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Pop the Cherry: What It Means & 18 Tips to Deflower a Girl & Not Hurt Her

Popping the cherry – what does it even mean? If this is the first time someone is having sexual intercourse, here’s your MUST-know about taking her virginity!

popping her cherry

Having vaginal sex for the first time is a pretty big deal for a girl, and obviously, for you too. If you’ve reached that point in your relationship where you may be popping her cherry, you’ve come to the right place.

You’re interested in knowing how to pop a girl’s cherry and do it right, then that by itself is a great sign. It seems like you’re a considerate guy, and you want to make sure you’re doing it in a way that gives her pleasure with the least amount of pain.

You may be a non-virgin, or you may be a virgin yourself, but whatever your sexual status, it’s completely fine. But when you pop a girl’s cherry, it’s all about her. *and a bit about you too!*

[Read: A full guide to sexual intercourse for the male virgin]

Popping a girl’s cherry and your responsibility

There’s always a first time for everything. And if you’re a guy, you may be one of those “lucky” few who chanced upon someone who will make you their first time. Exciting? Maybe. Big responsibility? Definitely.

If it’s also your first time hearing about the term “popping your cherry”, it is the slang phrase for devirginizing or deflowering a virgin. This can be a very delicate situation for you and her. You’ll have her emotions to consider, as she may feel a special connection with you for choosing you as her first.

There’s also the attachment that might follow. After all, you’re her first time, and that’s something she might remember for the rest of her life.

Technically speaking (and contrary to the belief of many people), the expression “popping her cherry” is not totally accurate.

Popular myth implies that the hymen covers the whole vaginal opening, and will “pop” when a woman has penetrative sex for the first time. However according to sexual health experts, the hymen (a tiny bit of tissue that covers the vaginal opening) actually already has a small hole to allow the flow of menstrual blood.

As time goes by, it may not be fully intact anymore even before intercourse, as activities like rigorous exercise, use of large tampons, or masturbation can tear it first. Women may not even notice when this happens. [Read: The best ways for guys to hide their sexual inexperience]

Popping the cherry of a girl is not regular sex

As a guy, this is something you MUST remember when you’re with a girl who’s a virgin. Yes, there’s a possibility she has zero sexual experience, or she’s naive or prudish in bed, but that doesn’t mean you should take advantage of her or have your way with her, because she has no idea what it’s supposed to feel like anyway!

Popping someone’s cherry is very different from a roll in the hay with someone experienced. This is her first time. There’s going to be pain *and possibly a little blood* involved, as you might be tearing her hymen. [Read: Just the tip sex and a girl’s hymen – Everything you need to know when you penetrate her]

How to gently pop your woman’s cherry

So before you get at it with your girl, consider these tips so that you can gently pop her cherry and welcome her into the beautiful, sensational, and pleasurable world of sex.

[Read: 15 things women wish men knew about the female body]

1. No pressure

Losing her virginity can be a big step for her. As for you, being the guy to accomplish the mission, it can be a lot to deal with, too.

Therefore, don’t put any pressure on her or yourself. It is a big step for both of you, but there’s no need to feel stressed about it. If you do feel stressed, maybe you’re both not yet ready. But if the thought excites her, and you, that’s a good sign you’re both ready for it.

2. Is she really ready?

Make sure it’s not a spur-of-the-moment decision, or that she’s not just carried away in the moment. If there’s one thing you don’t want her to feel after you pop her cherry, it’s regret, especially if you are in a serious relationship with each other.

Also, make sure that she’s not doing it just because you want to. Set things straight and make sure she wants it because she wants it, and she’ll take her own share of accountability in the process. [Read: 7 signs a girl gives away if she’s ready to sleep with you]

3. Always schedule the first time

No one schedules sex, right? Wrong! If it’s your first time, you must plan for it. Never ever have spur of the moment sex if it’s her first time or yours.

You may not know this right now, but things have a way of speeding up and going out of hand once you two get naked. And before you know it, it’s all a blurry haze and it’s all over.

Don’t be that person who missed one of their biggest sexual milestones because it all happened so fast. Plan for it a week ahead if you must.

Talk about it often, and wait for the inevitable moment with eagerness. That’s the best way to enjoy every second of her first sexual experience, and your experience with popping her cherry. [Read: How I lost my virginity – 15 true stories that just aren’t sexy at all]

The important thing is that you’re both comfortable with the idea and relaxed enough *when the time comes* to have a successful, memorable experience.

