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Why Am I So Insecure? 41 Signs & 51 Ways to Deal with Insecurity & Fix It

Do you ever ask yourself, “why am I so insecure?” If so, you’re not alone. Here’s why you’re insecure and how you can feel better about yourself. 

why am i so insecure

What insecurity means has nothing to do with what or who you are, it is all in the perception of what you think people think you are. Sound confusing? It really isn’t. 

Insecure people don’t lack anything but the confidence to know all the gifts they give to the world. The only thing they do is ask themselves, “why am I so insecure?” 

Nobody is 100% confident in who they are. Some people may seem like they love everything about themselves, but even Beyoncé feels down on herself from time to time and is probably still figuring out how to stop being insecure. 

There are people, however, who are more insecure than others, and they may feel like there’s no hope of ever loving themselves.

If this sounds like you, you’re completely wrong. Getting rid of insecurities may take some time, but anyone can learn to feel good about who they are and love themselves. You just have to know how to do it. [Read: People pleaser – 20 common signs most people just don’t see]

What does insecurity mean?

What is insecurity? It is exactly what it means. Feeling insecure means not feeling safe, real, or secure in your own skin. 

But not every insecure person shows signs of insecurity in the same way. 

The biggest problem with being insecure is that it doesn’t always come across as what it is. It is often misunderstood by the people around someone insecure. [Read: How to date when you have low self-esteem and find true happiness]

Why? Because no one wants to admit they live in fear of just about everything, that sounds crazy. 

So, most insecure people try to mask their anxiety with habitual behaviors that don’t work. They do things that get them the exact opposite of what they crave—love and acceptance.

If you wonder why you are insecure, there was probably a time in your childhood when someone significant, or someone you valued, made you feel not good enough. [Read: How to let go of the past and be excited by the future]

You internalized it and carried it around like a backpack. The bigger problem, the same person sets you on a course to find people who disapprove so you convince them that you are worthy of love.

A continual apology tour and early experiences likely set you out to seek people who are judgmental and tell you what you want to hear *which, by the way, is not a good thing*. [Read: 20 signs of insecurity people can’t hide when they feel insecure]

Types of insecurity

Many people think that insecurity is just a blanket, all-encompassing feeling of being inadequate. But that’s not quite true. You can feel pretty good about yourself in some ways but be insecure in others.

Here are some types of insecurity:

1. Relationship insecurity

If someone feels like no one will want to date them or even be friends with them, then that’s relationship insecurity. They might not think they have enough to offer another person or that they’re not worthy of love. [Read: How self-respect affects you and your relationships]

In addition to that, they might not think they have the right skills to make a relationship successful. Perhaps they’ve had a lot of failed relationships in the past and believe they’re the cause of the problem.

2. Social insecurity

Similarly related to relationship insecurity, social insecurity is feeling bad about yourself in social situations. If a person is shy, introverted, or awkward, they might not think that anyone likes them.

They will probably also struggle to make conversations or connect with other people. In addition, they could also admire and envy people who are social butterflies and are liked by everyone. [Read: Social anxiety vs. shyness – 37 signs, differences, and ways to overcome them]

3. Body image insecurity

This is a problem many people struggle with. If someone doesn’t think they are attractive, then they will be insecure. This can include how their face looks and/or how their body looks.

We live in a world where beauty is something that everyone would love to have. So, when we get bombarded with images of beautiful celebrities with amazing bodies, many people feel insecure about their own.

4. Job insecurity

Our world also has expectations for money and success. So, if someone doesn’t have a big house, a fancy car, and an important job, then they might feel insecure about themselves. [Read: Feel like a failure? 23 truths to stop feeling defeated and find your way]

This kind of insecurity can come into play when people are in the dating world. They may think that no one would want them because they don’t make enough money to be desirable to potential mates.

What are the consequences of insecurity?

Obviously, being insecure will not have a positive effect on your life. But what are some of the consequences that insecurity has on people? Here they are.

1. Difficulty trusting other people

Because someone who is insecure has such a negative view of themselves, many times this spills over onto other people. So, they might not trust people in a lot of ways. [Read: I have trust issues – 18 baby steps to start dating and open your heart to love]

They certainly don’t trust them to love and cherish them. In fact, they expect the opposite.

2. Fearful of decision-making

They don’t think they are good enough to make wise decisions. Because of this, they always rely on other people to either help them or do it for them. They always have to ask other people’s opinions because they don’t trust their own judgment. 

