Relationships are not easy. You have to work for them and you have to work hard. You can’t just decide to be with someone and assume that’s all it takes. Some people who think this end up needing relationship counseling to get through their problems. That is, if their issues aren’t too far gone already.
Because they very well may be. Relationships counseling can only help certain couples. It’s not a permanent fix for those whose issues are too complex or too deeply rooted. But if you’re only struggling with some fairly minor things, there is hope for your relationship.
How to know if you should just call it quits instead
Now, normally I don’t condone just quitting without trying. However, sometimes it’s necessary. Some couples just aren’t meant to be and attempting to stay together while having major issues can be more harmful than you realize.
Knowing when to just end things will help you determine if relationship counseling is worth it. If you really don’t have any desire to fix anything and you really don’t care what happens to your relationship in the end, then you should just walk away. It’s clear you have no real feelings for your partner. [Read: 20 signs you should break up and throw in the towel]
How to tell if it’s time for relationship counseling
Relationship counseling is not for everyone. It won’t help certain couples and therefore, you need to be aware of whether or not your relationship can be fixed and if counseling is for you. Here’s how to tell.
#1 You want to fix things. You recognize there’s an issue but you also really want to fix it. Maybe your relationship has been slow or boring or you just feel like it’s lost its spark. You just want it back to how it used to be.
If that sounds familiar, relationship counseling may be able to help. The fact that you actually want to try and you actually want to fix things means you still care. And if you still care, you’ll be willing to do things to make the necessary changes. This means getting some counseling will be helpful for your relationship specifically. [Read: How to fix a relationship that’s falling apart]
#2 You feel like you can’t communicate. Every time you try to talk about your problems, something goes wrong. You get upset or you can’t articulate your feelings. This is a really big problem in many relationships that can be easily fixed by seeing a counselor.
They’ll help you see the problems with your communication and they’ll also help you say what you need to. Perhaps they’ll be able to pinpoint what’s wrong even when you can’t fully explain it yourself.
#3 All discussions of issues turn into yelling. When you try to talk about your problems and why you’re both unhappy, does it end up in yelling matches? Do you both just get way too heated to get the point across and you end up back at square one?
If that sounds like you, then relationship counseling will surely help. You won’t be able to sit and yell at each other. Someone else will be there to tell you to calm down and cut you off if you’re getting too upset. That means you’ll both be able to actually talk through the problems. [Read: 8 things to tell yourself when fighting with your partner]
#4 You feel like your partner doesn’t care about your concerns. Actively trying to fix your problems is fantastic. However, when you feel like your partner is constantly ignoring your issues or seeming like they don’t care, it’s horrible.
Luckily, this is a problem relationships counseling can surely fix. Perhaps your partner doesn’t realize what a big issue those things are. Talking about them while in a serious setting, like with a counselor, can help them understand it’s really important you.
#5 You feel embarrassed about how you’re feeling. First of all, if you’re embarrassed to tell your partner something you’re concerned about, it’s a problem. However, it’s also fairly common in couples who aren’t fully secure in their relationship.
Which is why seeing a counselor can actually help immensely. You’ll be able to talk about your concerns in a safe place and therefore, they’ll be out in the open and able to solve.
#6 You throw your problems under the rug. When you get upset with your partner, do you talk about it? Do you sit down and discuss why you got mad and what they did and how they can prevent it? If not, you might need a relationship counselor.
When you just shove your issue aside, they’re bound to add up. Seeing a counselor and revisiting those issues will help save your relationship. [Read: 9 tips for dealing with a non-confrontational partner]
#7 You just have sex to get over your problems. On the other hand, if you have sex to get over your problems, you still need some help. A healthy sex life is obviously a great thing and it means you both are still very attracted to one another, but sex is not a problem solver.
You need to talk about your issues before hitting the sheets. Otherwise, those problems will continue to add up. However, if you’re just having sex, it means you lack the skills necessary to confront and solve problems. That’s where a counselor comes into play.
#8 You don’t have any intimate time together anymore. On the opposite end of the spectrum, you don’t have sex or time alone together at all. Basically, you’re just going through the motions of life without nurturing your relationship.
This can be a major issue and sometimes you’ll need a relationship counselor to help you figure out how to get back to loving each other as a couple. If you feel stuck and aren’t sure how to initiate sex or get back into the swing of things, see a counselor together. [Read: What to do when you don’t have sex anymore]
#9 You feel like your relationship is stuck, but you want it to move forward. Basically, you’re unsatisfied because you don’t think your relationship is growing or progressing. But you really want it to and can see yourself really happy with that person. If this is the case, relationships counseling is your best bet. Sit down and talk to someone together so they can pinpoint why you’re stuck.
#10 You don’t know what’s wrong. You’re both having problems but you really aren’t sure where they’re coming from. Perhaps you get in little spats or are unhappy in general just don’t know what it’s stemming from.
A relationship counselor is best for this type of problem because they can simply ask about your life and be able to find the issue. Once you know what the problem is, you can definitely work together to fix it and remain in a happy relationship.
[Read: 5 reasons couple’s therapy isn’t working for you]
Sometimes relationship counseling is the only thing that’ll save your relationship. Having someone else there to lead your conversations and help you see the problems can be a major help.
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