Unicorning: 46 Secrets to Be a Unicorn, Drop Hints & Find the Perfect Couple

If you’re intrigued by unicorning, know the dos, don’ts, and red flags on how to be a unicorn. And learn these secrets to navigate a fun, tricky threesome.

unicorning and how to be a unicorn

Ever heard of unicorning? No, it’s not a mythical journey into enchanted forests with rainbow-maned horses—although that does sound awesome.

In the realm of relationships and threesomes, learning how to be a unicorn is about learning the art of joining a couple as a third romantic or sexual partner. Yes, you’re the glittering, rare addition that adds extra sparkle to an already established connection!

So why is the unicorn status considered so mythical and appealing?

For starters, it adds an extra layer of complexity, excitement, and let’s be honest—novelty to the romantic dynamic. Couples are often on the lookout for that elusive “unicorn” to add a dash of magic to their lives.

But becoming a successful unicorn isn’t all rainbows and sunshine. It’s an art and a science. Stick around if you want to learn the ropes, as we’ll equip you with essential tips, dos, and don’ts that can make or break your unicorning experience.

[Read: 57 signs and rules to have a threesome, and the best threeway tips and positions]

The Psychology of Unicorning

Before we get into the nitty-gritty of how to be a unicorn, it’s crucial to understand why this role is so enticing in the first place.

Understanding the psychology behind unicorning not only makes the journey more fulfilling but also helps you navigate the complex emotional terrain that comes with it.

First off, let’s talk about New Relationship Energy or NRE. Ever feel that electrifying buzz when you meet someone new? That’s NRE at play.

For couples, introducing a unicorn can recharge that initial thrill, offering a psychological jolt to the relationship.

Robert Sternberg’s ‘Triangular Theory of Love’ comes into play here as well. A successful romantic relationship often has three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. A unicorn can add that missing ‘spice’—often a renewal of passion—that keeps the relationship vibrant.

We humans are novelty-seeking creatures, it’s wired into our biology. The allure of something new and exciting plays a significant role in human attraction.

A unicorn offers just that—a fresh perspective, a new dynamic, and yes, a certain level of unpredictability that keeps things interesting.

Finally, let’s touch on the Halo Effect. When you’re the unicorn, you’re often seen through rose-colored glasses. Everything you do seems just a bit more fascinating, making you overall more attractive in the eyes of the couple. [Read: Throuple relationship: 27 rules and secrets to a happy romantic threeway]

The Must-Know Tips on How to Drop Hints to a Couple Friend

Now that you’ve decided to venture into the fascinating world of unicorning, how do you approach that couple you’ve been eyeing?

Here, we’ll offer some well-tested tips on how to drop those subtle hints to a couple friend. Trust us, a dash of finesse and a sprinkle of timing go a long way.

1. Non-Verbal Cues: The Art of Mirroring

Mirroring is the act of mimicking the body language or vocal tone of someone else. It creates a sense of connection and rapport.

When spending time with the couple, engage in subtle mirroring. If one of them leans back, you lean back. If they smile, you smile.

This unspoken sync can trigger a psychological comfort zone, signaling that you’d be a harmonious addition to their dynamic. [Read: 23 intense signs of unspoken secret attraction between people]

2. The Power of Active Listening

Active listening isn’t just nodding along when someone else is talking. It’s engaging and asking insightful questions.

Use this technique to steer the conversation toward relationships, love, or even the concept of unicorning.

You might say, “I’ve read some interesting things about how bringing in a third person can reignite a relationship’s passion. What are your thoughts?”

Active listening could open up the dialogue, allowing you to gauge their openness to the idea. [Read: 42 secrets to communicate better in a relationship & ways to fix a lack of it]

3. Double Entendres and Humor

If the conversation is flowing and spirits are high, throwing in a double entendre or a playful joke could serve you well. For example, if you’re discussing weekend plans, you might say, “Well, three’s a party, right?”

