Sometimes trusting someone is the hardest thing to do. Typically, jealousy drives insecurity and fear. If you fear losing someone, then you look for signs that it is going to happen, so you can protect yourself. The truth is, if your guy decides to cheat on you, he’s going to do it whether you are checking his phone, perusing his computer, or chasing him around town. But if you are wondering how to trust your boyfriend, read on.
The only person in life that you control is yourself. That is just the reality of a relationship. If you experience a hard time trusting your boyfriend, first decide if he is giving you cause for distrust. If you feel like something is amiss, decipher if your fears are irrational, or if your inner voice is telling you something you should heed, or if you are only paranoid.
A woman’s intuition is a very valuable tool, and if you get signals that your man shouldn’t be trusted, there may be cause. If you look for a way to trust your boyfriend, the answer is to question why you wouldn’t.
How to trust your boyfriend—or not
Ask yourself these 12 questions. The answers may tell you if your fears are real or self-imposed.
#1 Does he hide things from you? There is nothing that will make you feel more unsettled and question the loyalty or love of someone more than if they hide things from you. Regardless if it is money or problems in his family, if he keeps things from you, then you are more likely to believe he isn’t totally honest about everything.
This leads mistrust in all areas. It becomes difficult to trust someone who you think isn’t honest. The more you find affirmation that he keeps things from you, the harder it will be to stay in a relationship with him.
If he hides things from you, and you had to go through his things to find the answers, he is probably someone who can’t be trusted. [Read: 12 things men do that make women insecure in relationships]
#2 Have you caught him lying? If he lies once, who is to say he won’t do it again? There are people who can lie in a relationship and then there are people who can’t. There are people who can be lied to and get over it and then others who can’t.
If you caught him lying and you worry about trusting him again, the chances are good that he is okay with lying. And you are not into getting over it. Those two types of personalities, in general, don’t really jive. Maybe it isn’t as much about trust as about the decorum that you have with people versus the decorum he does. Your two different personalities don’t meld well.
#3 Has he suddenly changed his behavior? When you are in a relationship, you notice patterns of behavior in your mate. These patterns signal the way we make sense of the life we have with them. We use our past experiences to guide how we behave in the future.
If when he comes home he grabs a drink, and you know he’s had a bad day and to lay off, that is a behavior you come to expect and know how to react to. [Read: Does he still love me? 25 questions to find the truth]
However, if your past experiences with him have totally changed, and suddenly you don’t know what is up, how to react, or what is going on in his head, something’s obviously not right. You probably suspect he doesn’t feel the same way about you, or there is something, or someone, else in his life.
If his behavior completely changed, it is hard to navigate what your relationship is about and what is going on with him. It is also hard to trust his honesty. Either he wasn’t himself before, or he isn’t now, either way, he was pretending at some point.
#4 Has he cheated on others in the past? If he cheated on his past girlfriend with you, it may have felt really good that he chose you. But, let’s be honest, it likely planted a suspicion in your head that he is capable of doing it again. The phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater” is a phrase for a reason.
We all like to believe we were just so magical that they couldn’t possibly pass us up, and that is why he cheated on his old girlfriend.
But the truth is, if he is capable once, he is capable again. When something better comes along, you may be history too. You know that in the back of your mind, driving your distrust. [Read: 20 veiled signs your boyfriend is cheating already]
#5 Have you been cheated on in the past? If you have been cheated on in the past, then you might just be looking for signs, so you don’t experience that hurt again. Our previous experiences guide the perspective we have about what people are and are not capable of. You might be transferring your mistrust of people in general onto your boyfriend which isn’t really fair.
#6 Have you cheated on others in your past? If you cheated on someone in the past, it is kind of the same thing. You know how horrible you felt, and that you aren’t a bad person. You were able to lie to the person you were with. You looked at someone you cared about right in the eye and bold-faced lied to them.
If you are capable, and you are a decent person, well then, you feel anyone is capable of cheating. And it drives your insecurity. [Read: You only cheated once – Should you tell?]
#7 What type of person is he? If you believed he was a good person and totally incapable of cheating on someone, you probably wouldn’t worry about what he was doing. You decide for yourself if the person you are with is someone who you trust and who loves you. Or he is the opposite, someone you can’t trust and not worthy of your time or your love.
Only you decide who you believe them to be. Once you find the answer, guide your behavior accordingly. When you begin to become distrustful, stop yourself and think rationally about who you think he is. Slowing the process down before the green monster comes out is the best way to learn to trust your boyfriend. [Read: 17 personal questions to ask a guy to get the inside scoop]
#8 Does he make you feel insecure? Often, when someone makes us feel unworthy, we have a tendency to feel less secure about ourselves and wonder if there is something better out there for them. Or if they compare us to someone whom they’d like better. It is hard to think that a guy who isn’t happy with you, or doesn’t say nice things about you, won’t find someone better and jump ship.
If someone loves you, then they make you feel secure, good about yourself, and like they are lucky to have you.
#9 Does he have a wandering eye? Nothing makes you trust a guy less than someone who can’t seem to keep his eyes on you every time someone beautiful walks by. If he can’t at least show you the respect of not having a roving eye, then, of course, it is natural to wonder. What he is capable of doing when you aren’t around, if that is the way he behaves when you are? [Read: Dating a compulsive flirt – How to fix it for good]
#10 What type of guys does he hang out with? Does he have a cast of characters in his life who do nothing but cheat on and use women? Often, we tend to hang out with people who we have a lot in common with. If you notice his friends are unable to be faithful, it causes you to question whether he is his own man or like his friends. Birds of a feather flock together for sure. It is hard to trust someone whose gang of friends are okay with treating women without loyalty or respect.
#11 Does he share his life with you? If he has one life with you and then one without you, it may make you question why he won’t meld the two.
If he loves and wants you in his life, you likely ask yourself why he doesn’t want you to meet his friends, take you around his family, or want you stopping by unannounced at work. If he keeps you from something or someone in his life, and you feel it is intentional, then it is probable you are going to question his honesty and faithfulness. [Read: Backburner babe: 14 signs your are just his backup lover]
#12 Does he include you in his decisions? If he doesn’t think twice about you before making decisions, then you have a right to question his loyalty. When someone doesn’t include you into the important moments in their life, it is like they say they don’t have a space for you.
Not only is it hurtful; it makes you question where you stand in his life. And makes you jealous of others that he talks to or consults in his major life decisions. [Read: 20 revealing signs that show you might be growing apart]
Sometimes the things in our past jade the way we interpret things and relationships in our future. If you struggle with how to trust your boyfriend, that drive comes either from internal feelings or external experiences.
[Read: 16 clear signs you should break up with your boyfriend]
Try deciphering what is driving your feelings of mistrust. First to tell if they are real and warranted before asking how you go about trusting someone that may, or may not, deserve your trust.
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A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...
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