What Causes a Man to Not Be Able to Climax? 36 Delayed Ejaculation Truths!
Feeling frustrated in bed? Here’s what you need to know about delayed ejaculation and what causes a man to not be able to climax, even when they want to.
Delayed ejaculation may sound like every guy’s wet dream, being able to outlast not one, but several women in bed. It’s the kind of thing guys joke about wanting, until they’re actually living it. Because yeah, lasting forever might sound like a flex, but it’s not exactly the easiest thing to deal with in a committed relationship, especially when a partner start wondering, what causes a man to not be able to climax, or why isn’t this working?
[Read: Committed Relationship: 59 Signs & Ways to Show Your Commitment in Love]
You’re turned on, hard, going at it, and everything feels fine. Great, even. But minutes turn into more minutes, your partner’s already had their post-orgasm cuddle, and you’re still trying to cross the finish line like it’s a psychological escape room.
It sounds like the kind of problem some guys dream of having. Who wouldn’t want to last longer in bed, right?
Porn stars do it all the time, and every teenage boy wishes he had that kind of stamina. But when you’re 45 minutes in, sweating like you ran a marathon, and nowhere closer to orgasm than you were during the first 10, that fantasy gets old fast.
Delayed ejaculation is one of the least talked-about sexual issues men face, but it’s more common than most people think.
And unlike erectile dysfunction, it’s not about getting hard. It’s about staying hard with no climax in sight.
That can mess with your confidence, your relationship, and yeah, even give you a pretty mean case of blue balls. [Read: Blue Balls: Why Guys Get Epididymal Hypertension & How to Cure It ASAP]
What is delayed ejaculation, really?
Delayed ejaculation isn’t just about lasting a long time, it’s about wanting to finish and not being able to, no matter how aroused or stimulated you are.
It’s one of those conditions that’s tricky to talk about because it’s invisible from the outside. You’re hard, you’re into it, and everything looks good, until the climax just… doesn’t show up.
The clinical definition
Delayed ejaculation (DE) is defined as the persistent difficulty or inability to ejaculate despite adequate sexual stimulation, desire, and erection.
According to the DSM-5, this happens in at least 75% of partnered sexual experiences over a period of six months, and it causes significant distress.
It’s not erectile dysfunction
Let’s get this straight: Delayed ejaculation isn’t the same as erectile dysfunction (ED). In DE, the guy usually can get and keep an erection. In ED, that’s the whole issue. DE is more about the climax than the rise.
There’s also a difference between delayed ejaculation and anorgasmia (where orgasm never happens at all) or retrograde ejaculation (where the semen goes backward into the bladder).
DE is more like being stuck in the loading screen of climax, forever buffering, never downloading.
The 2025 perspective
Modern research (and thankfully, modern sex therapists) now view delayed ejaculation as a spectrum, not just a yes/no checkbox.
Some men can’t climax at all, others take 30+ minutes of intense stimulation, and some only struggle during partnered sex but are fine alone.
In all cases, the key factor is: you want to orgasm, but can’t.
How long is too long? Understanding the climax timeline
This is the part where every guy leans in a little closer. Because sure, we all want to believe that lasting longer = better in bed.
But there’s a big difference between having great stamina and being stuck in sex purgatory. So, how long is too long? And when does “I’m still going” turn into “Why the hell can’t I finish?” [Read: Average Time for Sex: How Long Should Sex Last Vs. How Long We Really Last]
The average guy vs. delayed ejaculation
Contrary to what you might see in a 30-minute porn clip with dramatic lighting and suspicious camera angles, lasting a full half hour every single time isn’t a sign you’re a bedroom god, it might actually be a clinical red flag.
The average man climaxes during penetrative sex in about 3 to 7 minutes, according to the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
If you’re consistently going 25 to 30+ minutes and still can’t finish, especially if it happens most of the time, that’s not just great stamina. That’s a clinical marker for delayed ejaculation.
