Has he suddenly gone cold? Acting strange? Here are the signs he’s not interested in a second date and it’s time to move your interest on to someone else.
It’s a sad but true fact that not all first dates work out. It can be a hard pill to swallow when you see the signs he’s not interested in a second date. You worked through first-date jitters, got your nails done, and bought a new outfit. Rejection stings, but you’ll move on. It might not feel that way right now, but trust us on this one.
The worst part about a first date not being successful is when you don’t realize it. Modern-day dating is made a lot more difficult because many people don’t feel the need to take accountability. Maybe you met online and you don’t have mutual friends to answer to. It makes being disrespectful a lot easier.
So, when a guy is not interested in a second date, he may not come right out and tell you. So, you must figure it out for yourself by learning how to spot the signs he’s not interested in a second date. [Read: Is he losing interest in you already and drifting away?]
Stop worrying about the possibility of a second date
First things first, whether he wants a second date or not, don’t waste your time wondering. You have plenty of productive things to do with your time. They don’t include staring at your phone or over-analyzing your first date.
Let it go. You weren’t about to walk down the aisle. It was the first date. If he’s not interested in a second date, it isn’t the end of the world.
Even if the first date blew your mind and you really liked him, if he won’t come straight out and tell you if he wants to see you again, he’ll probably only get even more difficult to read in the future. [Read: Ghosted after the first date? 13 calm ways to quell the rage]
There are plenty of reasons that a guy may not be interested in a second date. Maybe he realized you’re too good for him. Perhaps he rekindled things with his ex. Or he just didn’t like your opinions on Game of Thrones.
No matter what his reasons, there’s a good chance you won’t find out. So, it is best to let go of any expectations for complete closure right now.
If he reaches out and wants a second date and you’re into it, then great. If you figure out the signs he’s not interested in a second date then you can move forward. No harm done. [Read: Dammit, seriously, why doesn’t he like me back?! 31 reasons why guys do this]
The most obvious signs he’s not interested in a second date
We’ve all been on our fair share of dates. Some of them turn out great and others not so much. It’s all a good experience and if you see dates for what they are – fun, then you’ll enjoy it no matter what.
Just go on the first date, be yourself, enjoy everything, and then if a second date comes along, great. If not, shrug it off and find someone else.
Oh, the joy of dating! [Read: 15 things to do on a first date to make your date fall for you]
1. You didn’t have chemistry
Yep, guys feel chemistry too. Sometimes you just feel it or you don’t. For us, it is often a spark. You get that feeling during a first date and you want another, but that feeling isn’t always mutual.
Even if you felt chemistry, he may not have.
A great way to figure this out is his body language. Were his arms crossed all night? Was he looking away from you? If so, he may have felt nothing.
Think about if his body was facing you, whether he made eye contact, or touched your hand or arm while talking. If so, he probably felt something. If not, sorry. [Read: The 23 signs to decode a guy’s a body language to know if he likes you]
2. You disagreed on something important
You may have an open mind. Maybe opposing political views are something you are fine with, but he heard you say something that he wasn’t on board with. And, as most modern-day guys, instead of telling you this to your face, he changed the subject and ghosted.
Was there an awkward moment during your first date that you overlooked? Do you have different religious beliefs or plans for the future? Something that seemed minor to you may be a big deal to him. [Read: The biggest dating turn offs for guys most girls have no idea about]
3. You have opposite lifestyles
This is a major reason why a lot of second dates don’t happen. Even if you felt that spark and had a nice time, he may not see a future with you.
If you like to stay at home reading and have one glass of wine a week, while he likes to go to the bar every weekend and travels a lot or vice versa, it could become an issue down the line.
Yes, we know it is a stereotype that guys don’t analyze things like this, but sometimes they actually do. If you talked about how you love to travel and he hates flying, he may have decided against a second date right there and then and only stuck around for the rest of the date to be polite. [Read: 16 types of guys you should not date and avoid like the plague!]
4. He was too good to be true
Yes, some guys are really that great, but it isn’t always something you see from the first date. We hate to tell you to be suspicious of goodness, but too much goodness can be a red flag. Nobody is perfect and if everything is sparkling and wonderful, there’s a chance it’s just not real.
If he is saying all the right things and making you feel all the good feelings, he may just be a really great charmer. Then, if you didn’t give him what he wanted *i.e. sex* during the first date, he may already be onto the next.
If you were beyond excited about him after the first date, there is a chance it was all an act. We’ve been there, and it sucks to get your hopes up like that. [Read: How to tell if a guy just wants to have sex with you without committing]
5. You overshared
We are all about being yourself on a first date. If you want to bring up childhood trauma because it is something you are open about, go for it. But, doing that means you should accept that not everyone is that open.
Something that may seem honest and refreshing to you could have been too much for him, especially on a first date. It freaked him out. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong, but you just aren’t at the same comfort level when it comes to talking about deeper topics. [Read: Is he shy or not interested? 26 signs to decode a guy’s behavior]
6. You accidentally offended him, or vice versa
Maybe you said you hate baseball, and it is his life’s passion. Or maybe he said something mildly sexist and didn’t realize you were a feminist.
He could be avoiding a second date because he embarrassed himself by sticking his foot in his mouth or because you said something that hurt him.
7. He was on his phone a lot
Unless he is curing cancer from his cell phone, there is no reason to be on your phone during a first date. If he consistently checks his phone, it is not a good sign.
This shows he was distracted. He had something else on his mind. If that is the case, he just isn’t that interested. [Read: These first date red flags speak more than your date says]
8. He ranted about his ex
Mentioning an ex on a first date is not a red flag. If you mention how long your last relationship was or what you learned from it, that shows real growth.
