Learning how to masturbate and finger yourself not only feels good, but it also has a lot of benefits. Here is your guide for how to do it the right way.
Years ago, the idea of women masturbating was kept quiet. Of course, we all know it happened, but it wasn’t openly spoken about. But now it is, and you want to learn how to finger yourself.
There’s no shame in masturbation and fingering yourself! It’s a perfectly natural, normal, and extremely enjoyable thing to do!
From movies and popular culture, we were all aware that men masturbate. It’s unfortunate when you think about it. Both men and women masturbate, yet, when it comes to female masturbation, it’s a taboo subject. [Read: Female masturbation and 17 facts about this naughty secret]
But the thing is, whether or not we’re talking about it, women are masturbating. So why aren’t we talking about it?
Even Sweden is trying to bring awareness and openness to the subject, calling female masturbation, Klittra. Not sure how we feel about that word, but never mind, it’s better than “flicking the bean.”
Why is masturbation important?
There is nothing shameful or embarrassing about masturbation. Thankfully, more and more TV shows are starting this conversation, with women openly talking about toys and the other solo fun they have.
We need to do more – we need to make this mainstream. Why? Because we all do it! And if you’re not doing it, you need to start! [Read: Fun ways to masturbate & experience pleasure in a whole new way]
Masturbation is important because it teaches you what you enjoy in bed. Then, you can pass that information on to your partner and enjoy a fulfilling and healthy sex life.
Even if you don’t have a partner, masturbation allows you to enjoy sexual fulfillment on your own.
Learning how to get yourself off releases tension, increases happiness, and it feels pretty damn good too! [Read: How to finger yourself and feel ecstasy]
Learning how to touch yourself in the right way is a personal thing. What you enjoy, another woman may gain nothing from. But that’s not the point. The point is that you’re focusing on yourself, learning about your body, and building confidence, sexually and otherwise.
Benefits of masturbation
You might just think that people masturbate because it feels good. And while that is true, there are also a lot more benefits to masturbation too. Here they are. [Read: 37 health benefits of masturbation, bad side effects, and other must-knows]
1. Lowers your stress levels
Masturbating and fingering yourself is a great way to lower your stress. It’s actually one of the best health benefits. The reason is that you get to be by yourself in a quiet space for however long you want.
There’s no one that will bother you, and you can forget about all the pressures of your life. It’s a great way to have alone time.
2. Improved sleep
Believe it or not, masturbation can actually help you sleep, too. It is a natural way to fight insomnia because it releases tension. Also, during orgasm, the “feel-good” hormone, dopamine, is released. [Read: How to masturbate – 30 solo orgasm and masturbation secrets for girls]
And then after the climax, oxytocin, which is a calming hormone, is released along with endorphins. These provide you a peace that will carry you off into sleep.
3. It’s good for your vaginal and cervical health
Regular female masturbation is healthy because of the muscular function known as “tenting.” During orgasm, the cervix opens, and that stretches and pulls cervical mucus which has increased volume and acidity.
This acidity is due to an increase in friendly bacteria, and the fluid moves from the cervix to the vagina and lubricates it. This flushes out any unfriendly bacteria or orgasms that can cause infections. [Read: What does a vagina feel like? 35 pussy facts and descriptions from men]
4. You can’t get pregnant
This is an obvious one, but it’s certainly a perk, especially if you aren’t looking to have a child any time soon. Sure, sex with a man feels great, but there is always that lingering feeling in the back of your mind that you might get pregnant.
So, that’s why masturbation is so great. You can feel sexual pleasure like you do with penetration sex, but it is 100% not going to result in a pregnancy. It’s safe and risk-free!
5. It quells cramps
Many women get awful cramps when it is that time of the month. And for some, the pain can be debilitating. While it seems like nothing will help, masturbation actually can. [Read: A girl’s ultimate survival guide to period woes]
All it takes is a little effort. Masturbation is known to relieve the pain of the cramps, so you don’t have to suffer as much as you usually would.
6. It improves partner play
When you practice fingering and touching yourself, you get more familiar with your body and what feels the best. And when you practice this a lot, it increases your ability to orgasm.
As most people know, it’s more difficult for women to allow themselves to feel a release during climax than it is for me. So, as the saying goes, “practice makes perfect.” [Read: Mutual masturbation – intimate ways to connect without touching]
7. Strengthens the pelvic floor
There are a lot of factors such as foreplay and stimulation that go into a female orgasm, and the pelvic floor is also one of them. It can make or break your orgasm.
