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Mutual Masturbation: How to Try It, 25 Tips, Positions & Sexy Must-Knows

Solo masturbation? Been there, done that, it’s boring now. But mutual masturbation? That might just be the key to spicing up your relationship. Here’s how.

mutual masturbation

Everyone who has had sex knows what’s going on. Make out, take off clothes, touch each other, and then bam! Slide that guy right in. It’s not rocket science. However, sometimes the ol’ routine can become a little yawn-worthy. That’s when mutual masturbation can spice things up again.

So, you need to switch it up a bit to get that tension back in the bedroom. And mutual masturbation is a great way to practice your finger techniques and get your partner visually stimulated while you touch yourself. If you think about it, it’s pretty hot. [Read: Top 50 kinky sex ideas worth trying at least once in your lifetime!]

What is mutual masturbation?

We know, we know, mutual masturbation sounds pretty simple. However, there are a few misconceptions about this sexual activity.

So, we’ll clear up some things about what mutual masturbation is and isn’t so that you continue with the right ideas in mind.

Simply put, the definition of mutual masturbation is the act of masturbating with a partner around.

What this means completely depends on you and your partner’s preferences. It could mean that you’re sitting across from each other and watching as you each pleasure yourselves. It could mean taking it in turns so that you both rotate from observing the other masturbate to being observed as you masturbate.

Or, it could mean pleasuring yourselves and each other at the same time. There are no rules when it comes to mutual masturbation, so long as you’re both enjoying it and it feels right to you. [Read: How to masturbate – 30 solo orgasm and female masturbation secrets for women]

Benefits of mutual masturbation in a relationship

You might think that when you get into a relationship, your masturbating days are over. But giving yourself a good ol’ tug is not something that only single people do.

In fact, there are actually numerous benefits that mutual masturbation can bring into your relationship!

Let’s explore some of these benefits.

1. It allows you to teach and learn about each other’s sexual preferences

When you first start having sex with someone, pleasuring them is all guesswork. You try out things that you’ve done with other partners *and maybe borrow some ideas from the internet* and guess if they like it based on their body language.

After a while, you feel pretty sure you know everything they like, but fleeting doubt can still make you question if you actually know what the heck you’re doing.

But, when you watch your partner pleasure themselves, you basically have a front-row seat to a lesson on their pleasure. You can learn from how they touch themselves to know what really gets them going. And vice versa, you get the chance to show them what really feels good to you.

2. Pleasure is guaranteed

No matter how good your partner is in the bedroom, we all have our off days. Sometimes, the room is too dark, they can’t properly see what they’re doing, and they’ve been rubbing the wrong spot for so long that you now feel awkward telling them that’s been your leg this whole time.

But that will literally never happen when you’re pleasuring yourself! If nothing else, at least use it as a chance to get your rocks off 100% of the time.

3. You can introduce a little bit of kink

If you and your partner want to mix up your sex life a little bit, sprinkling in some voyeur-exhibitionism can be the way to do that.

Voyeurism is the enjoyment of watching someone in a sexual manner, while exhibitionism is taking pleasure in being watched in a sexual manner.

To bring some of this naughty excitement into your relationship, you don’t have to do anything extreme… or in public.

Simply watching and performing for each other can be just what you need to reignite the passion and make it feel like you’re back in the honeymoon phase. [Read: Honeymoon phase – what it is and 53 signs to know how long this stage will last]

4. It’s an opportunity to make use of sex toys

Some people can feel threatened by the use of sex toys in a relationship. For some, it’s a sign that they’re not good enough and their partner needs some extra stimulation. But listen to us—sex toys are your friend, not your enemy!

No one has ever left their partner for a silicone toy. If anything, they will love you even more for taking them to new sexual heights that they didn’t even know could be achieved.

So, if you want to bring in toys but you don’t know how to do it, or you think they might take it the wrong way, suggest using it in a mutual masturbation scenario.

If you tell them that they can’t touch you anyway, why should they feel threatened by a toy? Watching what it can do for you might just change their mind.

5. It can act as a building block

Remember how we said that mutual masturbation can be whatever you want it to be? Well, we didn’t mean that lightly.

You can use mutual masturbation to try anything you want in the bedroom. Role-playing, threesomes, group sex—whatever you want to try, mutual masturbation can be the perfect way to slowly ease yourself into new experiences.

[Read: Sexual role-play – how to try it and the 35 best roleplay ideas for couples]

What mutual masturbation isn’t

We’ve gone over all of the good that mutual masturbation can bring you, but maybe you’re still not convinced. Maybe you already have an idea of what mutual masturbation is that is putting you off.

There are a lot of myths and misconceptions out there about this sexual act. Here are just a few that are absolutely not true:

1. Mutual masturbation is for virgins

One misconception floating around is that mutual masturbation is somehow the timid, inexperienced virgin’s way to start exploring sex.

