Is she – or isn’t she – having a real orgasm? Could it only be fake? If you want to know if a woman is coming, here are all the signs you need to know.
Ah yes, the mysterious orgasm. No one really seems to understand the female orgasm and with good reason. It’s not as obvious as the male orgasm. You might even wonder how to tell whether a woman’s orgasm is fake or if it’s real.
For years, people have tried to understand it through books, movies, and studies. In Hollywood, it seems the female orgasm is as easy as saying one-two-three.
In reality, it’s far from the truth. Many women have yet to experience the female orgasm. Leaving even them in the dark about what it feels like.
So, what do they do instead? They fake it, which isn’t good. Not only does the woman lie about having an orgasm, but it also prevents their partner from understanding what they’re doing wrong.
That’s why you need to be able to distinguish whether or not your woman is having a real orgasm or faking it. Let’s begin by looking at the signs that she’s having a real orgasm. [Read: 18 sex secrets to make your woman want more]
How to tell when a woman is having a real orgasm
So, understanding how orgasms work and knowing when a woman is having a real orgasm is important. If she’s not having an orgasm, this is your chance to work with her and help her hit the spot.
Every woman should have an orgasm, and every man should know how to support a woman in bed. It’s time you knew how to tell when a woman is coming.
1. Every woman is different
When it comes to orgasms, everyone is different. Some women are more vocal, while other women will shake. It really depends on the person you’re sleeping with. [Read: How to master the art of making a woman orgasm]
So, knowing if a woman is having an orgasm can be a little tricky, but after a while, you’ll start to notice small things which can indicate an orgasm.
2. You feel her vagina clenching
You’re going to feel it when you’re inside of her. When she’s close to orgasm, you’ll feel the inside of her vagina clenching, tightening up around your penis. This is a great sign that something big is about to happen for her, and for you.
3. She’s making noise
It’s normal for women to make moans and screams when they’re having sex. But the sounds she makes when she’s about to orgasm are more intense than her regular sounds. [Read: Clitoris stimulation – sexy ways to please the clit]
You’ll notice the difference once you pay attention to it. But if she’s making noises, chances are she’s close to orgasm.
4. She stops breathing
Not to the point where she’s not responding. When a woman is approaching orgasm, their thoracic diaphragm is clenching in rhythm with their abdomen, pelvic muscles, and butt.
Since an orgasm is an intense sexual release, the whole body tightens, and the person holds their breath, waiting for the wave to crash. [Read: 29 best sex positions and tips for small penis owners to go deep and hit the spot]
5. Can’t control her behavior
You may notice that she’s shaking and losing control of her body, well, that’s all a part of the orgasm. A study from the University of Groningen explains why this happens.
The area of the brain that controls emotions such as fear and anxiety completely shut down during orgasm. But so does the lateral orbitofrontal cortex which controls our behavior.
6. Her body starts to shake
During an orgasm, the body experiences myotonia, and muscle contractions throughout the entire body. [Read: How to orgasm much harder with the art of edging]
There’s significant tension that gets built up around the muscles during an orgasm, and once the muscles relax, the body will shake. When you orgasm, you may experience this shaking as well. It’s the same thing.
7. Her face says it all
Before she’s about to orgasm, you notice her facial expression changing. Women have a similar face to men when they’re about to orgasm.
It’s like they slammed their toe into a bed frame – that type of expression. But with less pain associated with it.
8. She’ll tell you
Now, yes, some women fake their orgasms, but there are also women who will literally say to you, “I’m going to orgasm” while you’re having sex. Usually, they’re being honest. [Read: Things women want in bed to feel sexy and loved]
If you pair it with the following signs, then she’s probably having an orgasm. If she’s just saying it and completely limp, then it’s probably not true.
9. The clit goes into hiding
You may have done everything right, and now, she’s about to orgasm. Great! But before she orgasms, you will notice her clit disappearing under her clitoral hood.
This will happen right before an orgasm. So, if you notice her clit has gone into hiding, that’s a very good thing. [Read: Clitoris stimulation – 19 secret touches to leave a girl squirming for more]
10. Loss of breath
When a woman is having an orgasm, her breathing will increase, but so will her blood pressure and heart rate.
This is why when having an orgasm, it can make you feel like you just ran a 10k. If she has a loss of breath, paired with some of these other signs, she probably had an orgasm.