But, if he said anything negative about his ex or went on about her and not just the relationship, he is most definitely still hung up on her. And you probably haven’t heard from him yet because he is with her. [Read: How do guys get emotionally attached? 19 signs that draw them in]
9. The date was brief
Every first date that has led to a second date lasted at least two hours. But it felt much faster. If the date lasted less than 90 minutes, it is definitely a sign he isn’t interested in a second date.
Let’s be honest, he got out of there early because he doesn’t want to spend more time with you. [Read: 15 signs of a bad date that reveals a complete lack of chemistry]
10. There was something ‘off’ about the goodbye
The goodbye can be finicky when it comes to looking for signs he’s not interested in a second date. A lot of guys will say “we should do this again,” when they don’t really mean it.
From our experience, if he kisses you or pulls you in for a close hug he likes you. If the hug is one-armed, he doesn’t look you in the eye, and doesn’t have a sincere smile, that is the end of your short-lived relationship. [Read: How was your first date really? Why honestly with yourself really matters]
11. You haven’t heard from him for over 24 hours
This is not 1988. Guys do not wait 3-5 days to call you to plan a second date!
Amazon delivers faster than that. If he didn’t text you after the first date to make sure you got home safe or to say he had a nice time, it is already almost certainly the kiss of death.
12. There wasn’t much laughing going on
The sign that a first date went well is a lot of laughing. If you felt like the date went well but was sort of dry, the chances of a second date drop greatly.
Even if you had some deep and meaningful conversations, laughter is such a connector. Without it, a second date is not likely. [Read: 13 warning signs that’ll always reveal a bad date no matter what]
13. He made an excuse
If you have talked since your first date and he has made lame excuses for not planning a second date, he is just trying not to be rude by avoiding an awkward conversation.
If this is the case, tell him you don’t see it going anywhere, because he will likely ghost you before starting that conversation. [Read: Why do guys ghost? 23 reasons why guys turn into cowardly pricks]
14. He doesn’t even mention a second date
Usually, if a guy really likes you and had a good time on the first date, he’ll bring up seeing you again.
But if he’s radio silent after the first date and doesn’t even mention speaking to you again, well, he probably won’t. If he wants to see you again, he will make it clear. [Read: Calm steps to deal with the emotion of being ghosted]
15. He made an excuse to end the first date early or abruptly
Here’s the thing, it wasn’t because you cut it short. He cut the date short. If your date ended things early, it’s a solid sign he’s not interested in a second date with you.
Don’t even take this as a red flag; take this as a solid ‘no’ and move on.
16. He doesn’t get too personal
It’s okay not to get too personal on a first date, but this guy avoids even the most basic of questions. If he’s not asking you or answering personal questions, he’s not interested in getting to know you and vice versa.
17. He doesn’t mention long-term dating
In the beginning, when you first connected, he mentioned he was looking for a long-term relationship. Well, during the first date, his mind completely changed, and suddenly, it went from serious to something casual.
Let’s take this as a hint you’re not the one he’s looking for. [Read: What to do when a guy doesn’t text back – don’t stoop and don’t panic!]
18. He’s simply not present on the date
If he’s not present on the date, he’s not into you. We mentioned him being on his phone as one major red flag and one of the signs he’s not interested in a second date, but there are other pointers. Does he look wistfully out of the window? Does he fidget or just look like he’s generally running down time?
19. He has horrible excuses
Maybe you made the first move and decided to text him after the first date. That’s completely fine, but his response wasn’t what you expected.
He had an excuse for being unable to see you and never followed up by telling you a day that would work for him. That’s because he doesn’t want to see you. [Read: Why is he texting you if he’s not interested? 15 real reasons why]
20. He brings up other women
We can’t stand when guys do this. Why can’t they just tell you they’re not interested? Why bother with this?
On your first date, you shouldn’t mention other people, but he’s bringing up other women. It’s a bad sign. Why would you talk about other women on a date if you’re interested in this woman? Oh… wait…
21. He stands you up
Well, this is certainly rude. If he’s super later for no apparent reason or doesn’t even show up to the date at all, call it quits.
This guy didn’t even have the decency to text you beforehand and let you know it’s not going to work out. [Confession: He stood me up on a date and what I learned from it]
22. He makes minimal effort
On the first date, he does the minimum to get through it. He engages in basic conversation and gives minimal attention. You’re lucky if he makes eye contact with you. If he’s not putting any effort into the interaction, you’re not going to see him again.
23. You can feel the lack of enthusiasm
It’s not a great feeling when you’re on a date with someone, and you can literally feel their lack of interest in you. But it happens to the best of us.
If you feel there’s no connection or chemistry, it looks like there’s not going to be a second date. [Read: How to tell if there’s no chemistry and you should stop trying]
There are many guys out there who’d love a second date with you!
While you’re obsessively worrying about signs he’s not interested in a second date, there’s one thing you need to remember. If this guy doesn’t want to see again, does it really matter?
There are plenty more guys out there. There’s someone out there waiting to go on a first, second, third, fourth, and even more date with you. Don’t obsess over this guy!
Chalk it up to experience. For sure, it stings a bit, but you’ll be fine after a few days. And, don’t always assume that it’s a rejection of you; it could be that he’s just in a difficult situation right now and can’t commit. Or, it could be that he’s just a serial first dater. You really don’t need that in your life anyway.
[Read: What turns men on emotionally? 20 desirable traits men desperately seek in a woman]
The reason you’re seeing these signs he’s not interested in a second date could be about you or something totally unrelated. Take a breath and move on. Both of you stepped into each other’s lives for a very brief moment, and now, it’s time for you to move on to better things.
