37 Secrets to Have More Sex as a Couple & How Often is Totally Normal

Feeling like you’re not having enough sex? How often is actually normal? Forget the “shoulds”—let’s explore how to have more sex tailored to you.

how to have more sex how often

Remember those early days in your relationship when your passion could set off fire alarms? Yeah, those days. You’re sitting here now, coffee in hand, scrolling through articles and thinking, “Where did all that fire go?” It’s a question that resonates with many, leading us to the age-old query: how to have more sex?

Worry not! We’re about to jump headfirst into the fray, moving past mythical ‘magic numbers’ to find out what genuinely turns up the heat for you and your partner.

[Read: 22 playful secrets to make sex more fun when it’s boring and lame]

Real Talk about Frequency

We all want to know how to have more sex, but let’s be honest, life has a pesky way of messing with our plans. From work to stress to the latest binge-worthy show, our busy lives can shove intimacy to the back burner.

But before we delve into real-world fixes, let’s talk about why the frequency might fluctuate in the first place.

1. Life Gets in the Way

So you’ve got back-to-back meetings, a heap of laundry, and a new Netflix series that just dropped.

By the time you hit the bed, you’re more likely to hit the ‘Play Next Episode’ button than play around with your partner. The reality is, life’s daily grind can zap your energy and shift your focus away from intimacy.

2. New Love vs. Old Love

Remember those early days when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other? But now, perhaps you’re more likely to share a tub of ice cream than a steamy moment.

Don’t sweat it, it’s normal for the frequency to dip as a relationship matures. The key is to keep the spark alive, even if it isn’t a full-blown bonfire like it used to be. [Read: Married sex – 38 sex ideas and naughty tips to spice it up and stay passionate]

3. Long-Distance Relationships

Navigating a relationship across different time zones brings its own set of challenges to the table when you’re pondering how to have more sex.

It’s not just about aligning your schedules for that perfect romantic video call, but also battling unreliable Wi-Fi that seems to have its own agenda on ruining your intimate moments. [Read: Long distance relationship: 46 LDR tips to make it work & not screw up]

4. Physical Health Problems

When it comes to the frequency of sexual activities, your physical well-being is a non-negotiable factor.

A sprained ankle or back pain can make it difficult to engage in intimate moments, to say nothing of long-term health issues that may require more than just a quick fix.

These scenarios can understandably make intimacy a lower priority.

5. Low Libidos

The quest for figuring out how to have more sex often hits a roadblock when it comes to low libido. Sometimes the desire just isn’t there, and that’s okay.

The reasons can range from stress to hormonal imbalances, but acknowledging the issue is the first step toward solving it. [Read: Safe and natural ways to increase your libido]

Why a Lack of Sex Might Be a Horrible Thing for Your Relationship

While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer for how often is normal to have sex, a significant dry spell can signal underlying issues in a relationship.

Before hitting that panic button, let’s examine some reasons why a lack of intimacy can be detrimental.

1. Emotional Disconnect

If you’re not finding time to be intimate, chances are, emotional closeness is also taking a hit. Physical intimacy often serves as a barometer for emotional well-being in a relationship.

When you’re looking into how to have more sex, it’s not just about the physical act but also about maintaining an emotional connection.

2. Stress Build-Up

Believe it or not, sexual activities are a natural stress reliever. If both partners are constantly stressed and there’s no intimate relief, that stress can build up and spill over into the relationship.

It’s not just about how often is normal to have sex, but also how to balance your stress levels effectively. [Read: Stress ruining your relationship? Signs and quick fixes]

3. Reduced Relationship Satisfaction

A lack of sexual intimacy can lead to unsatisfied partners, affecting overall relationship happiness.

When discussing how to have more sex, you’re also implicitly discussing how to make the relationship more satisfying for both parties.

4. Fear of Infidelity

While a lack of intimacy doesn’t directly lead to infidelity, it can make partners more susceptible to the allure of external satisfaction.

Discussing how often is normal to have sex in your relationship can also serve as a way to build trust and reduce insecurities.

How to Have More Sex

Okay, we’ve laid out why a sexual dry spell might not be the best for your relationship. Now, let’s get into the fun part: how to have more sex.

No, we’re not just talking frequency. We’re looking at quality, intimacy, and yes, even your Google Calendar might be an accomplice.

1. Syncing Calendars

Alright, planning sex may not sound like the epitome of romance, but when life gets chaotic, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Syncing your calendars helps both partners know when the other is available, cutting down on missed opportunities and creating a path to, well, how often is normal for you.

