Many couples invite another person into their bedroom for some sexy fun. But, how do you go about it? What is unicorn hunting and how do you do it?
You and your partner have decided to test the waters and explore the world of non-monogamy with a threesome. If you’re completely new to it all, it can definitely be a little scary and intense to consider unicorn hunting. But what is unicorn hunting, you ask? Don’t worry, we’re about to dive into this enchanting and complex realm.
This is a new world you’re stepping into, and when something is new, there are a lot of mixed feelings involved. Even though this may be your first experience in non-monogamy, if you research ahead of time and focus on open communication with your partner, your journey on the unicorn sea will be smooth sailing.
[Read: Monogamous relationship – what it is, 51 signs, and ways to be happy in monogamy]
What is a Unicorn in the Dating World?
No, we’re not talking about an actual unicorn here. We’re talking about a third wheel in a relationship, or in a bed to be specific.
A unicorn is a third person who wants to join an existing couple in bed. This can be simply for sexual fun or it can be as part of a polyamorous setup, i.e. to actually date and have romantic connections.
A unicorn is often bisexual, but not always. The term is generally used for a bisexual person who joins an existing couple of a man and a woman. But, the term has been extended over recent years and can now refer to any person, or any sexuality. [Read: 20 toxic, harmful bisexual stereotypes we need to get rid of ASAP]
Let’s put on our psychology hats for a moment. Ever heard of Cognitive Dissonance Theory? It’s this intriguing idea that people hate holding conflicting thoughts or values. When it comes to unicorns, many of us idealize the concept to resolve these internal conflicts. In simpler terms, your brain’s saying, “I want a steamy adventure but don’t want to mess up my existing relationship.” Boom! Enter the unicorn, solving that cognitive puzzle like a champ.
So why is everyone and their grandma talking about dating unicorns these days? Well, in our era of blurred boundaries and endless definitions of love, unicorns fit right in. They offer an exciting yet safer avenue for couples to explore without tearing apart the emotional fabric that holds them together.
[Read: Triad relationship – what it is, 33 honest questions, facts, and benefits]
Why Do Some Couples Want to Find a Unicorn?
There are countless reasons why a couple may want to try bringing another person into their relationship. This might be a one-time thing or it might turn into a regular occurrence. Again, it might just be for sex or it might be for a romantic situation. It depends upon what the couple wants and of course, what the unicorn wants.
It could be that the couple is looking to spice things up. They may have been together for a while and things are starting to feel a little stale. Or, it could be that they simply want to try a threesome for the first time and want to get to know someone first, so they’re not simply jumping into the situation with someone they barely know anything about. [Read: 42 happy and naughty ways to keep a relationship exciting, fun, and fresh]
Some couples prefer to try polyamory rather than the regular type of monogamy that we’ve come to see as the so-called “norm.”
It’s a personal choice, but it’s important to know that when you try unicorn hunting, you should know what you’re getting into. It might sound all fun and daring, but there are some very clear downsides to this type of relationship if it’s not the right choice for you. [Read: What is polyamory – how it works and is it something worth trying?]
Understand What You’re Getting Into Before Unicorn Hunting
The idea of having a threesome is often on many a bucket list, but in reality, it’s often either a let-down or a very complicated situation. Ask yourself how you would feel if you saw your partner having sex with this person. How would you feel if they developed feelings for them? Could you handle it?
It’s easy to nod along and say that you would be fine with it, but when you’re in the situation, it might feel very different indeed. [Read: MFF threesome – 31 tips, do’s and don’ts to make sure all three have fun]
While polyamorous relationships are supposed to respect and care for all parties equally, it doesn’t always work out that way.
How would you feel if your partner fell totally in love with this person and didn’t feel the same about you anymore? Maybe they decide that polyamory isn’t for them and they want to be with the unicorn in a monogamous relationship instead.
For sure, threesomes and polyamorous relationships can be great ideas for some, but they have to be the right choices for you. Communication is vital. Make sure that you’re both on the same page before you even consider unicorn hunting. [Read: 42 secrets to communicate better in a relationship and ways to fix a lack of it]
How to Find a Unicorn
So, you know what a is unicorn in the dating realm, but now comes the million-dollar question: how do you find one? It’s like unicorn hunting but with fewer bows and arrows and more swipes and winks. Here’s the lowdown:
1. Channels
The internet is the modern hunting ground. Dating apps like Tinder or OkCupid offer filters to help you find what you’re looking for, but if you’re serious about unicorn hunting, platforms like Feeld are designed with you in mind.
