Is He a Womanizer? 40 Philandering Signs to Watch & Ways to Deal with Him

Is that smooth-talking guy a womanizer or a philanderer, or is he just a really nice guy? Here are all the signs, red flags and things you must do!

womanizer philanderer

All men are different, so we shouldn’t tar everyone with the same brush. Some men say something sweet and it’s truly an honest comment, one that came from the heart. But there are also men that say the same thing but with completely different intentions.

The good news is there are ways you can tell if you’re dealing with a sweet-talking womanizer. After all, they’re a lot more common than you might realize. [Read: What makes someone a player? The 21 sly signs of a player’s mind]

What is a womanizer or philanderer?

Before we go on, let’s put a definition on these two phrases.

A womanizer and a philanderer are basically the same thing, it’s just that philanderer is a more old-fashioned term.

They both mean a man who uses women for sex and companionship, but likely has more than one woman on the go at any one time.

To them, everything is casual, but they won’t tell you that. That’s why womanizing is so bad: they’re not being honest about what they want.

That, and the fact that there is more than just you in their life. They’re also extremely good at charming the socks *or pants* off of anyone. [Read: 42 signs and ways to see manipulative behavior and stop being used by people]

How to tell if the guy you’re seeing is a womanizer

Dating is a bitch. Of course, going on dates is fun and we meet different people. What happens after the date? That’s when things become tricky.

Maybe he’ll call, maybe he won’t. Maybe he didn’t feel a connection like you did… You just never know.

Even if he did feel a connection with you, what’s his motive? Does he want to date you or is this just another notch on his bedpost? It’s never as easy as it seems when you don’t know what’s going on in the other person’s mind.

But in the end, there’s always a way to uncover a philanderer and save your heart. Here are some common signs to spot a womanizer a mile away. [Read: How to tell if a guy is playing you – 40 signs he’s just using you]

1. You immediately feel that something is off

For a split second, you feel that something with him is weird. Of course, he’s probably cute and charming, so you push that to the side of your mind. But don’t forget that feeling.

Why? Because it’s telling you this guy isn’t genuine. [Read: Gut instinct – what it is, how it works & 30 tips to follow & listen to your gut]

2. He has a murky past

If you ask him about his past, it seems he doesn’t really have one. He may say that he hasn’t been in a serious relationship.

There’s a reason why, and it’s not because he doesn’t have a past. He does – it’s filled with non-committed relationships and changing girls like underwear. [Read: 16 types of guys to avoid like the plague]

3. He isn’t trying to get to know you

He asks you questions but only ones that make you think he wants to get to know you. He isn’t asking your opinion on politics or what you want to do with your life. Instead, he asks you where you work and if you get up early in the morning.

Philanderers have no problem making conversation but expect shallow small talk.

4. His social media is full of women

Now, it’s normal for people to have men and women on their social media accounts. However, if his social media accounts are mostly made up of women, there’s a red flag right there. It’s a pretty good insight into his real life.

5. He’s secretive

If his phone rings or he gets a text message, he makes sure he covers his phone so you don’t see who it is. If you notice he’s hiding things and keeping secrets, that’s a really good sign he’s probably full of it and not to be trusted. [Read: How to handle a guy who’s full of shit]

6. He’s not open

If you talk about broad subjects, no problem, he’ll talk up a storm. However, ask him about himself and he suddenly goes quiet. He doesn’t have much to say. We wonder why.

He doesn’t want you to know anything about him because you’re not going to be around for much longer. No, he’s not going to kill you – he’s going to have sex with you and move on to the next girl.

7. You don’t really know his friends

You may have met them once or twice, but that’s it. If he doesn’t introduce you to his friends or never talks about them, there’s a reason why.

Maybe he doesn’t want his friends to associate you as someone serious in his life because he goes through a lot of girls. In that case, he doesn’t want to get them confused. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]

8. His nearest and dearest don’t try to get to know you

Well, if they don’t differentiate you from a plant then there’s a good reason why. Okay, they could just not like you, there’s that.