A cleverly placed comment like this can plant the seed of curiosity without making anyone uncomfortable. Plus, humor can be an excellent buffer if they’re not quite on the same page. [Read: 21 must-knows ways to ask someone for a threesome and join you in bed]

4. Timing and Context

The atmosphere and timing are pivotal in dropping these hints. For instance, a cozy wine night is a much better setting than a rushed morning coffee.

Make sure you choose a relaxed atmosphere where everyone’s guard is down, and the focus is on enjoying each other’s company.

5. The Direct Approach

Sometimes, straightforwardness is appreciated. If the atmosphere is right and you’ve laid the groundwork through the aforementioned methods, you could directly mention your interest in becoming a unicorn.

“Have you guys ever thought about bringing in a third? I’ve been reading up on how to be a unicorn, and it sounds intriguing.” It’s bold, but honesty often brings out honesty in return. [Read: Unicorn hunting: What it is, 29 secrets & traits to find a threesome unicorn]

Where to Meet Interested Couples

So you’ve mastered the art of dropping hints to your couple friends, but why stop there? Broadening your horizons could land you the perfect couple, and there are more places to explore than you might think.

1. Online Platforms

When it comes to unicorning, online platforms like dating apps and websites specialized in open relationships can be your best friend.

Create a profile that makes your intentions clear: you’re interested in joining a couple. The beauty of going digital is you can be explicit about what you’re looking for, all from the comfort of your own home.

Plus, many platforms offer filters to help you find just the kind of couple you’re after. [Read: Tinder threesome: Tips to write a couples bio & meet the perfect third]

2. Events Leaning Towards Open Relationships and Polyamory

Believe it or not, there are events specifically designed for open relationships and polyamorous communities. From meetups to workshops to retreats, these events can be the ideal setting to meet like-minded couples. [Read: Polyamorous relationships: Could you be happy in one?]

While it might be a bit intimidating to attend these gatherings for the first time, keep in mind that everyone else is there for similar reasons, making it easier to break the ice and establish connections.

3. Social Media

Social media platforms can also serve as valuable tools in your search for a couple. No, you don’t have to slide into someone’s DMs immediately *unless you want to, of course*.

But you can join groups, follow pages, or even hashtags related to unicorning or open relationships. Leaning into social proof can help here, if others see that you’re actively involved or endorsed by communities they trust, your desirability as a unicorn may increase.

4. Local Community Groups

Check out bulletin boards at local cafes, or search for community events that tackle themes around relationships and sexuality.

Sometimes, a local workshop or a discussion panel can be a more intimate setting for meeting couples interested in bringing in a unicorn.

Plus, these events often lead to open and honest discussions, making it easier for you to gauge compatibility. [Read: Tinder threesome: 18 tips to write the perfect couples bio and meet your third]

5. Friends of Friends

Sometimes the connection you’re looking for is just a mutual friend away. Let your close, trusted friends know that you’re interested in exploring the role of a unicorn.

You’d be surprised how often people are more connected than they initially think. It’s an indirect approach, but sometimes the best recommendations come from people who already know you well.

6. Specialty Bars and Clubs

Nightlife isn’t just for singles and traditional couples. Some bars and clubs cater specifically to alternative lifestyles, including polyamory and open relationships.

Venturing into one of these establishments can be like stepping into a candy store of opportunities. Plus, the relaxed social atmosphere can make initiating a conversation far less daunting. [Read: What is polyamory? How it works and ways to know if it’s something worth trying]

7. Vacation Hotspots

Believe it or not, there are resorts and cruises that cater specifically to polyamorous and open relationships. These can be fantastic venues to meet interested couples while enjoying some sun and surf.

Plus, if you’re on a vacation designed for open relationships, you can be fairly sure that those you meet are at least open to the idea of a unicorn joining them.

8. Workshops and Seminars

Though it may sound a bit formal, workshops and seminars on sexuality, relationships, and personal development can be prime hunting grounds.

Such settings not only attract open-minded individuals but also create a safe space for open dialogue. You’re learning something valuable while scoping out potential couples, making it a win-win situation.

9. Volunteering for Relevant Causes

Being active in communities or causes that resonate with open relationships and alternative sexualities can also lead to meaningful connections.

