At this point, everybody is probably aware that the concept of sex – not the just act itself – is not limited to just putting certain body parts in a hole and wishing for a climax. No. Sex has numerous subsets that are open for exploration. One of those is using one’s fingers to reach or give an orgasm.
Put aside your thoughts of the male phallus, because this article is all about the VAG. How does one stimulate it? Which is better, clitoral or g-spot orgasms? I’m sure a lot of you have dozens of questions, and we’re here to answer each and every one of them.
Where do I start?
If you want to please someone using your fingers, you need to familiarize yourself with the territory. “Where does this go?” “Oh, so that’s what that thing’s called!” and “I didn’t know you could go there!” Those are just a few of the phrases you will learn to exclaim during this crash course.
The basics of using the fingers for pleasure
Since we’re talking about the female genitalia, most of you are probably aware that it consists of two sets of lips, the vagina *which is essentially the hole*, and the clitoris, the unicorn of female body parts before its actual purpose started gaining ground in the 1980’s.
The clitoris is the most important part of the outside of the vagina, but a lot of people forget that the whole vulva *a.k.a. every lady bit you can see* is full of nerve endings that you can use for various degrees of pleasure. For those of you who still live in the stone ages, the clitoris is that tiny nub between the big folds on the vagina. Some women have thick flaps covering it, while other women have clits that are exposed and pretty much open for stimulation wherever and whenever.
Inside, you will find the inner workings of the female mystique – literally. The most important parts, however, are the cervix and the Grà¤fenberg spot or g-spot. The number one rule is not to traumatize the cervix. So for the ladies, hold off on screaming “Deeper!” unless you’re sure that your lady bits can handle the pressure. For the guys, don’t just shove it in to see how far you can go.
The g-spot, on the other hand, is the part that you really, really want to hit. You can find it in the anterior or front wall inside the vagina. Although it’s located in one specific area only, the g-spot can encompass a small amount of surface area or engulf about 70% of the inside of a vagina. That’s why it’s easy for some to get a g-spot orgasm and extremely difficult for others. [Read: 10 foolproof sex tips every girl needs to know]
How stuff works
Now that you know where to find everything, it’s time for you to learn how to get things going. Like I said, the outer area of the vagina, barring the clitoris, is very useful when it comes to foreplay. Simply rubbing it can elicit waves of pleasure for the most sensitive of girls.
It’s highly doubtful that you can produce an orgasm out of it, but I have heard it happening. Still, that’s not the focus of this step-by-step article.
The clitoris is obviously the next step, but its use does not end there. The clit is involved in every aspect of the deed until it ends in a glorious climax. Most people think that continuously rubbing it is the easiest way to get someone off. The best way to do it, however, is to start slowly while building up momentum. You can use one, two or three fingers, but don’t attempt to use the whole set if it’s not a fetish or an experimental thing. [Read: 11 tips to make vaginal fisting safer and sexier]
The g-spot is not exactly your primary goal when it comes to using your fingers, but I can totally vouch that making it necessary can be rewarding for everyone involved. The g-spot requires different levels of pressure for each person, but the best way to elicit an orgasm from it is to never lose your momentum. No matter how slow or fast you go, the trick is to never stop until you or your partner reaches their climax. [Read: 10 foolproof sex tips that every girl should know]
How to use your fingers like a boss
By knowing where stuff is and how they work, you can now go on to the next step of the process: using your fingers to reach or give an orgasm. Due to the technical aspects of using your fingers on yourself and on another person, we will divide the process into two categories.
By your sexy lonesome
Touching yourself is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. You can do it in the confines of your home, in the bathroom before you shower or even under a blanket on a plane! Here’s how you do it:
#1 Prep yourself. I think the best way to do this is in the comfort of your own bedroom, with the lights dimmed and a classy sexy-time song playing on loop. For those of you who don’t feel like getting out of bed before doing this, or are planning on doing this in an adventurous setting, just try not to let anyone see you. Really try.
#2 Visualize. Without a partner involved, most of us will need to think of someone or some people before we can actually get the ball rolling. Choose your fantasy, don’t hold back, and just enjoy the proverbial ride. For those who find this a tad difficult, watching a sexy video may help. [Read: How to turn yourself on with your senses]
#3 Touch everything but the clit. The best way to get yourself going is to stimulate your erogenous zones, from your neck to your ears to your breasts to your vulva. Caress yourself from top to bottom without going directly to the home plate. Don’t spend an inordinate amount of time on your other body parts, just do a little rub here and there to get your blood flowing. Think “sensual journey,” not “itchy allergies.”