📚 Source: Duration of intercourse: Normal distribution and percentiles, Waldinger et al., 2005
The official criteria
The DSM-5 defines delayed ejaculation as:
- A significant delay in ejaculation (usually 25–30+ minutes), or
- Inability to ejaculate during most partnered sex encounters,
- Ongoing for at least 6 months,
- Causing emotional or relational distress.
📚 Source: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), APA
If that sounds like what you (or your partner) are experiencing, don’t stress. There’s a reason, and there are solutions.
If you’re stuck in this limbo, turned on, fully engaged, and still waiting for the fireworks, it’s time to dig into what could be behind the scenes short-circuiting your big finish.
Spoiler: it’s not always your fault, and it’s almost never just one thing.
What Causes a Man to Not Be Able to Climax – The Physical Reasons
Sometimes, the issue isn’t mental or emotional, it’s mechanical, hormonal, or even neurological. Think of it like trying to rev a sports car with sugar in the gas tank. You’ve got the horsepower, but something under the hood is off.
Let’s break down the most common physical causes of delayed ejaculation, with real science, not advice from your gym buddy or that one random guy on a Reddit thread who thinks celery juice cures everything.
1. Neurological disorders and nerve damage
Delayed ejaculation can happen when the nerves involved in arousal, orgasm, or ejaculation are disrupted. Conditions like multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease, spinal cord injuries, or diabetic neuropathy can interfere with the signals needed to trigger orgasm.
📚 Source: Physiology of ejaculation and pathophysiology of ejaculation disorders, Giuliano & Clement, 2012
2. Hormonal imbalances
Low testosterone levels, hypothyroidism, or elevated prolactin (a hormone that can suppress sexual function) can all reduce sexual drive and delay the climax process.
Hormones are like the conductors of your sexual symphony, if they’re out of tune, things won’t crescendo properly.
📚 Source: Hypogonadism and erectile dysfunction: A pathophysiological overview, Corona et al., 2013
3. Medications messing with your mojo
Many prescription meds, especially SSRIs, SNRIs, antipsychotics, and blood pressure meds, can delay or completely block ejaculation.
It’s one of the most common causes of acquired DE. Basically, your brain’s getting told to chill out when it’s supposed to throw a party.
📚 Source: SSRI-associated sexual dysfunction: Impact, incidence, and treatment, Balon, R., 2006
4. Prostate and pelvic surgeries
Any procedure that affects the prostate, bladder, or pelvic nerves, like surgery for prostate cancer or pelvic trauma, can interfere with ejaculation pathways.
Sometimes semen is redirected internally (called retrograde ejaculation) or the nerves are damaged altogether.
📚 Source: Ejaculatory dysfunction after radical prostatectomy: An updated review, Pakos et al., 2024
As men age, their neurotransmitter activity, blood flow, and hormonal levels all shift. While it doesn’t cause delayed ejaculation by default, it can make existing issues more pronounced. Translation: you might have to work harder for a finish that used to be effortless.
Bottom line? Delayed ejaculation isn’t always in your head. Sometimes, it’s in your nerves, hormones, or even your medicine cabinet. And the fix isn’t always “try harder”, it might be “check your blood work.”
6. Chronic health conditions that drain sexual energy
Conditions like chronic kidney disease, heart disease, or obstructive sleep apnea can take a toll on your energy, hormonal balance, and overall sexual function.
These health issues may not seem directly related to sex, but they slow down your body in ways that make climax a steep uphill climb.
📚 Source: Chronic disease, medication, and sexual function in men, Pastuszak et al., 2015
7. Alcohol and recreational substances
While a drink or two might help you relax, too much alcohol, weed, or opioids can mess with your body’s sensory system.
When your nervous system is numbed out, your arousal response weakens, meaning you might be mentally into it but physically unresponsive.
📚 Source: Sexual functioning and substance use, Frohlich & Meston, 2010
So yes, if the cause is physical, it often has nothing to do with your partner. They could be doing everything right, and you could still be stuck in neutral. That’s why it’s crucial not to jump to conclusions or assign blame.
The body has its own quirks, and DE is sometimes its way of waving a flag for attention.