11. You don’t need to ask yourself
If you’re asking yourself whether she had an orgasm or not, she probably didn’t. With the signs above, you would be able to feel when she’s about to have one.
Some of these signs are subtle, but most of them are pretty obvious and strong. You won’t be able to miss them. [Read: Understanding the chemistry around why orgasms feel so good]
How can you tell if it’s a fake orgasm?
Now that you know what signs to look for if your woman is having a real orgasm, how do you know if it’s a fake one?
Is there really any way to tell if your girlfriend is having a truthful O? In reality, probably not. However, to the highly trained eye, there are several giveaways you can look for.
1. Go down on her
For as long as it takes, get down there and make her orgasm. This is a surefire, and sometimes the only way a woman can orgasm while being intimate. The key here is to focus on her clit. [Read: Tricks to give her oral sex like a pro]
Pay attention to what she does during her natural orgasm and compare and contrast to those fake follies she’s giving you during intercourse.
2. She looks bored
A clear giveaway to your girlfriend’s faux-O is if, after 10 minutes of monotonous bouncing on top of you, she suddenly climaxes.
If she looks bored or if she looks like she wants you to just hurry it up, that’s probably the case. [Read: 30 super sexy ideas to spice up your sex life]
3. Trembling
This is iffy, as women have mastered the art of the fake tremble and shake. However, if she’s usually on the tame or more vocal side during her faux-orgasms and one day you find her muscles trembling beneath or above you, she’s likely had a real one.
4. Her moans
Is she repeating the same noises over and over again? Just remember, her saying she’s coming does not necessarily mean she reached orgasm. Women are well-versed at faking it, with the noises, trembles, and all.
5. Timing
No matter how much she tries to fool you into thinking she’s the queen of quick coming, she isn’t. [Read: Shaking orgasm – what it is and feels like and 15 steps to experience it yourself]
Women generally take an average of 20+ minutes to orgasm. If this number hasn’t gone by, or if you are in a position that isn’t stimulating her clit, odds are she’s feeding you lies, bro.
6. Sweating
This is one thing women can’t fake, but if they could, they would. If she’s really coming to orgasm, odds are she’s producing a bit of sweat on her forehead or under the back of her knees.
7. Vaginal contractions
This is the real deal. The never-fail, can’t-fool-you sign if she’s really faking it or not. When a woman comes to a climax, the uterus contracts noticeably, clenching quickly against your fingers or your penis. [Read: The types of vaginas that make up all the vaginas in the world]
The operative word here is “quickly,” as women know how to do Kegels contractions, but those contractions are slower when done at will. You’re looking for a “fluttering” feeling and not timed clenches.
This may be hard to feel on your penis, as not only are you probably too excited or having an O yourself, while she’s climaxing.
8. She is silent afterward or sneaks off to the bathroom for 10+ minutes
This is a clear sign she’s either A) disappointed or B) finishing herself off in the bathroom. Believe it. Your woman has faked an orgasm. [Read: Tips to make vaginal fisting safer and sexier]
9. She stops having “orgasms”
If you start receiving a little more direction or your woman is taking longer than usual to climax, odds are she’s finally fed up with the show she’s been putting on and is now ready to get real. Don’t be offended! This is a good thing.
After all, you don’t want her to fake it, right? If she’s finally starting to take the reins sexually and is striving for fabulous sex with you, then your best bet would be to listen and learn.
10. She has multiple, multiple orgasms
This means she’s trying to encourage you and keep you busy while she’s prepping for the real deal. [Read: Foreplay done right – how to really turn her on!]
There are some instances where women get turned on by just thinking of or re-enacting an orgasm. Yes, it’s strange, but some women are down for that.
Dealing with the faux-O
If the woman you’re sleeping with is faking her orgasm, it can feel emasculating. Here are our best tips to deal with her faux-O.
1. Don’t blame yourself for not being able to tell
Women have got their O-faces, rhythms, moans, screams, sighs, and trembles down-pat. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you can’t tell the difference between her real orgasm and a fake one.
2. Don’t freak out
After all, her faking is probably coming from a place of frustration or embarrassment.
Frustrating as it may be for you, it may be doubly frustrating for her because one, she can’t come, and two, she doesn’t know how to help you make her reach her peak.
