I can hear my parents talking about relationships; when I was your age, I was already married with children! When you liked a girl, you just made a move, and that was that. Ah, yes, the good old days. As someone who was in the dating world, I sometimes was left wondering why do guys pull away before they commit? I never understood why!
Most women have experienced this hot and cold behavior *though, we’re no angels either when it comes to this*. I remember when I was seeing one guy, he drove me home after my birthday party, and never contacted me again *well, he did… six months later*. [Read: Blowing hot and cold – The 3 stages to explain why guys do this]
Why do guys pull away before they commit?
The “shift” you feel isn’t your mind playing tricks on you. It’s the forewarning he’s about to pull back… way back. Maybe he stops sending you good morning texts or calling you right after work. It’s these small changes in his patterns that give him away.
[Read: The troubling signs he’s losing interest and may walk away soon]
Well, you’re probably wondering why do guys do this? Aside from being annoying, it can be really hurtful because you don’t know what’s going on. In your mind, there’s no reason for him to act like this.
So, if you’re tired of analyzing everything and trying to come up with reasons for his behavior, you came to the right place. You’re about to learn why do guys pull away before they commit.
It’s time to unravel the truth.
#1 He’s not that into you. Sure, you may have had sex and acted like a couple, but at the end of the day, he wasn’t that into you. I know, it’s really harsh, but it’s usually the reason why men pull away right before they need to take the next step. They didn’t expect to get serious with you. Now they think the only way out is to disappear. Not the most mature move, fellas. [Read: How to stop being strung along by a guy and take a stand]
#2 He changed his mind. This happens to all of us. Maybe, in the beginning, we like someone, then things change. Maybe you argued or he realized that this isn’t what he wants. If he had a change of heart, him pulling away from you was the best for you. You don’t want to get emotionally attached to someone who isn’t sure if they want to be with you. [Read: 10 guys to stop dating if you want real love]
#3 There’s no chase. Men like to chase. They like to court the women they’re interested in and see where things go. But if you’re too available and give them everything they want right away, they’ll leave you just as quickly. He could be pulling away because things were moving quickly, and he suddenly lost interest in the storyline. [Read: Why men love a chase and how to use it in your favor]
#4 He’s back with his ex. This is always a possibility. The ex has a stronghold over him, and even though they broke up, they can always get back together. Maybe his ex found out he was seeing people and decided to make a move. There’s always the chance of that happening, especially if it was a recent breakup.
#5 You’re not the one. Many guys are straightforward with their thoughts. They’re not going to give up their single lives for someone who they think is just “okay.” If they’re going to get off the dating market, they’re going to do it for a woman they feel could be the one. And if they have any feeling that you’re not the one for them, they’re going to pull back and reevaluate things. [Read: How to tell if a guy feels emotionally attached to you or not]
#6 You were an option. Ouch, this one stings a bit. If he’s single, odds are he’s been openly dating and meeting new people. This is totally fine as long as he told you he’s casually seeing multiple people. But if he didn’t tell you that, and then pulled back quickly, he probably has other options he doesn’t want to let go of. If someone wants to be with you, they’ll do it.
#7 You don’t fit his plans. He may not have a detailed plan of what he wants in his future, but maybe, his goal is to travel the world while you prefer to stay in your city. This isn’t necessarily a dealbreaker, but if he sees you have completely different lifestyles, then that’s a good reason for him to pull back. For him, he doesn’t see you two on the same page.
#8 Things were moving too fast. You had a great connection, but the topic of marriage coming up on the second date scared him. Things were moving too fast for him, and he saw it as a red flag.
Now, if both people are really into each other, talking about the future isn’t going to scare anyone. But if this guy just left a relationship or hasn’t been in a serious one before, these topics can make him run in the opposite direction.
#9 You are on different pages. Maybe he’s looking for a serious relationship, while you just want to have fun. Both relationship needs are perfectly fine, but they’re clearly in conflict. You two aren’t on the same page with what you want in a relationship. He sees things going sour pretty quick if you continue seeing each other. [Read: Here’s why chasing a guy never, ever helps]
#10 He’s immature. Men have a tendency to mature later than women, which, again, isn’t a bad thing. Everyone has their own pace. But, this also means the guy you’re seeing may not be ready for what you want. He could simply be immature or emotionally unavailable. And if he’s either of those things, it’s best to end things now.
[Read: The 23 signs you might be dating a manchild]
If you always wanted to know why do guys pull back before they commit, well, you have your reasons. But don’t let that bum you down. All it means is he’s not the one for you.
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