Your pelvic floor and your orgasm are closely linked. When an orgasm occurs, there is a uterine contraction, and the muscles around the pelvic floor contract. That’s why your body might jerk when it happens – the muscles tense when the orgasm occurs.
Types of masturbation
There are many different ways you can engage in masturbation. Here are some types that you can try.
Most women use their fingers to play with their clitoris during masturbation. [Read: Clitoris stimulation – 19 secret touches to leave a girl squirming for more]
However, you can also use vibrators and other toys to bring you pleasure via your clit. When you orgasm, you’ll feel a tingly sensation throughout your whole body.
In addition to stimulating your clitoris, you can also focus on your vagina. Use your fingers or a sex toy to penetrate your vagina during masturbation. You will probably feel your orgasm deeper in your body and your vaginal walls will throb.
You can also get a bit more adventurous through anal play during masturbation too. Use your fingers or a sex toy to penetrate your anus. [Read: First-time anal sex – the curious bum lover’s guide to have anal sex]
A toy will allow for deeper penetration, however. Right before you orgasm, you might feel an intense need to urinate.
If you can’t choose whether you want to stimulate your clitoris or vagina, you can do both. Use your hands to play with your clit and vagina or use a combination of fingers and sex toys.
When you stimulate them both at the same time, you’ll feel an explosive orgasm and might even squirt. [Read: 41 self-pleasure secrets to give yourself an orgasm and have sex with yourself]
5. Erogenous zones
Don’t forget to focus on your erogenous zones, too. You can pinch, rub, squeeze, or tug on your nipples, inner thighs, ears, neck, and other parts of your body that feel good. This will produce pleasurable sensations throughout your body.
Positions to try
There are several different positions you can try to maximize your pleasure. Give these a chance.
1. For clitoral, try lying on your back
Lying on your back might not sound very exciting, but it’s a great way to stimulate your clitoris. Prop a pillow under your head, spread your legs, and bend your knees. [Read: Solo sex masturbation positions moves that feel just as good as sex]
Then, start rubbing your clitoris. Use whatever pace and pressure type feels the best.
2. For vaginal, try squatting
If you want an intense orgasm, then squatting will make it happen. This position makes it easier to find your G-spot, which is about 2-3 inches inside your vagina.
So, bend down with your heels close to or touching the back of your thighs. Then, slide your fingers or a toy into your vagina and keep moving deeper. [Read: Why am I so horny? 21 signs, reasons, hypersexuality, and when to seek help]
Mix it up with different motions like stroking, circular, and in and out.
3. For anal, try face-down doggy style
If you want to do anal play, the face-down doggy style opens you up the best because it gives you the room you need to insert your fingers or toys. This position lets you do that while rubbing yourself with the other hand.
Get on your hands and knees, then put your face down on your bed or floor so your butt is in the air. [Read: Ways to make doggy style your favorite sex position]
Wrap one arm around your back to reach your anus while placing your other arm underneath your body so you can touch your clitoris.
4. For combo and erogenous zones, try the pretend love
Put your favorite dildo or vibrator on your bed and lower yourself down until you find a sensation you like. You can think of the pretend lover as the cowgirl position for just yourself.
You might need to use your hands to keep your toy steady. Ride the toy at whatever pace feels right. At the same time, rub your clitoris or play with your nipples. [Read: The most arousing erogenous zones for women all men should know]
What does it mean to finger yourself?
First things first if you’re a newbie or if you’ve found your fingers wandering down one lazy night: fingering yourself is normal, and anyone who wants to pleasure themselves might do it.
If you’ve ever run your fingers down there and let it linger just a wee bit longer because it feels good, well, you’ve been fingering yourself!
It feels so good, but you don’t know whether you should go on or just stop. Will it get better? Should you go deeper? So many questions! But we have all the answers! [Read: How to pleasure yourself and guide your fingers in the right way]
Why should you finger yourself?
Why shouldn’t you? It’s great if you have someone to have sex with. But when the horny moment strikes, or even if you’re just exploring yourself down there, learning how to finger yourself is an art that has many benefits.
You can actually understand firsthand what arouses you because each person is different. And what works for another girl may not work for you.
And secondly, understanding your own “hot spots” and moves that feel great can help you guide anyone you get sexually intimate with to satisfy you better. [Read: How do YOU masturbate? Different ways you can play with yourself]
How to finger yourself correctly
If you follow the steps we’ve shared below, you should have no problems learning how to finger yourself correctly and in a way that won’t hurt you.
