How often do married couples have sex? People have the misconception that to be married is to have boring sex or no sex at all. But that can’t possibly be true. After all, isn’t one of the best parts of being married knowing you can have hot sex with someone you’re really into whenever you want, for the rest of your lives?
There’s no hard and fast rules for how often a couple should be having sex, yet revealing how many times you and your partner get it on no doubt garners nods of judgement from your friends. So how much sex is enough, and are married couples really at the bottom of the lusty food chain?
Rumors persist that married couples aren’t having enough sex, so we talked to couples to get the real scoop on how often married couples have sex and what factors affect their getting it on. [Read: The truth about sex after marriage – For better or worse?]
Why you should keep your sex life alive
Sex shouldn’t be the epitome of your relationship, but it’s definitely important for a healthy marriage to have a healthy sex life. Science backs the benefits of sex. These benefits include reduced insecurities, a stronger emotional connection, boosts self-esteem, contributes to a positive outlook, and reduces stress, anxiety, and depression. Sex also boosts your brainpower, lowers blood pressure, relieves pain, and even helps us sleep better.
Real stories from real married couples
How often do married couples have sex? It depends. Age, employment, disabilities, and children all create extenuating circumstances that may result in more or less sex for some couples. We’re going straight to the source on how often couples who tied the knot are getting tied up in their bed sheets.
Married 1-9 years
#1 “Married just over one year. I am 19 and my husband is 23. We have sex about three times a week. To be fair we’re newlyweds with no kids, and I don’t work so… we have a lot of energy to burn!” -Samantha [Read: 17 of the best naughty ideas to spice up married sex]
#2 “Married three years. I am 22, and my wife is 27. My wife and I have sex about four times a week. Sometimes less if we’re exhausted. We both work and do not have children. We do have plenty of puppies, though!” -Jordan
#3 “I am 25, my wife is 26. No kids. My wife and I have been married for five years, together for six. For the first four years, we had sex every day, even when she was on her period. She couldn’t get enough and one week while we were first going out we didn’t have sex due to my crazy work schedule, and she became really irritated with me. Now we have sex five days a week, every week, and it’s amazing.” -Ryan
#4 “Married eight years. I am 33, my husband is 34. We have one little girl who is three-years-old. My husband and I have sex whenever we can. I think we have more sex now than we did when we were first dating. Ever since hitting my thirties all I want is him in bed all day and all night. I am even guilty of waking him in the night for a quickie!” -Jess
[Read: 30 naughty questions for couples to keep the sexual spark alive]
Married 10+ years
#5 “Married 10 years. I am 38, he is 39. I have a son from a previous marriage, but he is fully grown. My husband and I have sex only on weekends, I’d say about twice a week or so. He has sexual performance anxiety so twice a week has been our sexual history for as long as I can remember. My husband works a very physical job also so he is very tired.” -Joan [Read: 13 ways to overcome sexual anxiety and perform]
#6 “Married 12 years. We are both 30-years-old. We have four children all under 11. When we were first together we were sneaking around to have sex because we were young and didn’t want our parents to find out. Then I got pregnant—whoops! Cats out of the bag! We got married after our little boy was born and have since popped out three more kids. We have sex about twice a week if we’re lucky. It gets harder the more kids you have!” -Denise
Married 20+ years
#7 “Married 22 years. I am 53, he is 55. We never had sex. Ever. I have always been the one who initiates sex. The first 10 years of our marriage were great, but then my husband’s libido took a nosedive, and he never wanted sex anymore. It’s been a downward spiral ever since.
We’ve done everything: Viagra, counseling, try to spice it up in the bedroom. Nothing works and he’s simply not interested. I’ve been having an affair for five years. Honestly, I think my husband knows but would rather stay in our life together than confront me about it. Some days I wish he would so we could really work on things.” -Allison [Read: Sexless relationship: Is love enough for a happily ever after?]
#8 “Married 31 years. I am 51, he is 52. We have three adult children. When we first started going together we had sex every single day. It was like this for about 20 years until my husband started going through a trying time at work. It caused a huge strain on our marriage since much of our marriage was about… well… sex! We had three children and still managed to give each other daily orgasms.
After menopause, something strange happened, my libido finally cooled off and my husband’s seemed to have returned! We have stayed together through this rough patch only because we have kept such open communication with each other. Now we have sex about once a week and are very happy.” -Mary
#9 “Married 35 years and we are both 55. When we first started dating, my wife and I had sex several times a week. Enough to make us both happy. I’d say within the last ten years I’d be lucky if we have sex 10 times a year. It is a disastrous issue between us. When I bring it up she apologizes and we seem to have healthy conversations about it but nothing ever changes.
She seems happy and satisfied after we do have sex which leaves me confused. When the partner you chose to spend eternity with doesn’t want anything to do with you physically, it makes it very difficult to stay faithful.” -David [Read: Does eternal love really exist? Find out if it’s really forever]
#10 “Married 40 years. I am 58, he is 60-years-old. We have five children who are all grown. We have sex often. My husband and I have always been frisky for each other. He’s the only man I’ve ever been with and I’m the only woman he’s ever been with—at least I’d better be!
I remember us sneaking out into the backyard plastic pool for a little nookie once the kids would go to sleep. That pool has seen some naughty things. Now we’re both approaching retirement and still kiss like teenagers. We have sex a couple times a week. We may not be at it every night, but when we are at it there are fireworks.” -Pearl
[Read: 10 ways to make married sex feel like a one night stand]
Don’t judge a book by its cover. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean your libido has undergone the big freeze! So, how often do married couples have sex? As it turns out—just as much as the rest of us.
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Waverly Smith is a freelance writer who has been getting paid for spreading her sarcastic take on love, life, and sex since 2010. She is many things that peo...
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