How Do Guys Get Emotionally Attached? 19 Signs & Ways His Mind Works

Sometimes men can be a mystery to women. So, you are probably wondering how do guys get emotionally attached? Here’s some interesting information.

How do guys get emotionally attached

Relationships are much more complex than we like to think they are, and sometimes it can be a real challenge in figuring out the truth. You probably want to know how do guys get emotionally attached because you’ve been seeing a guy or are in a new relationship.

Now, an emotional attachment is one of three forms of attachment.

a. Friend attachment is when you both care about each other in a platonic way.

b. Physical attachment is when you both find each other attractive and act on it.

c. Lastly, there’s emotional attachment.

Do guys get as attached as girls do? 

We all know that women are emotional, and we tend to think that men aren’t. But that’s not true. Men are humans too, which means they also have emotions. Sure, that’s obvious, but sometimes women wonder! 

Here’s an interesting tidbit of information according to some studies. Men might actually get more emotionally attached *eventually* than women do.

Why doesn’t it feel like it? Well, it’s because men are better at hiding their emotions than women are.

The reason that men hide their emotions more is that it is socialized into them growing up. You have probably heard the phrases, “boys don’t cry,” or “suck it up and be a man!” or “stop being a sissy!”

Well, this kind of language encourages boys to suppress their emotions.  [Read: Why do guys distance themselves after intimacy? And how to handle it]

Also, if a boy is raised by a father and mother who highly value masculine behavior, then they will discourage any type of “feminine” behavior. And that includes emotional attachment and expression. 

Many boys are taught that being sensitive is the same as being weak. But if you think about it, the opposite is actually true. Feeling emotions is not something anyone should be ashamed of.

A lot of men don’t allow themselves to understand the way women feel because they don’t understand why women aren’t following the “emotional rules” that they were taught to follow. [Read: Do men have feelings? Then why do they act like they don’t care]

However, in recent decades, men are becoming more accepting of the emotions they have. They are also starting to become more open about themselves.

At the same time, women have become more independent, more sexually open, and more emotionally reserved.

So, as you can see, men do have emotions and emotional attachment, just like women do. It’s just that they express it differently because it’s socially taboo to do it the way women express their emotions. [Read: 35 signs a man is emotionally attached to you and ready to get closer]

How do guys get emotionally attached?

Emotional attachment is considered the final stage and where you both are intimate with each other. But this isn’t just physical intimacy, we’re talking about emotional intimacy. 

Emotional intimacy is where you both are honest with each other, express genuine feelings, and those late-night talks that you only have with someone you trust. [Read: 15 reasons why an emotional connection is really important]

But to get there to that point isn’t easy. Plus, you may be doing these things already, but you’re still not sure if he’s emotionally attached or not. 

We’ve all been there, and being uncertain, especially when you’re being vulnerable, isn’t fun.

But there are some things you can do to make a guy emotionally attached to you. Without emotions, there’s nothing. So, let’s talk about some ways guys get emotionally attached.

1. You feel a connection

Before anything, you know deep down if there’s a genuine connection or not. If you feel a connection, then you should act on it. 

But, if you have a feeling that he’s just here for a good time, not a long time, then maybe it’s time you double-checked with yourself if this is a good idea or not. Because if you’re going to put effort into this, you want it to be reciprocated. [Read: What to do when he likes you but doesn’t want a relationship]

2. Be a support system for him

If you want him to emotionally attach to you, show him that you can be his support. Of course, he needs to reciprocate this as well. B

ut, no one emotionally invests in you if they don’t see you as someone who will support them through thick and thin. They want a partner, not just a friend. [Read: 19 rules to be a good partner in a relationship and make anyone feel lucky]

3. Talk to him

If you want him to emotionally attach himself to you, communicate with him. Remember, communication is essential in every relationship. But the way you communicate with him also matters. 

You need to be honest and open with him when talking to him, that way, he feels that he can trust you and emotionally invest in you. Everyone is looking for predictability andstability in a partner, so show it.

4. Be vulnerable

Ugh, yes, vulnerability is a scary thing. It’s always easier when someone else is the one stepping out of their comfort zone and opening up. But if you want him to emotionally attach to you, you’re going to need to do this. 

It’s the only way you make the next step in the relationship. If you’re wondering how do guys get emotionally attached, you need to know that if you open up, he’ll feel more comfortable doing the same back in return. [Read: How to be vulnerable in a relationship and feel closer instantly]

5. Think about how you argue

We all end up in fights and arguments at some point, whether or not the relationship is serious or casual. These can be small arguments or explosive ones, but what you should focus on is how you recover from them.

It’s not the argument that will make him drift away, it’s how you come out of it. If you want him to emotionally attach to you, then you need to argue the right way. [Read: 23 dos and don’ts to remember in a relationship argument]

6. Let him be vulnerable

We have a tendency to quiet men who want to show vulnerability. Plus, our society has this mentality that men should ‘be strong’ and ‘not cry’ – which is really stupid. Because at the end of the day, woman or man, we’re emotional beings.

He may feel safe and secure enough to open up to you and show vulnerability. If he does this, he’s expecting you to respect him and be empathetic. If you want a guy to emotionally attach to you, when he’s vulnerable, be understanding.

7. Show gratitude

Another way guys get emotionally attached is when you show gratitude and appreciation for them. When we like someone, we go out of our way to show it. If he goes out of his way to do things for you, show your gratitude and appreciation in return.

