If you’re not the best at flirting or you’ve had a few failures in the past, there’s some good news coming your way. You can use eye contact flirting to communicate your desire and cut out the stress! Yes, no more panic, no more stress, and a lot more success!
It’s the easiest and safest way to get the message across and get a sign back in no time. It’s simple, instinctive, and something that all of us indulge in without even realizing it.
Flirting by eye contact is also a great tool to find out if someone is interested in getting to know you better without the pressure of making the first move.
Put simply, if flirting makes you break out into a cold sweat, eye contact flirting is the easiest way to side-step the awkwardness and feel better about the whole thing. [Read: 23 intense signs of unspoken mutual attraction between two people]
Let’s clear this one up before we begin: There is a very big difference between making eye contact with someone and having a staring contest.
Staring makes people feel very uncomfortable. If you stare or hold their gaze for too long, they’re more likely to think you’re creepy than attractive. In that case, your eye contact flirting is not going to work!
It’s true that not holding eye contact for long enough isn’t going to work either – they might think it was an accidental glance. Yet, if you hold it for a couple of seconds too long, it’s just downright weird. [Read: What does eye contact mean to a guy?]
The best advice is to hold their gaze for just a second longer than you would normally if it were accidental. That second is very telling!
It takes your eye contact from a mere glance to flirting. It’s safe enough to keep them comfortable, but it’s long enough to tell them that it was more than an accident.
Let’s face it, eye contact flirting is harmless.
From a psychological standpoint, direct eye contact triggers the release of oxytocin, often dubbed the “love hormone” or “cuddle hormone.” This can create a sense of intimacy, even if it’s just a fleeting moment on the street or over a cup of joe.
So, when you’re flirting with eyes, you’re actually kick-starting a tiny biochemical party in both your brain and the other person’s. [Read: Chemistry of love – how hormones make you feel love the way you do]
Secondly, eye contact flirting can help you gauge someone’s interest. In psychology, this is akin to the concept of “reciprocal liking,” where you and another person are more likely to feel attracted to each other if you both believe the attraction is mutual.
Those little glances you’re stealing? They’re like mini-experiments in gauging mutual interest, based on the other person’s nonverbal cues. If they hold your gaze or glance back, you’re essentially getting a soft “Yes” without uttering a single word.
Ah, and the best part: psychology tells us that prolonged eye contact can increase the likelihood of two people falling in love. It’s a phenomenon backed by the infamous “36 Questions” study by psychologist Arthur Aron, where strangers made prolonged eye contact and, well, sparks flew!
So if you’re eye-flirting with someone you’re genuinely interested in, that lingering look could be your one-way ticket to a deeper connection—or at least a memorable first date. [Read: The socially awkward person’s guide to flirting]
What do you do when you see someone you like at a coffee shop or a party? If you’re not sure what to do, well, eye contact flirting may be the best thing in the world to help you get their attention and make an impression in no time.
Just use these simple eye contact flirting tips and you’ll be able to get the right message across in no time.
1. Casually glance now and then
When you first start making eye contact deliberately, you might feel awkward. You might be worried that you’re not doing it right or that you’re holding it for the wrong amount of time. The key is to keep it simple and frequent.
Do you see someone you like? Casually glance at the person now and then. Soon enough, the one you like will notice you back. [Read: How to look fabulous and appealing when trying to catch someone’s eye]
2. Exchange a fleeting glimpse
Don’t be hasty or you’ll end up looking like an annoying creep. When the person you like catches you half-staring and stares back at you with curiosity, lock eyes for a second and look away immediately.
3. Go back and repeat the glance
Look at the person you like again. Stare at him or her, but look away immediately as soon they look back at you. Don’t linger and stare back for more than a second just yet.
4. Let them know what’s on your mind
At first, the person you like may assume it’s a passing glance. But as they catch you sneaking a few glances now and then, they’ll understand that you’re interested in them.
Don’t stare for more than a second just yet because you’ll kill the excitement. Instead, build the excitement. [Read: Bedroom eyes – what they are & secrets to master the art of seductive eyes]
5. Build the excitement
Now that you’ve got the one you like looking back at you now and then to see if you’re still staring, it’s time to build the excitement. Stop staring for a couple of minutes. Wait for them to stare at you now and then.