If you do feel the need to bring it up to your girlfriend, let her know that, while polite and all, her faking an orgasm is only making matters worse.
After all, you want to please her, don’t you? And if all she’s doing is faking it, she’s never giving you the opportunity to master your craft. [Read: How to stop overthinking in a relationship and calm your mind]
3. Be as open as you can
Get real with your woman and start asking her what she likes, what you can do for her, what she’s always wanted to try, and how she likes it best. Take your time. Women don’t orgasm like men do, they need time and slow stimulation.
Don’t send your hand down there rubbing it back and forth on a dry vagina like you’re in a porno. That hurts. Let your woman know you’re there for her pleasure and do your best to blast your communication wide open.
Why do women need to fake an orgasm in the first place?
Men don’t always fake it, but that doesn’t mean they have mind-blowing sex each time they drop their shorts and get into bed, do they?
Ejaculation is easy for a man. But an orgasm for a woman, on the other hand, isn’t that easy!
It probably starts when a woman isn’t really feeling the passion in bed or isn’t really turned on while having sex. [Read: 32 sexy foreplay ideas for women and moves to leave her wet and waiting]
And she looks up at her man who is probably sweating buckets, panting and heaving with all his virile strength while penetrating her, to make her orgasm.
And when a woman knows she’s just not going to enjoy it anyway, it’s easier for her to just fake it instead of waiting for the elusive passion to overwhelm her and sweep her into a thigh-quivering orgasm!
Faking it and convincing the guy that she’s just experienced a tremor in her loins would at least make her man feel proud of himself.
After all, he’s been pounding the sheets like he’s running a tiresome marathon, and the least she can do to make him feel better is let him believe that he’s accomplished something at the end of it all! [Read: 23 secret things girls wish guys knew about girls!]
Common reasons why women fake an orgasm
Faking an orgasm often is never good, not for the man, and definitely not for the woman! But in case you are wondering, here are all the reasons why your woman could be faking her orgasm instead of waiting for the real one.
1. The biggest reason
It’s a fake pity orgasm. You’re not arousing her enough to bring her to climax, and she’s given up on achieving an orgasm. [Read: Conversations that are perfect for pillow talking]
But your woman doesn’t want to hurt your feelings because she cares about you, and finds it easier to just fake it and end it.
2. She’s not in the mood
You’re horny and turned on. But she’s not. And she’s having sex only because you want it. She’d probably try to warm up to the act, but if she doesn’t feel like it, she may just fake it. [Read: Sneaky ways to make a girl really horny and wet just by sitting next to her!]
3. She knows she’s not going to orgasm
This is psychological, and she probably knows she’s going to fake it even before you penetrate her.
As a guy, you may have experienced a few occasions yourself when you start having sex with your girl, and almost immediately know that you may not last through the sex.
And just like that, sometimes your girl may know she’s not going to orgasm, and she just wants to be done with it. [Read: 20 tips and ideas to keep an erection up and hard for longer]
4. She’s preoccupied
There’s something on her mind, and she’s too distracted to enjoy sex. She may make love to you, but her preoccupied mind may just distract her from having a real orgasm.
5. She knows you’re trying hard
She’s feeling bad about it, but for some reason, she’s just not able to orgasm. And she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or land a blow on your confidence, so she lies to you just to see you smile proudly.
6. You’re boring
Well, let’s face it, you may be rather boring one night. And if she’s getting tired of the to-and-fro and is subduing her yawns with her palms, it may just be easier to fake it without being too mean. [Read: 30 super sexy ideas to spice up your sex life overnight]
7. You’re waiting for her
You’re almost about to explode, and she can feel it. You move in and out of her a few times, and you hold your breath like you’re trying hard to prevent a case of premature ejaculation, before continuing again.
And your woman, being the sweetheart that she is, may just fake it to save you from an awkward spurt! [Read: 15 ways to prevent premature ejaculation and last a lot longer in bed]
8. She’s embarrassed
Your woman may not be able to orgasm for some reason beyond her knowledge, and she feels embarrassed by it, so she fakes it. And her embarrassment is making her feel worse and preventing her from even enjoying the sex.
It’s so much easier to just fake it because she doesn’t want you to think it’s her fault.