#4 Slowly reach for it. As I’ve said, it’s best to start outside the “box” rather than go right to the mother lode. Rub your vulva slowly while continuing to think about your chosen fantasy. This will get you wet and ready to start on your clit.
#5 The big C. If you’re wet enough *or even if you’re not, though it may not be comfortable*, you can slowly start rubbing your clit. Get some of that natural lube and use it to rub your clit. Find the right momentum and the perfect spot. Some parts of the clitoris are super-sensitive and won’t give you the pleasure you need. All you’ll get are annoying jolts of electricity.
#6 The big finish. Once you find the right speed and pressure, you can start building speed. Don’t go and start making a fire. Just increase the speed in small increments. You’ll see that the slight difference in speed will actually start making your body convulse in a really good way. Don’t forget to synchronize your fantasy with your movement. I doubt if anyone reached an orgasm while touching themselves and looking at a wall. [Read: Daily orgasms and 14 more ways to stay sexy at any age]
#7 What about a g-spot orgasm? If you’re alone, I don’t recommend trying this. If you’re using a vibrator or a dildo, then go right ahead. Fingers, however, are much more suited to clitoral stimulation. Some women have small fingers, which will only cause discomfort instead of pleasure. Even if your fingers are long, you’d end up tired before you even start to build up to an orgasm, because you’d need to stimulate your clitoris simultaneously anyway. [Read: Finding your g-spot and 15 more sexy resolutions for this year]
Using the fingers to give someone else pleasure
This section is for both guys and girls. Using your fingers on somebody else isn’t as easy as using them on yourself, but sharing the experience with someone else gives you a more pleasurable and intimate experience. Here’s how you can do that:
#1 Follow steps 1-5 from above. Bear in mind that you’re doing this on someone else. You can do it on yourself while they watch, but don’t forget to give your partner the pleasure they deserve as well. [Read: 9 sexiest foreplay moves to turn her on]
#2 Hands off the clit! After a clitoral climax, it is almost impossible to use the same move before your partner’s body settles down. Touching their clit after a climax can actually make them jump away sometimes. It can be ticklish, but pushing it for another orgasm can cause more pain than pleasure.
#3 Touch everything else. Even though it’s not advisable to touch the clit after a climax, there’s still a silver lining. The rest of the body is now one big nerving ending. Kiss your partner’s neck. Blow on their skin. Lick their spine. Shake their hand, if you feel that’s sexy. Any subtle contact can make them convulse in waves of pleasure. Some might even come again!
#4 Ready for the g-spot. Giving a g-spot orgasm after a clitoral orgasm can be mind-blowing for the person on the receiving end. That’s why you need to start while they’re still coming down from the recent high of the last climax. No need to pause and think about this. Slip that first finger in, and enjoy the show.
#5 Find Nemo. Once your finger is in, take a few minutes to actually find your partner’s g-spot. Don’t be overconfident and think that you already know, just because you found it on someone else before. Feel for it and ask your partner. This can be extremely sexy as well if you deliver the statement, “Does that feel good?” perfectly. [Read: Dirty talk tips to keep her in the mood]
#6 Rhythm, rhythm, rhythm. Once you find the g-spot and its surrounding areas, you’re ready to see this through. Start with one finger, hook the end and push the g-spot over and over slowly. Once you see that your partner’s enjoying herself, try putting in another finger. It’s not necessary, but sometimes having small fingers requires an extra digit.
Stay on that rhythm for a minute or two, then increase the speed. Always look at your partner’s reaction. Don’t be complacent because people can still fake their orgasms. [Read: 12 things guys do that make women want to fake an orgasm]
#7 Spice things up. Look into your partner’s eyes, throw a little bit of dirty talk in and kiss them. Do whatever it takes to keep the heat on point. This is still an act of sexual pleasure. Don’t treat it like a task or a job. Be in the moment and enjoy what you’re doing, because your partner is probably having the time of her life.
#8 The final stretch. The key to the Big O is timing. As I’ve said, the way to give an amazing g-spot orgasm is to not stop until it’s done. By this point, your partner may be extremely wet and begging for you to make her come. Don’t be afraid to give her what she needs!
Increase the speed to the maximum level that’s comfortable for her. Make sure it’s not painful! Keep doing this until your partner orgasms. Throw in a little more dirty talk, because that always gets the job done. Et voilà . Your work here is done.
[Read: 15 moves guaranteed to satisfy a woman and make sex more exciting]
Using your fingers is a good way to maximize your orgasms. Penetration is all well and really good, but nothing beats variety when exploring one’s sexuality. You can enjoy the wonders your fingers can provide on your own, but sharing your skills with someone can be just as rewarding.
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