12 Things Men Do that Make Women Insecure in Relationships

insecure women

You believe you’re doing everything right, but she still wants more? Find out the most common things men do *or don’t do* that make women feel insecure.

Why are women so complicated? They can be very hard to read at times. You try to give them what they want, but they still end up unsatisfied. Sometimes, you wonder if it’s really them and not you. The truth of the matter is, although women really are a bit complicated, they are actually just asking for simple things.

For most women, it’s the many little things that count. Although much appreciated, it’s not really about the big gestures like two tickets to Paris. It’s the everyday simple things like holding her hand in public. Similarly, it’s also the little things that you do that make her feel inadequate.

Insecure women – 12 things men do that make women feel insecure

As a guy, if you believe you’re doing everything right in the relationship, and still find that your girl feels insecure in the relationship, you’re probably doing one or more of these things.

#1 When your eyes often wander. Remember what they say about the eyes being the window to our soul? Well, that’s a fact. Most women are very particular with eye contact. Looking at your girl when she’s talking will not only make her feel respected, but it will also make her feel that she’s interesting, therefore making her feel intimate with you.

If your eyes wander when she’s talking, it’s an instant mood killer. She is bound to lose interest in sharing her thoughts with you because you’re obviously not interested in them. If you often give this kind of feeling to her, she’ll likely feel “less than” because you’re indirectly telling her that she’s boring.

#2 When you take forever to reply. She’s not asking you to reply a minute after she sends a text message. However, do value her by checking your phone throughout the day, especially when you’re out drinking and it’s already midnight. If you value your girl, you won’t keep her waiting.

A simple text is enough for her to know that you’re still thinking of her, even if you’re having fun with the guys. Any confident woman would feel insecure if her man never bothers to send her a reply. However, if she’s texting every five minutes even if she knows you’re busy, that’s a different story. [Read: 13 signs of a clingy girlfriend and ways she can overcome it]

#3 When you hang out with your female best friend. Every girl, no matter how cool she appears to be, gets a bit jealous when you’re with another girl. Yep, even if she’s just your best friend, and even if she’s not so attractive. That’s just human nature. So the next time you hang out with your best friend, make sure to tag your girlfriend along so they can get to know each other better. This will hopefully give her the assurance that she’s really just a friend and nothing more.

#4 When you talk endlessly about a girl. Unless you’re talking about your mom or sister, your girlfriend will get jealous and a bit suspicious if you keep talking about a girl. This jealousy will get further aggravated if you’ve not been giving her enough attention lately.

Sure, you’re innocent and there’s nothing more to it, but this could make your girl a bit insecure. The solution? If you keep talking about a girl from work, make sure you’re giving your girlfriend more attention. To erase her suspicion, set a date to introduce them to each other. [Read: 18 signs you may be having an emotional affair without realizing it]

#5 When you don’t introduce her to friends. You’re having brunch at a restaurant and suddenly, your childhood friends enter the scene. You’re so caught up with the moment that you totally forget to introduce your girlfriend to them. She’s grumpy all of a sudden. What is your criminal offense? Is it such a big deal? For women, it is.

Never forget to introduce her to your friends, especially if that will make her feel left out. It will make her feel isolated and unwanted, and she’ll likely ask herself endlessly if she’s not special enough to be introduced to your buddies.

#6 When you neglect her during parties. You invite her to go with you to your friend’s party. She’s so excited that she even bought a new dress. She’s thrilled to have a good time with you. However, when you arrive at the party, you get so caught up in meeting everyone that it takes you a long time to realize that your girl has just been sitting in a corner. Do you really have to be side-by-side like Siamese Twins? Not if she has other friends in the room or if she has the bubbliest personality. Do not just bring her to a party packed with all your friends only to leave her in one corner. Sometimes, it’s really your rudeness that makes her insecure. [Read: 25 signs and qualities that make you a really good boyfriend]

#7 When you don’t compliment her on her new haircut. If she’s made an effort to look good and you don’t give a damn, it’ll be a big blow to her self-esteem. Come on. Pay attention to your girl. But men don’t notice those things, you say. Well, that’s a lame excuse. You don’t have to fake a compliment every time there’s something new, but at least say something when she has a new haircut or when she just bought new lingerie.

#8 When you talk with your ex. Let’s just say you’re best friends with your ex and you really don’t want to lose her. But let’s not forget that you had sex with your ex a lot of times in the past. The fact that you’ve had sexual chemistry and history is enough of a reason for your girl to get insecure. How can she beat your ex?

She’s been with you much longer than the two of you have, and she’s your “best friend.” Good luck with that. The only woman who can tolerate your friendship with your ex is someone who doesn’t give a damn. Just make sure you won’t get jealous if she gets very close with her ex, too.

#9 When you talk about your ex. Why do you have to talk about your ex? She shouldn’t be a part of the world that you create together, right? This will only make your girlfriend feel a bit uncomfortable and insecure about herself. But if you really want to talk about her or it can’t be helped, simply assure her that you have no feelings for her whatsoever. By the end of your conversation, your girlfriend should feel that she’s the only one you want now.