But the easiest and simplest way to understand it is if it hurts you, you’re doing something wrong.
Fingering yourself just shouldn’t hurt at all. The longer you play with yourself, the better it should feel. And smoother and easier, too. [Read: How to make yourself really wet and get all lubed up]
Usually, if you do feel any kind of pain, it’s probably because your nails nicked the delicate regions down there.
Take it slow, start with one finger, and work your way towards what feels best.
And of course, follow the steps we’ve shared below. [Read: Dry humping and the virgin’s guide to orgasm]
1. Acknowledge any shame you might be feeling
For some people, there is a certain amount of shame that comes with masturbating. If you are from a religious family or have been taught that sex and masturbation are bad, then you might have to overcome these issues.
Just forgive yourself for feeling like this. You’re allowed to. And give yourself permission to do it. There is nothing wrong with it!
2. Sit down with a diagram of the female anatomy
Sure, you have female genitalia, but you might not really know how it all works. So, it doesn’t hurt to study up on it and see what it looks like down there. [Read: Female ejaculation – debunking the myths and shedding light]
Educate yourself beforehand and you will be more successful fingering yourself.
3. Bust out a mirror to look at your own
Now that you have an idea of what female anatomy/genitalia looks like, you should take a look at yourself in a mirror. Every woman is different, so it’s helpful to familiarize yourself with your own body before you do anything.
4. There is no ‘one size fits all’ approach
You may have tried to copy porn videos or used the advice your friends gave you, but if it’s not working for you, don’t sweat it. When it comes to sexuality, we all enjoy different things. [Read: How to masturbate – 15 self-pleasure tips for women]
Some women get turned on by anal play while others need clitoral stimulation. You just need time to find your groove.
5. Find a safe place
Masturbating when your friend or your parents are in the next room may be a little risky because they might walk in. You want to masturbate when you’re in a safe and relaxing space.
Put on some music or your favorite movie – whatever turns you on. This is your time to pleasure yourself, so tailor it to your liking. [Read: Outdoor sex – 24 best, hottest, places and ways to make it less risky]
You need to have a distraction-free experience. Put your phone away, make sure people aren’t going to disrupt you, and ensure that you have enough time to really get into it.
6. Take your solo session into the shower
Maybe your bedroom doesn’t have a lock on it. So of course, that would make you feel uncomfortable fingering yourself if other people are in the house.
If that’s the case, then you can take your masturbation into the shower. [Read: Shower sex – 18 sexy bathroom secrets to get wet, make love, and not slip]
Most bathrooms have locks on them, and usually, no one walks in on someone else when they hear the water running. If you have a removable showerhead, you can even use that to get in on the action.
7. Make sure you’re in the mood
Masturbation can help relax you after a stressful day at work or put you even in a better mood than you were in before. But if you’re not feeling sexual, don’t push yourself to masturbate.
There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re not feeling sexual, some days you’ll feel extremely horny, and other days, you’ll feel nothing. [Read: How to get turned on – 26 sexy secrets to turn yourself on and get in the mood]
8. Use female-friendly porn or listen to audio erotica to get you in the mood
If you’re struggling with staying in the mood or even getting into it, why not try some female-friendly porn titles? These are far more female-focused than the regular types you’ve probably seen or heard about.
Some are even directed by women. Explore what works for you and give it a try. You never know, you might even enjoy it! [Read: The best 15 female-friendly porn sites that are tinglingly perfect]
9. Wash your hands
In the movies, the girl is usually on her bed texting and suddenly she gets an urge to masturbate. Okay, do you know how much bacteria is on a cell phone?
Sure, you’re in the moment. But quickly running to the bathroom to wash your hands isn’t a bad idea. It takes less than a minute.
Your vagina is your holy temple, so just go the extra step in making sure you’re not allowing bad bacteria to go inside. Wash. Your. Hands. [Read: The types of nipples – what’s normal and not, and 17 must-know nipple facts]
10. Hygiene, ladies
Aside from washing your hands, you want to make sure that your hygiene is kept up. Make sure your fingernails are clean as a lot of bacteria nestle underneath them.
In addition, also make sure your vagina is clean and fresh. You don’t want an infection. Besides, masturbating when you’re fresh just feels better. [Read: How to keep your pussy clean, neat, and purr with delight]
11. Start with dry humping
Before your hands even make it near your vagina, try dry humping with your clothes on. Use a pillow or anything soft to grind your vulva against it.