But, they could also refrain from getting to know you because they’re used to being introduced to different girls on a weekly basis.

Can you blame them? It gets tiring.

9. On paper, he’s perfect

He’s what your mother dreams about at night. Everything is good, but it’s too good. He’s just a little too charming, a little too sweet. In your head, you know he’s not new to this.

If he’s too good to be true, well, that’s because he is, and he’s likely to be a philanderer. [Read: Giveaways to tell if someone’s lying to your face]

10. He’s too romantic

A little romance is nice, but if he goes over the top, you have to ask yourself what he’s trying to hide. So, if this guy is over the top with romance—taking you to an island, releasing doves in the sky—he’s likely to be full of crap. [Read: The nice guy syndrome and 16 reasons why all girls find them boring]

11. He’s in a rush

Sure, he took you out for a date, but he didn’t waste any time when it came to getting into your pants. He may be telling you that you’re the one he wants to be with, but it’s your second date.

See, he’s not taking the time to actually get to know you. And if he isn’t doing that, he doesn’t want to be with you.

12. Your friends warn you

Listen, your friends are the ones that don’t have their heads in the clouds about this guy. They see the way he moves and talks, so, if they tell you he’s a womanizer, he’s probably a womanizer.

You may not see it since you’re head over heels for him, but listen to your friends, they have a point. [Read: Help! My friends don’t like my boyfriend]

13. His body language is off

So, he may be sweet-talking you, but what you need to do is focus on the non-verbal signs he gives off. Pay attention to what he says with his body.

So if you get a feeling that something isn’t quite right from this guy’s body language, listen to your gut. [Read: Signs the guy you’re dating right now loves cheating]

14. You heard it through the grapevine

A key sign of being a womanizer is the most obvious. If you’ve heard that he’s a womanizer, don’t ignore the rumors. There is rarely smoke without fire.

Sure, it could be some ex that is still hung up on him and decided to spread rumors to get back at him, but come on, is that really likely to be the case?

15. He seems to get bored very easily

Womanizers suffer from a kind of relationship-focused ADHD, and a woman who seems to be the object of their affection one day, the next day seems quite dull to them. A dead giveaway.

If he seems quite fidgety and bores quickly, you have to wonder whether he’s going to do that in his dating life too. [Read: 15 reasons why you’re bored with your relationship]

16. He has wandering eyes

No matter how pleasant, beautiful, successful, and exciting you are, you can’t help noticing that he can’t keep his eyes on you. You catch him “subtly” checking out women from the side of his eye while you’re out for dinner.

Sorry to break it to you, but it’s a definite trait of a womanizer.

17. He’s big on flattery

There’s a difference between a genuine, well-chosen compliment and outright flattery. The womanizer is constantly guilty of the latter. Ring any bells yet?

If he’s always throwing compliments your way, yes it’s nice, but ask yourself why. Is it something he’s very used to doing with many other women? [Read: Compliments for women that will definitely backfire]

18. He’s quick to use the L word

Telling someone you love them should be a very rare and special occasion. A womanizer, though, will use it like he uses a casual greeting—just another way of keeping a woman sweet and in his bed until he’s bored of her.

If he drops the L word very soon after meeting him, it’s a big red flag. [Read: When should you say “I love you” for the first time?]

19. He rarely uses your name

If he always calls you by a pet name, it’s not always because it’s a cute thing to do. It could be that he’s got so many women on the go that he doesn’t want to slip up and call you the wrong name. So, he goes with the generic “baby,” “babe,” or “honey.”

Sneaky, right? [Read: What your pet name says about your relationship]

20. He often breaks his promises

He won’t do this at first, but after a while, you’ll notice that he starts to break his promises pretty often. You’ll overlook it quite a few times because you’re totally smitten, but ask yourself why he’s such a busy man. Is it because he’s juggling women? [Read: What is unconditional love really?]