3. Feeling unloved

Since insecure people don’t love themselves, they don’t know how anyone else could love them either. [Read: Feeling unloved – 21 ways we feel less loved and how to feel love again]

And so, they always feel like no one loves them, even if they do. This is a very sad and lonely way to live.

4. Scaring other people away

Not surprisingly, insecure people have an insecure attachment to others. They are clingy and needy and feel like they have to beg for affection and love. Because of this, they tend to scare other people away because they tend to smother them.

5. Feeling unaccepted and unappreciated

Since they think no one likes or loves them, they don’t feel like anyone accepts them as a person either. [Read: Why givers feel unappreciated and undervalued in a relationship and how to fix it]

They might even be a people pleaser and over-giver, only to receive nothing in return. And that makes them feel unappreciated too.

Common reasons people are insecure

If you are wondering, “why am I so insecure,” don’t worry – you are not alone. 

Many people in the world are very insecure, so you’re in good company. We know that it can feel like you are the only one, but trust us, you aren’t. [Read: Signs of attention-seeking behavior that mask their insecurity]

Here are some very common reasons that people are insecure:

1. Parents

When you are a baby, toddler, or child, everything your parents say to you gets programmed into your subconscious mind – for better or for worse. Many parents mean well when they say things to their kids, but a lot of their words mess them up.

For example, if you were told that you were lazy and would amount to no good, then that’s what you will think of yourself. [Read: Helicopter parents – 30 ways they ruin their children’s lives]

If you were told that you were fat and needed to lose weight, then that would make you feel insecure. Everything they said to you when you were a child made you who you are today.

2. Siblings

If you have siblings, you know that they can be mean sometimes. Sometimes, the older ones taunt and tease the younger ones. They do it to show power over them… Just because they can.

But just as your parents tell you negative things, if your siblings did it too, then that will make you very insecure as well. [Read: How to overcome insecurity issues and reclaim power over your life]

3. Peers

Everyone has encountered bullies in their childhood, right? Whether they were ruthless to you or just a minor inconvenience, your peers could have really hurt your self-esteem.

Peers can call you ugly, fat, dumb, or any other insult they feel at the moment. They may not even know how much it was going to affect you, but clearly, it did. 

Constantly hearing negative things about yourself from other people will destroy anyone’s self-esteem. [Read: How to deal with insecurity – 29 signs and ways to feel magnificent]

4. Media & social media

All of our lives, we watch TV, see movies, and watch all the beautiful celebrities in the world. Most of them could pass for supermodels. 

By seeing them all of our lives, we tend to think that is the standard of beauty. And most of us don’t live up to those standards.

As a result, we tend to compare ourselves to all of those beautiful people. And when we don’t measure up, we constantly criticize ourselves for being inadequate. [Read: The toxic dangers of social media and 19 signs and ways it makes you insecure]

People who also spend a lot of time on social media may find that they are insecure about themselves. They compare their lives to other people’s and it makes them insecure. So, if you want to learn how to stop being insecure, this is a good thing to not do anymore.

5. Comparisons to other people

Because the media sets such high expectations for people, most of us compare ourselves to others a lot. But think about it, if you are always comparing yourself to celebrities and rich people, you will always feel insecure, right? 

It’s just a natural thing to do, unfortunately. We always look around and see the people who have it better than us. And when we see them, then we automatically feel bad about ourselves. [Read: Self-concept – what it is and how we develop it to control our happiness]

6. Negative self-talk

Since we have had all of these negative experiences in our lives – from our parents saying negative things about us to comparing ourselves to others and the media expectations – it all results in talking to ourselves in a negative way.

Everyone has self-talk. It’s what we say to ourselves about ourselves. Sometimes, we don’t even know that we are saying these negative things because it’s subconscious. 

But it doesn’t matter whether we are aware of it or not, because all of these messages make us feel insecure. [Read: Positive self-talk – what it is, where it comes from, and how to master it]

Signs of insecurity

So, how do you know if you are insecure? And what can you do about it?

Before you can do anything to help address how to deal with insecurity, you need to understand what your insecurities are. Insecurities can be about many things. Here are some of the most common signs:

1. Comparing yourself to others

If you are always comparing yourself to others and always find that you fall short, you’ll perpetually feel insecure and bad about yourself. All people are different. [Read: What you need to do to stop feeling sorry for yourself]

You are good at some things that others are not. Try to have your own goals and find your own path. It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing.

