No one said marriage was easy. Well, if they did, then they haven’t been married or talked to anyone who was honest about the tribulations of maintaining a “happy marriage.” Although each marriage operates differently, there are some universal signs of disrespect in a marriage that create tiny holes and eventually rip it wide open.
We have all been around that couple who makes you feel uncomfortable. Hostility that can be cut with a knife, you just know things aren’t good at home. But, there are two types of marriage discord situations: the silent type and the outward type.
Sure, talking badly to or about your spouse is one of the signs of disrespect in a marriage. There are many other covert and much more hurtful ones that no one sees but the people who receive it.
25 signs of disrespect in a marriage
Disrespect is something intolerable in any relationship. And, even if you think you’re strong enough to weather the disrespect storm, not only will the tide take you over, you simply shouldn’t be with someone who isn’t as respectful to you as you are to them.
Disrespect comes in many forms. From using crude language to derogatory phrases, usually, it is the sum total of the way that someone makes you feel. If you think they disrespect you, don’t second guess yourself. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued and loved.
#1 They never put their phone down. I get it, phones are super fun and important, but they shouldn’t ever be more important than spending time with your spouse. When you put your phone in front of your face, it says to your partner, “I’m sorry I have better things going on right now.” [Read: Phubbing – Why it’s the rudest thing you could ever do to anyone]
#2 Their friends know more about them than you do. A marriage is supposed to be two best friends. If you find out about major life events, or just day to day things, from someone other than your significant other, then that is a sign they don’t make you a priority.
#3 They never introduce you to other people they know. What is worse than standing there while your spouse goes on with someone who is clearly a good friend and not only do you not know them, or of them, they don’t even consider you critical enough in their lives to say “Hey, this is my wife/husband ___.”
#4 They only take care of themselves and couldn’t care less about the household. A partnership is supposed to be just that. If they only care about themselves and what is on their agenda, guess what, they don’t respect what is going on in your life. Either way, that isn’t cool. [Read: One year itch: 25 tips to avoid marriage problems early on]
#5 They don’t acknowledge your accomplishments. If you respect someone, then you honor their accomplishments.
Someone who isn’t proud of you or what you have accomplished isn’t respectful of who you are or your life goals. Being respectful means not being jealous and giving someone a “hey good job” no matter what is going on in their life. [Read: 10 signs your partner is truly supportive of your goals]
#6 They take every opportunity possible to make you feel less than. When you respect someone, you want to make them feel good about themselves, to build them up. If they take every opportunity to cut you down, point out your insecurities, or just to make you feel bad, that is extremely disrespectful and not something you need.
#7 They talk about and to you derogatorily. Respecting someone means you boost them up, not tear them down. If they can’t follow the “Thumper rule” of not saying anything if you can’t say something nice, or even worse, can’t say nice things, then that is one of the signs of disrespect in a marriage.
#8 Nothing is off bounds. If they don’t know when to stop, think laughter should be at your expense, or tell intimate details about what goes on in your lives without any thought to how it affects or hurts you, then they simply don’t respect you.
#9 They hide things from you. Part of being respectful to your partner is showing trust and being open and honest. If they keep secrets from you, big or small, there is a reason why. They try to maintain control. Controlling someone doesn’t exude respect. If someone can’t be trustworthy, they are extremely disrespectful not just to you but to the commitment you made together. [Read: 13 giveaways to tell if someone is lying to your face]
#10 They treat you as if you disappeared tomorrow they wouldn’t notice, or better yet, they’d be happy. When you respect someone, you make them feel loved, appreciated, and valued. If someone treats you like the only thing that would change is the laundry piling once you are gone, that doesn’t scream respect. That screams “I take you for granted and would just move along if you moved on.”
#11 They make a big deal out of other men/women and look right through you. Respect in a marriage means you make someone feel like they are someone to you and indispensable.
If every time you are out somewhere you know that it doesn’t matter if you are around because they no longer see you. They moved on to bigger and better, then that is nothing but disrespectful, not to mention hurtful.
#12 They never take your side. Respecting someone means standing behind them simply because you know they are a good person, and, if they say something, you trust they are right.
Sure, there are going to be times when they aren’t, but being respectful means you stand behind them. And, even if you whisper in their ear to take a second look, you hold them up and are on their side.
#13 They make sure they are fed, clothed, and taken care of first. Showing respect is like having a guest, you make sure they are taken care of first. That goes for you both, not just one-sided.
#14 Their social media is full of inappropriate contacts and conversations. Right out there for the world to see. If your mate inappropriately texts, tweets, Snapchats, or does one of the other million stupid things behind your back, or worse yet, in your face, with people of the opposite sex, that is disrespectful, period.
#15 They openly watch porn whether you are around or not. Seriously? We know that all guys do it, but have enough respect to hide the evidence or save it for when you are alone and without us, or watch with us… [Read: Porn for couples: Why it might just save your relationship]
#16 They talk about how hot other people are in your presence. Supermodel, celebrity, or the person next door, makes no difference. Your spouse should be the only one in your eye, at least on paper and as far as they know. Don’t lie, just hush. We all know we aren’t a perfect 10, but when you respect someone, you let them have the illusion.
#17 They cut down your style, your outfit, or anything about your appearance continually. That is just ugly and not helpful.
#18 If you struggle they couldn’t be bothered to help. Your spouse is supposed to be your best friend and the person there for you through good times and bad. If they aren’t ever there at all, it disrespects and negates the commitment they made to you.
#19 They choose their friends and family over you every time. When you respect your marriage and your spouse, they take the number one position of your life. If your partner never takes your side that says, “I don’t respect you.” It is one of the major signs of disrespect in a marriage.
#20 They make it clear you are not a priority. When you say I do it means “I do promise to honor and cherish you.” Cherishing someone means telling them how much they mean to you. [Read: How to set boundaries: 10 crucial steps to feel more in control]
#21 They don’t think they are lucky to have you. A person who respects you knows they are lucky to have you in their lives. If they treat you like they do you the favor, that isn’t respectful. It is downright degrading and not anything that you should put up with!
#22 They aren’t polite to your friends or your family. Let’s all be honest here, just because you marry someone and you marry their family, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to love them.
But, you do have to show them kindness, acknowledgment, and be respectful enough to treat them like they matter. If someone doesn’t ever act like the people most important to you are important to them, that is one of the clear signs of disrespect in marriage.
#23 If something is important to you, it is important to you only. Marriage is a shared effort all the way around. If you are excited about something, even if they aren’t, they should pretend they are.
#24 What is theirs is theirs, period. Marriage means 50/50. That means you share everything. You don’t think you have dibs on anything. There might be something special that means something to one of you or the other, but, in general, community property is community. [Read: Selfishness in relationships: 15 tips to do the right thing]
#25 They can’t give you two seconds of their time because it is that important. Being respectful of someone means when they have something to say, they put time aside to show you, you mean something.
Even if it is totally stupid or infantile, you have to go with it when you are married to show someone how much you respect them. If you allow someone who is supposed to be your best friend, your support system, and your partner in life, treat you with anything less than the respect you deserve, then someday you will wake up, look around, and feel bottomed out.
[Read: How do you know when your marriage is over? And is it too late?]
If you are respectful to your significant other and it isn’t returned, it isn’t all right. Use these signs of disrespect in a marriage to end the behavior.
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A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...
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