Are you starting to suspect that your male lover may not be enjoying sex as much as you first thought? Read on to identify the giveaway signs.
There seems to be a popular misconception amongst women that all they have to do to satisfy their male lovers is turn up and strip. Men are stereotypically seen as quite insensitive when operating between the sheets, primeval creatures who have an insatiable need to try and impregnate every female within sight.
They certainly aren’t generally regarded as needing to be caressed and cajoled into a state of arousal the same way most women are. But is this appraisal of the male sexual experience an accurate one?
Busting the myths of male arousal
Men are individuals, and they respond differently to different stimuli. This is as much true for sex as it is any other area of life. Yes, there are those guys who can raise an erection at the merest sight of a woman’s ankle, and are about as demanding to satisfy as the average jack rabbit – probably with a similar level of sexual sophistication!
Other guys, most guys in fact, will take a little more work and effort to stimulate. If you just go into the bedroom expecting him to respond to any and all moves you make upon him simply because he’s male, then you may end up being disappointed. [Read: 15 biggest sexual turn offs for men in the bedroom]
Reading the signs
It’s unfortunately the case in most cultures that men will not challenge their partner on sexual performance in the way that women do. There is some pressure upon them to perform to the stereotype – to be able to perform sexually whether their partner is a sexual time bomb, a cold-hearted ice queen, or a limp and unresponsive wet fish.
Consequently you won’t often know how they really feel about your performance. Luckily, however, there are a few surreptitious signs that you can look out for, which will alert you to your male lover’s dissatisfaction. The following list indicates exactly what these might be.
#1 It’s a flop. The most obvious sign of them all, when the male member is unable to stand to attention, then you really have to question whether he’s enjoying what’s going on. Of course, there are a whole host of reasons for a limp member or male impotence.
It could actually be due to stress, high blood pressure, physiomechanical issues, etc., but if it does regularly occur, then there is definitely a conversation that needs to be had in order to address its causes. You may just find out that it’s actually down to your technique or approach. [Read: 10 sex moves that will instantly make him go flaccid]
#2 Watching the box. Not the box that the more rudimentary of you may be thinking of, but the goggle-box. If the TV gets turned on every time sex is mentioned and porn is hastily played on it from the very start of proceedings, then it may be to distract rather than complement.
#3 Suggestive behavior. Do you find that he’s always suggesting new things to do in the bedroom? Maybe you’ve tried these once or twice, or maybe you’ve just outright dismissed the idea. But if he keeps on asking, then it’s because he’s trying to save the physical side of your relationship from the state it’s currently in – and he should be applauded for that.
Try broadening your mind and bringing a little bit of the spice that is currently missing back into the bedroom – or wherever your new activities take you.
#4 Action man. Is it the case that during the sexual act, he always tries to take over? Maybe you try to give him oral resuscitation, and instead of leaving you to it as you’d expect, he starts dictating method, pace, and technique. Perhaps you try a reverse cowgirl or other move that makes you the more active partner, and he just throws you off and places you in a position that puts the reins back in his hands instead.
If so, it might not necessarily be that he’s just the dominant type, but it could in fact be the case that he just doesn’t enjoy your technique and would rather do it himself to guarantee at least SOME pleasure. Time to have a talk, methinks!
#5 Wham, bam, thank you ma’am. Does he never really commit to anything much more than a quick roll on and a subsequent roll off? In that case, chances are that he’s getting so little enjoyment from it that he only sees the act as a way to clear his mind and get rid of his sexual frustration. Enjoyment is no longer a part of it.
#6 The eyes have it! Always got his eyes closed during sex? That’s probably because he’s trying to visualize a sexual situation that actually excites him enough to get him through the tedious affair that sex has almost certainly become. You need to find a way to open them again! [Read: How to talk dirty in bed by imagining a sexy scenario]
#7 Avoiding the issue. Another sign, almost as obvious as the first on this list, is an avoidance both of sex itself and sex as a subject. If he’s always trying to move on to a different topic whenever sex enters the discussion, then he probably just isn’t into it with you anymore.
Maybe your technique needs some improvement, maybe he has some personal peccadilloes you are unaware of that need attending to, or maybe things just need to be generally spiced up a little. The ball is in your court. [Read: 10 telltale signs your partner isn’t up for sex tonight]
#8 The great escape. Ostensibly the opposite side of #7, but also kind of the same. The opposite because this sign describes a quick exit on your lover’s behalf at the conclusion of sex rather than prior to it, but similar because they both have occurred for the same reason – the fact that he just hasn’t enjoyed himself.
He has functionally gone through the motions, done his duty, so to speak, and now just wants to distance himself from the scene of the grime. Of course, there may be other real reasons for a swift departure, such as putting out a fire or getting back to work before the boss notices he’s missing, but as a regular occurrence, you need to be thinking about the possibility that maybe you’re not quite as much a sizzling sex bomb as you thought!
#9 Seeking aid. Similar to #2, if he can’t get through the act without utilizing a sexual aid of some kind, then he’s almost certainly struggling to raise an interest in you and/or the way you perform. [Read: Don’t want to have sex anymore? – Read this!]
#10 Off to nod. If it needs to be explained that your partner suddenly falling asleep mid-act is a bad sign, then it’s not so much relationship advice that you need rather than a heavy dose of common sense. Time to wake up – and I’m not talking about him!
Time to put the sexual goddess crown temporarily on the shelf and have an honest look at how your guy is responding to your sexual ministrations. If you identify any of the above signs, then you might want to think about changing things up and putting in a bit more effort – before he goes and finds someone else who is more sensitive to his needs!
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Currently reclining with a peaceful and contented smile upon his face, with perhaps just a hint of mystery and steely resolve, Philip Hegarty has an obviously i...