The psychological and emotional reasons he can’t climax
You’d think orgasms are all about physical stimulation, right? Not quite.
The brain is the biggest sex organ, and when it’s stressed, anxious, or checked out, climax can feel impossibly far away. Delayed ejaculation isn’t always about the body; sometimes, the problem lives between the ears.
Whether it’s internal pressure, fear of letting go, or unspoken relationship tension, psychology can play a massive role in shutting down orgasm.
And the frustrating part? You can be really turned on and really into your partner, and still not be able to finish.
Let’s dig into the psychological and emotional causes of delayed ejaculation, the ones you can’t see, but absolutely feel.
1. Performance anxiety and “spectatoring”
Some men get stuck in their heads during sex, playing the role of the “observer” instead of being present in their body. This is called spectatoring, when you’re mentally watching yourself perform instead of feeling the moment.
It’s often linked with performance anxiety, especially if you’ve had sexual issues before (like past ED or premature ejaculation). It’s the mental equivalent of stage fright, except it’s happening with your pants off. [Read: Sexual Anxiety: 25 Secrets to Not Feel Nervous About Having Sex & Enjoy It]
📚 Source: Human Sexual Response, Masters & Johnson, 1970
2. Depression and general anxiety
Depression dulls arousal. Anxiety cranks up the mental noise. Together, they’re like a psychological cocktail of sexual slowdown.
Men struggling with depression often experience low libido, emotional detachment, or fatigue, all of which make climax harder.
Anxiety, meanwhile, keeps you in a constant state of hyper-awareness, which can block the release needed for orgasm. [Read: Emotional Detachment Disorder: 43 Symptoms & How It Affects Relationships]
3. Fear of intimacy, vulnerability, or losing control
Sex, especially in a loving relationship, requires emotional surrender. But if someone has unresolved trauma, past emotional betrayals, or a general fear of vulnerability, they may subconsciously hold back during sex. [Read: Intimacy Issues: What It Looks Like, 39 Signs, Causes & Tips to Date with It]
Orgasming is quite literally a moment of release. If your brain associates that release with danger, rejection, or emotional chaos, it might just keep the brakes on.
📚 Source: What is sexual addiction? Levine, S.B., 2010
[Read: Relationship Therapy: 25 Signs to Know If It’ll Help Your Romance]
4. Religious or cultural guilt
Men raised in environments that associate sex with shame, sin, or guilt may have deep-rooted inhibitions around sexual pleasure. Even if they’ve outgrown those beliefs intellectually, the body remembers.
This guilt can make orgasm feel taboo, dirty, or emotionally dangerous, especially if the sex isn’t within what they were taught was “acceptable.”
5. Mismatched sexual compatibility or attraction
Sometimes, the issue isn’t you or them, it’s the dynamic. If a man is suppressing his real desires (whether physical, emotional, or even kink-related), his body might not respond fully to the current situation.
This doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his partner, but it may mean he’s not fully expressing himself sexually. That internal conflict can delay or block orgasm altogether. [Read: Sexual Compatibility: 47 Signs to Tell If You’re Incompatible & Ways to Fix It]
6. Resentment or unspoken emotional tension in the relationship
Sex isn’t separate from the rest of your relationship, it’s often a mirror.
When there’s unresolved emotional baggage, simmering resentment, or even just unspoken disconnection, climax can feel like a door that won’t open.
Your brain is smart. If you’re emotionally holding back, your body often follows. [Read: Emotional Baggage: What It Is, Types, Causes & 27 Steps to Put It Down]
📚 Source: Sexual satisfaction and relationship functioning: An interdependence analysis, Byers & Demmons, 1999
7. Perfectionism or “good guy syndrome”
Some men are raised to be great listeners, great partners… and great lovers. But sometimes that comes with a heavy burden: trying to be so perfect in bed that their own pleasure gets shoved to the back burner.
They’re so focused on being attentive, communicative, and responsive that their own orgasm becomes an afterthought, or impossible to reach.
