Before you begin here, read the introduction on first time sex and the virgin’s guide to nailing it [part one] to learn more about safety, best sex positions while having sex for the first time and the 10 first-time sex tips to perfect first time sex.
So in the introduction to having sex for the first time, I’ve elaborated on the different things you need to keep in mind before having sex, and also about the things you need to do to make sure it’s a pain-free and memorable experience.
When you’re having sex for the first time, the excitement may be overpowering, but at the same time, it’s very easy to let anxiety take over you too.
Even the smallest of worries can seem scarier when it’s a first experience.
So before you jump into bed and make love for the first time, here are a few things that can definitely help ease the anxiety, and improve the pleasure! [Read: 11 tips to give the sexiest sensual massage and use it as foreplay in bed!]
The pain of having sex for the first time
For most girls, one of the most stressful worries of first time sex is the pain associated with it. But here are a few things that can help you understand why it hurts and how you can stop worrying about it.
#1 Lubrication. Make sure you’re wet and ready before the guy penetrates into you. Toying with each other for a while will definitely have you ready. And additionally, condoms too come with their own coating of lubrication to smoothen things out. But if you need to, you can always use an additional lubricant if it still feels painful down there. [Read: How to sound sexy while having sex and arouse your partner]
#2 Does it hurt for all girls? Many girls don’t feel any pain at all the first time they have sexual intercourse. Very few girls actually experience pain that’s unbearable.
#3 How much does it hurt? If you do experience any pain at all while having sex for the first time, the pain may be similar to a pinprick. The psychological trauma of imagining how much it would hurt is almost always a lot worse than the actual pain you’d feel!
#4 Why do you bleed? While having sex for the first time, there may be spotting or bleeding because of the tear in your hymen.
#5 What is the hymen? The hymen is a thin membrane *like very thin skin* that partially closes the opening to the vagina. It’s not easy for you to recognize it even if you use a mirror unless you have a trained eye. And you need to remember this, a hymen is not a sign of virginity, sexual intercourse is.
Your hymen could tear for several reasons like horseback riding, vigorous exercises, gymnastics or even while getting fingered by your boyfriend. So if you don’t feel the pain of penetration or if you don’t bleed the first time you have sex, don’t panic or assume something’s wrong with you. There are many girls who don’t bleed the first time they have sexual intercourse. [Read: A guy’s painful blue balls facts that every girl’s gotta know!]
The size of his member and its effect on sex
The size of your guy’s member plays a big part in how pleasurable or painful having sex for the first time can feel. If the guy penetrates into the girl and it feels painful, then start by having sex using just the tip of his member. Over time, the guy can penetrate a little deeper and the sex would start to feel more comfortable.
While having sex for the first time, it’s always better if the guy initially penetrates the girl with just his tip. He can always go deeper as she feels more comfortable having him inside her. [Read: The average size of a male penis and why it matters according to the Kamasutra]
A virgin and a non-virgin partner
When two lovers have sex for the first time, and one of them is more sexually experienced than the other, sex always gets more comfortable when the experienced partner takes control and helps the partner who’s still a virgin.
And if you’re the one who’s still a virgin, be truthful to your lover and don’t try to overdo yourself by pretending like you’re not a virgin. Remember, it’s your first time. So take it slow, enjoy the sensation and learn from the experienced partner. [Read: Easy tips to be great in bed every single time!]
Six things a guy needs to remember in bed
If you’re a guy who’s a virgin and preparing yourself for first time sex, here are six tips that can help you perform better in bed.
#1 Masturbate. Masturbate a couple of hours before your date, or before getting together with your girlfriend to have sex. Relieving the sexual tension can prevent you from ejaculating inside her as soon as you penetrate her. But make sure you use a condom while having sex as traces of your sperm could still remain in your member.
#2 Pause if you’re about to ejaculate. While having sex for the first time, you’re bound to lose control now and then. When that happens, stop moving your pelvis around, take a few deep breaths, and distract your mind by kissing her while your little guy calms down inside her.
#3 Don’t go in too quickly. Penetrating too soon could do two things. The overexcitement could force you to ejaculate really quickly, or secondly, you may go limp with overexcitement. Indulge in foreplay for at least about fifteen minutes or more before you penetrate her so your mind and your little guy can warm up slowly to the act. [Read: 30 sexy ways to spice up foreplay and your sex life]
#4 Don’t be vigorous. You could hurt her. And secondly, you could end up ejaculating quickly. Pause for a few seconds every now and then in between the to-and-fro motions and just focus on her. Move in and out slowly in a predictable rhythm, and she’ll enjoy it a lot more because she’ll know just what to expect and feel.
