You and your partner want to find a third person for a fun night, but unicorn hunting does take some work if you want a night of real fun.
You and your partner have decided to test the waters and explore the world of non-monogamy with a threesome. If you’re completely new to it all, it can definitely be a little scary and intense to consider unicorn hunting.
This is a new world you’re stepping into, and when something is new, there are a lot of mixed feelings involved. Even though this may be your first experience in non-monogamy, if you research ahead of time and focus on open communication with your partner, it should go pretty well.
You want to find a unicorn *or third* for your relationship. Maybe it’s just for one fun night, or you want to date your third. Either way, you need to find your third first. This is the hardest part because the more people involved in a relationship, the more opinions and needs people have.
Your third is another person, don’t see them as someone you can use and toss around. Instead, this is another person you need to please and satisfy as well. So, when you’re unicorn hunting, there are some important things you need to do to make sure things go smoothly. [Read: How to have a perfect threesome with all the right rules]
Make it a memorable time for everyone.
#1 The work starts before the search. Before you and your partner get all excited about finding your unicorn, there are some things you definitely need to iron out with your partner. Most of the work comes before you even start to look for your third person. So, before you do anything, focus on your relationship first.
#2 What do you want? I know that having a threesome is probably exciting for you, but you need to put aside your fantasy and really think about whether this is something you want. If you’re certain this is what you want for yourself and the relationship, then see if your partner feels the same. [Relationship boredom: How to cure boredom in your relationship forever]
#3 Does your partner actually want to do it? Is this something you’re pushing on your partner? Or is this something you both genuinely want? You should make sure your partner wants this as much as you do. If not, throughout the unicorn hunting process and threesome, it can create some serious issues.
#4 What will you two do if jealousy arises? This is something you need to talk about with your partner. Odds are jealousy will arise in the threesome, and you need to have a plan about what you’re going to do when it happens. When it does happen, will you stop what you’re doing and discuss your feelings? [Read: Could you actually be happy in a polyamorous relationship?]
#5 If you can’t do any of the above, don’t continue with it. If you don’t know what you want, if your partner isn’t sure if this is right for them, or if you two aren’t comfortable talking about feelings together, then stop right now. You’re not ready for unicorn hunting; you’re not even stable in your own relationship. [Read: 20 things you MUST KNOW if you ever consider a threesome]
#6 Is this just for one night or a polyamorous relationship? What do you and your partner want? Is this just for one night of fun? Or are you looking for a polyamorous relationship? Either way, you and your partner need to figure out the type of relationship you want with your unicorn. That way, you choose the right unicorn who wants the same things. [Read: Throuple relationship rules for a happy threesome romance]
#7 For the unicorn hunt, make it obvious. If you’re using a dating app, don’t try to be subtle. Make sure it’s clear you’re a couple. Whether you can set your gender to “couple” or use your relationship status as a way to show potential unicorns what you’re looking for. If you’re sharing pictures, make sure it shows both of you.
#8 State what you want on your bio. Aside from making your profile visually clear you’re a couple, you also need to make sure your bio is straightforward and honest. Don’t try to be subtle with what you’re looking for. Mention the type of relationship you’re looking for and what you and your partner sexually prefer. [Read: Tinder threesome: A couple’s guide to swiping right for a threesome]
#9 Always be up front with potential unicorns. You don’t need to be very specific and detailed about what you’re looking for on your profile. But once you start to talk to a potential unicorn, it’s absolutely crucial you mention everything in detail and expect the third to either agree or disagree with your needs.
#10 Does your third match your needs? This is very important. Before you agree on a unicorn, you need to make sure your needs align with their needs. If not, this will become a problem when it comes to the night of fun. Everyone needs to have the same goals in mind, or else things could get awkward.
#11 Meet the third beforehand *if you can*. If you’re able, it’s best to meet the potential unicorn before you do anything. It’s always good to feel out the vibe and see how the chemistry is between everyone. You want it to be a good experience, so take some time to choose the right person. [Read: The threesome invite – How to ask someone to join you in bed]
#12 Remember, it’s about pleasuring all three of you. This happens often. People find a third person, and someone is left out. But, you must understand if you’re finding a third, then the goal is to please and satisfy everyone involved. You don’t want someone to feel left out or worthless. If your third doesn’t meet your needs or vice versa, this may not be the unicorn for you.