The bond formed through shared interests and activism can be strong and can naturally progress to more intimate relationships. [Read: Ways volunteer work can help heal depression]

10. Online Forums and Blogs

Participating in relevant online forums and blogs can be an excellent way to meet like-minded couples. You can ask questions, share experiences, and even DM interested parties.

These platforms often have dedicated sections for people specifically looking to be unicorns, making your search even easier.

[Read: Triad relationship: What it is, 33 honest questions, and must-know facts and benefits]

Dos and Don’ts of Being a Unicorn

Diving into the unicorn lifestyle without some ground rules is like eating soup with a fork—you’re going to miss out on a lot, and it could get messy.

So let’s lay down some dos and don’ts that you’ll want to keep in mind.

1. DO: Communicate Openly, Practicing ‘Emotional Intelligence’

Communication is key in any relationship, but when you’re navigating a three-way dynamic, it’s absolutely vital. Understanding not only your own feelings but also those of your couple can go a long way.

This practice of Emotional Intelligence—being aware, controlling, and expressing one’s emotions wisely—can help avoid misunderstandings and ensure everyone’s on the same page. [Read: Meaning of safe words, best examples & 27 ways to use them in rough play]

2. DON’T: Break the Existing Relationship Boundaries

In your role as a unicorn, you’re the guest star, not the director of the show. Each couple will have their own set of rules and boundaries, and it’s crucial to respect these.

Breaking them isn’t just a faux pas, it could lead to the end of your involvement and harm the couple’s relationship.

3. DO: Keep it Discreet but Transparent

Here’s the ultimate paradox: You’ll want to be an open book with the couple but a locked diary to the world.

What happens in the trio should be open for discussion among you three but not necessarily anyone else’s business.

Transparency builds trust within the trio, while discretion ensures that no unnecessary drama leaks into your personal lives. [Read: 57 signs & rules to have a threesome & the best three way tips & positions]

4. DON’T: Assume You’re the Only Unicorn

The term ‘exclusive’ might not always apply, even if you’re joining an established couple. It’s essential to clarify the expectations—are you their only unicorn, or is this an open field?

Making assumptions could lead to emotional turmoil, so better to clear this up early on.

5. DO: Prioritize Your Own Comfort and Boundaries

Just because you’re joining a couple doesn’t mean your comfort and boundaries should take a backseat. Make them known from the get-go.

Remember, a healthy trio is one where all parties are in sync, not just the original couple. [Read: 23 secrets to set personal boundaries & guide others to respect them]

6. DON’T: Ignore the Power Dynamics

Being a unicorn means you’re entering an already established relationship, and that comes with its own set of dynamics.

Be aware of how your presence may shift the balance and aim to be a positive addition rather than a point of tension.

7. DO: Take Time for Self-Assessment

Before plunging into the unicorn lifestyle, take a moment to reflect on your motivations and desires.

Understanding your reasons for engaging in unicorning can help you find couples who are in sync with your expectations, making for a more satisfying experience for all parties involved.

8. DON’T: Disregard Safer Sex Practices

Even in the heat of the moment, safety should never take a backseat. Make sure to discuss contraception and STI prevention methods with the couple.

Remember, you’re responsible not only for your own sexual health but also for contributing to the health of the relationship. [Read: 29 safe sex secrets & nasty dangers of unprotected sex most don’t know!]

9. DO: Be Open to Experimentation

If you’re stepping into a role as unique as that of a unicorn, a willingness to experiment can be a boon.

Being open to trying new things can enrich not just your experience but also breathe fresh life into the couple’s relationship. [Read: 26 sexy, dirty, freaky things to say & do in bed & try something new]

10. DON’T: Expect Equal Attention from Both Partners

When you’re a unicorn, there are three people’s needs and desires at play. Understand that attention from both partners may not always be equally distributed.

This isn’t necessarily a red flag, it’s just part of navigating a three-way dynamic.

