Guys can be very mysterious. That is part of their charm. But they can also be confusing, misleading, and insanely evasive. If you’re reading this, I am sure you have wondered how to stop being strung along by a guy who has no intention of making things official. You may even be dealing with this right now.
Being strung along by a guy is not fair
You know how they say all is fair in love and war? Well, that is so not true. Especially if you’re being strung along. He gets to be involved when it is convenient for him, but he has no “technical” responsibility or commitment to you. How is that fair?
You sit around wondering how he feels and why he treats you like that. And the worst part is he continues to dangle the tiniest piece of hope in front of you. But not quite enough to make you happy. Just enough to drive you nuts. [Read: The warning signs a player just can’t hide]
You deserve better than being strung along by a guy
You may hate the back and forth dating/not dating boat you’re rocking in at the moment, but it is hard to get off of it and swim ashore. Now you know this guy and may even be comfortable with him. Starting fresh feels like so much work.
But is being strung along really what you want? You deserve a guy who can say he wants to be with you without conditions and without uncertainties. [Read: This is how you know a guy is stringing you along]
How to stop being strung along by a guy
It is hard to learn how to stop being strung along by a guy because sometimes you don’t even realize its happening. But if you’re reading this, hopefully you do. Admitting it is the first step to stopping it.
Come to terms with the fact that this guy is not treating you the way you deserve. Then, go from there.
#1 Figure out what you want. Before figuring out how to stop being strung along, figure out what it is you want. If you aren’t sure you even want a relationship, you might be on the same page. Perhaps you want to be casual.
But if you do want a relationship and this guy can’t seem to commit or even give you a straight answer, it is time to make your move. [Read: What to do when a guy won’t commit or let go]
#2 Talk to him. Once you figure out what it is that you want from this guy, tell him. There is a chance he may just have trouble expressing his feelings or wasn’t sure what you wanted. And once you set him straight, maybe things will work out.
So spit it out. Tell him you want more. If he can’t commit you deserve better. This may sound like an ultimatum, because it is. I usually wouldn’t recommend that, but if this guy has strung you along, this is the only way to get his full attention. [Read: Ultimatums in a relationship and the best ways to use them to full effect]
#3 Talk to your friends. If this guy still couldn’t make things official with you, but rather charmed his way into stringing you along even further, have a chat with your friends. And not the friends that tell you what you want to hear, but the ones that tell it how it is.
If you tell them his response, they analyze it without the bias you have and set you straight. Your friends are the perfect people to help you break out of this rut.
#4 Look at your history. If your friends couldn’t convince you to quit this guy, hopefully they planted a seed of doubt. From there take a look at your history with guys.
Has this happened before? It can be hard to admit that you’ve been played in the past, but think about how that turned out. Probably not so great. This time will be the same if you don’t shut it down.
#5 Are you gullible? This is another thing hard to admit. Being too trusting is something a lot of people deal with. Trust me, I’ve been there. You want to believe the best in this guy. He says he won’t hurt you and just needs time or whatever excuse he used to string you along, but that is not how you treat someone you care about.
Finding a balance between questioning everyone and trusting the good in people, especially guys, is hard. If he can’t earn your trust, he is not worth your time. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]
#6 How many chances are you willing to give? At this point, how many times have you talked to him? How many times have you asked him where this is going? And how many times has he evaded that conversation or given you a vague answer?
You may think this guy is worth the wait, but you aren’t waiting for him to get back from building schools in Africa. You’re waiting for him to become a man, and who knows how long that could take.
#7 Come to terms. Once you have racked your brain for every reason to keep being strung along and haven’t been able to come up with anything decent, it is time to come to terms.
Knowing it is better to be single than being strung along by a guy just waiting for something better to come along. And you do not deserve to be thought of that way. He should feel lucky to have you around. Realize you are worth more and make a plan. [Read: How to let go of a relationship that’s really bad for you]
#8 Walk away. It is one thing to decide to walk away, it is another thing to actually do it. Telling him you are done won’t be easy. Even though he can’t commit to you, he will likely do everything he can to keep you around, as a back-up.
You already gave your ultimatum, and he threw it back in your face with his evasive response. Right now you should stick to your guns and commit to walking away. Or else you’ll enter into a cycle that will be even more difficult to end.
#9 Lay down the law. Guys have this weird thing where they don’t realize what they had until it’s gone. So he will likely try to come back. But if he is like most guys who string girls along, he won’t make a romantic gesture to do so.
He won’t show up at your door with flowers or holding a boombox over his head. Rather he’ll text you at 1am to say he misses you without any acknowledgement of his part in you ending it. He may even try to guilt you into seeing him. This is your chance to make sure he knows you’re done. Do not respond. Even block him if you have to. [Read: 12 strong clues to tell if a guy is playing you for fun]
#10 Mourn. When you’re trying to figure out how to stop being strung along by a guy, let me tell you, this part sucks. You were never really dating, but you did get attached. You deserve the chance to get over this. So treat it like a mini break up. Watch romantic comedies, binge on junk food, and have yourself a good cry in the bath.
Letting out your frustration and dealing with the part of you that will miss the few good parts about this guy helps you realize what a good decision you made in the long run.
#11 Move on. Once you realize how much better off you are without this loser in your life, find someone that actually deserves you and treats you as such. And this time you’ll know the signs to look for. [Read: 25 signs and qualities that make a guy a really, really good boyfriend]
#12 Learn from this. As you continue dating, more guys like this will pop up. Now that you have mastered how to stop being strung along by a guy, you will have no problem next time.
#13 Have fun. Remember to have fun. Not every part of dating is focusing on commitment and labels. That is important at a certain point, but the beginning should be all about butterflies and first kisses.
#14 Get on the same page. Once you know you like someone and want to be exclusive, get on the same page so you don’t find yourself in a similar situation in the future. [Read: 15 signs you’re ready to be exclusive]
#15 Forget about him. And hopefully at this point you’ll never think about him ever again. He may message you on Facebook down the road or watch your Instagram stories regularly, but all that should do is encourage you to pity him and how he lost you when he did.
[Read: 16 clear signs you should break up with your boyfriend already!]
It may take a few steps to learn how to stop being strung along by a guy, but that is only because they have experience doing it and you believe the best in him.
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