What insecure means has nothing to do with what or who you are, it is all in the perception of what you think people think you are. Sound confusing? It really isn’t. Insecure people don’t lack in anything but the confidence to know all the gifts they give to the world. The only thing they do is ask themselves, “why am I so insecure?”
[Read: People pleaser – 20 common signs most people just don’t see]
If you wonder why you are insecure, there is probably a time in your childhood when someone significant, or someone you valued, made you feel not good enough.
You internalized it and carried it around like a backpack. The bigger unfortunate, the same person set you on a course to find people who disapprove so you convince them that you are worthy of love.
A continual apology tour, early experiences likely set you out to seek people who are judgmental and tell you what you want to hear *which by the way is not a good thing*. [Read: 20 signs of insecurity people can’t hide when they feel insecure]
If you are wondering, “why am I so insecure,” don’t worry – you are not alone.
Many people in the world are very insecure, so you’re in good company. We know that it can feel like you are the only one, but trust us, you aren’t. Here are some very common reasons that people are insecure. [Read: 14 signs of attention-seeking behavior that mask their insecurity]
When you are a baby, toddler, and child, everything your parents say to you gets programmed into your subconscious mind – for better or for worse. Many parents mean well when they say things to their kids, but a lot of their words mess them up.
For example, if you were told that you were lazy and would amount to no good, then that’s what you will think of yourself. If you were told that you were fat and needed to lose weight, then that will make you feel insecure. Everything they said to you when you were a child made you who you are today.
If you have siblings, you know that they can be mean sometimes. Sometimes, the older ones taunt and tease the younger ones. They do it to show power over them… and just because they can.
But just like the parents telling you negative things, if your siblings did it too, then that will make you very insecure as well. [Read: How to overcome insecurity issues and reclaim power over your life]
Just as siblings can be cruel, so can peers. Everyone has encountered bullies in their childhood, right? Whether they were ruthless to you or just a minor inconvenience, your peers could have really hurt your self-esteem.
Peers can call you ugly, fat, dumb, or any other insult they feel at the moment. They may not even know how much it was going to affect you, but clearly, it did.
Constantly hearing negative things about yourself from other people will destroy anyone’s self-esteem. [Read: How to deal with insecurity – 29 signs and ways to feel magnificent]
All of our lives, we watch TV, see movies, and watch all the beautiful celebrities in the world. Most of them could pass for supermodels. By seeing them all of our lives, we tend to think that is the standard of beauty. And most of us don’t live up to those standards.
As a result, we tend to compare ourselves to all of those beautiful people. And when we don’t measure up, we constantly berate ourselves for being inadequate.
Because the media sets up such high expectations for people, most of us compare ourselves to others a lot. But think about it, if you are always comparing yourself to celebrities and rich people, you will always feel insecure, right?
It’s just a natural thing to do, unfortunately. We always look around and see the people who have it better than us. And when see them, then we automatically feel bad about ourselves. [Read: Self-concept – What it is and how we develop it to control our happiness]
Since we have had all of these negative experiences in our lives – from our parents saying negative things about us to comparing ourselves to others and the media expectations – it all results in talking to ourselves in a negative way.
Everyone has self-talk. It’s what we say to ourselves… about ourselves. Sometimes, we don’t even know that we are saying these negative things because it’s subconscious. But it doesn’t matter whether we are aware of it or not, because all of these messages make us feel insecure.
[Read: How to date when you have low self-esteem and find true happiness]
The key to overcoming your insecurity is surrounding yourself only with those people who love and cherish all the gifts you have.
Think about it honestly, you can have one hundred people who adore and love you, yet you focus on the one, seek out the one, maybe even marry the one, who becomes your self-fulfilling prophecy. [Read: 16 reasons why people always find it easy to take you for granted]
If you want to find security, change these 23 habits and find the awesome inner you who doesn’t give a shit.
No one put you on earth to make everyone else happy. Stop thinking it is your job. Often, people with insecurity put the feelings of others ahead of their own.
When you constantly try to make people happy, you only make yourself unhappy. It is a vicious cycle that leads you to feel like a failure, which only breeds more insecurity. [Read: How to be emotionally independent and stop relying on others for happiness]
You don’t like everyone, do you? You must stop thinking that if you were better, nicer, kinder, prettier, or whatever, people would like you. Some personalities just don’t meld together well.
It is okay if someone doesn’t particularly care for you. It isn’t your problem, it is theirs. Some people will not like you because you try too hard to be liked. It is a complex world, people are complex beings.
Truthfully, humans are pretty self-absorbed creatures. And insecure people are far worse!
Insecure people think they hold more importance in the lives of those around them. They think someone thinks about them past saying “hi” and continually evaluates how people feel about them. It isn’t that you aren’t important, it is just people have their own shit going on. [Read: The art of not giving a shit – How to not care in 15 steps]
Insecure people don’t think enough of themselves to think other people like them or that they deserve good things.
If you are insecure, you should figure out what it is about yourself that you don’t think is worthy of love or good things.
When you are insecure, you care very deeply about what others think about you. It is nothing more than a whole lot of wasted time.