📚 Source: The role of sexual perfectionism in male sexual function, Stoeber & Harvey, 2016
Delayed ejaculation isn’t always about what’s happening in your pants. It’s about what’s happening in your mind, and in your relationships.
And once you stop blaming your body and start exploring your headspace, the solutions get a whole lot clearer.
When your own hand is the problem: Habits that delay orgasm
Sometimes the culprit behind delayed ejaculation isn’t your partner, your body, or your emotions, it’s your habits. Specifically, your masturbation habits.
It’s not that masturbation is bad (it’s not, in fact, it’s healthy and normal). But how and how often you do it can unintentionally train your body to climax in very specific ways, ways that are hard to recreate with a real, live partner.
Let’s talk about the hidden link between technique and climax delay.
1. Death grip syndrome (yes, it’s a real thing)
The internet loves calling it “death grip syndrome,” but psychologists and sex therapists call it idiosyncratic masturbation, when someone masturbates in a way that’s so specific (tight grip, fast pace, certain pressure) that their body becomes conditioned to climax only under those unique circumstances.
Basically, your body learns: this is what it takes to finish. So when the sensation feels even slightly different, like during partner sex, it doesn’t trigger the orgasm reflex.
📚 Source: Male masturbation and orgasmic function: Clinical implications, Goldey & van Anders, 2012
2. Overuse of porn and fantasy desensitization
It’s not that porn is evil, but constant exposure to highly stimulating, diverse, or extreme porn content can shape your arousal pattern.
Your brain starts associating orgasm with a very specific kind of hyper-stimulation, not the emotional, slower-paced nature of real-life intimacy.
This can also create a disconnect if your fantasies or porn preferences don’t align with what you’re experiencing with a partner.
📚 Source: Pornography consumption and sexual responsiveness, Prause & Pfaus, 2015
3. Using masturbation as stress relief instead of sexual desire
Many men masturbate not just for arousal, but as a way to manage stress, boredom, or emotional discomfort. Over time, this conditions the body to associate climax with emotional numbing, not genuine sexual engagement.
So when you’re actually in the moment with a partner, the arousal-to-orgasm pathway doesn’t fire the same way. You’re not just unlearning muscle memory, you’re unlearning an emotional reflex.
📚 Source: Ejaculation Frequency in Men Related to General and Mental Health, Gewirtz-Meydan et al., 2021
4. Frequency matters (but not in the way you think)
It’s not about how often you masturbate, it’s about whether you’re giving your body time to build arousal and respond differently in other contexts.
If you’re masturbating daily with a specific method and then expecting a totally different style to work with a partner, your body may not play along.
There’s nothing wrong with solo pleasure, but if your orgasm only happens with your hand, your pace, your porn, and your pattern… it might be time to mix it up.
📚 Source: Janssen, Erick, Sexual Arousal in Men: A Review and Conceptual Analysis, Hormones and Behavior, 2011
[Read: Male Orgasm: How It Works & What Men Feel During & After Ejaculation]
5. Lack of arousal build-up (a.k.a. skipping the warm-up)
If you tend to rush through masturbation, jumping straight to the main event with minimal build-up, you’re teaching your body to expect quick, intense stimulation with no emotional involvement.
Partnered sex rarely works like that. It builds slowly, includes connection, and involves multiple forms of stimulation.
Over time, this difference can throw off your body’s orgasm reflex during real sex.
📚 Source: Psychophysiological response patterns in sexual dysfunctions, Heiman & Rowland, 1983
6. Post-ejaculatory guilt or shame
If you frequently feel guilt, shame, or regret after masturbating, whether due to religious beliefs, childhood messaging, or internalized stigma, your brain may begin associating climax with emotional discomfort. That’s a buzzkill for the nervous system.
When this association runs deep, it can subconsciously hold you back during sex, especially if you genuinely care about your partner and don’t want to “taint” the moment.
Your masturbation style is like sexual muscle memory. If you’ve spent years programming your body to respond a certain way, it’s not broken, it’s just trained.
The good news? You can retrain it.