#5 Slipping out often. One or both of you may be moving your pelvises too aggressively and that could cause your member to slip out often. Slow down your movements and try to move your bodies in sync with each other.
#6 Keep an eye on her expressions. If she seems to be in pain, slow down or pull out a little. Keeping an eye on her expressions is the easiest way to know if she’s enjoying the sex or just bearing it. [Read: 9 things you really need to know before you ever have sex in the bathroom]
Six things a girl needs to remember in bed
Wondering what the experience of having sex for the first time would feel like for a girl? Here are six tips to help you understand it better.
#1 You may not always bleed. Even if you’re having sex for the very first time, there’s a good chance that you may not bleed noticeably. Sometimes, the bleeding may be so little that you may not even notice it.
#2 Bleeding and spotting. How much you bleed depends on the size and thickness of your hymen. But if you do bleed, you may just notice a bit of spotting on your bed or at times, something that resembles your period stain on the sheets.
#3 Cramps and soreness. A few girls who have sex for the first time could experience some soreness for a day or two. You’ve worked your internal muscles that may have been dormant, so it’s natural to feel a bit sore just like you would after a good workout.
#4 Consistent bleeding. After having sex for the first time, you may continue to bleed a little over a few days. But if you see anything more than a bit of spotting in your underwear or scant traces when you pee, speak to someone you trust in the family or get in touch with your doctor.
#5 First time orgasms. The chances of experiencing an orgasm the very first time you have sex may be low, so don’t keep your expectations high. Even if you don’t feel an orgasm take over you, you’ve still had sex for the very first time, and that’s definitely a highlight, don’t you think?
#6 How does an orgasm feel? It’s never easy to explain your first orgasm. It’s a sensation that comes in waves of pleasure, like a pleasant muscle spasm. To understand the experience, try to recollect how you feel when you use a cotton swab to clean your ear. Does it make you want to close your eyes? Does it leave you feeling pleasantly weak? Do you lose focus of the world around you? Well, now imagine that happening down there, with a much bigger bang! [Read: The myths and truth a girl needs to know about having sex with an uncircumcised man]
First time sex and five circumstances to keep in mind
Having sex for the first time isn’t always a perfect scenario. Sometimes, there may be confusions and distractions, and at other times, there may be a few awkward moments. Just enjoy the intimacy, and don’t let these awkward moments get in your way.
#1 The guy loses his erection. When a guy’s heart starts to race with excitement, the blood flow to his little member could reduce and he may lose his erection instantly. At times like these, calm down and just indulge in foreplay for a while. If both of you are having sex for the first time, his little guy will stand right up as soon as he feels more relaxed. [Read: Why does losing an erection bother guys so much?]
#2 The girl is unable to stay wet. The prospect of having sex for the first time could be exciting, but it may not always be arousing. Even if the girl is turned on initially, she may dry up down there after penetration and the sex may start to hurt her. To ensure that the two of you stay turned on, don’t just focus on the penetration and forget about everything else. Continue to kiss, fondle and make love to each other.
And if it still doesn’t work, use a lubricant. But be careful of overusing the lubricant. Sometimes, overusing it could make things too slippery to stay in place, and it could decrease the sensation too. If you’ve used excess lube, just wipe a bit away and it’s all good. [Read: How to make yourself feel more horny using your senses]
#3 Premature ejaculation. This is something that’s very common when two lovers have sex for the first time. Of course, passions are high and it’s not easy to hold on. If the guy ends up ejaculating too quickly, just focus on the foreplay and forget about having sex for a short while. And if both of you are still young, the guy should be up and high in under an hour, and ready for round two!
#4 The girl doesn’t experience an orgasm. An orgasm means two things. One, the girl had a great time. And secondly, the guy was awesome in bed! But if you’re having sex for the first time, there’s a good chance that the girl may not be able to orgasm. Neither of you should feel bad about it. Instead, celebrate the fact that the sex was intimate and perfect, orgasms or not. [Read: The beginner’s guide to tantric sex and mind blowing orgasms]
#5 Sex hurts or feels uncomfortable. If sex hurts for one of you *almost always the girl*, then the safest thing to do is slow down and take things slow. And instead of moving in and out, the guy can penetrate the girl just a little bit and move his pelvis in a circular motion instead. It’ll still arouse the girl, and feel just as sexy and sensual.
[Read: 20 sexy text message examples to start a sexy conversation!]
And well, that’s everything you need to know about having sex for the first time and losing your virginity. But now that you’re aware of the things that matter, just make sure both of you are emotionally ready to take this next big step in your relationship so that first time sex can feel just as awesome as everyone says it does!
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