2. Feeling unworthy

Insecure people often feel worthless. They feel as though they don’t deserve good things to happen to them. [Read: Cut out these things to stop making your life worse than it is]

3. Feeling like your luck will change

Do you always feel slightly on edge? Like at any minute, will your luck will change? This signals your insecurities are getting the better of you.

4. Feeling like an imposter

Imposter syndrome is a common trait of those suffering from insecurity. You get that job promotion, you land that great deal, and you are asked to head up a project—whatever it is. 

You feel as though someone made a mistake and you are an imposter just waiting to be found out. [Read: 20 signs you’re suffering from the imposter syndrome]

5. Feeling hopeless

If you let your insecurities get the better of you, you often feel rather hopeless, like you are in a dark tunnel and can’t see a way out.

6. Feeling like you’ll never be good enough

If you feel as though whatever you do, however much you achieve, you’ll always let yourself and others down. Find a way to get to the root cause of the problem.

7. Feeling overwhelmed by tasks or events

If you are asked to do something or are gearing up for a big event, do you feel overwhelmed? Your insecurities could be standing in the way of your confidence. [Read: How to gain confidence and turn your life around for the better]

8. Not wanting to socialize

Would you rather just stay at home alone than go out and be with other people? This can be a confidence issue, or rather lack of, to overcome.

9. Hating the way you look

If you loathe the way you look or are self-critical about your appearance, you are struggling with insecurity. Sometimes people find they have crippling insecurities about the way they look and this has a huge impact on their lives.

10. Getting upset over little things

If you find yourself bursting into tears or frustrated over little things, this could be your insecurities rearing their ugly head. [Read: Why am I so emotional? Emotional stability and 27 secrets to balance life]

11. Not being able to talk to anyone about it

Do you feel as though you can’t express yourself properly? If you shut yourself away, things only get worse.

12. Talking too much

Do you find all you talk about is how insecure you are, how fat you feel, how nervous you are, how pathetic you are? This is incredibly self-destructive and needs to stop. [Read: Learn to get what you want and deserve out of life]

13. Losing friends

Sometimes, insecurities can be so consuming that they hurt the people around us. Are you losing friends over your insecurities? If so, you need to learn to deal with insecurity.

14. Recognizing most of your thoughts are focused on this one thing

Are you obsessed with your insecurities? Do you find it hard to think about or focus on anything else? [Read: How to gain confidence and turn your life around for the better]

15. Being unable to snap yourself out of it

Even though you know what your insecurities are, and know they are irrational or foolish, you still can’t find a way to snap yourself out of them. This can be very frustrating and finding coping mechanisms to deal with this really helps.

16. Feeling frightened

Do your insecurities make you scared to do certain things? Do you feel anxious all the time because of them? Feeling frightened is horrible, and you need to discover a way to stop this. [Read: The roadmap to finding emotional well-being]

If any of the above sounds like you, it is more than likely that you need to learn how to deal with insecurity. The good news is now that you acknowledged the problem, there are lots of ways to try and fix it.

17. Worrying about everything

Did we say everything? Yes, we mean everything. 

There isn’t a single thing you don’t worry about. You worry about your next step because you aren’t sure you will land on safe ground. 

You continually feel like the next step is quicksand. [Read: 20 ways to focus on the positives of life]

18. Never feeling safe or settled

You never feel like you are safe or settled in your own life or in your own skin. 

Usually, experiences in your past perpetuate insecurity. You live in a state of temporary and you never get comfortable because it could all be gone.

19. Asking the same questions over and over, as if you can’t accept the answer

Like a child, you ask other people the same questions over and over and over. [Read: Why am I so insecure? 20 reasons why you care more than others]

How they answer doesn’t matter, because you aren’t going to accept their answer unless it is negative. You don’t ever believe in anyone because you expect the worst.

20. Pushing people away and then pulling them back in

Someone who is insecure wants to pull people in. When you get too close to someone, you freak out and push them away. 

Your own fear of rejection drives you to constantly push the very people you want close, far away. Then once they walk away, you beg to have them back. [Read: When a woman pulls away – why girls do it, 28 signs, and what you MUST do]

21. Constantly asking if other people are mad at you

Insecurity leads you to constantly ask if you have done something to make others mad. Worried that you will lose them if you don’t do what they want and how you want it, your worried nature has no bottom.

