Fantasizing about someone else with your partner can seem rather bold and very unfaithful-esque, but it really isn’t.
Read the introduction on how to fantasize about someone else in bed before you learn these tips on fantasizing and talking dirty with your own partner.
You really need to read it to know if your relationship has what it takes to indulge in a bit of couple fantasizing.
When you’re young in love, you may still be exploring each other and learning about each other’s bodies.
But as the relationship grows older, lovemaking can start to take a back seat, and comfort and togetherness can start to become the binding force that keeps both of you satisfied in love.
While that may be a good sign of a long term relationship, it’s never really the best way to enjoy a perfect relationship.
Fantasizing about someone else with your partner
To many, fantasizing about someone else may seem like cheating. And talking about those same fantasies with your lover may seem shocking, but you have to understand that acknowledging your sexuality and your sexual interests in other things beyond your own partner can actually help bring both of you closer together as you’ve seen in the introduction.
How to fantasize together in bed
You obviously know all about your partner’s mischievous side if both of you communicate well in the relationship. Learn to use it the next time both of you are lying in bed.
As you start indulging in foreplay, blindfold your partner or ask them to close their eyes. Whisper in your partner’s ears about how much sexier it could be if both of you were in another place like a wild party. If you want to have a nice time toying with each other’s fantasies, talk about the places where your partner had a sexually exciting moment recently, be it at a party, an elevator or even at a beach. Speak slowly and use your sexiest voice to whisper about the same sexual scenario that your partner experienced. [Read: How to sound sexy in bed]
Remind them about the incident and elaborate the details so your partner can visualize it and get turned on. You can either talk about a recent scenario or even about your partner’s crush. It all adds to the excitement, just as long as you remember to arouse your partner’s sexual interest and bring out those dirty taboo thoughts that’s been hidden all this while.
Fantasizing about someone else while having sex
You have a few people on your mind that turn you on. So does your partner. Instead of thinking about it yourself, talk about it with each other. As both of you get increasingly turned on talking about someone else in bed, either of you can take turns talking about your own sexual fantasies and what you’d like to do if you were with the person that arouses you most other than your partner.
You don’t always have to speak about a friend or a crush in bed, even a naughty incident like a party or a topless beach can give you a lot of ideas for some mutual fantasizing. And as you get past the foreplay and start having sex, you’d find yourself in a sexual frenzy that heightens and peaks as you continue talking about each other’s secret crushes and sexual incidents. [Read: Fantasizing examples]
Why mutual fantasizing works so well
When you’re in a relationship, you can’t imagine yourself or your partner with someone else in real life. But when you fantasize about it, you’d create a taboo fantasy in your head that can actually arouse you a lot more than you can ever imagine. In all possibility, you may even feel like a teenager who can’t stop having sex all over again!
The shady part of fantasizing about someone else is that you get to visualize how having sex with someone else could actually feel, without ever cheating on your partner or even leaving your partner’s arms. By doing this, you get to experience the satisfaction of having sex with someone else at the same time. [Read: How to role play with your partner]
In a relationship that’s lasted over a few years, it isn’t easy to keep pushing away sexual thoughts about another person. You may feel guilty or even end up cheating because of all the fantasies that build up inside your head. By talking about it with your own partner while having sex, you get to remove the guilt and feel better at the same time. You don’t feel like you’re cheating on your partner anymore because both of you are accepting that it’s normal to fantasize about someone else at times, and the sex feels a lot more exciting too. [Read: To cheat or not to cheat?]
So what would you prefer? A relationship with no sex and locked up sexual fantasies that make you feel guilty, or a relationship where you can have the best sex of your lives every day, talk about each other’s fantasies and feel a lot better at the same time?
How to create the perfect fantasies
Every fantasy is unique and different. So talk about the fantasies that both of you find exciting. While fantasizing about your partner’s sibling may be loin stirring for most people, is your partner comfortable with that or would it make them feel awkward?
If either of you don’t like where the conversation during sex is going, just change the conversation. Remember, these are just fantasies. You don’t have to like everything your partner likes and vice versa. Pick what works for both of you and use it to have great sex that leaves both of you wanting more.
Don’t talk about the same person all the time
While it may be mind numbingly exciting for you to talk about the same person all the time, the novelty of banging your favorite celebrity or the next door neighbor again and again may wear off for your partner. You can replay the same fantasy again and again like a broken record in your own mind, but when you bring a fantasy to bed and share it with your partner, both of you need to be excited by it, so talk about new fantasies now and then. [Read: Beach fantasies for couples]
Don’t feel uncomfortable about it
Your fantasies may bring out the best of orgasms for both of you, but almost as soon as you orgasm, you may feel uncomfortable and awkward about it, especially the first few times.
Of course, you’ve spoken about having sex with a lot of people in bed, or perhaps you revealed a few dark fantasies that really turned you on, but now that you’re both washing up after all the sexy sex, you may feel bad or stupid about the whole thing.
Always remember that these are just the same fantasies that have been going around in circles in your own head. This was a fantasy and not a reality, and you didn’t really create something new. Most of your fantasies were probably locked inside your head for a long time, waiting to come out.
Fantasizing in bed with your own partner is way better than cheating on them just to experience what it would feel like, don’t you think? Cuddle up with your partner and have a good laugh about each other’s fantasies instead of hiding it and feeling awkward about it.
Fantasizing about someone else while having sex with your partner can be a lot of fun, as long as both of you keep an open mind and feel secure about each other.
If your partner talks about having sex with your best friend, would that thought bother you the next time your friend comes over? If it does bother you, you’ve probably not reached that stage of trustworthy love just yet, so perhaps mutual fantasizing isn’t for you right now.
[Read: What men want in bed]
Fantasizing about someone else with your partner can make your nights a lot more exciting and fun, for years to come. But that’s only if you’re ready for it. So are you?
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