“To be rejected by someone doesn’t mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person.” -Jocelyn Soriano
A universal truth is that break ups are hard.
It doesn’t matter if you are the one doing the breaking or if you are the one being broken, there is always a certain level of pain and self-doubt that is left behind.
This pain and self-doubt can bring you down, it can almost force you into bad choices and it can shatter your self-esteem.
You begin to question your worth in this world and with no one there to pick you up, it can be easy to fall down and not get back up again.
15 lessons you can learn from your own break ups
However, it doesn’t have to be like this, break ups will always be hard, but it’s the way you deal with them that can really turn the situation around.
Here are 15 life lessons that you can learn from your break up, if you can take a break from the grieving and try to look at the bigger picture.
[Read: 10 signs you’re lovesick and 10 ways to get out of it quickly]
#1 Everything changes and nothing stands still
Just because you didn’t want things to change, doesn’t mean they can stay the same. Change happens all the time, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad, the only choice you have in the matter is whether or not you can accept it.
A break up can change your entire life course, things you had planned might not be possible anymore, you might have to move, change jobs or even become a single parent. Sometimes, these things are out of your control and all you can do is accept it and move on, just like many other things that are given to you and taken away from you in life.
#2 You choose your path
All the changes that come from a break up can leave you feeling lost and alone, you will start to feel like you are fighting against the tides and that you are losing. It doesn’t have to be like this though, these changes are going to happen, but if you accept them and take control, then you can choose exactly what path you want to go down.
You will begin to regain full control over your life, you will have no one to answer to but yourself and you can be liberated. You don’t have to think about a break up as an ending, instead think of it as the start of a new chapter. [Read: 10 clear signs your past relationship is holding you back from a happy life]
#3 The good will become the bad
Those once treasured memories of lying on a beach or laughing in the back garden will begin to hurt you. Whenever a break up occurs, it becomes easy to pick out all the good times you once shared. In fact, it can often be hard to pick out any bad points at all.
Don’t be fooled though, every relationship has ups and downs, sometimes the ups are worth the downs and sometimes, they are not. There is nothing wrong with delving into the past, but there is everything wrong with torturing yourself.
#4 ‘What ifs’ are dangerous
What ifs will only drive you mad, they are questions that can never be answered and they will always be unresolved. Try to look forward instead. Try to question your next moves and choices, because only they will give you answers that will mean anything. [Read: 10 things you need to do to move on and deal with your break up with a smile]
#5 Contentment is not happiness
Just because your relationship left you content does not mean that it made you happy. You can be content with something without it making you truly happy. In a way, contentment is a form of settling. It’s the idea of you being neither unhappy nor happy, it’s something that means you are not particularly affected either way.
However, happiness is something different, happiness is that overwhelming sense of right, it’s something you want to protect and something you are willing to fight for. Contentment is a lot different from happiness.
#6 You need to be honest with yourself
It’s okay to miss your ex-partner, it’s okay to think about their best qualities and the reasons why you fell in love. However, you need to think about the bad stuff too. You need to be honest with yourself about the whole relationship, the good and the bad.
You need to accept that you are hurting and that you can’t deny that. If you are honest with yourself, then you can become stronger. If you lie to yourself, then you are making yourself the victim. [Read: The reason behind why you miss your ex and think about them so often]
#7 Denial only denies you the freedom to move on
Some people spend their entire lives in denial. But the thing is, they don’t get very far. Denial is something that will hold you back. If the relationship breaking down was your fault, then accept that, accept the reasons, and try to change them. If the relationship’s demise was their fault, then accept that and accept that there was nothing you could do. Be honest with yourself about the breakdown, otherwise you are more than likely going to encounter it again.
#8 True colours
Sometimes, it can be shocking how much a person changes, during a break up. Someone you once knew and loved, can become a stranger to you. They can change and distort themselves so much that you wonder how you ever even liked them. It can be hard to accept these changes, and it could be easier to make excuses to permit them.
What you need to understand is that these really are the true colours of your ex-partner, they no longer feel the need to impress you. This is the true them and if you don’t like it, then you are better off broken up anyway. [Read: 25 memorable life lessons that can change your life overnight]
#9 Letting go is hard but necessary
It can be hard to accept that you are no longer sharing your life, just in the same way that it can be hard, to accept that your ex-partner is no longer sharing theirs. It’s easy these days to log onto social media platforms to see what your ex is up to, but that doesn’t mean that you should.
In fact, this is normally a very bad idea, people only show the things they want to on social media sites, so while you might see pictures of your ex having fun, that might not be the full picture. That doesn’t matter though because you will still get hurt seeing those pictures, the best thing to do is to either talk to your ex or leave them well alone.
#10 Karma is out there
It can be easy to be spiteful when you are hurting, especially if the person hurting you seems to be unaffected. However, this doesn’t mean that you should act on that spite. Hatred is much the same as poison, if you allow yourself to feel hatred, then the only person who it is affecting is you. [Read: Important things to remember when you’re jealous of your ex]
#11 Not all pain is bad
Pain is hard to go through, that doesn’t mean that it’s always bad though. Sometimes, facing your pain and living through it can leave you a much stronger person in the end. A well-known Buddhist way of thinking is to think of your things as already broken, think of your loved ones as already gone, accept that they are broken, and accept that they are gone. For instance, consider a glass, you can drink out of it, you can enjoy it, but always think of it broken, and then one day when it does break, you have already made your peace.
#12 Enjoying your own company
One of the biggest adjustments when going through a break up is the amount of time you will now spend on your own. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing though, you can spend this time getting to know yourself again. Indulge in things that make you happy and realize that you don’t have to answer to anyone but yourself. It can be really liberating enjoying your own company. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works in your favor]
#13 People love other people’s misery
A sad truth about people is that some will relish in the misfortunes of others. You will see very quickly just how many of your friends are those type of people.
#14 You are stronger than you thought
It can be easy to fall into a dependant relationship, where your partner does all the jobs you can’t. However, you will find out very quickly that all those things you thought you couldn’t do, you can. You just needed that push to find it out. [Read: 8 simple things you can do to get your self esteem back after a break up]
#15 When it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be
You cannot argue with fate, you might want to, but you can’t. Sometimes, it’s best to accept it and move on. Though it might hurt, though you might want to stay and fight, you cannot change things that are meant to happen and you are not supposed to. The healthiest thing you can do is let go of what wasn’t meant to be, and to move on and find out what is.
Break ups are always going to be hard, but if you can learn from them, move on from them and become a stronger person because of them, then doesn’t that make them worthwhile, at least in the end?
There are reasons for everything in life and a break up is no different, so rather than pointing a finger or blaming yourself, spend your time looking for that reason, who knows where the search might take you!
[Read: How to change yourself and love again after a bad breakup]
Remember, a break up can be bitter, but you can choose to confront it and make it a life altering learning experience if you can keep these 15 things you can learn from your break up in mind.
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