Before you start to ruminate about why someone didn’t call you back and lead yourself down the “I did something wrong, and they don’t like me” train, stop to think about what is the worst that could happen if they didn’t like you.
There are billions of people on earth. If they moved on, there are other people in your life, let them go. [Read: 18 honest reasons why you don’t have friends that care about you]
Insecurity really comes down to you not liking yourself. If you are okay with yourself and love who you are, then you don’t really care about what others think of you.
Insecure people place too much stock in what others think about them because they aren’t sure how they feel about themselves.
If you want to stop being insecure, find a way to love yourself. [Read: How to stop loving someone else and love yourself more]
If you want to dance in the middle of the hallway, do it. Insecure people care way too much about what other people think. If you like yourself, if you like to do something, or you want to do it, just do it.
Stop being limited by worrying so much about what other people think. So what if they don’t like you? How does that hurt you unless you let it?
Often, people who are hard on other people are hard on themselves. Perhaps if you stop judging other people, you will stop feeling like people judge you.
Insecure people feel bad about themselves. It usually stems from their childhood or past experiences. Whatever it was in your past that made you form your opinion of yourself, whether it was an overbearing mother, a father who couldn’t be bothered with you, or a learning disability that had you on the “slow track,” stop seeing yourself in that light.
Learn to forgive and forget if you want to stop being so insecure and find the best inner you. [Read: How to be happy again – 20 ways to draw happiness from within]
Sometimes, insecure people latch onto people who aren’t good for them. Certain personality types are very toxic to each other. Insecure people constantly seek validation and affirmation.
Finding people in your life who are selfish and only take, without providing you feelings of security, only further adds fuel to your insecure fire. Choose people who aren’t self-absorbed and give back as much as they take. [Read: Selfish friends – How they take so much and give so little in return]
If you have someone in your life who continues to take, only wants to be with you when it is good for them, or takes continually without giving back, they make you feel worse about yourself and create more insecurity.
Sometimes no matter how much we think we love someone, if they make your already anxious insecurity that much worse, cut them loose. [Read: How to recognize and stop selfish people from hurting you]
You don’t need a million people in your life. In fact, you only need one true and genuine person at your side. If you have one “emergency contact,” then you can be peripheral with everyone else. Just try to be surface, be yourself, but don’t put it all out there to be hurt.
The best way to cure insecurity is to work on those things that make you feel insecure.
If you don’t like that you talk too much, or that you are too brash, try to change those things about you, and you won’t feel so awkward the next time you are out. [Read: What am I doing with my life? How to break through the rut]
Insecure people often ruminate over a situation and think about what they did. That creates a ton of anxiety.
If you always conduct yourself with integrity, you won’t ever feel bad about what you did or worry about what people think. If you do the right thing, then you won’t fear what people think about you.
Insecurity makes us think about previous situations, and they shape how we think future ones will go. The best way to get past your insecurity is to let your past go and try to think of every new day as a do-over. To do that, you must let go of your past. Don’t let too much of yesterday ruin today. [Read: How to stop ruminating – 18 ways to leave your past and be excited by the future]
If you try too hard to be what and who someone else wants you to be, cut it out. The only you that you are supposed to be is the genuine one. Feeling like a fake makes you feel very insecure.
Insecurity typically stems from childhood. Often, you have no idea why you even feel the way that you do. We form opinions about ourselves and our worlds very early on.
Therapy may be an excellent way to figure out what happened and help you work past your preconceived notions that drive your insecurity.
If you always rely on someone else to make your decisions, pay your bills, or take care of you, then you never learn to stand on your own two feet.
Sometimes, we must have something that is all ours and that we are successful at to feel secure about our future and who we are. [Read: How to spot codependent behavior early and regain your self-identity]
Idle minds really are a devil’s playground. Insecure people don’t do very well when they aren’t busy and have a lot to do.
Instead of spending your Monday morning thinking about all the things that may have happened on the weekend, or all the mistakes you may have made, get out and do something to lift your spirits. Distractions are an insecure person’s best friend.
When we are insecure, all we can focus on is our bad qualities. We are always thinking of what is wrong with us, instead of what is good. So, you need to take a pen and a piece of paper and actually write down all the things you love about yourself.
Are you smart, funny, or a good friend? Do you love your eyes? Maybe you love your friends and family fiercely. There is always something good you can focus on. So, refocus your attention on those things. [Read: How to love yourself – 25 secrets to find self-love from within]
Now that you know what all of your good qualities are, you need to change the way you talk to yourself. Instead of saying all the things you don’t like, tell yourself all the good things that you do like.
When you catch yourself saying something negative… stop. Tell yourself that you are wrong, and replace it with a positive thought. [Read: How to master positive self talk and banish negativity from your life]
This might sound cheesy, but when you close your eyes and visualize yourself feeling the way you want to, it works.
Trust us, there are a lot of research studies proving the power of visualization. It works for Olympic and professional athletes, so it can work for you too!
[Read: How to manifest love and a better life – The steps to draw in your best love life]
Insecurity is not a fun way to live life, so you need to stop asking, “why am I so insecure?” Constantly worrying about what other people think of you is a whole lot of wasted energy. If you like you, who the hell cares what anyone else thinks. So, start finding a way to love yourself.
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