11. DO: Clarify the Couple’s Relationship Status

It’s essential to know whether the couple is in an open relationship, looking for a third long-term, or simply seeking a one-time experience.

Knowing this upfront can save you from potential misunderstandings and align your expectations with theirs.

12. DON’T: Keep Score

Trying to maintain an exact tally of kisses, cuddles, and other forms of affection will only add unnecessary stress.

Focus on the experience and the connection rather than keeping a mental scoreboard.

13. DO: Stay Open to Future Opportunities

Just because one experience as a unicorn didn’t go as planned doesn’t mean you should close yourself off from future opportunities.

Unicorning is as much about personal growth and discovery as it is about the relationships you’ll form.

14. DON’T: Ignore Your Intuition

Your intuition isn’t just some esoteric concept, it’s your subconscious reading of various subtle cues that you might not consciously notice.

Trusting this internal compass can be invaluable in evaluating whether a couple and situation are right for you.

Don’t ignore those gut feelings, they’re your body’s way of telling you something important. Brushing aside your intuition can lead to regrettable situations and missed red flags. [Read: Gut instinct: What it is, how it works & 30 tips to follow & listen to your gut]

15. DO: Exit Gracefully if Needed

Exiting a relationship is never easy, but it’s sometimes necessary for your well-being. If the unicorn dynamic isn’t working for you, it’s entirely acceptable to step back.

The key is to do so gracefully, which means communicating openly about your reasons without laying blame.

This not only leaves the door open for future interactions but also respects the emotional investment made by all parties.

16. DON’T: Make Decisions When Emotionally Charged

Emotions can run high in any relationship, and it’s especially complex when three hearts are involved. Making decisions while in an emotional state can lead to actions you might later regret.

So, take some time to cool off and reflect before making any big moves. This pause allows you to assess the situation objectively, ensuring that your choices align with your long-term desires and values.

17. DO: Be Aware of the ‘Coolidge Effect’

The Coolidge Effect is a fascinating phenomenon in behavioral psychology where both males and females exhibit renewed sexual interest upon the introduction of new receptive partners.

While this can make the initial phase of your unicorning incredibly exciting, it’s vital to recognize that this sense of novelty might not last forever.

As such, always keep an eye on the dynamics between you and the couple, and be ready to adapt as the relationship evolves.

Your position as a unicorn might feel like a ticket to a sexual or romantic Disneyland, but remember, this is a shared experience. [Read: Arousing sex fantasies to try in real life]

Before acting out any of your personal fantasies, it’s crucial to get explicit consent from the couple. This ensures a respectful and fulfilling experience for everyone involved.

Failing to do so could result in emotional harm or the termination of your role in the relationship.

19. DO: Be Mindful of ‘Attachment Styles’

It’s wise to understand the different attachment styles—secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant—as they can impact how you relate to both partners in the couple.

This helps set realistic expectations and fosters healthier emotional dynamics. In some cases, attachment style mismatches can be the root cause of unexpected tension or conflicts.

20. DON’T: Be a People-Pleaser

It’s easy to slip into the people-pleaser role when you’re trying to juggle relationships with two different people.

However, compromising your own needs consistently will lead to resentment and could compromise your well-being. Remember, you’re a part of this triad as well; your desires and comfort matter. [Read: People pleaser: 21 signs you’re one & how to stop people pleasing]

21. DO: Have an ‘Exit Strategy’

Think about how you’d like to disengage from the relationship if it’s not working out.

Having a clear exit strategy respects everyone’s emotional well-being and helps to mitigate awkward or painful goodbyes. It’s like having a map that has a route back home in case the journey takes an unexpected turn.

22. DON’T: Rush Into Things

The excitement of a new relationship can often make us ignore red flags or move too quickly. It’s important to take things slow and make thoughtful decisions.

Despite the initial allure, remember that every relationship, including unicorning, needs time to grow organically.

23. DO: Maintain Individual Relationships with Each Partner

It’s tempting to view your role as connecting primarily with the couple as a unit. However, it’s beneficial to cultivate individual relationships with each partner.