We’re all curious, so the person you like will wonder why you aren’t staring anymore and may start to stare at you more often, to check if you’re still staring. By doing this, you’re making the one you like as interested as you are in building the staring game!
Look straight ahead and don’t face the person you’re trying to make eye contact with. But at the same time, focus on them and keep them in your line of sight.
Wait for that person to look at you. And just as they look at you, turn your face towards them and stare back at that person. By doing that, you’re now discreetly making it appear like they’re the one interested in looking at you, and not the other way around!
7. Stare for a longer duration
You’ve been exchanging fleeting glances until now, but now that you’ve got the one you like excitedly waiting for you to stare back, lock eyes before looking away.
Psychologically speaking, a gaze lasting about 3 to 5 seconds is often the sweet spot. It’s long enough to create a sense of intimacy but short enough to avoid creeping anyone out. This duration aligns with what psychologists refer to as the optimal length of direct gaze, which facilitates social communication and bonds.
Why this specific time range? It taps into the human brain’s ability to read emotional and social cues. Anything shorter might not be enough to trigger those warm, fuzzy oxytocin releases.
But linger too long, and you risk activating the other person’s “threat detection” systems, flipping the script from flirty to frightening. [Read: 39 secrets to get your crush to notice you & stages to get their attention]
8. Smile and blush
Talk to your friends or appear busy, and stare for a second or two. And each time, look away smiling in an obvious or awkward manner. Don’t smile at the person you’re staring at just yet. Always smile only while looking away.
9. Watch their response
Is this person looking at you as often as you’re looking at them? If they are, it’s working and you’re on your way to talking to them very soon.
If the one you like isn’t reciprocating your glances no matter what you do, they’re not interested, so give up and move on. You can’t win all your eye contact flirting games.
If you’re at a party or just want someone to know you’re interested in some flirty fun, follow the same steps as mentioned above, but instead of just staring for a few seconds into their eyes, stare into their eyes and look them up and down once with an appreciative smile.
It lets them know you’re checking them out and find them attractive. [Read: How to tell a guy you want to have sex without coming off slutty]
11. Smile while “staring”
Now that you’re certain the one you are staring at is equally interested in exchanging stolen glances, it’s time to take the plunge.
During one of your longer glances, look straight into their eyes and smile, just a little bit. If it comes off as awkward and slightly silly, that’s even better!
If the one you’re staring at looks shocked or looks away hastily, they just need a little more time to warm up. But if the person smiles back at you, you’ve struck gold. There’s only one thing to do from here, and that’s to start talking to them!
If you’re ready to make this step, check out our guide on how to approach your crush – get noticed & impress them all at once for more pointers!
If you already know the person and want them to know you like them, stare deeply into their eyes when you’re having a conversation.
Think about how much you like them, and your eyes will glaze over and let them know exactly what’s on your mind. And don’t forget to smile, it sends the right message across. [Read: 20 signs of attraction in a conversation]
13. Don’t forget to blink
When it comes to flirting with eyes, blinking plays a fascinating role. In psychology, the phenomenon we’re referring to is called “mirroring.” Mirroring is when two people subconsciously imitate each other’s behaviors, indicating rapport and affinity.
So, when you find yourself blinking more often while locking eyes with someone, and they reciprocate, you’re both engaging in a subconscious dance of mutual interest.
Increased blinking is not just random, it’s your autonomic nervous system reacting to emotional stimuli. It could be excitement, nervousness, or even—dare we say—infatuation. By batting those eyelashes a bit more than usual, you’re sending an almost instinctual signal of heightened attention and emotional readiness.
You’ve established the flirting, now what?
Eye contact flirting can be fun and extremely exciting if you indulge in it the right way. Overdo it or underdo it, and you may end up losing the connection.
You’ve already worked out that they like you back, otherwise they wouldn’t have reciprocated in your flirting game. That should make you feel slightly more confident about approaching them and striking up a conversation.
Now you have to be brave and go for it! Approach the one you have your eye on, quite literally, and make witty conversation. When you head over there, remember to be yourself. You don’t have to pretend to be someone else, you’re more than enough as you are!
[Read: 25 showy ways to act cool in front of your crush & grab their attention]
Nonverbal cues are a powerful tool when it comes to flirting. Balancing the right amount of eye contact while flirting will instantly grab the attention of the cute stranger across the bar and make them yours!