Although it can be a great way to explore yourself and another person for the first time, that’s not all it’s good for. [Read: How to prepare for sex – 20 things you MUST do to enjoy it way more]

In fact, even the most sexually experienced could do with watching and performing for once. What we mean is that it can enrich anyone’s sex life at any stage. So no, it’s not ‘weird’ for anyone who’s not in high school to participate in some mutual masturbation.

2. Mutual masturbation is for same-sex couples

We’ve said it before but we’ll say it again: mutual masturbation is for everyone. Just because straight couples have the option for penetration doesn’t mean it’s the only sex act that somehow counts.

Seriously, why have we got it into our heads that penetration is somehow the be-all-and-end-all? Mutual masturbation can benefit all kinds of couples regardless of sexual identity and orientation.

3. Masturbation is unhealthy

Maybe the oldest, most outdated, and most untrue myth of all is that masturbation is somehow unhealthy for you. Masturbation can actually be quite healthy for you.

But in the past, it’s been believed to cause blindness, poor sexual function, mental health problems, hairy palms *yes, really!*, and sexual perversion.

It goes without saying that none of this is true, whether you masturbate with a partner or on your own.

How to go about mutual masturbation

So, now you know what mutual masturbation is *and what it isn’t* you’re probably curious about how you can actually introduce this into your sex life.

Don’t worry, we’ve got the 411 on how to use mutual masturbation to have the best night of your life!

1. Know that it’s going to be awkward at first

There’s going to be a moment at the beginning where you’re going to be uncomfortable. Masturbation is usually done in privacy without any viewers, so some initial voyeur-exhibitionist nerves are totally normal.

But after a few seconds, you and your partner are going to get into the mood, and then any uncomfortable feeling you thought you had will quickly vanish. When we say quickly, we mean quickly. Trust us.

2. Talk about it with your partner first

If you want to add mutual masturbation into your sexual repertoire, you should talk it through with your partner first. Tell them why you want to try it, what you’re hoping to gain from the experience, and listen when they tell you how they feel.

Maybe your partner will be on board with the idea. Or maybe they feel too awkward, even with you, to be watched while they masturbate. Whatever the case, it’s always a good idea to talk through anything new that you want to bring into the bedroom.

You want to make sure that sex is sexy, not uncomfortable for anyone.

3. Set the scene

If this is your first time and you’re not completely comfortable with someone staring at you while masturbating, well, no one said you had to do it under business lighting.

Dim the lights, and make it a relaxing environment for both yourself and your partner. [Read: Blindfold sex – 18 sexy tips and positions to mute one sense and explore sex]

4. It’s all in the eyes

Okay, so mutual masturbation might start a bit awkwardly the first time. It might start with weird feelings and lots of laughter.

But, once the intimacy and connection set in, it’ll be so worth it. One of the ways to get through the giggles to the moaning is by making eye contact.

So, when you’re ready try to give your partner eye contact, you don’t have to stare them down. This isn’t a contest, but eye contact brings more intimacy into the scene. [Read: Bedroom eyes – what they are and secrets to master the art of seductive eyes]

5. Focus on the touching

This is your chance to really allow yourself to explore your body and your partner’s. You don’t have to start right in your crotch area.

You can start by touching lips, neck, stomach – wherever feels good. This is a great opportunity to see where you and your partner get turned on. [Read: 41 self-pleasure secrets to give yourself an orgasm and have sex with yourself]

6. Tease

You don’t want to just sit down in front of each other and commence. You need to set the mood and get the juices flowing *pardon the pun*. So, put on a show.

Make a display about taking off your clothes, and slowly run your hands across your body and key erogenous zones.

Taking it slow and teasing yourself will not only get your partner in the mood but will also amplify your own horniness. [Read: How to feel sexy and desirable all the time]

7. Change positions

You don’t have to be spread eagle in front of them the entire time. You can switch up the positions to wherever your imagination takes you!

This is your opportunity to really experiment and explore one another, so switching positions is a great way to facilitate that.

Some positions to try include:

a. Side-to-side – lying or sitting down side by side, you and your partner either focus on pleasuring each other or yourselves. This is a great position to start with if you’re feeling awkward about touching yourself under your partner’s intense stare.

b. Almost-missionary – If you’re feeling anxious about trying this for the first time, why not resume a position you and your partner are already familiar with? With one person lying on their back, the other straddles them as you both pleasure yourselves to your heart’s desire.

c. In your face – who said you had to be nervous about trying new things? If you’re gung-ho and excited to start mutually masturbating with your partner, sit facing each other with your legs spread so that you each can get a front-row seat to the main event.

You and your partner can really see one another from new angles! [Read: 20 hot sex ideas to blow your lover’s mind in bed]

8. Take turns

As we said, there are no strict, rigid rules when it comes to mutual masturbation. If you don’t feel like masturbating and watching at the same time, you can take it in turns.

It can actually help you in focusing your attention on your partner instead of your own crotch.

9. Tantalize

Masturbating together doesn’t have to be the beginning and end of your sex sesh. It can be a starting point or a break between other sexual activities. To allude to your partner about what could be coming next, suck on your or their fingers.

