Sorry, but not all first dates work out. That is just a fact of dating. It can be a hard pill to swallow when you see the signs he’s not interested in a second date. You worked through first-date jitters, got your nails done, and bought a new outfit. Rejection stings, but you’ll move on.
The worst part about a first date not being successful is when you don’t realize it. Modern-day dating is made a lot more difficult because many people don’t feel the need to take accountability. Because you may have met online, you don’t have mutual friends to answer to. It makes being disrespectful a lot easier.
This means that when a guy is not interested in a second date, he may not come right out and tell you. So, you must figure it out for yourself by learning how to spot the signs he’s not interested in a second date.
[Read: Is he losing interest in you already and drifting away?]
Worrying if he’s interested in a second date
First things first, whether he wants a second date or not, don’t waste your time wondering. You have plenty of productive things to do with your time that don’t include staring at your phone or over-analyzing your first date.
Let it go. You weren’t about to walk down the aisle. This was a first date. If he’s not interested in a second date, it isn’t the end of the world.
Even if the first date blew your mind and you really liked him, if he won’t come straight out and tell you if he wants to see you again, he’ll probably only get even more difficult to read in the future. [Read: Ghosted after the first date? 13 calm ways to quell the rage]
There are plenty of reasons that a guy may not be interested in a second date. Maybe he realized you’re too good for him. Perhaps he rekindled things with his ex. Or he just didn’t like your opinions on Game of Thrones.
No matter what his reasons, there’s a good chance you won’t find out. So, it is best to let go of any expectations for complete closure right now.
If he reaches out and wants a second date and you’re into it, then great. If you figure out the signs he’s not interested in a second date then you can move forward. No harm done.
[Read: Dammit, seriously, why doesn’t he like me back?!]
Signs he’s not interested in a second date
I hate to tell you to go back to your first date and analyze some things you may have seen with rose-colored glasses at first glance, but a lot of the signs he’s not interested in a second date can be seen during the first.
Some of these signs are fairly obvious but easily missed when you’re nervous and excited. Others are quite subtle and need a bit of squinting to see clearly.
#1 You didn’t have chemistry. Yep, guys feel chemistry too. Sometimes you just feel it or you don’t. For us, it is often a spark. You get that feeling during a first date and you want another, but that feeling isn’t always mutual.
I’ve been on dates where there was no spark, not even a flicker, but the guy was ready to settle down. The same thing could be the case here. Even if you felt chemistry, he may not have.
A great way to figure this out is his body language. Were his arms crossed all night? Was he looking away from you? If so, he may have felt nothing. If his body was facing you, he made eye contact, and touched your hand or arm while talking, he probably felt something, if not, sorry. [Read: The 18 signs to decode a guy’s a body language to know if he likes you]
#2 You disagreed on something important. You may have an open mind. Maybe opposing political views are something you are fine with, but he heard you say something that he wasn’t on board with. And, as most modern-day guys, instead of telling you this to your face, he changed the subject and ghosted.
Was there an awkward moment during your first date that you overlooked? Do you have different religious beliefs or plans for the future? Something that seemed minor to you may be a big deal to him.
#3 You have opposite lifestyles. This is a major reason why a lot of second dates don’t happen. Even if you felt that spark and had a nice time, he may not see a future with you. If you like to stay at home reading and have one glass of wine a week, while he likes to go to the bar every weekend and travels a lot or vice versa, it could become an issue down the line.
Yes, I know it is a stereotype that guys don’t analyze things like this, but sometimes they actually do. If you talked about how you love to travel and he hates flying, he may have decided against a second date right there and then and only stuck around for the rest of the date to be polite. [Read: 16 types of guys you should not date and avoid like the plague!]
#4 He was too good to be true. Yes, some guys are really that great, but it isn’t always something you see from the first date. I have a beyond amazing boyfriend, but our first date was just decent. I hate to tell you to be suspicious of goodness, but too much goodness can be a red flag.
If he is saying all the right things and making you feel all the good feelings, he may just be a really great charmer. If you didn’t give him what he wanted *i.e. sex* during the first date, he may already be onto the next.
If you were beyond excited about him after the first date, there is a chance it was all an act. I’ve been there, and it sucks to get your hopes up like that. [Read: How to tell if a guy just wants to have sex with you without committing]
#5 You overshared. I am all about being yourself on a first date. If you want to bring up childhood trauma because it is something you are open about, go for it. But, doing that means you should accept that not everyone is that open.
Something that may seem honest and refreshing to you could have been too much for him, especially on a first date. It freaked him out. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong, but you just aren’t at the same comfort level when it comes to talking about deeper topics.
#6 You accidentally offended him or vice versa. Maybe you said you hate baseball, and it is his life’s passion. Or maybe he said something mildly sexist and didn’t realize you were a feminist. He could be avoiding a second date because he embarrassed himself by sticking his foot in his mouth or because you said something that hurt him.
#7 He was on his phone a lot. Unless he is curing cancer from his cell phone, there is no reason to be on your phone during a first date. If he consistently checks his phone, it is not a good sign. This shows he was distracted. He had something else on his mind. If that is the case is just isn’t that interested. [Read: These first date red flags speak more than your date says]
#8 He ranted about his ex. Mentioning an ex on a first date is not a red flag. If you mention how long your last relationship was or what you learned from it, that shows real growth. But, if he said anything negative about his ex or went on about her and not just the relationship, he is most definitely still hung up on her.
And you probably haven’t heard from him yet because he is with her.
#9 The date was brief. Every first date that has led to a second date lasted at least two hours. But it felt much faster. If the date lasted less than 90 minutes, it is definitely a sign he isn’t interested in a second date.
I mean he got out of there early. I once had what I thought was a great date with this guy. When we were planning it, he said he didn’t have work until four. Then, at two he said he needed to head to work. That was the only sign I needed. [Read: 15 signs of a bad date that reveals a complete lack of chemistry]
#10 The goodbye. The goodbye can be finicky when it comes to looking for signs he’s not interested in a second date. A lot of guys will say “we should do this again,” when they don’t really mean it.
From my experience, if he kisses you or pulls you in for a close hug he likes you. If the hug is one-armed, he doesn’t look you in the eye, and doesn’t have a sincere smile, that is the end of your short-lived relationship.
#11 You haven’t heard from them for over 24 hours. This is not 1988. Guys do not wait 3-5 days to call you to plan a second date. Amazon delivers faster than that. If he didn’t text you after the first date to make sure you got home safe or to say he had a nice time, it is already almost certainly the kiss of death.
#12 There wasn’t any laughing. The sign that a first date went well is a lot of laughing. If you felt like the date went well but was sort of dry, the chances of a second date greatly drop.
Even if you had some deep and meaningful conversations, laughter is such a connector. Without it, a second date is not likely. [Read: 13 warning signs that’ll always reveal a bad date no matter what]
#13 They make an excuse. If you have talked since your first date and he has made lame excuses for not planning a second date, he is just trying not to be rude by avoiding an awkward conversation. If this is the case, tell him you don’t see it going anywhere, because he will likely ghost you before starting that conversation.
[Read: 16 first date rules for girls that’ll almost guarantee you a second date with any guy you like]
The reason he’s not interested in a second date could be that you had bad breath or B.O., but once it comes to the point where you are googling the signs he’s not interested in a second date, he probably isn’t.
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