22. Always apologizing even if there’s no apology necessary

Never sure of yourself or how you come across, you always feel as if you have done something wrong and aren’t above apologizing even if you haven’t done anything at all.

Just so no one is angry or upset with you, just say sorry to cover anything you could’ve done. [Read: Traits of insecure men that make women run the other way]

23. Tendency to sabotage your relationships

Insecure people never feel worthy enough to be in a relationship, which causes continual anxiety and fear that they are going to be found out and left behind.

That leads to overreactions to things and pushing people away when they fear that things are going badly to protect themselves. 

That can get them the very result they attempt to avoid in a relationship. [Read: Things you do that sabotage your love life]

24. Feeling like everyone hates you 

One of the biggest signs of insecurity is that insecure people constantly feel like everyone dislikes them. You can’t really tell them why or put your finger on what the issue is. You just feel like everyone hates you.

25. Worrying if someone is talking badly about you all the time

Insecure people worry constantly that people talk about them behind their backs. 

Not wanting to be scorned by people in their life, your insecurity leads you to continually search for confirmation that people don’t like you and are bad-mouthing you. Usually, when there is no basis.

26. Leaving every situation wondering if you offended anyone or made someone angry

People who are insecure are anxiety-riddled almost all of the time. You worry if you said something off-color and replay the events of every moment of your social interactions with people. [Read: Why does everyone hate me? 69 things you do that people probably don’t like!]

27. Not feeling comfortable in a group, so you usually have one person that you cling to

Insecure people appear like social butterflies because they usually hide insecurity and turn on the charm.

But you typically like to have one person to cling to that makes you more secure and real. [Read: Why is inner beauty much more important than outer beauty in real life?]

Usually only being able to have one close friend at a time, their friendship is your safety zone when out with others.

28. Striking hard when hurt

Insecure people are constantly wounded. Your feelings are regularly hurt, which leads you to strike out against someone who hurts you. For the recipient, it seems like a total overreaction.

But, due to the amount of turmoil and fear going on in the insecure person’s mind, it is like white noise that never stops. Just one more thing instantly sets you over the edge. [Read: 20 signs and ways to stop feeling like a fake]

29. Being alone is your worst fear

For insecure people, being on their own is the worst thing they can imagine. You need other people to make yourself feel whole and safe. If you lose someone close to you, it is overwhelming, especially someone you love.

30. Craving approval, but you won’t accept it anyway

Someone insecure craves acceptance and approval. Even when given to you, you don’t believe or accept it. Even if the very thing you desire stares you in the face, you refuse to see it.

31. Defining yourself by what other people think of you

Insecure people let other people tell them who and what they are because they aren’t very sure for themselves what they are made of. [Read: People pleasers and 20 common signs they don’t recognize]

Constantly looking to please others and gain their acceptance, if someone doesn’t like you, it takes a huge hit on your self-esteem.

32. Feeling anxious when people are with you

Insecure people are just hard to be around. You can’t put your finger on why, but you rarely sit, rarely stop talking, or just have a jittery anxiety that follows you wherever you go.

33. Tendency to be a perfectionist

Insecure people don’t believe in themselves, so they go back and redo everything about 100 times. It still won’t ever be right. [Read: Dating a perfectionist – things you must know before you date one]

34. Jealous of other people’s relationships 

Insecure people are very clingy. Once you make someone your stone, you get very jealous when they reach out to someone else.

You need them at your side to feel whole and secure. If someone isn’t feeding your soul, then you feel empty. You want 100% of a person. [Read: 20 ways to stop being jealous and tame the green-eyed monster]

35. Overreacting to seemingly simple things

Because you constantly carry a backpack of angst, the smallest thing seems to set you off for no reason. 

Continual anxiety is a difficult thing to live with and can have you hitting the brink out of nowhere and sometimes making a mountain out of a molehill.

36. Feeling inadequate

The root of insecurity is that you don’t feel “good enough.” [Read: Why do I hate myself so much? Self-hate and what you can do about it]

Because of that, you constantly feel inadequate. You think other people are better than you and never think you measure up in any good way at all.

37. Being harsh and critical of yourself

You are constantly criticizing yourself in any or all ways. You think you’re too fat, too ugly, not smart enough, and don’t have a great personality. It doesn’t matter what you criticize, because you criticize practically everything about yourself.