Not only is it a oh-so-sexy visual, but it will excite them to know what could be in store later. [Read: 49 blowjob techniques, positions, and tips to give good head and make him gasp!]

10. Don’t forget the bum

As much as people like to think that the anus is a taboo area, it’s not. People love the anus. People love touching it and having it touched. It’s just time we all got over it.

So, while masturbating, if you’re an anus fan, don’t forget to pleasure your anus in front of your partner. They’ll love watching you pleasure yourself to the max!

11. Stay connected

Part of the joy of sex is the intimacy between two loving partners. It’s the only time when two people physically become one, and that’s beautiful.

So, to maintain that connection and intimacy even when you’re focusing on pleasuring yourself, make sure that there’s some level of contact.

If you’re lying side-by-side, make sure that your shoulders are touching or your arms are interlinked. Even if you’re sitting facing each other, draping your legs over each other is a great way to maintain that physical connection.

12. Sing your praises

One way to make mutual masturbation even hotter is by sliding in some dirty talk. You don’t want to just sit there in front of each other in complete silence—talk about awkward!

Sighing, moaning, and saying naughty things to your partner will make what you’re doing all the better.

If you’re stumped for ideas on what to say, talk about:

a. How good it feels – even saying something like, “This feels so good” can amp up the sexy factor! But the more descriptive you get about sensations, the better.

b. How turned on they’re making you – watching your partner in such an intimate position surely is amplifying your pleasure, so tell them that! Tell them how much you like it when they touch themselves there or how they rub themselves there. The encouragement will only spur them on!

c. How hot they are – again, compliments go a long way. A simple, “You’re so hot” accompanied with a breathy moan will make your partner feel so so sexy. [Read: 35 dirty things to say to a girl to leave her wet with desire]

d. When you’re about to orgasm – announcing your finish is not only sexy, but it also might be the key to their own finish. And who doesn’t love to orgasm with their partner at the same time?

13. When it comes to the big O

When you’re about to orgasm, let your partner know. You can try to orgasm at the same time *which, if you do, we salute you. It’s quite a challenge*. However, if you orgasm before your partner, continue touching yourself and keeping eye contact.

If they don’t orgasm by that, well, we’ll be shocked.

14. Bring in the help of sex toys

When you masturbate on your own, you may use a sex toy, right? It’s not a bad thing. So, when you’re engaging in some mutual masturbation with your partner, why not bring some sex toys into the mix?

A dildo or vibrator can add some extra stimulation and will hit your erogenous zones – the zones you want to be stimulated. [Read: 18 hot male erogenous zones and places to touch a guy most girls don’t know]

15. Don’t hide your need to masturbate

For whatever reason, so many people hide the fact that they masturbate when they’re in a relationship. Of course, you’re going to masturbate – even when you’re in a relationship. Some days, your partner won’t be home or they won’t feel like having sex.

And so what are you going to do? Sit and pout? No! So, if you feel like you want to do mutual masturbation with your partner, express this. It’s not something you need to hide. [Read: Shower sex – 18 sexy bathroom secrets to get wet, make love, and not slip]

16. Use it as a stepping stone

Sex isn’t just about penetration. It’s about exploring your and your partner’s bodies. It can be the ultimate, intimate bonding act between two lovers, or a fun recreational hobby. Either way, it’s whatever you want it to be. [Read: Sex for the first time – 37 must-knows and secrets about losing your virginity]

So, if you’re new to having sex and the idea of starting strong with penetration sounds daunting to you, maybe start with mutual masturbation.

You still get to orgasm without having sex, so it’s a win-win. And when you’re ready to explore sex further, you can do so at your own pace.

17. Be careful

Every sex act comes with its risks and dangers. And although mutual masturbation might be one of the safest things you can do with your partner, there are still things to be aware of. Even though penetration might not be occurring, you should still be careful of STIs.

Whether you go from touching their genitals to yours or you’re sharing sex toys, there’s the possibility for contamination if one of you is not clean. So, as always, make sure you and your partner are STD-free before you get intimate. [Read: STDs 101 – the most common types and their symptoms]

The most important tip – have fun

Okay, maybe that’s cliché, but it’s true! The most important thing you should keep in mind is your and your partner’s happiness.

If you both enjoy mutual masturbation, then crack on! But, if you’re uncomfortable at any point, then suggest doing something else or stop altogether.

Some people just feel too awkward being watched in such an intimate way, and that’s okay. It doesn’t matter how they’ve seen you before or how intimate you’ve been in the past, you don’t have to make yourself uncomfortable for your partner’s sake and vice versa.

Sex is about having fun, so go ahead! Regardless of our tips, just do whatever makes you feel good.

[Read: 22 playful ways to make sex more fun and interesting when it’s boring and lame]

Ah yes, the wonderful world of mutual masturbation. Give it a test drive with your partner and see their reaction. They definitely won’t be yawning. 

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer, and the creator and author of her short stories on TheLonelySerb. She completed her first degr...
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