Wiser and more experienced than you were in your 20s, you’re now fully equipped to take the dating world by storm with these bits of advice.
The dating world is a scary place to be. This modern age has made dating even more complicated. You could be chatting it up with virtual strangers you met via dating sites one minute, and sleeping with them the next. Has the digital age made it easier for people to find true love? Quite the contrary, finding love has become a lot more complicated.
Dating in your 30s is hard. It is quite daunting, and it can take a lot of effort on your part. You are no longer the girl you were in your 20s. You might see a glimmer of her every time you look in the mirror, but you know that time has made you wiser and more in touch with reality when it comes to relationships.
Sure, you might have made mistakes when you were younger, but that is all in the past. Owning up to those mistakes and challenging yourself to get back in the dating field is a sign of maturity.
Let’s be honest here, some people might find that dating in your 30s doesn’t seem as exciting as it was in your 20s. It is an entirely different ballgame out there, and it doesn’t seem so juvenile now. Dating in your 30s doesn’t need to be such a trying task. It simply means that you are no longer willing to settle for the immature sagas of yesteryear, and you are now moving forward towards a happier and healthier future.
Once you have hit your 30s, you are most likely more attuned with yourself. You have most likely gotten in touch with who you are and what you want, and you have learned to be more grounded. Perhaps, you have learned to see that love isn’t the idealized version you had in mind when you started the dating game. [Read: 30 honest life truths you must know before hitting 30]
How to date in your 30s
With age comes maturity… At least ideally. With that in mind, we’ll skip the dating basics you should have learned in your teens and 20s, and get right to dishing out more mature advice.
#1 Know what you want. Once you have reached the age of 30, you probably know what you want in life. You are now more in control of your emotions. You can now tell the difference between infatuation and love.
Now that you are more in control with yourself, you have a clearer picture of what you want from a relationship and from life. All those failed dates and relationships in your 20s have taught you what you don’t want, so it logically follows that you’re able to narrow down the options for what you do want.
#2 Toss out any timelines you may have. Who says that you have to settle down in your 20s, or that you have to nail Mr. Right by 30, or that you should have a kid before 40? When you have to work on a deadline, you will put so much pressure on yourself that you will be tempted to latch yourself onto whoever comes along.
While there is nothing wrong with wanting marriage and a family, never pressure yourself to settle down just because everyone around you is either getting engaged, married, or having a baby.
#3 Be open-minded. Remember when you had a type? This is the age where you have to be open-minded and date someone who isn’t your type at all. Try dating someone who doesn’t share the same views as you do. Plan a date that goes beyond your comfort zone. Challenge yourself to take your dating game to a whole new level. [Read: 11 reasons to give the nerdy guy a chance]
#4 Don’t let the hurts of the past prevent you from having a happier future. The past hurts, that’s the cold, hard truth. As much as we want to wish the past never happened, the mature thing to do would be to learn from it and move on.
Never let your cynical and cold heart prevent you from trusting the next person who comes along. Welcome each date with an open heart and an open mind. Everyone deserves a chance, and don’t let your past hurts hinder you from finding your happiness.
#5 Let go of relationships that are going nowhere. When you are dating in your 30s, you are looking for stability in a relationship. This is the time to let go of relationships that are clearly going nowhere. Are you still holding on to a dead relationship, where the man has absolutely no intention of settling down and has been a notorious cheater? Now is the time to be realistic, and let go of relationships that will just hold you back.
Don’t stay because you fear the uncertainties of what letting go will do. Don’t insist on staying because you fear that you will end up being alone. Remember that there are far worse things than being alone.
#6 Look for a man, not a boy. Dating “boys” might be fun and all, but many of these boys will want you to take care of them. Dating a boy can get rather exasperating. You want a man who is emotionally stable and invested in his feelings for you. It would be more advisable to seek a relationship with someone who is already grounded and already has his future planned out. [Read: 10 guys to stop dating if you want real love]
#7 Don’t let yourself fall apart. Do not be that emotional wreck who sobs her eyes out while calling random people at 3am, in hopes that someone will listen to her sad story. Remember that you are worth more than your tragedies, and your heart is full of love to give. You are worth more than your brokenness, and your heart will heal if you allow yourself to be healed.
#8 Don’t see everyone as “The One.” One of the common mistakes everyone makes in the start of a relationship is that they put too much focus on the idea of the partner and not the relationship itself. Not all relationships are going to last forever, and chances are, your visions of the white wedding dress will be crushed.
Don’t expect anything, and you won’t be disappointed. Enjoy the relationship for the happiness it brings now, but when it brings more harm than good, learn to let go.
#9 Don’t settle. The pressure of settling down may apply to many. Do not allow yourself to settle for the next man who proposes, or gives a hint of marriage when you aren’t even sure. Marriage is a serious thing, and getting there should never be a case of a race to the altar. [Read: 16 signs you’re settling in an unhappy relationship]
#10 Don’t chase the “bad boy”. This is the most common mistake many women make, regardless of their age. Now is not the time to keep giving your heart to the arrogant douchebag who will do nothing but destroy your heart. You had your whole 20s to enjoy the many ups and downs of dating the bad boy, but your 30s should be a time for a more mature relationship.
Dating in your 30s means that you have aged not only in years, but also in wisdom and emotional maturity. It’s time to get serious if you want to settle down, and that means letting go of relationships that will only get you nowhere, no matter how fun they may seem.
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Colleen Anne Javellana
I'm a quirky and passionate individual who believes in True Love. I live for deep conversations and a good novel to read. I am in love with Life, and I want to ...