If you’ve spent years programming your body to respond a certain way, it’s not broken, it’s just trained. The good news? You can retrain it. And we’ll show you how in the next section.
How to fix delayed ejaculation: Real solutions that actually work
Alright, so now we know why some men struggle to climax, whether it’s stress, hormones, your masturbation playlist, or emotional blockages.
The good news? This isn’t a life sentence. Delayed ejaculation is one of the most treatable sexual issues, when you know what you’re dealing with.
Let’s talk about how to actually move the needle, from identifying what’s causing the issue to retraining your body and mind to climax more freely.
1. Start by identifying the root cause
You can’t fix what you don’t understand. Is it physical? Emotional? Habitual? Sit down and really assess:
- Are you on medications like SSRIs or beta-blockers?
- Do you struggle with anxiety, guilt, or low self-esteem?
- Do you climax regularly during solo sex but not with a partner?
Once you know where the block is, the solution becomes a lot more targeted, instead of random trial and error.
📚 Source: The Biopsychosocial Approach in Sexual Medicine Disorders, Tripodi et al., 2022
2. Adjust or review medications
If you’re on meds known to affect sexual function (especially antidepressants), talk to your doctor about alternatives or dosage changes. Some people benefit from:
- Switching to a different class of medication (e.g., from SSRI to bupropion)
- Medication “holidays” (supervised, not DIY!)
- Adding arousal-enhancing supplements or testosterone therapy (if clinically indicated)
📚 Source: Sexual side effects of antidepressants, Montejo et al., 2019
3. Retrain your arousal patterns
Think of this like a sexual reset. If your body’s been trained to climax only under specific solo conditions, you’ll need to gradually rewire that response.
- Take a break from porn or switch to audio-erotica to diversify stimulation
- Change your masturbation technique: slower pace, lighter grip, more variety
- Focus on building arousal with your partner without rushing to orgasm
📚 Source: Psychological and Interpersonal Dimensions of Sexual Function and Dysfunction , Althof et al., 2005
4. Try mindfulness and body-awareness practices
“Spectatoring”, that habit of watching yourself perform in bed, is a major orgasm killer. Mindfulness, deep breathing, and body-sensing practices can help you shift focus back into your body instead of being stuck in your head.
Mindfulness-based sex therapy has shown promising results in treating delayed ejaculation and other orgasmic disorders.
📚 Source: Mindfulness and sexual arousal: Implications for clinical practice, Brotto et al., 2008
5. Communicate with your partner (without guilt or shame)
Delayed ejaculation can make partners feel rejected or insecure, even when it’s not about them. The key is to talk, vulnerably and honestly. [Read: How to Communicate with Your Spouse Without Resentment Or Fighting]
- Reassure them it’s not a lack of attraction
- Explain what you’ve learned about your own habits or triggers
- Invite them into the solution, not the blame game
This builds emotional intimacy and takes the pressure off climax as the only measure of “success.” [Read: Sexual Intimacy: The Meaning, 20 Signs You’re Losing It & Secrets to Grow It]
📚 Source: The role of partner communication in sexual satisfaction, MacNeil & Byers, 2005
6. Consider therapy, and not just sex therapy
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), trauma-informed counseling, or couples therapy can all help, depending on your root cause.
Even if the issue feels purely physical, therapy can help you unpack internalized stress, shame, or self-pressure that might be interfering with climax. [Read: Just Sex: Why We Crave It & 26 Truths Why Sex Can Never Really Be Just Sex]
Sexual function is never just about the genitals, it’s about what’s going on in your nervous system and relational space.
📚 Source: Cognitive-behavioral strategies in sex therapy, Heiman & LoPiccolo, 1983
There’s no one-size-fits-all fix, but there are plenty of proven, supportive ways to get back in sync with your body and your pleasure. And that? That’s a journey worth taking.
Quick answers to the awkward stuff: FAQs about delayed ejaculation
Let’s be honest, these are the questions most guys are actually Googling at 2 a.m., but wouldn’t bring up with their doctor. So we’ve got you covered, no awkwardness required.