#10 When you keep her a secret. Do you hide her from your family? Is she your secret love? That’s fine if you’ve just been together for a few months, but if you’ve been together for more than a year yet you’re still hiding her from your friends, don’t be surprised if she gets insecure. Why do you keep her a secret? If you love someone, you’re willing to shout their name until all the world knows you’re together. It doesn’t take much. Simply uploading a photo of you together on Facebook is a big thing for your girl. If social media is not your thing, then at least embrace her in public.

#11 When you keep secrets from her. Women are very intuitive. They can tell if you’re keeping secrets from them. If you do this too often to your girl, she’ll start to feel like you’re excluding her from your life. Maybe it’s fine if you’re keeping secrets from her just to protect her, but if you’re keeping secrets from her because you’re scared she’d judge you or you’re scared she’d tell her friends, then you better deal with your other issues.

Tell her your secrets, but make her promise not to hate you or not to share it to anyone else. If you continue keeping secrets, it will become a habit for you and she’ll start to feel less-than-adequate.

#12 When you cheat on her. There is nothing more effective in making a girl feel insecure all her life than by cheating on her. She’ll feel so worthless it’ll ruin her self-esteem for long time to come. Have you been caught cheating before in any way? Then you’re the one making her feel insecure.

Do not hate her for being insecure, because you played a big role in making her feel that way. If she agreed to stay with you even after you got caught, make sure you never commit the same offense again. It’s also important that you show her that you’re willing to change. Her insecurity in your relationship will now be part of the package.

[Read: 14 little things you do that’ll make your girl feel incredibly secure and happy]

Don’t just blame your girl for being the insecure one if you’re doing most of the things mentioned above. But if you’re willing to change or have made a lot of these changes and your girlfriend is still unhappy, then maybe it’s time to cut yourself some slack. Be with her as she rides her insecurities, but make sure you’re not contributing to them.

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5 thoughts on “12 Things Men Do that Make Women Insecure in Relationships”

  1. Gac says:

    Some men will go out of their way to date a weak girl. This girl could have low self esteem, no car, no money, or maybe going through a break up/time of need. Men will target these girls and attract them by being the “good guy.” Some men like to do this because they want this girl to become dependent on them. These men will build this girls confidence up just enough to make her feel good enough for him & only him. Men get this sense of security that the girl won’t leave them because he came along and “saved them.” They feel like they’re in control of the relationship (which they usually are until she wakes up and realizes he’s POS then leaves his ass) and men love having power. He will use this girl up maybe for sex or attention from his friends. In reality, these men are so much more weak, insecure, pathetic, and very unapreciative than the girl. They will find a way to keep this girl as close to them as possible & to weak and dependent on them to leave. These men will make sure they always have something to keep the girl around whether its money, sex, promising rewards, or pretending to be the backbone of the girls life. There’s ALWAYS an ultimatum.

  2. Ricky says:

    My girlfriend is super super super super (and I will add a hundred more supers) jealous. It’s like insane at times, but I believe that it comes from the great love she has for me. Sometimes I am afraid to come home, because I think that something I did has infuriated her and I go over everything I’ve done that day before entering the apartment I share with her. I was thinking of maybe going to some kind of an expert or something, because this is too stressful for both me and her. I guess after reading this I will be more careful about my behaviour.

  3. qui says:

    I was the crazy girlfriend in my first two relationships. I was jealous over everything (including past relationships) and would accuse my boyfriend of flirting with other girls if he turned his head their direction. I’d ask leading questions with no right answer and get extremely upset at whatever the answer. But you know what I realized? I wasn’t happy living that insecure. I was so stressed about whether or not whoever I was dating was going to leave me for everyone that I never calmed down or enjoyed time with them or my own damn life. My first step was to “fake it ’til you make it”: I stopped asking leading questions, stopped accusing, and generally just pretended I wasn’t so insecure (including no longer snooping on his phone or Facebook…). And I realized that if you think there’s a problem your mind will make a problem where one doesn’t exist. Second, I focused on myself and what my goals are and what made me happy. I graduated school, lately I’ve been focusing my career goals and long term goals. And the best part? I’m truly happy and in a relationship where I’m truly not as insecure (I definitely still have my “fat days” but they’re fewer and farther between). I’m not insecure about who my boyfriend talks to because I know he loves me.

  4. Tom says:

    The girl doesn’t have to be weak or have low esteem, once a guy starts talking to another woman, and gushing over her to other people, he’s already thinking of cheating on his girlfriend. The guy doesn’t know how much he’ll hurt his girlfriend in the long run.

  5. shitei says:

    I hate this. My wife is always engaged in a competition to have the worst life. You’re having a bad day? Hers is always worse. You hurt yourself, she hurts more. Didn’t sleep well last night? She’s barely slept in years. I revel in making it obvious and awkward. “Y’know, now that you told me how tired you are, I’m feeling wide awake.” “When you mentioned your back was sore mine magically stopped hurting, it’s like you’re a wizard.” Or when she gets to be took much one upping multiple people I’ll say “hey, guess what – You win the prize for the shittiest (whatever) how does it feel to be the winner?” I mean, you have a good job with good benefits, an amazing husband (not to toot my own horn), two great kids, a nice house, money to spare, free time, why do you want to win the shittiest life competition?

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