Home  >  Love Couch  >  Better Love

17 Most Important Things in a Relationship that Hold It Together

If you focus on these important things in a relationship, you’ll see that a relationship can be way easier, and a lot more loving and fulfilling as well!

most important things in a relationship

Relationships are not simple. Just like taking care of anything worthwhile, they require work, effort, and focus. But, what are the most essential things in a relationship? You don’t want to get carried away worrying about things like birthday presents when your communication is failing, do you?!

Understand what the priorities are. You need to know where your priorities lie if you want to make your relationship work.

Aside from communication, three things comprise a functioning relationship – love, respect, and trust. There are the vital things that will make your relationship last.

Even if just one of these three things is broken, there will be conflict in your relationship, and it might lead to your falling apart if you don’t find a way to fix things.

[Read: Relationship rules: 30 must-know tips to live your best love life!]

Knowing the most important things in a relationship

Everyone has their own priorities in life. It makes sense that those would carry over into a relationship. Some people are more concerned about the future while others want to be happy in the moment.

Of course, each person and relationship will have its own focus, but as long as you know the essential things in a relationship to you and your partner, you can work on them. If you’re serious about making the relationship last, it’s vital to get your priorities straight.

Maybe in your last relationship, intimacy was one of the essential things in your relationship. But now, it could be communication or even compromise. In order to really know what the most important things in a relationship are, look at your relationship, what is most important to you and your partner, and how to work on it.

Every relationship is different, which is also why communication is an important factor in making things work. Talk about it with your partner on the most important things in a relationship for both of you, and take it from there. 

[Read: These are 12 healthy relationship expectations for a good love life]

How do you make a relationship last?

Relationships don’t come easy, ever. Even with the saying that you should be with someone who makes love feel easy, it will always come with hard work and effort. If you both don’t make the relationship work, it will eventually fall apart.

Unlike what we have seen in the movies or in fairytales, you don’t just fall for the right person and live happily ever after. In the real world, you both actively participate to make a relationship work. You constantly choose them every day, and the same goes for them.

As ideal relationships seem, there’s no escaping how crucial it is to know the important things in a relationship. That is, if you really want to have a serious and committed relationship that lasts the test of time! [Read: How to make a relationship last – 19 love commandments]

What are the most important things in a relationship?

In case you’re not the best at analyzing your relationship to find the most important things, here are some ideas on what to focus on, when it comes to you, your partner, and your relationship.

As we said, each relationship is different, but some things are the most important in almost all relationships. Even if they aren’t the most important things in yours, focusing on them definitely won’t hurt.

In fact, caring for all of these most important things in a relationship will only make your bond even stronger. [Read: What to look for in a relationship – 23 traits of a happy romance]

1. Trust

Trust is the most crucial thing in any relationship, so you can’t take this lightly. Without trust, all the other important things in a relationship will not last. Trust is what any solid relationship is built on. When you don’t have this foundation, everything built on top will crumble.

The lack of this is precisely why a lot of relationships and especially marriages fall apart. Really, it’s the key for all long-lasting relationships. [Read: How to stop the codependency for a healthy relationship]

2. Respect

Equality is not just the most important when it comes to equal pay, but in relationships too. Without respect, one person in the relationship will always feel less than the other. See your partner as an equal and appreciate their opinions and insights.

If you can’t do that in a relationship, not only will one partner’s self-esteem suffer, but anger and resentment can quickly take over.

Respect is one of the most crucial things you should never ignore. If you want your relationship to work, you need to respect them. See them as an equal, respect their boundaries, and respect their opinions. [Read: How to show respect in a relationship and love each other better]

3. Compromise

Once you figure out respect, compromise comes with it. When you respect your partner, you want to make them happy, and compromise is a part of that. A relationship is about finding happiness with another person. For both people to have that, compromise is one of the most important things in a relationship.

You have to be willing to give a little and meet your partner halfway.