38. Not letting other people see your “messy side”

Everyone has their “real” side that they don’t always show the rest of the world. [Read: How to make a good first impression and impress everyone you meet]

Instead, people put on a metaphorical mask and are on their best behavior. But you do this all the time. You are scared to let anyone see the “real” you.

39. Can’t maintain eye contact

Looking someone in the eye is very difficult for you. That’s because it feels like they are staring you down and judging you. Eye contact connects people too. And so, you sometimes feel like you want to run away instead of looking people in the eye.

40. Using everyday objects as “armor”

Insecure people often use objects as “armor” to protect themselves from other people. [Read: How to stop being shy – 20 ways to kick your shyness to the curb]

They might use a purse or book to create a “barrier” between them and other people. Or they might use glasses to cover their eyes. The upper chest and palms are also popular areas in which people like to “cover-up.”

41. Panicking easily

Because you are so self-conscious, you tend to have a lot of anxiety. And when you are in a situation that overwhelms you, you can panic easily.

Whether you’re judging yourself or fear that others are judging you, it creates these uncomfortable feelings inside you. [Read: 16 reasons why people always find it easy to take you for granted]

How to stop being insecure

For those of you who feel insecure, your life is probably pretty rough. It’s hard to get out of bed and feel excited about the day when you don’t even like who you are. That being said, you need to find a way to start loving yourself again.

It won’t happen overnight, and it may take some getting used to. 

But when you put these tips into play and actually work on loving yourself, you’ll find that you will know how to stop being insecure. [Read: Build your self-esteem – 35 funny things to tell yourself]

1. Stop thinking your job is to make people happy

No one put you on earth to make everyone else happy. Stop thinking it is your job. Often, people with insecurity put the feelings of others ahead of their own.

When you constantly try to make people happy, you only make yourself unhappy. 

It is a vicious cycle that leads you to feel like a failure, which only breeds more insecurity. [Read: How to be emotionally independent and stop relying on others for happiness]

2. Realize there are going to be people who don’t like you specifically because everyone likes you

You don’t like everyone, do you? You must stop thinking that if you were better, nicer, kinder, prettier, or whatever, people would like you. Some personalities just don’t meld together well.

3. If someone doesn’t like you, it is on them, not you

It is okay if someone doesn’t particularly care for you. It isn’t your problem, it’s theirs. Some people will not like you because you try too hard to be liked. It is a complex world, people are complex beings.

4. Stop thinking you are so important to everyone else

Truthfully, humans are pretty self-absorbed creatures. And insecure people are far worse! [Read: The art of not giving a shit – how to not care in 15 steps]

Insecure people think they hold more importance in the lives of those around them. They think someone thinks about them past saying “hi” and continually evaluates how people feel about them. 

It isn’t that you aren’t important, it is just people have their own shit going on.

5. Ask yourself why you don’t deserve the same piece of the pie

Insecure people don’t think enough of themselves to think other people like them or that they deserve good things. [Read: We accept the love we deserve – why aren’t you worthy?]

If you are insecure, you should figure out what it is about yourself that you don’t think is worthy of love or good things.

6. What’s the worst that could happen if someone doesn’t like you?

When you are insecure, you care very deeply about what others think about you. It is nothing more than a whole lot of wasted time. 

Before you start to ruminate about why someone didn’t call you back and lead yourself down the “I did something wrong, and they don’t like me” train, stop to think about what is the worst that could happen if they didn’t like you. 

There are billions of people on earth. If they move on, there are other people in your life, let them go. [Read: 18 honest reasons why you don’t have friends that care about you]

But really, what is actually the worst thing that could happen? 

7. Learn to love yourself

Insecurity really comes down to you not liking yourself. If you are okay with yourself and love who you are, then you don’t really care about what others think of you.

Insecure people place too much stock on what others think about them because they aren’t sure how they feel about themselves. [Read: How to stop loving someone else and love yourself more]

If you want to stop being insecure, find a way to love yourself.

8. If you like yourself, who cares about anyone else?

If you want to dance in the middle of the hallway, do it. Insecure people care way too much about what other people think. If you like yourself, if you like to do something, or if you want to do it, just do it.

Stop being limited by worrying so much about what other people think. So, what if they don’t like you? How does that hurt you unless you let it? [Read: 30 signs of low self-esteem in a woman that reveal a need for self-love]

9. Stop judging other people

Often, people who are hard on others are hard on themselves. Perhaps if you stop judging other people, you will stop feeling like people judge you.