He’ll love the fact that you notice what he’s doing for you. If you don’t, this is a huge sign that you’re entitled and selfish, which are key things people look at when finding a real partner. [Read: 26 qualities of a good woman every guy looks for while dating someone]

8. Be spontaneous

Relationships are serious enough as it is. Just the idea of a relationship is boggled by seriousness. But, you shouldn’t think of your relationship as something super serious. 

Of course, it is serious since you’re committed to each other, but make it fun and spontaneous. Regardless of how long you’ve been dating, try to keep things spicy, easy, and fun.

9. No games

We think playing games are the way to get a person attached to you, but they’re not. Sure, it works in the short term but not in the long term.

If you want a guy to emotionally attach to you for the right reasons, then don’t be manipulative. This never works because eventually, the real you will show! [Read: How to stop playing relationship games and focus on loving instead]

10. Be intimate

Now, you don’t need to be physically intimate with someone to emotionally attach yourself to them and vice versa. In fact, in the beginning, it’s probably better if you didn’t get intimate right away.

Having sex with someone is easy, but being emotionally intimate is not.

And if you don’t bring together the emotional and physical intimacy, then there won’t be strong emotional attachment. You don’t need to rush this. In fact, take time before connecting the two together. [Read: How to fall in love slowly – 28 steps to create your own real fairytale romance]

11. Accept him

We’re all flawed, and we’re all aware of our own flaws. But if you show him you accept his flaws and appreciate them, then he’ll feel more comfortable and relaxed around you. 

Now, if you’re always making fun of him and criticizing his flaws, he’ll be less willing to emotionally attach himself to you.

12. Don’t try to control him

No one likes being controlled. Even controlling people don’t like being controlled themselves. Being controlled makes someone feel suffocated and they instinctually want to get away from the source of control.

So, if a woman is easy-going and “holds on loosely” to the man, a guy will be more inclined to get emotionally attached to her. You can’t nag him or act like his mother because that creates more negativity which pushes him away.

It’s very important that you have an attitude of “I want you, but I don’t need you.” [Read: 24 scary signs of a controlling girlfriend and how to avoid being one]

13. Have positive energy – be an optimist

You probably know people who are “Debbie Downers.” In other words, they are always complaining about something. When you are with them, you feel like they are sucking the life force out of you.

It’s not surprising that guys don’t like it when girls are like that!

They want to be happy and feel good around you. No one is going to get emotionally attached to someone they find to be an “energy vampire.” [Read: How to be more positive – 24 steps to a happy and dramatic life shift]

14. Don’t be dramatic

Guys don’t like drama either. This is closely linked to what we just talked about with the negativity. When you are overly dramatic and make a mountain out of a molehill all the time, then this gets draining.

So, don’t take all of your problems to him. Sure, you can lean on him sometimes. But if you’re constantly making everything that happens to you into a soap opera, it’s going to be difficult for him to get emotionally attached to you.

15. Be kind to him, not bitchy

As the saying goes, “You can attract more flies with honey than vinegar.” In other words, people like people who are nice and kind.

Remember the Golden Rule: treat others as you want them to treat you. That is one of the ways guys get emotionally attached. [Read: How to be nice – 20 easy tips to make everyone enjoy being around you]

Everyone is nice at the beginning of a relationship. But as time goes on, sometimes women turn bitchy. And how do you expect a man to get emotionally attached if you are acting that way toward him?

Even if it’s just occasionally, it will make him want to escape you, not attach to you.

16. Don’t try to change him

So many women are guilty of this! They like the man in the beginning, but as they get more committed, they tend to see things that they want to change about him.

But this drives guys nuts. They don’t want to be changed.

Whether you want to change his wardrobe, his hair, or his ambition, it doesn’t matter. It’s still not accepting him exactly as he is. If you don’t like the way he is now, then maybe you’re not a good match.

He won’t get emotionally attached to someone who doesn’t like him the way he is. [Read: Why won’t he change? Your man says he will but he never does]

17. Have your own life

A lot of guys like it when women are independent. So, you should have your own job, your own place, and your own friends. You should be happy and enjoy everything you have outside of your relationship with him.

When you do, that means that you have a balanced well-rounded life that he is a part of. If you become too dependent on him, he might pull away. And if he’s pulling away, then he’s not emotionally attaching to you.

18. Don’t be clingy

If you are clingy, then you are not independent. So, similarly to what we just discussed, you should not be needy. Being needy is exhausting energy for both the person who is needy and the other one who is being needed.

So, being clingy will make him want to run. A lot of guys like their space and independence and they don’t want to have to “entertain you” 24/7. [Read: How to stop being needy – why people become clingy and how to fix it]

19. Give him time

Women tend to emotionally attach to guys pretty quickly. But for guys, some of them take a longer amount of time to “get there” than women do.

If by the 3-4 month mark, you are not seeing signs that he is getting emotionally attached to you, that may be because he is just going more slowly than you do. Some guys even take a year or so to get attached! So, you just need to give him time.

[Read: 45 honest signs a guy really loves you even if he hasn’t said it out loud yet]

The mystical question of how do guys get emotionally attached has been answered. Plus, you now have the signs to tell if he’s emotionally attached to you. So, is he hooked?

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Carol Morgan LP
Dr. Carol Morgan
Dr. Carol Morgan has a Ph.D. in communication and is a professor at Wright State University where she loves corrupting young minds. As a relationship and succes...