Dating in the modern world is very tricky. There are all these self-imposed rules people adhere to, just because a magazine or blog says to. Things keep getting complicated because of a lack of transparency. A lot of people can’t tell the difference between a sure thing and a bad date, so that’s why it’s hard to understand why you got ghosted after a first date.
For example, let’s say you go out on a date. Everything seems perfect—divine, even. You go home, you text your friends about it, and patiently wait for the call to seal the next date.
But the call never comes. You decide to call instead. After that, the defining moment of your recent date arrives. They don’t answer your call. AND they never call you back. Ever. What’s the next step?
[Read: Why being ghosted hurts so much and what you need to do about it]
Just to refresh your memory, ghosting is when a person you dated refuses to acknowledge your existence all of a sudden, without giving any explanation. Instead of explaining themselves, they completely ignore you and just pretend you don’t exist all of a sudden!
This is what happened to you when your date refused to call you back. They ultimately decided the situation wasn’t to their liking, so they jumped ship without giving you any explanation. [Read: Haunting vs. ghosting – why haunting is so much worse in every way]
You might be asking yourself how a person could be so heartless. But on their end, they don’t feel any remorse. They actively avoid having to step up to their responsibility as a human being—which means being polite enough to say, “This isn’t going to work out.”
The problem is most people who ghost don’t even know that they’re doing it until it’s too late. The deed has been done. The sin has been committed. They did not call.
All that’s left to do is avoid you as much as possible, so no one calls them out on being the bad guy. Their actions say otherwise, but these types of people already decided they did nothing wrong, or that they’ll never be held accountable for what they’ve done. [Read: Being left on read – What it really means when they never text you back]
For one thing, being ghosted after the first date sucks. The situation is worse than it could have been, had the date gone badly or even neutrally.
Because your date was awesome, the disappointment in finding out the truth that absolutely don’t care about you is much more devastating. You were led to believe it was going somewhere.
Your expectations jumped through the roof, but quickly came crashing down without any explanation. Even if you wanted a reason or a last goodbye, there’s no guarantee you’d get it.
This leads to some people questioning their self-worth, or even blaming themselves for what happened. It’s a serious matter, because this cannot bode well for people who already have low self-esteem.
If you are strong enough to get past it, you’ll end up thanking your lucky stars you did not end up with an inconsiderate, cruel partner. [Read: 19 signs of emotional damage and ways to get past them]
Still, there’s a different side to the story… and it’s a side that may not involve you. The only way to get over it is to accept getting ghosted after a first date is that it’s an insignificant part of the dating game.
Some will turn out to be bad eggs—like those who don’t call back—but rest assured, sooner or later, you will find one willing to call you every day, just for the chance to hear your voice.
People will do whatever they think they can get away with. So, if they think they can ghost you, they will. Heck, they’ve probably ghosted a lot of other people before, so they think it’s okay because no one held them accountable in the past. [Read: What is ghosting and how does it affect you?]
But you can be that person who does. The least you can do to help your fellow humans and make this person realize that what they did was wrong. True, it’s not your responsibility to change them, or anyone else for that matter. But you can at least point out that their behavior is unacceptable.
You need to text them and tell them that if they are not interested, then they should have just politely told you that so instead of disappearing. Point out how it’s not a respectful thing to do to another person. Be nice, though. You don’t want to stoop to their level.
After that, move on and hope they change their ghosting ways. [Read: 15 solid ways to ghostbust a ghoster like a real badass]
Don’t prolong the conversation. Just say what you need to say—how you felt about this rejection, for instance—and that you hope they don’t do it to anyone else.
You also don’t want to appear like you are too hurt after getting ghosted after the first date. If you come across as needy or like you’re groveling, that is very unattractive. And it might even reinforce that they did the right thing by ghosting you.
Instead, you need to be a class act. You want them to feel guilty about their bad behavior, but not by being mean or using words that would hurt them.
You merely don’t want them to do the same thing to someone else in the future. Just be firm and stand in your truth. Project your self-confidence to them. [Read: Why ghosters always come back – How to understand the mind of a ghoster]
They did not call back. They don’t like you enough to call back. This is a clear and direct rejection. You got ghosted after the first date. Thinking it’s something else only gives you false hope.
Too many times, people will lie to themselves. They think maybe their date will call soon. Maybe tomorrow or the next day. You could say to yourself that they are too busy, so that’s why they don’t want a relationship with you.
But face the truth. It’s difficult to do that because it hurts our self-esteem. No one likes rejection, do we? Of course not! But the sooner you just accept that they don’t want to date you, the sooner you can move past this. [Read: Why do guys ghost? 15 real reasons why guys turn into cowardly pricks]
Don’t make excuses for a person who’s not willing to explain their actions by ghosting you. You don’t know what they’re thinking… and no amount of features really tell you why they didn’t call. [Read: How to recognize and stop selfish people from hurting you]
It’s very typical for people to make excuses. Women in particular are really good at making up stories in their heads about why their date hasn’t called back yet to ask for another date. Sorry ladies, not to pick on you all, but you know it’s true!
