me and it’s been over three months. I guess he’s just not that into me. I feel worthless because I really thought this guy and I had a strong bond. Now I know he’s a real dog!

  13. Rach says:

    Good advise, very helpful. I have been stuck in this situation for a year, bad I know. He liked me for a few months and he just doesn’t feel the same way anymore, he just says it’s something that happened and that people fall apart. It’s a shame tbh because he is a lovely sensible guy and we both have self respect which to me is a vital thing to have in common. It’s really hard for me to move on from him :/ and he doesn’t even want to be friends. After reading this I feel better, thanks 😀

  14. Christina says:

    Hey! I would like to share my story with you: I was suffering this kind of love, He’s my best-friend’s brother which I knew 3 years from now. We had all our plans and stuffs together, I used to see them almost everyday, and that’s what really made me attached to him. He was so beautiful and his strong personality did really attracted me! It was from the first day I saw him I wished he would be mine, by he rejected. Then time by time, he started to show me some attention, like whenever he sees me he tries to cuddle and kisses and whatever.. And then things has improved but without being officially in a relationship, and I was very happy for that situation when I thought he started to love me, since that day came, when he told me that he has no feelings for me, nothing. He told me we were just having fun and u mean nothing to me (saying these words while laughing). From that really moment I hated him deeply, and started to feel incomplete as If I don’t deserve to be loved back. Its been 4 months and I’m not over it yet. And I’m still searching for that person who will estimate me and love me like I deserve. My advice for you readers is to NEVER love someone who doesn’t try all the ways and everything to show you how much he loves you and wants you. Nothing’s more painful than loving a person who doesn’t love you back, and nothing’s greater than loving someone who loves you back !

  15. Sean says:

    I love her so much that my heart aches badly whenever I see her with somebody else. I love her too much and long for even just a sight of her smile or the sound of her voice. There’s not a day that I won’t think of her. I miss her every minute. I want to hold her hands but I cannot. i want to kiss her lips but I cannot. I want to tell her that she is more than just a friend to me but I’m scared to death that she will distance herself from me. My tears are now fencing my eyes.

  16. Marie says:

    It’s going on 7 years, and I am still trying to recover from unrequited love. “C” and I met at work, on a project where I was temporarily his subordinate. Although dating was unacceptable in that context, the possibility was open that we would be able to date in the near future when our project was finished, he was no longer my superior and we had returned to our separate departments. When we met, I truly believed God had put us together. We were the same age, we had virtually everything in common. He was very obvious in his attraction to me. I was going through a very difficult time, involving domestic violence in my family, which he knew about. I fell for him hard: harder than ever in my life. I was so naive, to think his attraction to me meant more than it did. I learned later, that he had lied about me on a work document, to cover up something he had actually done, in a way that cast false doubt on my ability to do the work. It shook me to the core, that this man I had naively trusted, who was clearly attracted to me – I truly believed he would initiate dating once the project was finished – actually thought so little of me that he was willing to use me as his scapegoat to avoid personal accountability at work.

  17. Snapottovit! says:

    Oh damn…Now that I’ve read how you feel about Her, I actually don’t feel that bad anymore lol…NO woman is worth that!

  18. DeiJ says:

    Well, I wouldn’t say I love her. I have a serious crush on her. Let’s call her G. Anyway, I was instantly attracted to this girl because she is so fun, witty, passionate and hot. Unfortunately, I recently found out that she does not like me back. At first I thought she did but then she met a friend of mine, A. The night they met at a party they instantly hit it off and spent the whole night on the couch talking and drinking. I did try the same with her earlier but she seemed to brush me off. Anyway, another mutual friend, E (Female) told me she may not like me back. However, G kept flirting with me and messing with my head. When it seems like I’m pulling away and moving on she initiates contact. She recently started flirting, she sat on my lap, stares at me but doesn’t look away and even offered to ride the train together. Sadly, all these meant nothing as E told me that she has checked G’s phone and has seen a crap ton of FB messages between them. They have been chatting and getting close to each other. E told me that she tried to find out if she liked me by teasing her about it and she revealed that she does not that is why she is mean to me (what i thought was teasing) to get me to stop. To add more salt in the wound, a mutual friend, L (male) told me that he hangs with A (my crush’s crush) and she definitely likes him nothing about the guy though but i assume the feeling is mutual. She hasn’t messed with my head in like a week and I think it’s because she is on the verge of dating this guy if they haven’t started already. Normally i’d avoid the hell outta this chick but she is in my group of friends (about 14 people) albeit a newer number. Sometimes I think something is wring with me. This is number 5 in the past 3.5 years. Unrequited love (or rather feelings) hurt a lot.

  19. Kerrick says:

    I hear you buddy. I have felt the same way. I never thought I would feel so much for another person, but I have had all the same thoughts. I even want to rub her feet. You have a huge heart that someone else deserves.

  20. Kerrick says:

    Does he know how you feel? Sounds like he is single and you could just tell him. In this particular case, it might all be avoidable.

  21. Kerrick says:

    OMG Adrian, tell me what is your status is now!! You have alarmed me. I think you need to talk to someone.

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