It’s very important to notice the early signs that your boyfriend is still hung up on his ex. It sucks that you’re not his first love, but if you’re not the greatest love of his life, either, you should get out of that situation. No one deserves to be treated as a rebound.
If a guy tells you that he still thinks of his ex fondly, you could admire his honesty, and then kick him out to the curb. But what do you do when he says he’s over his ex, yet you still don’t believe him?
[Read: Does your boyfriend speak to his ex often?]
Getting over an ex is never easy. If you’ve been in a passionate relationship that had to end, you’d know how hard it is to get over someone. While it’s not easy to forget someone you once loved, there’s a thin line between forgetting someone and staying in love with them.
If your boyfriend shows signs that he still loves his ex, chances are he still wants to get back with her. That is definitely not something you should put up with.
You’re not a rebound girl nor his nanny to nurse his heart to good health. Once he’s regained all the pieces of his broken heart, what guarantees that he won’t pursue his ex again?
There are better men out there who will love you like you’re one and only, so you don’t need to be someone’s floppy second. Besides, there’s no reason to welcome this type of relationship drama into your life.
[Read: How to get a guy to forget his ex and date you instead]
If you see any of these signs in your new relationship, it’s time to have that talk with your boyfriend about his ex.
You must remember that none of this is your fault. You couldn’t have seen it coming. After all, the start of a relationship is all about infatuation and lust. If he says he loves you, it’s only natural that you believe him.
Here are 16 signs that can help you figure out if your boyfriend is over his ex or not. When you recognize any of them, get ready to have a serious conversation with him.
[Read: How to tell if he’s serious about you]
This is kind of a giveaway. When you care about something or someone, you won’t shut up about them.
Don’t let him fool you by saying he hates her, and that’s why he mentions her all the time. The opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s indifference. So if your boyfriend claims to hate his ex and can’t let it go, it’s a sign he’s not over her.
When a guy has come to terms with his breakup and moved on, he won’t keep whining about it. Because why would anyone want to bring up a past relationship to someone they’re currently dating, unless they’re still tormented by it?
So if your boyfriend constantly finds ways to bring his ex into the conversation without you initiating it, he’s definitely still missing her. [Read: How to get to know a guy you want to date]
Don’t be too happy that your boyfriend doesn’t speak about his ex at all. Maybe he keeps changing the subject whenever you ask him what happened between them. Maybe he even gets angry and refuses to talk about her.
If your boyfriend thinks speaking about his ex is too much, it’s a major sign he may not be over her. There are likely still a lot of unresolved feelings there, feelings that he hasn’t managed to push aside. You can feel bad for him all you want, but who’s going to feel bad for you?
[Read: 40 rules & dating advice for women tired of bad dates & shitty men]
Unless your boyfriend is a sneaky lover, he’ll definitely leave a few signs now and then on his computer or phone. If your boyfriend’s browser history shows signs that he’s been often visiting his ex’s social media account, he’s definitely not over her.
So how much is too much? Checking up on an ex once a week is barely acceptable, but if he’s lurking on his ex’s Instagram every day, you need to have that talk with him.
[Read: Snapchat cheating: what it is & 12 signs your partner is doing it]
It’s definitely unhealthy that you have to tell your partner who they should talk to. However, if him still being in contact with his ex bothers you, you should let him know, and his responsibility is to reassure you.
So if your boyfriend can’t unfollow or delete his ex’s number even though he hasn’t spoken to her since the breakup, that’s a sign he’s still not over her.
[Read: Why do men cheat? 43 honest reasons, excuses & ways to prevent it]
The next time you walk hand in hand with your boyfriend and bump into his ex, watch how he behaves. Does he let go of your hand immediately, or does he get flustered or mumble like an awkward prepubescent child?
If his heart starts racing or he starts sweating around his ex, she’s definitely been running marathons in his mind behind your back.
[Read: How to tell if someone is lying about cheating on you: 15 subtle hints]
Exes stay friends sometimes if they ended on good terms, but there would still be some boundaries. After all, there’s a reason they broke up in the first place, so hanging out frequently like nothing happened would be pretty weird.
If your boyfriend and his ex are still super close after the breakup, there are still feelings between them.