9. Anger issues
She’s angry with you or is giving you the silent treatment. And you teasing her and seducing her into having sex isn’t helping, because she’ll hate you more for it. [Read: How to turn her rage into passion and have angry make-up sex with her]
But if she doesn’t want to confront the issue or sit up talking about it, she may find it easier to just do the deed instead.
10. She’s stressed out
Your woman could have had a long and tiring day, and as much as she wants to enjoy sex, she may just be too tired to enjoy it. And if she doesn’t want to upset you or make you feel bad about your performance, she may just fake it.
11. She’s in a hurry
You’re initiating sex out of the blue, and she’s got better things to do. Perhaps she wants to sleep, watch her favorite show, or get out and do something. [Read: Everything a guy needs to know to please a woman sexually and emotionally]
What’s the fastest way to wrap sex up? Yeah, fake it!
12. The pressure to make it awesome
It’s a special day and sex is just expected to be awesome and mind-blowing!
It could be your anniversary or a birthday, and if she doesn’t feel great that night, she might just pretend to be completely turned on and aroused, just to make sex more memorable for you. [Read: 15 tips to satisfy a girl in bed and make sex exciting for her]
13. She’s had her share of fun
A woman doesn’t always have to orgasm to enjoy sex. Sometimes, she may feel like she’s had her share of fun and may just want to end it without reaching for an orgasm.
14. The guy takes too long
Your woman may fake an orgasm because she wants to sleep or be done with it. And if you’re trying really hard to push her soft spots and make her orgasm, she may just give in and fake an orgasm just to end it and go back to sleep.
15. Uncomfortable positions
So, you’ve read about a new position that you want to try, or you’re suddenly feeling very horny while watching the television. And you push her down on a hard surface, contort her body, and penetrate her.
She may try to enjoy it, but if it’s too uncomfortable to experience any pleasure from it, she may just want to end it with a fake orgasm. [Read: 15 dirty ways to have the sexiest rough sex ever!]
16. Her sex drive’s down
Her sex drive may have taken a nosedive because of too much alcohol during the party, or a few pills that she’s been taking recently. And rather than make you feel bad for not making her orgasm, she may want to fake it and please you instead.
17. It’s that time of the month
Most women have varying sex drives at different times of the month. Some women are more aroused easily when they’re ovulating, while a few other women feel the friskiest a day or two before their period.
And at certain times of the month, they may feel too mellow to experience a real, wild orgasm no matter how hard a guy tries. [Read: The clean guide to having passionate sex when your girl’s on her period]
18. She’s never really had an orgasm!
Well, there are many women out there who still don’t know what an orgasm is. They’ve had sex, and they’ve programmed their mind to squeeze their pelvis before a guy ejaculates.
They just don’t know what it feels like to orgasm, and they don’t really care to fix it because they’re too used to it!
19. It’s emotional
Girls are far more emotional than visual when it comes to experiencing sexual pleasure and orgasms.
Perhaps, she just hasn’t reached that stage in the relationship where she feels comfortable enough to experience a real, knee-buckling orgasm in your arms. [Read: How to connect with a woman emotionally and please her sexually]
20. She just wants more
This isn’t a guy’s fault really. Maybe you’re just dating a girl who’s too demanding. She needs a lot of foreplay and a lot of sore sex before she actually feels an orgasm. And since she knows it, she may fake it once in a while just to make things easier for you.
21. What did you do?!
Did you do something stupid in bed like stick your finger up her butt when you know she hates it? Or did you tell her that you want to have sex with her sister while she watches while dirty talking to her?
Sometimes, a girl may just fake it and end it because of something you said or did in bed because she just doesn’t want to continue having sex anymore. [Read: Untold sex secrets you definitely need to know!]
The things guys do that make girls want to fake an orgasm!
Here are all the reasons why women choose to fake it in bed, instead of truly experiencing an orgasm. Sometimes, it really isn’t a guy’s fault. But then again, almost always, it definitely is!
1. You’re not good at foreplay
A guy may take a few seconds to get a stiffy in his pants. But a girl is like a pot of water on a stove. She takes time to warm up, but stays hot for a long time afterwards!