It’ll work by creating friction against your clitoris, you’ll feel a tingling sensation. From there, you should continue grinding against the object, testing out different pressures and positions. You’ll find a rhythm that stimulates you the best. [Read: Pillow humping 101 – give that pillow a workout]
12. You don’t have to start at your vagina
When turning yourself on, you don’t have to all of a sudden make a bull’s eye to your vagina. You can actually start by rubbing and squeezing your breasts, sucking on your fingers, and then start to rub or touch your vagina.
Women take longer to get turned on, so you should take your time warming up your body. Enjoy exploring your body because masturbation isn’t just about your vagina. [Read: How to masturbate – 15 self-pleasure tips for women]
13. Get to know your vagina
You should know your vagina better than your best friend or family. This is your sexual region, so you better know it well. Know where the vulva, clitoris, and vagina are.
Understand their functions. Explore the area with a mirror or your fingers. Just get to know your vagina because this is what’s going to be giving you a lot of pleasure. [Read: Clitoris stimulation – sexy ways to please it the right way]
14. It’s time to get handsy
You have two hands for a reason – to learn how to touch yourself. You probably know about dildos and vibrators, but before you use one of them, use your hands first. We’re not saying toys are bad, but you don’t want to become dependent on them.
So, take the organic approach first and learn the speeds, pressure, and technique which turns you on. Then, you can experiment with toys to take it to the next level.
15. Caress your clit
When you finger yourself, you’ll also want to focus on your clitoris. Take your fingers and move them up and down or side-to-side. [Read: How to stimulate the clitoris by touching it the right way]
Massage your clit gently. Then, start rubbing faster once you feel yourself getting wetter.
You can slip in another finger if you like. However, usually, women stick to either one or two fingers.
16. Slide your fingers in
You can then slide either one or two fingers inside, either all the way in or partially. Bend your fingers a bit, they’ll rub against your wall creating more stimulation. [Read: Female masturbation tips for guaranteed orgasmic bliss]
It’ll feel great, and you’ll have a higher chance of hitting your g-spot. Try to find a rhythm with your fingers that further stimulates you.
17. Find your g-spot
You’ll know when you’ve found your g-spot. If you’re wondering where it is, the g-spot is 2 to 3 inches inside the vagina. It’s on the front wall and you’ll feel a rough patch – that’s the spot.
The g-spot can give you a more intense orgasm – who wouldn’t want that? [Read: How to make yourself squirt just like a porn star]
18. Stimulate your g-spot
When figuring out how to finger yourself, this is the best part. Once you’ve found your g-spot, play around with your speed and build up the friction – that will create an orgasm.
Some women describe the feeling as being flushed and hot. You won’t necessarily achieve an orgasm. However, the sensation is still amazing. [Read: Going solo – sexy benefits of masturbation]
19. Test out different techniques
There are different techniques for masturbation, try out some of these different strokes:
– Rub your clitoris with multiple fingers or your entire hand.
– Don’t directly touch your clit, instead, with one finger, circle around it.
– With your underwear on, rub your clitoris above the fabric. [Read: Men’s guide to buying lingerie – picking the perfect one]
– Pull on your labia, rubbing your clitoris through the folds.
– Tap your clitoris with one or two fingers.
20. If you’re feeling a little dry, use some lube. Or, use it anyway!
Your vagina may not become too wet, which is okay. If you’re feeling it needs a little more moisture down there, then use some lubricant.
It’ll help your finger glide smoothly across your clitoris, adding more sensitivity and stimulation. You can even use lube if you’re feeling pretty wet anyway.
Lube makes everything feel better! [Read: How to have sex with yourself and learn what turns your body on]
21. Take the focus away from having an orgasm
We know you want to experience an orgasm, and you will in time, but it shouldn’t be the focus.
When you’re touching yourself, if the entire goal is an orgasm, you won’t have one. You need to be present in the moment and if you have an orgasm, you have one.
22. Don’t forget the rest of your body
Don’t focus solely on your vagina and clitoris, move your hands around your body and see what feels good. Touch your breasts, massage them, and do whatever you feel you want to do. [Read: Full body orgasm – the secrets to experience one and what it feels like]
This is your time and your body, there are no rules here. Use this time to explore your body and become familiar with it. Learn to love what it can do for you!
