We’ve living in a world where we’re all far more aware of our real right to say “no.” This isn’t a bad thing, and something which is long overdue. But it does make understanding how to let a guy know he can touch you more important than ever.
For far too long many of us have sat there, wondering whether it’s perhaps “rude” to pull away when someone we’re dating tries to touch us. This can be any type of touch. However, the bottom line is this—if you’re not comfortable with it, you have to say “no.”
This has been highlighted by the #metoo movement. Within this movement, many people have come forward to say “this happened to me too” when perhaps approached and touched in a way they didn’t want to be, when taken advantage of, or in some cases, worse.
[Read: Unnervingly and annoying ways that guys comes on to strong]
Being empowered and confident to stand up and say “I don’t want this” is a positive step for all of us. However, it has had a rather odd knock-on effect. Again, this isn’t a bad thing, but when you’re dating a guy, he may now feel apprehensive to touch you, because he’s not sure whether you want it or not.
I don’t believe this is a bad development at all. Sure, it might mean that it takes longer to actually get him to touch you when you want him to, but it makes him think twice about what you want. This means he respects you and that you both take the subject of consent seriously.
Of course, this isn’t just about guys! It’s equally important for a guy to feel comfortable about being touched. He has just as much right to say “no” too. Bottom line is that we all have the ability to stand up for what we do and don’t want. We shouldn’t feel ashamed or embarrassed about it. The person we’re with, the person who is perhaps doing the touching, or, not doing the touched as the case may be, should be open to listening to your cues and being sure that it’s all what you want.
How to do this? Communication.
[Read: Why being sex positive matters – get on board!]
How to let a guy know he can touch you – It all comes down to communication
Within any mature, respectful relationship, communication has to be central. Tell each other how you feel, talk to one another about things which bother you. Don’t play games or manipulate the other one into doing something, just say it and see how it pans out! The same can be said for learning how to let a guy know he can touch you; perhaps he’s not sure what you want, or scared to touch you because he’s worried you’re not ready. That can be any type of touch: from a kiss, to holding hands, to something altogether more intimate. Communicate! [Read: How to flirt by touch without making it obvious at all]
Guys aren’t mind-readers, but I tell you this, the fact that he’s hesitating is a good thing. You might think it’s not. You might think he doesn’t find you attractive or that he’s stalling, but the fact that he’s waiting for a definite confirmation from you is a positive. It means he’s respectful, that he wants what you want, and that he’s not willing to push you in order to simply get what he wants instead.
That’s the sign of a good guy. [Read: The red flags in a guy that will only end in your heart breaking]
You want him to touch you, so how do you show him?
So, how to let a guy know he can touch you if he seems reluctant? There are a few ways you can do this.
First, just come out and tell him. If you’re in that situation where it would naturally lead towards touching of some kind and you’re pretty sure that you want it, say something like “I wish you’d touch me” or “you can touch me, you know.” That gives him the confirmation he wants and needs. From there, you can work out the boundaries you both want to work within.
[Read: How to set the boundaries in dating you need to make you comfortable]
The other way is to take his hand and place it wherever you want him to touch you. Assuming he wants to touch you, he will take that as a silent confirmation. From there, you can move forward. However, if he pulls away, it could simply be that he’s not ready. In that case, give him the time and respect to reach the point where he is ready.
It’s all too easy to assume that a guy is always ready to do the touching, but it’s not the case. Guys are human too! [Read: When a guy touches you – The different body parts and what they mean]
When learning how to let a guy know he can touch you, it’s important to avoid blaming him or using language that makes him think that you’re judging him for being too slow. Again, he’s showing you respect. It’s best to let him know you’re grateful, rather than saying something like “why do you never touch me?”
I get it. It can be awkward to talk about intimacy when you’re in a new relationship. But I look at it this way, if you’re ready to have a relationship, you’re ready to talk about such things. And even more importantly, if you’re ready to have an intimate relationship, you should be more than ready to talk about what you do and don’t want, as well as listening to your partner when they tell you what they do and don’t want too.
This is key to making a relationship last and also to ensuring that you both feel happy and comfortable, without being pushed beyond limits that you’re not happy with.
[Read: Sex-positive feminism: What it is and what we wrongly assume about it]
Permission goes both ways!
It’s all too easy to assume that guys are ready to go at any time. That they’re geared up and ready to touch you, move forward, and make everything about intimacy, but it’s not the case. Some guys are, that’s true. However, many guys want to get to know you first. They want to build a rapport with you. Or he’s waiting for confirmation from you that you’re ready for him to touch you.
If that’s where you are now, don’t be frustrated that you need to learn how to let a guy know he can touch you. Be happy that he’s respectful of you and your body. Take it as a positive sign that you’ve met someone who could turn out to be pretty decent.
Again, I want to stress that you should also be waiting for the green light to touch him. His body, his rules, just as it’s your body and your rules. We could be talking about any type of touching. Only you know what you’re comfortable with versus what you’re not. Everyone’s situation is different. We should be open to allowing each other to reach the point of comfort without rushing, rather than judging and perhaps wondering “what is wrong with them.”
[Read: Gender stereotypes about males that we need to let go of for good]
There’s nothing wrong with them. They’re moving at a pace they feel comfortable with, and it’s something we should all do. More importantly, something we should all feel happy and comfortable to do.
The fact that you’re asking how to let a guy know he can touch you is telling. It means you’re probably ready to be touched. So the only way to find out if your guy feels the same way is to tell him what you’re thinking. Communication opens many doors!
[Read: 20 types of physical touch and what it all means]
Learning how to let a guy know he can touch you isn’t difficult. Simply let him know what you want and then find out whether he’s at the same place. By talking openly, you’ll find a solution that fits you both.
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