If you don’t arouse her enough with foreplay, either by stimulating her down there using your fingers or with the way you caress her body, chances are, she may not be aroused enough to experience a real orgasm. [Read: Underrated kinds of foreplay to bring some serious sizzle to bed]
2. You don’t know what she wants in bed
This is the case with many guys. They just think they know everything about a girl’s body and everything about what turns a girl on.
But really, all girls are different and every girl has her own expectations in bed. Take cues from her, watch how she reacts to the things you do, and learn from it.
Don’t be arrogant and believe you know what works for her better than she knows herself! [Read: 18 sizzling sex tips for men to make any girl crave for more!]
3. You suck in bed
Who can blame you here, really? You’re just not good enough, and you’re probably a lost cause. And that’s probably why your woman fakes her orgasms.
And since she loves you so much, your girl may just fake it each time just to make you feel better about yourself *while she dreams and fantasizes about a guy who can give her the orgasm she craves someday!*
4. You blame yourself
If you’re a guy, it’s pretty understandable that you look at an orgasm as a prize. [Read: 15 ways to last really long in bed without any pills]
To most guys, a girl orgasming under them is a sign of victory. Do you persistently question your woman each time she doesn’t experience an orgasm?
And do you blame yourself for being bad in bed? If you do, then your girl may fake it when she’s unable to experience an orgasm just to stop you from blaming yourself.
5. You blame her
Do you ever accuse your girlfriend or wife when she doesn’t experience the big bang in bed? Do you snap at her or angrily say something like “Why don’t you f**kin’ tell me what turns you on in bed then?!!!”
Yeah, a major turn-off. This would make any woman want to fake an orgasm to end sex quickly. [Read: 46 sizzling sex life secrets to spice up your bedroom and leave you horny 24/7]
6. You get annoyed
You may not tell it to her face, but your dismayed expression may give away your annoyance when she doesn’t experience an orgasm.
And each time you appear upset, you may just make her feel bad about it, which would just lead to her faking it each time she doesn’t feel like experiencing it.
7. Foot in the mouth
You said something that was totally inappropriate or something that just creeped her out while dirty talking in bed. And now, she’s either feeling yucky or pissed off about it! [Read: How to talk dirty and reveal your fantasies to a girl without turning her off]
8. You make her feel ugly
This is something most girls just don’t want to acknowledge. Ever! But it’s the truth that you shouldn’t talk to her about.
Do you make her feel ugly in bed, either by talking about how fat she’s got, or by staring at her with a bad expression on your face when she’s undressing?
If you make a girl feel ugly, there’s a good chance she’s not going to feel comfortable in bed with you for a long time to come! [Read: Am I a narcissist? 17 narcissistic personality disorder signs to test it]
9. You’re too big
Yes, the crowning glory that you’ve been so proud of has finally let you down when it matters most! If you’re too big for her, she may just hate your little *big* guy each time you penetrate her.
And just to get you to stop sooner, she may tighten her thighs, scream a little, more out of pain, and fake a good one! [Read: Compatibility between a man and a woman’s privates according to the Kama Sutra]
10. You’re not going to finish the race
And so, she brings the finish line closer to you! If your girlfriend sees you trying really hard to hold on to your ejaculation, and she knows she may not be experiencing an orgasm very soon, she may just fake it.
She’ll do this to give you the confidence boost you need and make you believe that you’ve finished the race. [Read: 20 ways to keep an erection hard and high for longer]
11. She’s embarrassed
This is something you may experience early in a new relationship. If a girl you’re dating knows she takes a really long time to experience a good orgasm in bed, she may fake it.
She’ll probably do this about ten to fifteen minutes into sex just to make you believe she’s had great sex. And also convince you that she’s just a normal girl who experiences normal orgasms. [Read: Insecure women – 54 signs, causes, things men do and secrets to feel secure]
12. You’re putting a lot of pressure on it
Have you been talking on and on about the impending vacation sex or birthday sex or one-month anniversary sex for days on end? We know you’re excited about it, but you may be stressing her out by constantly talking about it.
She knows the sex is supposed to be glorious, and she’s trying hard to make it feel like the best sex yet. But somewhere in her mind, all that stress is killing her chances of experiencing an orgasm!
[Read: 15 moves to satisfy a woman in bed and make sex feel really exciting!]
Now that you know how to tell if a woman is having a fake or real orgasm, you’re one step ahead in the bedroom. Pretty awesome, right?