2. Small Gestures Matter

Whether it’s a hug that lasts just a few seconds longer or an unexpected compliment, these little tokens of affection can go a long way in maintaining intimacy.

They can be the stepping stones in figuring out how to have more sex by building up anticipation and emotional closeness.

They can be the stepping stones in figuring out how to have more sex by building up anticipation and emotional closeness. [Read: 20 loving & romantic touches in a relationship to make you feel closer]

3. Keeping It Fresh

Routine can be comforting, but let’s be honest, it can also be a mood killer. A change of scenery or trying something new can revitalize your sexual relationship, ensuring that it doesn’t feel like a chore.

When you’re talking about how to have more sex, variety can make all the difference.

4. Communication Is Key

If you’re in a rut, talking openly about your desires and concerns is vital. This doesn’t just address how to have more sex, but also the quality of that intimacy.

Clear communication can help you understand each other’s needs and pave the way for a more fulfilling sex life. [Read: 42 secrets to communicate better in a relationship & ways to fix a lack of it]

5. Prioritize Intimacy

Sometimes, the desire to be intimate needs a little push. By prioritizing intimacy, you’re making a conscious decision to spend quality time together, which often leads to more frequent sexual activity.

This is a key strategy when you’re figuring out how to have more sex. [Read: 32 fun ideas to build & grow intimacy in a relationship and feel more loved]

6. Mindfulness Practices

Slowing down and being present can heighten your sensations and enhance your intimate experiences. This is not just about ‘how often is normal’ but also about the quality of each intimate encounter.

7. Physical Health and Fitness

Believe it or not, the better you feel physically, the more likely you are to engage in sexual activities. Simple exercises can boost your stamina and your confidence, both crucial factors in how to have more sex.

8. Exploring Fantasies and Kinks

If you’re both up for it, exploring each other’s fantasies can add a new layer of excitement and curiosity. This isn’t just about how to have more sex; it’s about making each moment count. [Read: How to be kinky: 42 steamy tips to explore sex outside of normal]

9. Flirt Like It’s Day One

You know how you used to slide into their DMs with a cheeky emoji, or leave playful notes around? It’s time to bring that energy back.

Sometimes the initial thrill of a relationship gets buried under Netflix binges and chores. A little playful banter can reignite that spark and make both of you more interested in some one-on-one time, increasing your chances of figuring out how often to have sex.

10. Expressive Communication

Okay, so we mentioned communication awhile ago. Texting “we need to talk” can send anyone into a panic, but open communication is crucial. Don’t just drop hints or leave lingerie around, sit down and talk about your needs openly.

“Honey, I’d like for us to explore how to have more sex,” is a sentence that can lead to better understanding and, ultimately, more action in the bedroom. [Read: 46 sizzling sex life secrets to spice up your bedroom and leave you horny 24/7]

11. Use Technology

So, work is crazy, and life is chaotic. That doesn’t mean you can’t schedule a risqué FaceTime call or send a spicy text.

It keeps the sexual tension alive and makes you both look forward to when you can be together. This is especially beneficial for couples grappling with how often to have sex when life gets in the way.

12. Plan for Spontaneity

Alright, you’re both swamped. But what about scheduling a “nothing” afternoon? A lazy Saturday with no plans can easily turn into a more… ‘eventful’ day, shall we say? [Read: The nooner: What it is, how it works & 22 tips to enjoy a sexy siesta]

In the hustle of modern life, sometimes you’ve got to plan to be spontaneous to figure out how to have more sex.

13. Physical Touch Outside the Bedroom

You’re sitting on the couch watching a movie. Reach over and hold their hand, or maybe offer a back rub.

These little acts of intimacy make both of you feel more connected and can often lead to more bedroom activities. It’s a natural segue from, “How cute are we?” to “How often should we have sex?”

14. Set the Mood

If your bedroom looks like a laundromat exploded, chances are, it won’t inspire romance.

Taking time to create an inviting space—clean sheets, maybe some soft lighting—can make both you and your partner more inclined to spend time there.

It’s a visual and sensory nudge towards figuring out how to have more sex. [Read: Ways to make your bedroom more romantic]

15. Check-ups and Professional Help

Sometimes, a lack of sexual activity could be due to medical or psychological factors. In those cases, professional guidance can offer tailored advice.

So, it’s not just about asking how often is normal, but also ensuring that there are no underlying issues affecting your sexual frequency. [Read: Sexual compatibility – 47 signs to tell if you’re incompatible and secrets to fix it]

The subtle Signs That You’re Not Getting Enough Sex

You’re armed with tips on how to have more sex, but how can you tell if you’re actually on the lower end of your personal intimacy scale?