Social circles are a more traditional but equally effective channel. Just be careful not to create awkward situations within your friend group.
2. Signals
The key to knowing if someone is open to being your unicorn lies in their language and their vibe. Inclusive language such as “I enjoy exploring diverse relationships” or “I don’t adhere to traditional relationship norms” are good hints.
But also consider how they interact with both of you. If they are equally engaging and avoid favoring one over the other, that’s a great sign. [Read: Body language attraction – 58 male and female signs and how to read and use them]
3. Talk to your partner
Communication, the most underrated superhero in Relationshipland. Before you even start swiping or asking friends, talk to your partner about what you both want from this experience. There’s no ‘I’ in threesome, folks.
4. “Sell” yourselves
We’re talking elevator pitch, not an auction. What makes you two a great couple to join? Is it your openness, your ability to make anyone laugh, or maybe your shared love for cooking? Whatever it is, let your strengths shine. [Read: How to speak clearly – your how-to guide to speaking successfully]
5. Tell your unicorn what you’re looking for
Be explicit about your boundaries and expectations. Want to keep emotions off the table? Say it. Looking for someone to vacation with and not just a one-night stand? Make that clear.
6. Trust
Time to pull out the Erikson playbook. At the foundation of his stages of psychosocial development is trust. If the unicorn doesn’t trust you, they won’t be comfortable, and if they’re not comfortable, nobody’s having fun. Establish this trust through open and honest communication. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and learn to be loving and loyal]
7. Talk about boundaries
Establish ground rules. What’s off-limits, what’s the safe word, and who sleeps where afterward? These are crucial to avoid mid-action hiccups. [Read: 23 secrets to set personal boundaries and guide others to respect them]
8. Due diligence
According to self-determination theory, understanding one’s own needs and motivations is crucial for well-being. This rings true for couples hunting for a unicorn. Knowing your relationship’s strengths and weaknesses will help you better navigate the addition of a third party.
9. Meet your unicorn before the threesome
It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy, but you’re dealing with real people. Arrange a casual meeting to ensure everyone clicks. If the chemistry is more “high school lab accident” than “explosive attraction,” it’s better to find out sooner rather than later.
10. Stay safe
Physical safety is paramount. Ensure that you’re taking necessary precautions—condoms, regular STI checks, and consent reiterated before any action begins. [Read: STDs 101 – the most common types and their symptoms]
11. Treat them with respect
A unicorn is not an accessory to your relationship but a person contributing to a shared experience. So, good manners and kindness should be non-negotiable. [Read: How to show respect in a relationship and love each other better]
12. Enjoy the experience
Last but not least, this should be fun! Let loose, enjoy the dynamics, and learn something new about each other and yourselves.
Characteristics of a Perfect Unicorn
Knowing what to look for in a unicorn is like knowing the specs of the car you want to buy. You wouldn’t want to ride home with just any ol’ vehicle, right? Let’s delve into the characteristics that make a unicorn the MVP in your romantic game.
1. Emotional intelligence
So, you want someone who knows not just the ABCs but also the EQs of human emotion. This person should be able to read the room—or the bedroom—in a heartbeat. They know when to offer a cuddle and when to give you two some space, all thanks to their high emotional intelligence.
2. Open-mindedness
Nobody likes a party pooper, especially not in the bedroom. Your unicorn should be a ‘yes, and…’ kind of person. Willing to try that new thing you read about? Check. Open to having a Sunday breakfast after Saturday night’s adventures? Double check. [Read: 20 signs of emotional maturity and traits that reveal a mature mind]
3. Sexual compatibility
Let’s face it, in this scenario, sexual compatibility isn’t just a plus; it’s a must. So, your unicorn should be someone who doesn’t just share your turn-ons but is also on the same wavelength about what’s a turn-off. [Read: Couples kink list – 52 freaky and weird sexual fetishes many people indulge in]
4. Stability
Think of this as your unicorn’s emotional core. They’re not going to make a U-turn and bolt the minute things get emotionally complex. No, this unicorn is rock-steady, thanks to their secure attachment style.
