Dating might be fun, but it’s also hella confusing! What’s happening when you’ve been dating for a month? Are you exclusive? Is there someone else in the picture too? What does all of this mean?
Oh, the questions!
There is a reason why that initial period of dating is often peppered with moments of no sleep, not wanting to eat, and analyzing text messages like you belong in a detective movie!
The problem is, if you jump too soon and make things too serious too quickly, you run the risk of ruining a potentially good thing before it even gets off the ground. At the same time, you don’t really know what the other person is thinking your dating situation is, and if you don’t have a conversation about it, albeit lighthearted, you might be totally confusing each other without reason.
Can you see the difficulty here?
So, when can you call yourselves the real deal? At what point does a dating situation turn into a relationship?
It’s a personal situation which varies from couple to couple, but if you’ve been dating for a month? Wait a while and let things breathe.
[Read: 13 new relationship mistakes new couples make all the time]
What it means when you’ve been dating for a month
I recently had a situation with a friend of mine. She had been seeing a guy for a month, and she was so into him. Rightly so, he seemed great, and she was spending all her spare time with him. She was starting to wonder what it all meant, and although they had only been dating for a month, she was wondering whether to approach the subject of exclusiveness or not.
What would you advise her to do?
I could see her point, but I told her to wait.
Let me explain why.
You see, everyone assumes relationships and dating mean different things. Your timeline might not be the same as your beau’s, and if you rush them, you might push them away. On the other hand, why should you sit around waiting, scared to ask a very normal question? [Read: Dating vs. relationship – How to know your true status]
The problem with trying to put a label on something when you’ve only been dating for a month is that you’re still getting to know each other. It’s impossible to really know someone that well after just one month of being in each other’s lives. When we meet someone, we’re often on our best behavior for a while. That period can often extend into a few months!
If you rush it and want a label on what this new thing is, you run the risk of ruining it before it even starts. [Read: DTR Talk – How many dates before it becomes official?]
That didn’t really placate my friend too much, because she was keen to make sure that she was the only one in their life. Again, I could understand, but I told her to try a different tactic. Rather than sitting down and having ‘the conversation’ after dating for a month, I told her to look for signs instead. Play detective, try and work it out, and let time pass a little before making things solid and official.
It worked out pretty well for her in the end. It’s been six months now and they’re still going strong. They’re now official and everything.
Looks like my advice might have been bang on the money!
[Read: How fast is too fast in a relationship? Your guide to perfect timings]
Why dating for a month doesn’t mean too much… yet
I don’t want to burst your bubble here. The fact that you’ve had a new person in your life for a month is a good sign, for sure. BUT it isn’t an official sign of anything solid, at least not yet.
You’re still trying to get to know this new person, and you’re encountering new situations together. As a result, you can see how they react to different problems, and it could shed some serious light on whether they’re right for you or not. On the flip-side, they’re still trying to get to know you too.
Be honest. Are you on your own best behavior at this point or are you really letting them see you as you are, warts and all? You’re probably still trying to impress them at this point. In all honesty, they don’t really know you that well either.
The only thing that can mean anything in relationships is time. When time passes and you’re still together, you’re making progress and you’re really getting to know that person, for their good and bad points.
That’s why when you’ve been dating for a month, sure it’s exciting and it’s wonderful, but you should wait before putting labels on things and getting too excited. A month is a very short amount of time. I’ve been on vacation for a month before, but that doesn’t mean I was about to up sticks and move to that place! [Read: New relationship advice all new couples must know]
A month is a transient amount of time in someone’s life. This person might still be in your life in several months’ time, and let’s hope they are. They might also ebb away and disappear, creating part of your history. Either way, you had great times together, and that’s something you should hang on to.
Take things as they come. Don’t rush, don’t have conversations about what things are. Don’t try and label it. Enjoy it, get to know each other, make memories and cherish every second of this honeymoon period.
At this stage, there isn’t much bad going down. You don’t know their downsides yet, so you can enjoy all the positives instead! Trust me, everyone has a downside. We all have to deal with problems in relationships, when you’ve been dating for a month none of that exists yet. [Read: The stages of a new and budding romance that define your relationship]
How can you know if you’re the only one?
At this point, you can’t.
A month is a short amount of time, as we’ve already established. At this point you might still be friends with benefits. The person you’re seeing might be dating other people. Hell, you might be dating other people!
It’s not possible to know this situation unless you talk about it, but if you talk about it, you run the risk of rushing things too quickly. [Read: How to ask your date if they’re seeing others minus the awkwardness]
Here’s my advice. If exclusiveness from the start is important to you, make that clear. However, there is no reason or need to label the relationship as anything other than dating at this point. You can date exclusively and still keep things light and casual. There is nothing heavy going on at this point, and there doesn’t have to be any rush towards any of that happening.
Go with the flow. Seriously, this is the fun part! It might be confusing, you might be desperate for clarity, but in a few years, when you look back, you’ll kick yourself for missing all the fun stuff and the wonderful feelings that are flitting around during this stage of a dating situation.
It might work out, it might not, but whatever happens, have fun finding out!
[Read: How to navigate the early stages of dating like a pro]
When you’ve been dating for a month, you’re still firmly in the ‘getting to know you’ phase. This is the fun part! Finding out about someone’s quirks and personality traits means that you can look forward with a hopeful outlook.
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