23. Experiment with anal play
You don’t have to try fingering your anus right away, but while you’re masturbating, slip one finger into your anus and slide it in and out. It’ll feel great and also makes you even hornier. [Read: 17 benefits of anal sex that’ll make you and your bum wanna bend over]
Just a word of caution if you do want to try this. Make sure you’ve cleaned yourself beforehand. And secondly, don’t slip the same finger back into your vagina again to prevent any kind of infection down there.
24. Don’t change positions too much
This will take some time as you’ll need to figure out what position helps you achieve an orgasm when you finger yourself. If you’re close to orgasming, try not to move into another position.
What happens is that you actually delay yourself from orgasm every time you move. Of course, if you don’t want to orgasm right away, well, then move. [Read: Goofproof moves to squirt like you’re peeing]
25. Mix up the tempo
Masturbating doesn’t have a special formula when you finger yourself. Everyone is different, and your body’s reaction can be the opposite of how you thought it would react.
So, try out different speeds, roughness, and positions – do not be shy. You need to know what works for your body.
26. Graduate to using toys
After you’ve become comfortable with masturbating naturally, you can always up the arousal factor by using a toy. You can test out a dildo or vibrator. [Read: Understanding how to use a dildo correctly]
You may have to try a couple of them before finding one which really does the trick. But remember, don’t rely on sex toys for all your pleasure, make sure you mix it up.
You can easily buy toys online these days and they arrive at your door in discreet packaging – nobody will know!
27. Slowly build up to an orgasm
You won’t be able to orgasm just with the snap of a finger. You’re going to need to build up to it. You need to turn yourself on, make yourself wet – you see, it’s a process. [Read: Female masturbation – 15 facts about the naughty secret]
You can finger yourself rougher, however, if you think that masturbating for two minutes will do the trick, it won’t.
28. Try edging
Edging is a sexual technique where you control your orgasm. It involves maintaining a high level of arousal for an extended period of time without reaching a climax.
Controlling your orgasm is easier when you masturbate. This is because masturbation allows you to control it and you don’t have to rely on a sexual partner to achieve orgasm.
Usually, people learn orgasm control through masturbation. [Read: Female orgasm denial = the step-by-step guide to hold back & explode]
29. When you hit the big O
Once you’ve orgasmed, don’t pull out your fingers right away. Not only does it feel better when they’re left in there for a bit, but if you pull them out too fast it can feel uncomfortable and even cause you pain.
30. Enjoy post-masturbation
If you’ve just masturbated, don’t rush to go grocery shopping after. Take some time to just chill out and reflect on how you just fingered yourself. A quickie is always fun, but you don’t have to rush this time. [Read: Questions about female sexuality finally answered!]
31. Practice makes perfect
You’re not going to master the art of touching yourself if you do it every leap year. What did your mom use to tell you? “Practice makes perfect!”
She probably didn’t think you were going to use this quote for masturbating, but you should follow her advice.
You need to practice touching yourself, seeing what stimulates you, and what isn’t doing the trick. [Read: Pillow humping 101 – give that pillow a workout]
32. Be patient
You’re not going to achieve an orgasm overnight. In fact, it may take months and months just for you to figure out what feels good. It takes time, what can we say? You just need to be patient and keep practicing.
Have some fun!
As a beginner, or even as someone who’s tried this before, learning how to finger yourself can seem pretty intimidating.
You’re nervous, it all sounds so scary and weird. But just trust yourself and focus on your pleasure. If it feels good, it’s probably the right way for you! [Read: How to make your vagina smell good and taste even better]
Remember to use what you learn
Once you’ve become used to masturbating and your confidence is skyrocketing, it’s time to use what you’ve learned. When you’re in bed with your partner, tell them what you like.
Go on, you can do it! If that’s a little scary for you, why not simply move their hand to where you want it to be and show them how you like to be touched?
If that doesn’t work, just give them a preview and get them to carry on! [Read: Sexy and easy ways to get what you want in bed]
Being able to take control and tell your partner what you want in bed is extremely sexy and very empowering. Remember, sexual enjoyment isn’t only for men!
You’re allowed to get yours, in fact, you SHOULD get yours! Your partner will be over the moon that you’ve given them the information they need to get you off and from there, you can build your sexual confidence even more.
[Read: Going solo – the 15 sexy benefits of masturbation]
Take the night off, put some music on, lay on your bed, and just take some time in exploring how to finger yourself. Masturbation is so fun and also pretty educational. Who would have thought?