We’re not just talking about counting calendar days. Here are some signs that might indicate it’s time to rev things up a notch.

1. You Don’t Feel the Need to Remain Groomed

When your sexual frequency drops, sometimes your razor also gets a vacation. If you notice that your grooming habits have taken a backseat, it could be a sign you’re not engaging in intimacy as much as you’d like.

2. Decreased Emotional Connection

Do you feel like you and your partner have become more like roommates than romantic partners? A lack of sexual activity often correlates with a drop in emotional intimacy.

If conversations feel mechanical and there’s an emotional chasm between you two, you may want to look at how often you’re having sex. [Read: 34 signs, why we feel disconnected in a relationship & ways to reconnect]

3. Increased Irritability

Sometimes, sexual frustration manifests as general irritability. If you find yourself snapping at your partner for trivial things or feeling increasingly stressed, lack of intimacy might be a contributing factor.

4. Sexual Daydreaming

If you find your mind wandering to steamy scenarios frequently, it might be your brain’s way of telling you that you need more physical intimacy in your life.

5. A Sudden Interest in “Alone Time”

While self-care is essential, if you find that you prefer your own company more frequently and the thought of intimacy with your partner isn’t as appealing, it might be time to reassess your sexual frequency.

6. Feeling Physically Uncomfortable

Believe it or not, lack of sex can actually lead to physical discomfort for some people. From increased tension to sleep issues, your body might be sending you signals that it’s time to increase your sexual activities.

How Much Sex Is Just Right?

We’ve spilled the tea on how to have more sex, but let’s get real: how much is actually just right? From figuring out your ideal number to making sure you and your partner are on the same wavelength, let’s unravel this ball of yarn.

1. Your Ideal Number

Forget what you read in some glossy magazine about how often to have sex. Your ideal frequency is tailored to you and your partner’s desires and lifestyle.

To gauge if you’re getting enough, refer to the signs above.

2. Compatibility Check

You could be all about that daily intimacy, while your partner is fine with a weekly rendezvous. The key is to find a middle ground.

Open communication can help you both understand what you consider to be how often to have sex, aligning your frequencies without sacrificing individual comfort. [Read: Relationship compatibility: What it is, 40 signs you have it & ways to improve it]

3. Your Body, Your Rules

Ultimately, your body sets the pace. If you’re constantly exhausted or if intimacy starts to feel like an obligation, those are signals to reevaluate how often to have sex.

It’s crucial to listen to both your physical and emotional needs when you’re laying out your intimacy schedule.

Sexual Frequency Myths We Gotta Cancel

Alright, let’s talk myths—those pesky beliefs that can make us second-guess our intimate lives.

Whether it’s thinking that more sex automatically means a happier life or freaking out because you’re not hitting it every day, we’re about to shed light on some widespread misconceptions.

1. The Happier Myth

More sex equals a happier life? Sounds great on paper, but life isn’t a math equation. While sexual satisfaction can certainly contribute to happiness, it’s not a one-to-one relationship. You can be happy and fulfilled in numerous ways that don’t always correlate with how often to have sex. So if you’re not breaking records, don’t sweat it!

2. The Problematic Less-Sex Myth

On the flip side, there’s this notion that less sex is always a red flag. While it’s true that decreased frequency can be a sign of issues in some relationships, it isn’t always the case. Couples go through phases, and lower sexual activity could just be a season, not a lifetime sentence.

3. The Compatibility Myth

Ever hear that if you’re not having sex X times a week, you’re incompatible? Yeah, let’s throw that one out. Compatibility goes beyond sexual frequency and dives deep into emotional and intellectual realms. So don’t let a dry spell make you question whether you’re right for each other.

4. The Age-Related Myth

One for the ages—literally! There’s a misguided belief that as you get older, your sex drive should naturally decline. While it’s true that physical changes can affect libido, age itself is not a direct correlate to how often to have sex. Many find their golden years to be, well, quite golden in the bedroom too.

Forget the Sex Numbers, Focus on the Connection

If you take away anything from this treasure trove of tips, it’s that a satisfying love life isn’t a numbers game. It’s a dance between emotional, intellectual, and yes, physical compatibility.

The true essence of a fulfilling relationship isn’t about clocking in hours or keeping a scoreboard; it’s about maintaining a balance that nurtures both you and your partner.

[Read: Happy sex life – What a good sex life should look like in real life]

So forget stressing about how to have more sex, or mulling over how often to have sex. When it comes to the complex yet beautiful world of intimacy, forget the numbers; focus on the connection. Because at the end of the day, isn’t that what it’s all really about?

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...