3. Put her comfort and emotions first

As a virgin about to tread unfamiliar waters concerning her sexuality, she may feel all sorts of mixed feelings.

She may be scared, excited, hesitant, happy, prepared, and so many other things. Allow her to sort out her emotions until she’s truly comfortable. Once you come to the moment, you still have to prioritize her comfort and emotions, as this is, again, a big step for her.

4. Consider the time and place

Unless she asks you to take the wheel, let her choose the time and place for where and when she wants to do it. This will make her feel in control and therefore more comfortable.

After all, she’s already in knots anticipating the moment, so deciding on a place and time that is comfortable for her might make her feel better.

Just remember to keep the place 100 % private and free from distractions. Also consider the time and make sure you are in no hurry, as this may probably *and ideally* take up quite some time. [Read: 13 ways to make your bedroom more romantic]

5. Go the extra mile

Make the moment extra special for her. Instead of focusing only on the act of popping her cherry, as you might be anticipating *or dreading* the moment, go the extra mile by making her feel special.

The moment of actual intercourse is also an occasion in itself, so you will want to make it memorable, too. Starting with an extra special and sweet date can be a great way to show her just how much you care. [Read: 25 really romantic ideas to make your lover melt]

6. Take it slow

You both have to be calm and relaxed about it, no matter how anxious you may feel. Try to take things slowly, starting from the events leading up to the big moment. Start the day in a light mood, maybe even go out for a movie or a relaxing walk together. You both need to calm your nerves.

Once you two are alone, remember to take it slowly still, no matter how hot and horny you may feel for each other.

7. Arouse her… a lot!

The secret behind great sex with a virgin is to arouse her. And if there’s one time in your life when you have to be great at foreplay, this could just be it.

Kiss, tease, and caress her to get her in the mood and make her wet. Spend a lot of time on the couch or in bed, just teasing her, laughing with her, and arousing her. There really is no hurry here. [Read: The foreplay moves every guy needs to do to his lady]

8. Ease her into it

One of the best tips many would tell you about deflowering a girl is to ease her into it, physically. While her mind says “go,” her body may say “no,” and that could be the problem. Therefore, if she’s a little dry and tight down there, you may want to go down on her just so she gets extra wet.

Once you have accomplished this, you can try fingering her. In as much as breaking the hymen may hurt, the unfamiliar friction inside her may be uncomfortable, so doing this with your finger *and maybe later on, two fingers* may help stretch her a bit more, lessen the trauma, and move things along. [Read: 15 things they don’t teach you in sex ed that everyone must know]

9. She may panic and freeze

This does happen when you’re on the verge of popping a girl’s cherry. Most girls have been told often that having sex for the first time will be a very painful experience, and so they think that something that “big” down there will surely hurt like crazy.

You could try to explain to her that her vagina is built to “accommodate” your penis. But if she’s too scared, she may experience vaginismus; that’s when the vaginal muscles spasm and seal themselves up.

Okay, just to be clear, this is generally a medical condition, and rare in other circumstances, so you don’t have to think of a vagina as a Venus flytrap! But do keep in mind that if she panics, she will not enjoy the rest of the moment.

10. Lube things up if you must

A great technique is to use lubrication. Since this is her first time, her vagina’s muscles will be very tight. So reducing the friction as much as you possibly can will make the experience less painful and even more pleasurable.

Just remember to keep stimulating her with your fingers, especially on her clitoris, so she will be more excited and aroused. [Read: When sex hurts for women – The causes of painful sex]

11. It may be messy

Since you’re going to penetrate her for the first time, you have to consider that you are going to break through a piece of tissue in her body. This can result in a little blood. It varies for every woman, but you can’t go wrong with having a towel underneath her bum, just in case.

12. Be gentle

Once she’s well lubricated and you both feel that the time is right, you may want to position yourself gently as you slowly get inside her. Remember, just as you think you’re being gentle, be gentler still. Move in slowly, less than half an inch at a time, and never try to force yourself inside her. [Read: 7 myths about first-time sex girls should stop believing]

13. Hitting the hymen

At some point, she may start to feel a sharp, stabbing pain in the midst of all that pleasure. Chances are, that’s your penis hitting against her hymen, the thin sheath of membrane that’s still almost closed up until she has sex for the first time.