This not only increases the emotional depth of your interactions but also allows for more authentic experiences with each person.

It creates a well-rounded dynamic where everyone feels valued for who they are, not just for their role in the relationship.

24. DON’T: Forget to Check In On Your Own Emotional State

Sometimes, it’s easy to get caught up in the dynamics of the couple you’re joining. However, it’s crucial to routinely check in on your own feelings and emotional state.

If you don’t, you might end up in a situation that you’re emotionally unprepared for.

25. DO: Understand the Concept of ‘Compersion’

Compersion refers to the joy one gets from seeing their partner experience joy, even if it’s not directly because of them.

Understanding and experiencing compersion can enrich your role as a unicorn, adding a layer of emotional satisfaction to the relationship. [Read: Compersion, cuckquean and why you get pleasure watching your partner with someone else]

26. DON’T: Skip the ‘Aftercare’

Whether it’s emotional or physical aftercare, make sure that you don’t neglect this essential aspect.

Especially if your role includes BDSM elements, aftercare is vital for maintaining emotional health and trust between all parties involved.

Things to Watch Out For When Unicorning

Okay, you’ve decided you want to gallop into the world of unicorning. But whoa there, Nelly! Before you sprint down this path, let’s address some pitfalls you’ll want to leap over—or better yet, avoid altogether.

Remember, knowing what to watch out for is half the battle won.

1. Emotional Leakage from the Couple to the Unicorn

When we talk about ‘emotional leakage,’ we’re referring to the spillover of unresolved issues or tension within the couple affecting your relationship with them.

While it’s natural for couples to have ups and downs, it becomes a red flag when their emotional baggage starts weighing down your own experience.

This not only detracts from the joy and pleasure unicorning is supposed to bring but could also lead you into a triangle of emotional turmoil.

2. The ‘Treadmill Effect’ in Emotional Investment

The Treadmill Effect refers to the phenomenon where you keep investing emotional energy without really getting anywhere.

It’s a red flag when you find that you’re constantly expending emotional labor to keep the relationship afloat, yet there’s little reciprocation.

This one-sided effort not only depletes you emotionally but could also be an indication of a deeper imbalance in the relationship dynamics. [Read: 28 signs you’re being taken advantage of by people & secrets to break out]

3. Beware of The ‘Sunk Cost Fallacy’

This psychological term refers to the tendency to follow through on an endeavor simply because you’ve already invested time, effort, or resources into it.

In the context of being a unicorn, this might mean sticking around in a not-so-great situation because you’ve already put in the emotional or physical investment. It’s a trap; don’t fall for it!

4. The Danger of ‘Double Binds’

A double bind is a situation where you’re given conflicting cues or messages, making it difficult to make the ‘right’ choice.

For instance, the couple might encourage you to be open and expressive, yet penalize you for sharing your needs or concerns. This creates a lose-lose scenario that can be mentally draining.

5. The ‘Savior Complex’ from Either Partner

Be cautious if either partner in the couple seems to exhibit a Savior Complex, where they believe they can “fix” issues in their relationship by bringing in a unicorn.

This can lead to unrealistic expectations and undue pressure on you. Additionally, it often masks underlying issues in the couple’s relationship that adding a third person won’t solve.

It’s a red flag that the couple might not be as stable as they seem, and stepping into this dynamic could end in emotional turmoil for all involved.

Don’t Forget to Have Fun!

You’re now armed with the tools, tips, and tidbits you need to navigate the wondrous and sometimes complicated landscape of unicorning. You know the dos, the don’ts, the red flags, and even some psychological quirks to keep an eye on.

It’s a lot, we get it! But information is power, especially in the ever-dynamic sphere of relationships.

Don’t forget the most essential ingredient: fun! Unicorning can offer a thrilling exploration of intimacy, connection, and, well, a darn good time.

[Confession: My very first (crazy and fun) accidental threesome experience while on holiday]

So, as you set out, remember: don’t just aim for success, aim for a boatload of laughter, mutual respect, and unforgettable moments. Remember, above all, to have a blast while unicorning!

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...