[Read: “My boyfriend cheated on me”: 20 things you need to do ASAP]
He’s dating you. He should be happy. So if he finds out that his ex is dating someone new and turns into an uncontrollable whining boy, he’s obviously pissed off that she’s doing the deed with someone new.
If he’s truly happy with you and has overpowered any strings of residual love, he shouldn’t be bothered if she’s with someone else. [Read: What is emotional cheating & 15 signs to recognize an affair ASAP]
Exes don’t have to stay friends, but they can still keep in touch. But if your boyfriend behaves like his ex’s servant and is always ready to help her out of a spot, that’s a sign he’s hoping they can get back together. Only a guy who’s still in love will constantly try to help an ex out with her life, be it by being the handyman or someone to chauffer her around.
[Read: What is considered cheating these days? How to define your grey area]
Another sign is when your boyfriend stiffens a giggle or blushes like a schoolboy when his friends tease him about a romantic incident involving his ex. If he’s completely over her, he will get annoyed or slightly uncomfortable when being teased with her. Only lost and lovelorn lovers like fantasizing and talking about exes with a glazed look of happiness plastered over their faces.
[Read: 34 reasons to break up with someone & leave even if you love them]
He can still keep the things his ex gave him, but pay attention to how he treats those things. A boyfriend who still holds a stuffed toy given by his ex while sleeping in the same bed with you is a major red flag.
Does he still polish the watch his ex gave him? Does he keep her scarf in his closet that still smells like her? Or worse, he gets upset when you accidentally touch the things his ex gave him! That’s the sign to start packing your bags because your boyfriend’s ex is living in his head rent-free.
[Read: Should I break up with my boyfriend? 36 signs you MUST to be happy]
Everyone heals differently, but most people don’t just get over a breakup in a month. If you’re in a relationship with a guy who’s broken up with his girlfriend less than two months ago, he’s not forgotten about his ex. And chances are, you’re his rebound girl, even if he doesn’t know it himself. [Read: 15 signs you’re in a rebound relationship]
You may find him clinging to old memories when he thinks you’re not around. Does he hold something of hers or secretly watch her Instagram stories when he thinks you’ve left the room? Does he read old text messages from her when he thinks you’re asleep?
If you see a sign that your boyfriend is still clinging to his memories with his ex, hold your pride and break up with him.
[Read: How to know if you should break up: 22 signs that can guide you]
This is a tricky place to be in. This is something you’ll come to experience if you steal a guy from his girlfriend. Was he still in a relationship when you wooed him away? He may not have broken up with her yet, and even though he’s told you that he’s ended the relationship, they may still keep in touch. [Read: Signs he’s dating someone else along with you]
His excuse is that he doesn’t want to hurt her, so he needs time to ease her out of loving him. Well, that’s all bullsh*t. Kicking him out is the only answer. [Read: When is it time to break up? 15 signs to know for sure if it’s time]
Does your new boyfriend have loads of his ex’s photos on his phone and refuse to delete them? Seriously, which guy in his right mind keeps his ex’s photos stored in his phone? Deleting them is the right thing to do if he’s actually over her.
If your boyfriend was in a long-term relationship, he might even have his ex’s nude pictures and steamy videos. Of course, he won’t tell you about it. He’s definitely taking a good look at them while you’re away.
[Read: 16 do’s and don’ts to make your boyfriend want you more than ever]
Another big warning sign is when your boyfriend starts comparing you to his ex. He’ll compare how you act, the way the two of you are, and the kind of relationship you have with him.
Even if it’s a good comparison, nobody wants to be compared to anyone, especially not their boyfriend’s ex! A new relationship is meant to be a fresh start. So his ex certainly shouldn’t even be in the picture.
[Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend you need to leave ASAP]
Maybe he finds it difficult to let you in. He may tell you how much you mean to him, yet he can’t seem to allow your connection to grow to a deeper level. This is more serious if he just went through a bad breakup before dating you. It could be because your boyfriend is afraid of getting hurt again, or a sign that he’s not over his ex.
[Read: 150+ personal questions to ask a guy to get him to open up to you]
Sometimes, all of us miss our exes or think of them. But there’s a thin line between a passing thought and an obsession. Keep an eye on these signs that he’s not over his ex and talk to him about it. It’ll clear the air and help you decide what to do next.
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