10. Forgive yourself

Insecure people feel bad about themselves. It usually stems from their childhood or past experiences. 

Whatever it was in your past that made you form your opinion of yourself, whether it was an overbearing mother, a father who couldn’t be bothered with you, or a learning disability that had you on the “slow track,” stop seeing yourself in that light.

Learn to forgive and forget if you want to stop being so insecure and find the best inner you. [Read: How to be happy again – 20 ways to draw happiness from within]

11. Surround yourself with genuine people

Sometimes, insecure people latch onto people who aren’t good for them. Certain personality types are very toxic to each other. Insecure people constantly seek validation and affirmation.

Finding people in your life who are selfish and only take, without providing you feelings of security, only further adds fuel to your insecure fire. 

Choose people who aren’t self-absorbed and give back as much as they take. [Read: Selfish friends – how they take so much and give so little in return]

12. Drop toxic people who hold you back

If you have someone in your life who continues to take, only wants to be with you when it is good for them, or takes continually without giving back, they make you feel worse about yourself and create more insecurity.

Sometimes no matter how much we think we love someone, if they make your already anxiety and insecurity that much worse, cut them loose. [Read: How to recognize and stop selfish people from hurting you]

13. You only need one

You don’t need a million people in your life. In fact, you only need one genuine person at your side. 

If you have one “emergency contact,” then you can be peripheral to everyone else. Just try to be surface, be yourself, but don’t put it all out there to be hurt.

14. Improve those things you don’t like about yourself

The best way to cure insecurity is to work on those things that make you feel insecure. [Read: What am I doing with my life? How to break through the rut]

If you don’t like that you talk too much, or that you are too brash, try to change those things about yourself, and you won’t feel so awkward the next time you are out.

15. Always conduct yourself with integrity

Insecure people often ruminate over a situation and think about what they did. That creates a ton of anxiety. [Read: How to be a good person and 32 ways to transform into a better human]

If you always conduct yourself with integrity, you won’t ever feel bad about what you did or worry about what people think. If you do the right thing, then you won’t fear what people think about you.

16. If it is in the past, let it go

Insecurity makes us think about previous situations, and they shape how we think future ones will go. The best way to get past your insecurity is to let your past go and try to think of every new day as a do-over. 

To do that, you must let go of your past. Don’t let too much of yesterday ruin today. [Read: How to stop ruminating – 18 ways to leave your past and be excited by the future]

17. Be yourself

If you try too hard to be what and who someone else wants you to be, cut it out. The only you that you are supposed to be is the genuine one. Feeling like a fake makes you feel very insecure. 

18. Work on unresolved issues

Insecurity typically stems from childhood. Often, you have no idea why you even feel the way that you do. We form opinions about ourselves and our worlds very early on. 

Therapy may be an excellent way to figure out what happened and help you work past the preconceived notions that drive your insecurity.

19. Be self-sufficient

If you always rely on someone else to make your decisions, pay your bills, or take care of you, then you never learn to stand on your own two feet. [Read: How to spot codependent behavior early and regain your self-identity]

Sometimes, we must have something that is all ours and that we are successful at to feel secure about our future and who we are.

20. Keep busy

Idle minds really are a devil’s playground. Insecure people don’t do very well when they aren’t busy and have a lot to do. 

Instead of spending your Monday morning thinking about all the things that may have happened on the weekend, or all the mistakes you may have made, get out and do something to lift your spirits.

Distractions are an insecure person’s best friend. [Read: Fun things to do with your best friend and create lasting memories]

21. Write down all of your good qualities

When we are insecure, all we can focus on is our bad qualities. We are always thinking of what is wrong with us, instead of what is good.

So, you need to take a pen and a piece of paper and actually write down all the things you love about yourself.

Are you smart, funny, or a good friend? Do you love your eyes? [Read: How to love yourself – 25 secrets to find self-love from within]

Maybe you love your friends and family fiercely. There is always something good you can focus on. So, refocus your attention on those things.

22. Change your self-talk

Now that you know what all of your good qualities are, you need to change the way you talk to yourself. Instead of saying all the things you don’t like, tell yourself all the good things that you do like. 

When you catch yourself saying something negative… Stop. Tell yourself that you are wrong and replace it with a positive thought. [Read: How to master positive self-talk and banish negativity from your life]

23. Visualization

This might sound cheesy, but when you close your eyes and visualize yourself feeling the way you want to, it works. 