21. He doesn’t have female friends

Womanizers don’t have female friends. In fact, all women are put into one of four categories for womanizers: undesirable, desirable but had, desirable and not had, and family. [Read: Naughty ways to get out of the friend zone in no time]

22. He’s obsessed with how he looks

It could be the middle of a Tuesday night and he needs some milk from the local store, but there’s no way he’d show up there without looking like he’s just stepped out of a magazine… just in case.

Look, there’s nothing wrong with a guy wanting to look good, but if he’s always looking his best and takes longer in the bathroom than you, you might want to question whether it’s because of his philandering ways. [Read: How to manscape right – manscaping tips to shape it sexy]

23. His interest in sex wanes

When a philanderer is targeting a new partner, there’s no sexual act he won’t consider. After only a few more occasions of rolling around the bed together, he’s really not sexually interested in her anymore. The womanizer in him wants to move on.

If you notice he was all about the bedroom but suddenly he seems not that bothered, it’s a red flag. [Read: How to create sexual chemistry and make it stay]

24. He never wants to go back to the same place twice

Every time you go on a new date, he chooses a brand new venue to avoid the awkwardness of bumping into an ex. Seriously… who does this? Apart from a womanizer, of course.

Yes, it’s nice to go to new places but if you find somewhere you really like, it’s quite normal to want to go back there. Not for a philanderer!

25. He struggles with the company of men

He may have loads of male friends, but he doesn’t seem too close to them and he never has guy’s night where he just goes out with friends.

Why? The forced separation from the female population is just too much for him. It’s like a drug. [Read: 72 bromandments – the Bro Code rules every guy must know and follow]

26. He’s a constant flirt

He just can’t help himself. You might be having a very regular conversation and he’ll drop a flirty comment in there. Yes, it’s quite flattering, but that’s the point.

Constant flirting is one of the most obvious signs of womanizing tendencies. [Read: 20 ways to be a badass bad boy that all girls fall for]

27. He uses his wealth or status to entice women

Do you notice that he often mentions his job or how much money he has in the bank? He does this because he assumes it will attract women his way. And it might, but the wrong kind.

You see, a philanderer doesn’t really understand women all that well. He thinks he does, but he’s so far behind the times he thinks that a huge bank balance is going to get him all the ladies. So, he uses that to see how far it can get him. [Read: What is peacocking? The many types and why guys show off around girls]

How to deal with a womanizer

Now you’ve read the signs of a philanderer, do you think you’ve got one in your life? If so, here are a few ways you can deal with him.

1. Confront the issues

If you’re pretty sure he’s seeing more than just you, why not confront him about it?

Now, it probably won’t be the first time a woman has called him out on his womanizing ways so be prepared for excuses. But you’ve already got the seed of doubt in your mind, so you’re less likely to fall for his act. [Read: How to have a difficult conversation without losing your nerve]

2. Suggest outside help

It could be that he’s got so used to philandering that he just doesn’t realize he’s doing it, or he’s become hooked on it for his self-esteem.

If you really want to make a go of it with this guy, you could suggest getting some professional help to allow him to overcome his womanizing habits.

He may not be too keen on it, however, so do be prepared for that. But if he’s up for it, it could mean that he’s ready to finally settle down!

3. Know when to say goodbye

In the end, if you’re not happy knowing that you’re not the only woman in his life, it’s time to move on. If he’s showing no signs of wanting to change, you should know you deserve better.

It might hurt because you’ve become so hooked on this guy, but there is unlikely to be a future here. [Read: How to leave a toxic relationship – 24 steps to end it and find happiness]

How to make a philanderer fall for you—and only you

We’ve talked about how to deal with a womanizer in a mature and sensible way, but if you’re totally sure you want to try and get this guy to change his ways, who are we to stop you?

Know that he will only change when he’s ready. You can’t push him to do so. But, these few tips could help him drop his philandering for good and commit only to you.

While this bad boy can be quite a challenge, and an irresistible one at that, you have to learn how to play the game to win.

