So, it happened. You accidentally fell in love with a man who’s married. Here’s what you need to tell yourself to come back to your senses.
It happens. Sometimes, you run into a man and can’t help but be enthralled with him. You get to know him more and more, and just so happen to fall for him. This would be completely normal…if he wasn’t already married to someone else.
You can’t choose who you fall in love with, right? Sometimes, no matter how much you tell yourself you shouldn’t be in love with someone, your mind just can’t seem to shake your feelings.
Although I’ve never been in the situation *thank goodness* there are many women out there who know this feeling intimately—being in love with the wrong person, but just not being able to help themselves.
While it may seem like there’s no hope and you’ll never stop feeling that way, there are things you can tell yourself to give yourself a kind of reality check.
The reality checks you need when you’re in love with a married man
Although some of these reality checks may be harsh, they’re the truth that you need in this situation. When you’re in love with a married man, there’s more than just your feelings that need to be taken into consideration.
#1 No, you should NEVER act on it. If you haven’t acted on this feeling yet, DON’T. For a long list of reasons, this is a terrible idea. He’s married. He has already committed to someone else and, despite your feelings, you need to respect that. By acting on this feeling, you’re disrespecting him and his family *if he has one*. Don’t put him in an uncomfortable position and have some respect.
#2 You probably want him because you can’t have him. Have you ever thought that you might only be attracted to this person because he’s already taken? This is a pretty popular phenomenon that happens when someone finds out the person they’re only mildly attracted to is actually taken. For some reason, this triggers something in some people, and they suddenly find themselves head over heels.
Chances are, this could be the case for you. You might only want him because you can’t have him. Is that really a good reason to end his marriage? No.
#3 He will never leave his wife for you. The vast majority of the time, the man will never leave his wife for you. No matter how much he may tell you that he will *if you two are engaged in a relationship*, the odds of him actually following through are extremely thin. He won’t leave her for you. Stop wasting your time. [Read: 10 painful realities of being the other woman you really should know]
#4 You don’t even know if he loves you. You have invested all this time, developing feelings for a man you can’t have. How much time has he invested in you? Do you even know if he cares about you, let alone loves you? You really shouldn’t be putting forth any effort if he’s married. Leave him alone and move on.
#5 He has a family—and you’re not a part of it. If the man you’re in love with is happily married AND has a family, you should just walk away while you still can. You are not a part of his family, nor will he ever really be able to see you that way. No matter your feelings, you need to realize this and stop the pursuit.
#6 He’s not the person for you, anyway. Have you even stopped to think about the fact that the two of you might not be the best match? You could be love-blind to the real truth. He’s not the one for you; obviously he’s already found the love of his life. You’re still on the hunt for yours. Realize that he’s not the person for you, and move on.
#7 The end game in this mess is NOT pretty. So, you’re in love with him. What next? You tell him, he leaves his wife for you, and you all live happily ever after? No. This is what’s more likely to happen: you’ll tell him your feelings, he’ll pretend he feels the same *maybe only to sleep with you*, eventually his wife will get suspicious, and he’ll break things off—leaving you heartbroken and alone. Is that what you really want? [Read: Movies about affairs and why they always glorify a scandalous affair]
#8 You’re wasting your time on something that won’t last. Just like what was mentioned above, your love for him and any relationship that MAY form out of you pursuing a married man is not going to last. He may dabble in the idea momentarily *hopefully not, because he’s MARRIED*, but after a while, it’s going to be boring. He has a wife, after all. He doesn’t need anything else. Your fling will be short-lived and you’ll have wasted time.
#9 If anything does happen, you’ll always be the “other woman.” You’ll never be more to anyone than the woman he left his wife and family for. His family and friends will never think of you as anything other than that. This will give you a bad name and cause riffs within his family. Would you really want to live like that? [Read: Love triangles and its confusing complications you need to know]
#10 There are more people involved than just you and him. Stop being so selfish. Sure, you have strong feelings for him, but it’s bigger than just the two of you. If he has a family, you’re putting his family in a bad spot, you’re putting him in a horrible situation, and you’re going to end up being the cause of hurt in some way. Just let it go, and walk away before getting any more involved.
#11 You don’t truly love him. Unless you’ve actually been dating this man *and if so, SHAME ON YOU*, then you don’t know him well enough to know that you’re truly in love with him. Sure, you could really like him, think the two of you would work well together, and even find him ridiculously attractive. But since you don’t know him in an intimate way, how could you say you truly love him? [Read: How to end an affair and get over it completely]
#12 If you need this reality check, that should say enough about the situation. If you’re reading this, then you already know that your feelings should never amount to anything more. You already know that you need to walk away. You already know that being in love with a married man has no purpose and won’t get you anywhere. Do the right thing, and move on.
Whether you are in love from a distance, or have been romantically involved with a married man, these reality checks will put you in the right mind. Take our advice, and find someone who is right for you and, more importantly, available.
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Bella is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog, p...