Trust us, there are a lot of research studies proving the power of visualization. It works for Olympic and professional athletes, so it can work for you too! [Read: How to manifest love and a better life – the steps to draw in your best love life]

24. Stop comparing yourself to others

We all compare ourselves to others far too much. The problem with this is that nobody is the same. No two people are even comparable.

If you stop and realize that even if someone is prettier or better-looking than you, you might be smarter than them. And you probably have a better personality than other people. You are better in DIFFERENT ways. [Read: Tips to fall in love with yourself and be a better YOU]

25. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re awesome

Because you are. You have to believe that you’re truly great in order to start feeling that way. If you look in the mirror and verbally tell yourself that you’re amazing, beautiful, and smart, then you will start to truly believe that.

26. Pinpoint what makes you feel insecure and avoid it

If there is a certain person, show, movie, magazine, or situation that you realize makes you feel insecure, stay away from it. Removing yourself from it will help avoid those moments so you can work on loving yourself.

27. Do more things you love

There are too many people who say, “I wish I had more time for…” and they never do anything about it. [Read: 18 ways to have high self-esteem and start winning at life]

A big part of loving yourself and learning how to stop being insecure is being able to love your life and the activities you take part in.

By doing more things that you love, you’re showing yourself that you can have fun in life. Finding joy in life can help you see that even if you do have faults, you still have a great life, and that will help make those insecurities less.

28. Get in shape

This isn’t just for the physical benefit of looking better, although it can definitely help shape your confidence. [Read: 26 secrets to get motivated to work out and exercise your way to a better life]

When you exercise and eat right, you just feel better. If you feel better, you automatically have a better mindset about life and yourself.

29. Talk to someone you trust about your issues

If you have a person or group of people you can go to about your struggles with loving yourself, then go talk to them about it, and they will help you learn how to stop being insecure. 

Let them know that you’re struggling and they can help spread some light on exactly why you’re so great. [Read: Low self-esteem – how to see yourself in a better light]

30. Stop recurring negative thoughts as they come into your head

The second you have a negative thought pop up in your head, lock that shit down. Stop thinking about it immediately and replace that negative thought with a good one about you and the situation.

31. Accentuate your positives

If you’re a book-loving nerd, then don’t make that a negative thing, because it’s not. You’re well-read and literate. [Read: I’m not good enough – how to bring yourself up when you feel low]

Bring out these positives and you’ll start to realize that every negative thing you thought was wrong with you will be a positive attribute instead.

32. Always tell yourself that you’re capable of doing something

A lot of us face insecurities when it comes to work and our inability to complete a task as needed. If this is where your insecurities lie, always tell yourself you can do it. 

Your mind is a powerful thing, and if you tell it something, it will form a habit of always telling yourself this. [Read: How to master positive self-talk and banish negativity]

33. Find meaning in your life

If you’re just meandering through life without a purpose, you may feel insecure about yourself. 

And if you want to know how to stop being insecure, start doing things for a good cause that are purposeful and meaningful. Then you’ll start to love who you are and what you’re doing.

34. Practice self-love

Insecure people find it very difficult to love themselves, and this takes time and practice. Start by focusing on the things you do like about yourself, your successes, and your achievements. [Read: Learn how to love being you!]

Look in the mirror and compliment yourself. Try to keep any negative thoughts at bay. 

It takes focus and concentration, but if you keep practicing you find it easier. Slowly but surely, you start to believe it too.

35. Give yourself pep talks

Giving yourself a firm talking to often helps. So many insecurities are totally unfounded, so start to be a bit tougher on yourself. [Read: 52 happy habits and ways to find happiness within yourself and feel better]

If you feel those negative thoughts coming, give yourself a good, inspiring pep talk. Then distract yourself, or just get on with it!

36. Take deep breaths

When feeling overwhelmed with insecurities, we often feel quite panicked. Take deep breaths, sit down, and just take a moment to calm yourself down.

37. Practice meditation

When insecurities take over our thoughts, they take over our lives. Practicing meditation helps clear and declutter your mind and gives you some respite from it all. [Read: Easy mantras that will transform your life]

38. Trust in the moment

Try to just focus on the things that happen right now and stop worrying about what might happen. If good things are going on, enjoy them. Don’t fret about whether you deserve them or worry they’ll be snatched away.

39. Stop thinking it’s all about you

Being insecure can be a little selfish. If you get too caught up in your own insecurities, you start to become rather self-obsessed. 