If your needs are always met and not theirs, or vice versa, the relationship will eventually crumble and fall apart. You need to be willing to meet one another halfway to make things last. [Read: How to compromise in a relationship and not feel like you’re left out]

4. Communication

In order to successfully take care of the most important things in a relationship, take the time to communicate. You cannot assume you know what your partner is thinking and vice versa. Without open and honest communication, you will never be on the same page. If that happens, things can go awry quickly.

Miscommunication is the most common problem in any relationship, so you can’t take this lightly.

Talk about things, express your feelings, and most important, never invalidate one another. That’s how to practice effective communication with your partner. [Read: A guide on effective communication in a relationship]

5. Humor

As serious as many of the most important things in a relationship are, a significant part of maintaining any relationship is a great sense of humor. If you can’t laugh at yourselves, you are living in dull and unhappy feelings.

You know the key to a lot of lasting relationships? When you spend your days laughing with one another and enjoying your humor. Especially when you share the same humor, the relationship will never get boring.

Laughter is not just the best medicine but also the best way to enhance a relationship. [Read: The 12 types of humor and how each of them affect a relationship]

6. Openness

We all have our own opinions, but you cannot expect your partner to always agree with you when you’re in a relationship. Being able to open your mind to your partner’s views is a significant part of making a relationship work. This also means letting yourself be vulnerable and open around them.

You don’t have to say everything, but you need to open up the important aspects of yourself. You do not need to change your mind. But be open enough to accept how you and your partner differ, not just what you have in common.

This is also why your partner should also be your best friend, to make things even more natural to open up. When they’re your best friend, you can talk about anything and everything. [Read: 15 sweet gestures that express love without words]

7. Intimacy

Intimacy can mean sex to some. To others, it may mean closeness, and to some, it may mean chemistry. Whatever it means to you, it is one of the most important things in a relationship, whether you like it or not. Without intimacy, a relationship becomes a friendship.

That isn’t to say that friendship is bad, but too much of it will make you both lose chemistry in the relationship. So there needs to be a perfect balance of both friendship and intimacy as they’re some of the essential things in a relationship. [Read: 12 easy ways to keep intimacy alive in a relationship]

8. Independence

You may be surprised to be reading this. No healthy relationship can survive without independence. If two people depend solely on each other for happiness, they are doomed. You should be able to focus on yourself and your job or interests.

There’s nothing healthy about codependent relationships as they can quickly turn into a toxic or sabotaging relationship. Of course, there’s also something wrong with being overly independent, so try to balance needing your partner and standing on your own feet.

Be independent without not neglecting them in the process. One of the most important things in a relationship is that your partner adds to your already happy life, not that they are your happy life. [Read: Are you codependent? 14 signs you’re clingy and overstepping boundaries]

9. Safety

Safety and security in a relationship may not be what you need as a teenager. Once you are looking for a lasting bond, you want to know you can depend on them in good times and bad. You both need to feel secure in your relationship to make things work.

You want to know not only that you’re physically safe but also that your heart is safe. When you feel at home in their arms and the same goes for them, that’s a relationship with great potential. You should be one another’s peace as there is already so much chaos in this world. [Read: 15 signs of a healthy relationship that keep couples happy & in love]

10. Goals

When you want a relationship that will make it through the long haul, one of the most important things is that your future goals line up. So many people hope that their partner will change what they want down the line. If you don’t want the same things out of life now, you may never.

If someone doesn’t have the same goals as you, this will be a significant problem in the long run.

So sharing similar goals is so important in a relationship if you want to make things work. For instance, if you both don’t share the goal of marriage or kids, that will be a deal-breaker further in the line. [Read: 15 real relationship goals most couples have no idea about]

11. Love

Obviously, this should be a pretty evident one in this list of essential things in a relationship. Without love, the rest of it won’t feel how it should and how you want it to. You should have lots and lots of love for your partner if you’re going to make it last.

