Before delving too deeply into paranoia, you have to learn the difference between being nice and being flirtatious. For example, if you are at dinner and your man asks for the waitress’ name with a smile on his face, he’s just being a nice and polite guy.
However, if you see him engaging in an in-depth conversation with her, whether it’s at the table with you or when he heads off for a bathroom break, he may be flirting.
So what about the online world? Be it a text or Facebook message, crossing boundaries into the digital world also counts as flirting. It may be hard to get your hands on digital proof without being a snoop and possibly incurring his wrath, if you are found out.
But one way to gauge if he is flirting with someone else is when you notice him being secretive with his text messaging. If he acts like he has something to hide, then he probably does. With that being said, it’s always a good idea to give your man the benefit of the doubt before going for the jugular. [Read: A simple guide to text flirtations]
How can you tell between friendliness and flirtatiousness?
As tough as it may be to differentiate, it’s important for you to know if he is flirting with other girls or if he is just being nice. Although you may not be able to control what goes on in cyberspace, you can take note of how he behaves with other women when in the flesh. If you don’t know where to start, here are 9 telltale signs.
#1 He gets into her personal space. You can’t stop your man from speaking to other women. In fact, there is nothing wrong if you encourage it every so often, as it will undoubtedly boost his confidence. When your man is confident, everybody wins. However, if you notice your man speaking to another woman and he’s all up in her personal space, you will know for a fact that he is flirting. An innocent conversation does not entail leaning in close to the other person.
#2 You see body contact. If both parties are guilty of touching each other, look at it as a glaring red flag. Whether he innocently brushes her arm or she playfully hits him, these are flirtatious signals that you need to take seriously. Either stop the interaction by politely cutting in, or wait till he’s done to give him a world of pain. [Read: 13 lusty signs your man is outrageously flirting with another girl]
#3 There’s way too much smiling. There is nothing wrong with him smiling at someone else, and neither is there anything wrong with him nodding agreeably when he engages another woman in conversation.
However, if you notice that the smiles are ongoing and that she is being sucked deeper and deeper into the conversation, he is probably turning on the charm and flirting with her. Sometimes, you don’t need to hear the conversation to know just what is going on. Trust your instincts and cut in, if you feel uncomfortable.
#4 There’s too much eye contact. Of course, it’s polite to make eye contact with the person you are speaking to, but if eye contact is prolonged and ceaseless, feel free to radio Houston saying you have a problem. They may not be touching per se, but never underestimate the importance of eye contact when flirting. Men tend to hold intense eye contact while listening and averting their gaze when speaking. You should know his game as you obviously fell for it, so pay attention to the signs. [Read: 10 eye contact moves that show he’s flirting]
#5 She responds just as flirtatiously. If you suspect that your man is flirting, then shift your attention to the woman he is with. Her reaction towards him will tell you if he is indeed flirting. Women tend to be more expressive with their facial expressions, tone of voice and body language.
If she is blushing, looks down often, smiles shyly at him and displaying all the other hints of her liking him, then her responses validate his intentions. However, if she has a stoic expression on her face or expresses nothing more than pure interest and friendliness, you have nothing to worry about. [Read: 20 signs of attraction between two people]
#6 The world seems to disappear around them. If he focuses on nothing and no one else but her, you have a problem. This is especially true if you guys are in a group setting, and he can look at no one else but her. Before you jump to conclusions, ensure that you assess the situation first.
Perhaps they are talking about work or engaged in harmless conversation that entails her planning her kid’s birthday party. Before making a big deal of it and ruining everyone’s night, join in the conversation and see how he reacts to it. If he looks taken aback or pays little attention to you, he was and still is flirting. [Read: 15 super obvious flirting signs between two people]
#7 He always stares at other women. Staring appreciatively at other women may not mean he is flirting, but there’s a huge chance that he’s considering it. If he does this often with you around, imagine what he is capable of when he is out solo or with his boys.
Cut him some slack if Victoria Secret supermodel Adrianna Lima walks into the room. He is allowed to gape all he wants because, after all, he is just a man. However, if he behaves this way with every pair of tits that crosses his path, you know that he’s got other things on his mind. [Read: The right way to get rid of your man’s wandering eye]
#8 Observe his stance. Another way to gauge if your man is flirting or if he is just being nice is to take note of the nonverbal communication signs that he flashes at her, one of which is his stance. If he stands with his legs spread hip wide, arms relaxed at the side with his thumbs hooked into his pockets or belt loops, body leaning in, head tilted to one side, eyebrows raised, eye contact is intense and smiles all around, he is definitely flirting.
#9 This isn’t the first time. Although this may be jumping to conclusions, if this is not the first time he is guilty of flirting with other women, then it’s probably not his last. Although the saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater” may be a little too harsh, the underlying message is the same. If he has done it once before, he is probably doing it right now and is most likely going to do it again.
Although keeping your man on a leash is so retro, you need to stand up and be heard if he has the gall to flirt with other women. Keep the channels of communication open and ensure that you speak to him if you are not comfortable with it. A nice guy will respect your wishes, apologize and not do it again. As important as it is to always trust the person you are with, loyalty is just as important and if he cannot offer you loyalty, then he certainly does not deserve your trust.
[Read: 10 signs there may be more than just friendship between them]
Every woman has the right to wonder if her man is flirting with someone else. But it’s best to be completely sure before mouthing off a barrage of accusations. Know the facts and check for the signs before confronting your man about his behavior.
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