1. Can delayed ejaculation cause blue balls?
Yep. When you’re highly aroused for a long time with no release, blood pools in the testicles, leading to a dull ache, known as “blue balls” or, more formally, epididymal hypertension.
It’s uncomfortable, not dangerous, and usually fades with time. [Read: What are Blue Balls? A Full Guide to Blue Balls & Real Experiences]
2. Is this the same as erectile dysfunction (ED)?
Nope. With ED, you struggle to get or maintain an erection. With delayed ejaculation, erections are usually just fine, it’s the climax that refuses to show up.
3. Will it make a girl sore if you last too long?
It can. While stamina is often praised, going too long without enough foreplay, lube, or breaks can cause soreness or irritation for your partner.
Longer isn’t always better, it’s about comfort, pleasure, and connection.
4. Will your girlfriend be happy with your sexual frustration?
At first, she might think you’re just a generous lover or have superhuman control.
But over time, she may start feeling rejected, insecure, or confused, especially if she doesn’t know what’s going on. Communication is everything. [Read: 30 Things to Talk About With Your Girlfriend & Feel Closer than Ever]
5. Can you brag about it on Tinder?
Sure, if you enjoy irony. Saying “I last forever” might sound sexy, but delayed ejaculation isn’t about control, it’s about involuntary delay. You’re not choosing to go the distance; you’re stuck in traffic with no off-ramp.
6. Can porn or masturbation cause this?
Absolutely. If your body is trained to respond only to specific solo stimulation (like a tight grip or certain porn themes), it might not respond the same way with a partner.
It’s called idiosyncratic masturbation, and yes, it’s a thing.
7. Can I fix this without medication?
In many cases, yes. Therapy, mindfulness, changing your habits, and improving communication with your partner can make a huge difference, especially if the cause isn’t purely physical.
8. Is it bad if I last “too long”?
Not unless it’s frustrating you or your partner. There’s no gold medal for endurance if no one’s enjoying the experience.
Sex should be satisfying, not a 40-minute uphill battle.
9. How long until I can expect to climax if I have delayed ejaculation?
Most men climax within 3–7 minutes during intercourse. If it’s consistently taking 25–30+ minutes or it’s not happening at all, it’s likely delayed ejaculation, and that’s your sign to start exploring the root cause.
10. Can delayed ejaculation ever be a good thing?
Well… it depends on the context. If you’re in the middle of an enthusiastic threesome, trying to impress someone new, or starring in your own mental fantasy film, lasting longer can feel like a superpower.
But delayed ejaculation isn’t about control, it’s about inability to climax, even when you want to. That stops being fun pretty fast, especially in a committed relationship, where connection and mutual pleasure matter more than endurance.
[Read: 29 Best Sex Secrets to Have Better Sex & Enjoy It More Every Single Time!]
Delayed Ejaculation and Overcoming It
If you’re dealing with delayed ejaculation, or if you’re a woman wondering, what causes a man to not be able to climax you’re far from alone, and definitely not broken.
Understanding the causes and finding the right solutions can turn your sex life from stuck to seriously satisfying, you’re far from alone, and definitely not broken. Understanding the causes and finding the right solutions can turn your sex life from stuck to seriously satisfying.
Your body isn’t betraying you, it’s just giving you feedback. Whether it’s about how you’ve been treating it, the pressure you’re carrying, or what your nervous system has quietly picked up over time, this isn’t a dead end. It’s an invitation.
An invitation to get curious instead of critical. To explore, experiment, talk, and rewire what pleasure means to you.
With a little honesty, science, and self-compassion, delayed ejaculation can go from a mystery to a manageable, even meaningful part of your sex life.
[Read: 46 Sizzling Sex Life Secrets to Spice Up Your Bedroom & Leave You Horny 24/7]
So if you’re experiencing delayed ejaculation or you’re wondering, what causes a man to not be able to climax, don’t write yourself or your partner off. You’re not broken, you’re just buffering. And trust me, the download is worth it.