Love is the core foundation of your relationship because if you don’t love one another, what else is the point? Love is one of the core foundations to make a relationship work and last. [Read: The 20 feelings that best describe what true love feels like]

12. Friendship

The best feeling in the world is being in a relationship with your best friend and eventually marrying them. Even if they weren’t your best friend before you dated them, it doesn’t mean you can’t build a friendship in the relationship.

If anything, relationships with the foundation of friendship prove to last much longer.

So don’t underestimate the role friendship can play when it comes to the important things in a relationship. They shouldn’t just be your partner, but also your best friend! [Read: What makes a good friend – 15 traits we desperately seek in a friend]

13. Forgiveness

Your relationship will never withstand the storms if you both can’t forgive one another consistently. Obviously, we’re not referring to disastrous situations where you shouldn’t be so fast to forgive them – like abuse, cheating, betrayal, or manipulation.

But when it comes to petty fights, such as them forgetting to say they love you or not being able to pick you up after work, you need to forgive them. If you hold a grudge for every fight you have, your relationship will not last very long. [Read: How to forgive someone – 15 positive ways to unburden your mind]

14. Patience

Both forgiveness and patience, are similar to one another in the sense that it takes a lot of energy to keep understanding your partner. Patience is such a valuable trait, which is why it’s one of the most important things in a relationship.

Without patience, it will be easy just to walk away from the relationship entirely or keep holding grudges against them. Be patient whenever a miscommunication happens or when you’re not on the same page right now. Be patient when they’re mad at you because they’re sometimes just trying to avoid saying hurtful things to you.

Really, patience is that vital. [Read: Love is patient love is kind – 14 rules to experience true love]

15. Commitment

Of course, this shouldn’t even be a question by now. Commitment is the aspect that makes you choose your partner, for better or worse. Do you want to know the secret to long-lasting relationships? You need to choose one another every day.

Love isn’t just a feeling, but it’s a constant decision to love them, even when it’s not convenient in the moment *yes, even more so in arguments*.

You can’t just commit only when you feel like it, but commit to them constantly. Commitment is also the thing that encourages you to stay loyal and faithful to your partner. [Read: What is commitment in a relationship & how to know if you have it?]

16. Empathy

Without empathy, it will be hard to understand your partner and see things from your point of view. So for instance, if they’re upset and you don’t understand where their anger is coming from, put yourself in their shoes for a moment and have empathy. If you were in their shoes, would you also be angry?

Empathy is one of the important things in a relationship that people often forget. Without empathy, it’s incredibly easy to invalidate one another’s feelings – and when there’s invalidation, there’s miscommunication. [Read: 7 reasons why empathy is important in a relationship]

17. Values

The saying opposites attract might apply to some, but it doesn’t go for values. Similar to sharing similar goals, if you have conflicting values with your partner, your relationship will eventually crash and burn. One of you will be expected to compromise for the other all the time, and that’s just not fair for the partner who’s losing out.

So it’s only natural that sharing similar core values is one of the important things in a relationship you should never ignore. That is if you want to last a lifetime together

[Read: 12 ways you can be a high value woman he’ll never want to leave]

How to take care of the most important things in a relationship

None of the vital aspects of a relationship come easily. You should work on them and nurture them for a relationship to successfully last. Just because you have trust, love, and intimacy, doesn’t mean it will last if you don’t work on it.

You need to constantly choose your partner and your relationship if you want to last a lifetime. Communication is the only way to ensure you have all the other essentials in a relationship. If you can’t talk about your future, your independence, or security with your partner, you’ll never be able to work on it.

You may hope this all comes naturally to you and your partner, but talking about the most important things in a relationship is vital to know where you and your partner are, mentally and physically.

[Read: Long term relationship advice to transform your love life]

As long as you and your partner know the most important things in a relationship, you can work on them. Don’t be complacent, continue to love your partner, and the rest will follow. 

Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life. And while you’re at it, check out MIRL, a cool new social networking app that connects experts and seekers!

Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...