For most girls, this membrane is rather thin and gives way easily. For some, it may be slightly tougher and may require a bit of force to give in. When you get to this point, she’ll know.

Just continue thrusting in and out of her very slowly without going deeper. Help her feel comfortable enough so the pleasure she’s experiencing with you inside her overcomes the fear of pain. 

When she’s ready, go just a bit deeper, and before you know it, she’ll experience a quick, but sharp, pain – she’s just had her cherry popped. [Read: A teen’s guide to having sex for the first time and making sure it’s just perfect]

14. You may not always come across a hymen

This is something every guy and girl *inexperienced or experienced* should know. A hymen isn’t a sealed door that stays shut until a dick comes knocking. It’s a thin membrane with a small opening in it. Think of it as a slice of donut with a hole in the center. That’s exactly what most hymens look like. 

When a penis penetrates a woman, usually the hymen stretches to accommodate it. Sometimes, a part of it tears *and bleeds* to make way for the penis. But mostly, it stretches out and stays that way after you have sex for the very first time.

In many instances, the hymen may be stretched out already from birth. Sometimes, it gets stretched if she’s indulged in strenuous activities like horseback riding, gymnastics, or even if she’s used a finger previously (as mentioned above).

So if you penetrate her, and don’t see her bleeding, or don’t really “hit a wall” at any point, it doesn’t mean she’s not a virgin. It just means her hymen has already been stretched out and she won’t bleed. *lucky for both of you!*

15. Stay slow, and take your time

Now that you’re past the hymen, take it easy. It’s time to actually enjoy having sex and making love to each other.

As a guy *an inexperienced one, that is* you may feel an urge to thrust in and out fast. But don’t. Continue moving in and out of her slowly, she’ll enjoy it way better. And you’ll be able to go on for a while without ejaculating into her. [Read: 20 moves to last way longer in bed without any difficulty]

16. Stop means stop

Somewhere along the way, she may experience a change of heart, brought on by fear, pain, or both. Whatever her reason is, be prepared for the possibility that she may want to call it quits.

If she says “stop,” then you have to respect her, because after all, it’s her body that is changing at that very moment.

Don’t get carried away, and continue pushing in and out faster assuming the pain will go away. Don’t continue having sex because you’re almost ready to cum, either. It’s not fair, and you’re just breaking her trust in you. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship]

17. Have protection

Most importantly, you have to have some condoms handy. There are many myths surrounding the act of popping a girl’s cherry, and one of them says that it’s all right not to wear a condom because she won’t get pregnant the first time.

This is utterly untrue; you can actually get her pregnant and even risk contracting or passing on STDs. Besides, a lubricated condom can also make your penis slide inside her a little smoother and easier. [Read: Condom types and how they can improve your sex life]

18. The best positions

Generally, the most comfortable position to have sex with a virgin is the missionary position. That’s when the guy lies on top of the girl and penetrates her. It’s intimate and personal, and making love feels best this way. [Read: 7 sex positions for beginners that’ll make you feel like a pro]

If you’d like the girl to have more control over the experience, she can ride you by sitting on you as you lie down on the bed. It may hurt her a little more when she’s riding you as her body weighs down on your penis, but she has total control of the pain and the movement, so this is a great position to try as well. [Read: How to ride a man and look really sexy doing it]

Anything else like doggy-style, or spooning sideways could work too, but there’s a good possibility that your penis may penetrate her deeper, which could end up hurting her.

The last word on popping her cherry and deflowering a virgin

Being the guy to deflower a girl can be a huge responsibility. It takes a lot of preparation on both your parts in order to make sure that it goes smoothly and won’t be traumatic for either of you.

However, you have to be open to the many situations that can arise, even to the fact that you may not even complete the deed. There may even be times when you have to go at it many times before you can finally say that you popped her cherry.

The important thing is that you both have realistic expectations and that you are aware of the consequences after you’ve done the deed.

[Read: First time sex and the virgin’s guide to nailing it like a pro!]

So there you have it, what you really need to know before popping her cherry, whether she’s your girlfriend or just someone you’re having sex with. The important thing is to make her feel comfortable and that she’s in control of what is going to happen to her body. However, all these efforts will be worth it – because once you do it right the first time, she will be asking for more! 

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...