“We were not making love, we did not even kiss, but the inexplicable intimacy we shared left us wordlessly and hopelessly locked into each other’s gaze.” -Jasmine Dubroff
I’m a sucker for romance, there is nothing I enjoy more, than sitting down on a night time and going on an emotional roller-coaster ride.
It doesn’t matter if it’s from a book, a chick flick or just a television show.
If there is a romance plot, then you would be right in betting that I’m backing it.
The only problem with that is, I’ve become a bit of an expert, I could sit down and have a movie plot worked out in five minutes, I could read three pages of a book and know who was going to get together and I could tell you in series one, episode one who are destined to be soul mates.
You see the thing is, and you don’t realize it straight away, underneath every romance plot there is essentially the same story being told.
They all follow the same basic principles.
And I wonder if we applied these basic principles to our own lives, would it help us find love?
After all, no good romance story ends without the boy getting the girl, right?
The perfect traits of an ideal partner
One of the main principles I have noticed in all romance stories is that the prince charming character nearly always has the same traits.
Out of the thousands of traits, every romance story picks from a pool of twenty and those twenty seem to build a universal ideal partner. Does that mean in reality we should only be picking from this trait pool too? Would it help us in our search for the ideal partner or is it just a fairy tale that we wish was true. [Read: 12 things you need to look for in a guy before you date him]
You might not think that you are picky enough to think about traits, or you might think that with the right person it doesn’t matter, but the thing is that it really matters what traits a person has. These traits make them who they are and that is the person that you are thinking about getting into a relationship with. And you need to know if it is going to work in the long run.
The 20 traits that differentiate an ideal partner from the others
I’ve found that with romance stories, the man always has the same pattern when it comes to their traits. It must be like a universal design of the perfect man or something, because they all seem to have five good traits on average and at least one bad one.
The bad one always seems like the most dominant at first, and then it’s slowly put into the shadows by the other five traits. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]
The other five ideal traits belong to a set of twenty that are used to create the perfect man time after time. They are never used all together and he is never without at least one flaw, but the same twenty traits seem to crop up in every romance story ever told.
#1 Good sense of humor
#2 Attractive *both inside and out*
#3 Interests that are mutual
#4 Offers life experiences
#5 Loves regardless of flaws
#10 Emotionally stable
#15 Grown up
Take Mr Darcy for instance, his big bad trait was pride, at the beginning of the book he was full of it, he wouldn’t dance with any of the girls, he looked down his nose at people in a lesser situation than his, and he was rude to everyone.
He saw only class and social standing. I think it’s safe to say that in the first half of the book, it was quite easy to dislike Mr Darcy.
However Mr Darcy manages to turn himself around in the second half of the book, due to circumstances that forced him to reveal his better side, so to speak. In the last half, you learn that Mr Darcy is selfless, loyal, smart, practical and actually, quite friendly. It totally redeems his character and his pride stops being an issue.
This happens over and over again in romance stories, and if you think about it, it happens over and over again in life too. How many times have you met a person and disliked them straight away, because they seemed selfish or unfriendly, then as you have got to know them, you have realized that they aren’t actually all that bad. [Read: 12 Prince Charming traits that leave women swooning all the time]
Finding your soul mate while keeping an eye on his traits
Traits are the things that connect you to a person, whether it’s because they are the same as yours or because you enjoy them being different, and it seems that if you want to find your soul mate, then you want them to have at least five of the twenty mentioned.
I don’t know a single person who hasn’t fallen in love with at least one fictional character in their time, I mean, can you put your hand on your heart and say that you haven’t?
That alone tells me that people who write romance stories are tapping into our fundamental needs as people. It means that for some reason, and I don’t know what that reason is, people all over the world are falling in love with essentially the same men. The prince charming’s of the fictional world.
Romance novels, real life and the ideal men you desire
The only problem is that by the time you have fallen in love with your fictional character, you have forgotten all about the one bad trait that originally put you off. Yet, when it comes to reality, you often can’t get past that one bad trait.
But it’s not your fault though, because romance stories are made in a way that these two people are pushed together by the force of fate. But life isn’t often that kind and it’s easy to brush off someone you have just met, especially if you didn’t like them initially.
So how do you get past that problem, if there is no writer willing both of you forward into the next chapter, how do you pick out the soul mates from the people who are just plain awful?
As clichéd as this is, you need to take a leap of faith, you need to be willing to get to know everybody and you need to not brush anyone off on first impressions alone. You need to open yourself up to the world and accept that it might not be right the first time. [Read: 15 qualities men secretly crave in the woman they like]
The bumps in the pursuit of the ideal partner
Don’t be put off by the hurdles, every good romance story has a few bumps along the way. The girl gets with the wrong boy, or the boy does something stupid, but it always works out in the end though.
In a way, they earn their happy endings because of the rough path they had to take, that you might have to take, but in the end it’s always worth it. Your ideal partner is out there, most likely with many of the traits from the top twenty list, you just need to get to know them.
[Read: 25 traits and qualities of a great boyfriend]
There are several men out there, with several of these 20 traits of ideal men in them. But have you been able to look past the flaw that made you ignore them in the first place? That’s something you need to ask yourself.
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