Remember there are other people out there, so don’t neglect them, and know not everything that happens is all about you! [Read: Are you being selfish in your relationships?]

40. Take chances and set challenges

Be brave, set yourself goals, and focus on them. The more you achieve and the more you push yourself, the more you start to believe in yourself.

41. Accept you will feel insecure sometimes

It’s very hard to get rid of your insecurities altogether. They just don’t have to take over your life! [Read: What it means to take control of your life]

42. Believe you will get better

It all starts by believing there is light at the end of that tunnel, so make sure you believe you will get better and know it takes time and effort. It will be so worth it in the end.

Insecurity can be debilitating, but by recognizing it and practicing coping strategies to deal with it, you free yourself from the pain and the struggles insecurities bring. [Read: How to stop feeling like a fake in your own]

43. Accept that you’re going to make mistakes

Listen, no matter how much you work on yourself, you will make mistakes. You’re human. It’s a part of life and how we learn. 

And if you think you learned everything there is to know, you’re wrong. So, this is something you must accept. Expect mistakes and accept them because they’ll happen. [Read: Why you shouldn’t be afraid of failure]

44. Focus on self-approval

In today’s society, it’s mainly based on the approval of others. People like our Instagram posts or our Facebook statuses and this is attached to how funny or good-looking we think we are. 

But it’s all wrong. You shouldn’t be focusing on what other people think of you but rather on what you think about yourself. That’s the only way others love you.

45. Learn to love your flaws

Because you’re flawed. It’s as simple as that. You’re flawed just like everyone else. So, accept your flaws, they’re going to be around. [Read: Negative thinking – 32 signs and ways to stop and get rid of negative thoughts]

You, as an entire person deserve love—your flaws included. Have a crooked nose? Embrace it. Do you snort when you laugh? Own it.

46. Insecurities are connected to low self-esteem

Why are you filled with insecurities? Because you don’t think highly of yourself. If you don’t feel good about who you are on the inside, then you’re going to be insecure. 

You want validation from others to make sure what you do is socially approved. If you want to know how to overcome insecurity issues, start by learning to love yourself. [Read: Signs of low self-esteem and how to increase it]

47. Write down your fears

You need to know what you’re scared of. We all have fears, but when you write them down on paper, sometimes they don’t look as scary as you thought they were. 

Read them to yourself and ask yourself if they’re rational. How many of these fears were created in your mind out of negative thoughts? Finding the root of your fears helps you tackle them.

48. Ask yourself why you say no

When you say no to something, ask yourself why. Why are you saying no and why aren’t you saying yes? Is your answer fear-based? [Read: How to broaden your horizons and get out of your comfort zone for good]

Saying yes leads to unexpected things, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re negative. That’s just how you perceive it.

49. Challenge your thoughts

There is a saying that goes, “don’t believe every thought you think.” In other words, just because you think something, that doesn’t make it true.

So, when you think bad thoughts about yourself, don’t believe them. It’s just your fears talking, it’s not reality. Your perceptions of yourself are not necessarily accurate or true. [Read: How to be more positive – 24 steps to a happy and dramatic life shift]

50. Aim for progress over perfection

There is no such thing as perfect. No one on this planet is perfect, mostly because perfection is subjective too. What one person thinks is perfect, another one doesn’t.

So, just keep making progress on your insecurities regardless of how small the steps are. Any progress is good, right? You don’t need to expect to wake up tomorrow feeling like another person. Just be patient with yourself. [Read: 29 signs & ways to feel totally magnificent]

51. Seek therapy

If all else fails, talk to a professional about your insecurity problems. Sometimes it takes more than just your own effort to help you see your worth, and there’s nothing wrong with seeking professional help.

Overall, having insecurities can hinder many aspects of your life, and seeking professional help can make you see your faults and help you sort out those issues if you don’t know where to begin otherwise.

[Read: How to get your self-esteem back after a breakup]

Insecurity is not a fun way to live life, so you need to stop asking, “why am I so insecure?” Constantly worrying about what other people think of you is a whole lot of wasted energy. If you like yourself, who the hell cares what anyone else thinks? So, start finding a way to love yourself.

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Carol Morgan LP
Dr. Carol Morgan
Dr. Carol Morgan has a Ph.D. in communication and is a professor at Wright State University where she loves corrupting young minds. As a relationship and succes...