Beat him at his own game, so to speak. That is the only way you can finally tame a philanderer and turn the tables in your favor, so it will be him who will be chasing after you. [Read: Once a cheater, always a cheater – the truth of their past]

1. Don’t let him catch your attention

Philanderers are used to women falling for their charms, laughing at their jokes, with faces lighting up each time they walk into a room.

Show that you’re different right off the bat. By not being like every other girl, that’s how you’ll catch his attention.

2. Don’t try too hard

Just be you—the best, most exciting version of you. After all, when you think hard about it, you have nothing to lose. And for that matter, everything to gain.

3. Get to know him

Know what excites him beyond the games he plays with women. Know what piques his interest, as there are probably things that interest him other than the female sex.

Once you know this, use it to intrigue his brain and leave an impression on him. [Read: Ingenious ways to play a player who’s playing you]

4. Flirt subtly

Learn the art of subtlety. Show him that you have enough interest in him to keep him reined in, but that you’re not someone he can easily wrap around his finger and toy with.

As soon as he gets closer to you, push him away a little, and then hook him in again.

5. Don’t fall for the lines

One of the primary *and most important* rules when it comes to dealing with a philanderer is this: don’t be gullible. Just because he’s got his eyes on you looking so dreamy and adorable, doesn’t mean you’re the one for him.

Whatever he says, don’t believe it too easily. That’s the cardinal rule. [Read: Decoding compliments – 50 cute words and their true meanings]

6. Keep him excited

If you’ve been dating for quite a while, you know that he will eventually get bored *even if he says otherwise*. Bored with you and all the things that you do.

If you want to tame him, think of ways to be different. Role-play in bed, travel often, learn new things together and change things up in your routine.

Better yet, throw routine out the window and opt for spontaneity. [Read: Is he a gentleman or a player? Clear giveaways]

7. Keep him on his toes

Hand-in-hand with keeping him excited, don’t let him be complacent in the relationship as well. Don’t let him take you for granted—but don’t be possessive or constantly nagging as well.

Always look good. Wait – not just good, but ravishing, like some other guy may just take you away from him if he so much as looks the other way. [Read: 25 awesome ways to keep any guy hooked and happy in love]

8. Let him know that you know

Let him know that you’re no fool. You can see through him and his tricks, and you really don’t care.

Most women would be raving mad at their philanderer boyfriends *or husbands*, but if you catch him eyeing another pair of boobs, make sure he sees you be all nonchalant about it.

9. Learn the art of being authoritative

Say what you mean and do what you say. Stand your ground and be assertive. While you’ll sit through him flirting with the waitress, let him know that you will not tolerate his cheating ways. [Read: Tired of chasing? How to make any guy want you instead]

10. Cultivate patience

Make patience a virtue before you let him get your virtue. Or anything, for that matter. Don’t be so eager to please him, as he’s bound to take you for granted. Let him show his cards first before you show yours, and always guard your heart.

By employing these tactics, you have a greater chance of beating him at his own game. This means you are more cunning and calculating than him.

However, is this what you really want out of your relationship? Think about whether you really want to be in a relationship where you want to change a person. After all, it’s going to be a tall order. In the end, you can only change yourself. [Read: The best kept secrets to making a man commit to you]

Don’t waste your time on someone who sees you as a toy

Understanding the signs of a womanizer means you’re more likely to be able to spot one if he enters your life. However, it’s easier said than done to just walk away from someone who’s so flattering and appears so loving.

It’s important to remember that it’s nothing but an act. He’s just toying with your emotions because he gets a kick out of it. You really deserve so much better than someone who sees you this way.

[Read: Dating rules for women who are tired of games and bad dates]

So… is he a womanizer? Take some time when looking at the signs, this is your heart that we’re talking about. We want to make sure it doesn’t get broken for someone who doesn’t appreciate you.

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Preeti Tewari Serai
Preeti Serai
Preeti, the founder of LovePanky, is an eternal optimist and believer in the beauty of love and life. With an exhaustive experience in love, relationships, and ...