5. The honest abe
A unicorn that can be upfront about their feelings and desires is worth their weight in gold. You want someone who will say, “This works for me,” or, “I’m not into that,” and means it.
6. Boundary boss
Respect for boundaries is not up for debate. Your ideal unicorn knows this rule by heart and plays by it, ensuring a healthy and comfortable space for everyone involved.
7. Owns their sexuality
A unicorn comfortable in their own skin—and own sexuality—makes for a happier, more fulfilling experience. They’re not using this threesome to figure themselves out; they already know who they are, and they’re here for it. [Read: Being sex positive – why this matters and why you need to get on board]
8. Jealousy Jedi
This unicorn has mastered the art of keeping the green-eyed monster at bay. They understand that jealousy is a part of human nature, but they don’t let it crash the party.
9. Independent streak
Unicorns that enjoy their own company as much as they enjoy being with you are gems. They know how to balance “us” time and “me” time, making them even more attractive. [Read: Dating an independent woman – 28 expectations and other must-knows]
10. Thick skin, big heart
Let’s be real; society can be judgy. Your unicorn should be someone who can shrug off societal judgments like they’re shaking off water.
11. The straight shooter
Honesty and transparency are their middle names. You’ll never be in doubt about where you stand with them because they value clear, open communication. [Read: Why you should tell the truth even when it hurts and why it matters]
12. Flexibility
Life’s a roller coaster, and your unicorn is ready for the ride. They’re adaptable, able to handle the ups, downs, twists, and turns that come with being the third in a relationship.
Common Mistakes Unicorn Hunters Make
Now that we’ve got the blueprint for our ideal unicorn, let’s not mess it up, shall we? Aspiring unicorn hunters often make rookie mistakes that can turn a magical experience into a cautionary tale. Here’s what to watch out for:
1. Objectification
First up is treating your unicorn as, well, just a unicorn. Remember, they’re not an item on your grocery list or a prop to spice things up; they’re a real person with feelings and needs.
The term “dehumanization” might sound like something out of a psychology textbook, but it basically means reducing someone to an object. Don’t do it. Treat your unicorn as a co-contributor to your collective happiness.
2. Communication blunders
Communication Accommodation Theory alert! This concept is your BFF when it comes to avoiding misunderstandings. It’s all about adjusting your communication style to match your partner’s or, in this case, your unicorn’s. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and be open to hearing what the other parties have to say. A threesome is not a monologue; it’s an ensemble act.
3. Sky-high expectations
Who doesn’t love a daydream? But check those fantasies at the door if they’re not grounded in reality. Expectancy Violations Theory says that if you set the bar too high and your unicorn can’t reach it, everyone ends up disappointed. Remember, unicorns are rare, not perfect.
4. Ethical oopsies
You might think that unicorn hunting is all fun and games, but it does have an ethical side. Enter Kohlberg’s stages of moral development. Even if you’re not a philosopher, remember the golden rule: treat others the way you want to be treated.
Do you want to be lied to? Ghosted? Didn’t think so. Keep it ethical and above board, and you’ll be well on your way to a successful unicorn relationship. [Read: Ghosting – what it is, 63 signs, reasons to ghost, and how it affects both people]
5. The balancing act
A bonus point here—remember that a unicorn is not a Band-Aid for existing relationship issues. They’re a delightful addition to an already strong dynamic, not a solution to your problems.
Build Genuine Connection
Remember, unicorns in dating are not just mythical creatures in storybooks; they have feelings too. Treat them with the respect and kindness they deserve. Keep your communication game strong, set realistic expectations, and maintain your ethical compass. Do these, and you won’t just be hunting unicorns—you’ll be building a genuine connection with them.
[Read: 57 signs and rules to have a threesome and the best three ways tips and positions]
Now that you know what is unicorn in dating, how to find one, and what pitfalls to avoid, you and your partner are well-equipped to go unicorn hunting. Who knows? You might just find the perfect fit for a night of fun, or even a new type of relationship entirely.