Making excuses for someone else’s behavior is a form of lying to yourself. You are just inventing reasons that probably don’t exist to make yourself feel better. When you do this, you think it’s not your fault *which it probably isn’t*. But it doesn’t help you accept the truth.
Listen… if someone wanted to be with you you, they would – they would not have ghosted you after the first date.
People want what they want. They will not avoid you if they want to be with you. It sounds obvious, but some people just don’t get it regardless of how obvious it is. [Read: Why is he ignoring me? 22 answers before you make up your mind]
You may have made a mistake, but maybe you didn’t! Focusing on your shortcomings only lets your date get away with what they did. Whatever it is that turned them off is something you need to deal with on your own, without the influence of a good date gone bad.
In fact, you probably didn’t do anything wrong at all!
So, if you are going over the details of the date again and again and again about why you got ghosted after the first date, you will never come up with an answer for what the problem was. Heck, maybe your date doesn’t even know what it is. [Read: Guys who ghost and come back – how to handle the zombies of dating]
You see, sometimes it all comes down to a feeling. Maybe your date just didn’t “feel” it. They thought you were a great person, but maybe overall, something just felt off. And that’s okay.
Think about it – you’re not friends with everyone in the world, right? That’s because you don’t click with everyone. The same is true for dating.
Rather than waste time thinking about why someone didn’t call you back, focus more on making yourself happy.
Spoil yourself. Go get a manicure and pedicure. You could get a massage. Treat yourself to something that makes you happy so you can get your mind off of getting ghosted. [Read: The meaning of YOLO: 15 ways to live life to your fullest]
You could also try to improve yourself. No one is perfect, and everyone can do things better. Whether it’s losing weight, working out, getting a new haircut, trying some more makeup… it doesn’t matter.
Focus on other stuff as well. You could even start a new hobby to make yourself a more well-rounded person. The point is focus on yourself… and not the creep who ghosted you after a first date! The only way to stop thinking about something inconsequential is to think about something that’s worth your time and brain cells.
Getting rejected is never fun for anyone, but we have all been through it. It’s just part of life. So, you need to put everything into perspective in order to feel better and move on from this person who ghosted you. [Read: Are you being ignored after sex? The truth behind ghosting after sex]
First, don’t take it personally. It’s not you. In fact, you should be thankful that this person ditched you. That might sound like a strange thing to say, but they probably did you a favor.
If someone is such a coward that they can’t politely tell you that they are not interested in dating you, then you don’t want to be with someone like that anyway. Do you? Of course, you don’t!
Think about it this way. Now you have the opportunity to have the right person come into your life. If you were dating that person who ghosted you, then you wouldn’t have the space in your life to meet the perfect person for you. [Read: Why you need to stop texting first if you want to enjoy dating]
Learn from getting ghosted after the first date, and then let it go. It’s not easy for some, but it is always possible. If it feels difficult, ask for help. Your friends and family will be more than happy to support you. [Read: Too good to be true? How to tell if you’re dating a phony]
Find a way to move on that works for you. Each person has their own way of coping. As long as it’s not harmful or risky, you should choose a method that helps you move on as quickly as possible from this incident.
It may be traveling, spending time with friends and family, or putting more positive energy into your work.
If you need to, you can even delete and block this person from your life. It might make you feel better if you are having a problem with it. Numbers, social media accounts, text messages—delete them all. It won’t make you forget, but it gives you a sense of freedom and control. [Read: The power trip – Is the psychology of blocking someone all about your ego?]
Just because it happened once, does not mean it can’t happen again. Dating will always be complicated, but make it easier by being honest and by looking at the positive side of things.
And just remember, it’s not always you. Sometimes, people are shitty and are dealing with their own shit. If they decide to ghost you after the first date without a single text that takes a few seconds to type, it speaks more about them than you. [Read: The psychology of ignoring someone – why we do it and ways to fix it]
Read the steps listed above. Read them over and over until they sink in. Hopefully, you won’t be ghosted again, but it could happen. But now you know what to do and how to handle it. Also, you will just be more mentally prepared to deal with it next time.
If it happens too often, you might want to re-evaluate your situation. You may be doing something wrong or choosing the same type of person over and over again.
It’s always best to do some inner reflection and see how you can improve yourself, too. [Read: What to do when a guy doesn’t text back – Don’t panic and don’t stoop with these steps]
Sometimes, people who fail at dating are those who have personal problems that affect their other relationships. Find out if you’re happy with who you are now, before trying to find happiness with somebody else.
[Read: How to turn down a second date – A non-awkward way to do it just right]
Although it hurts being ghosted after the first date, you probably aren’t the problem. Instead, you wound up going out with someone immature and inconsiderate. Using the tips above, overcome the pain of rejection, confront the ghoster, and make sure your heart doesn’t suffer again.
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